Letty POV

'Things were going ok, they weren't great, but, they weren't terrible either. I was trying, and I was starting to feel a bit different with them, but it felt forced rather than natural. I guess it was ok because atleast I was feeling something' I wrote in my journal as I sat on mine and Doms bed.

"Hey mama" Dom said walking in carrying Luca who was still crying.

"Hi" I said not looking up.

"I was thinking we could have a night tonight" Dom said kissing my head but the closer he got the louder Luca was to me.

"Sure"

"Babe? You ok?"

"Yeah, can you just" I started to say but I didn't finish the sentence because I don't think I could say 'Take my kid away from me' but without even saying it Dom understood.

"I'm gonna bring him to his room, ok?"

I looked up at him and gave him an apologetic smile.

"Thanks"

"Let's go little man, we're going to try and sleep alright" Dom said to him as he carried him back to his room.

'Harlo', I started to write but scratched it out, 'My daughter, she has my eyes. I never saw that before but she was my eyes. She also has this thing of not crying around people unless it's Dom or I. Thats something that I did. It was a comfort thing, and I still do it. Dom is the only one I could ever cry around. She also fights sleep like I do, I know she's a baby. But she really tries her hardest not to sleep, and that's a me thing. My son, he is a happy baby, he has just learnt about his giggle and he is giggling non-stop, and honestly I love it. The sound of his giggle is like music to my ears. He is so much like his sister yet so different, he loves being close to Dom and I all the time, whereas, our daughter is so independent. My daughter sleeps longer in the morning, not by much... but my son is the early riser. Both are calmed by the sound of an engine and ocean waves. I've also noticed a difference in Dom. He has become gentler, but he also has thin lines that line his eyes. I see his lips thinning slightly and his eyes softer than usual, and I love it. I love that I am literally growing old with him.' I wrote in my journal but I stopped when I heard Doms soft voice singing. I looked to my left and saw Dom in our daughters room through the baby monitor. She started to fuss so Dom sang her an old Cuban lullaby. I smiled at the interaction and continued to watch them in their father daughter moment and I coudln't help but smile.

Harlow was calm whenever Dom would rub her tummy, but as soon as he thought she was asleep he would pull his hand away and she would cry. 'Something else that was like her mother.' I thought with a laugh.

"Loey, come on baby girl, you gotta sleep" Dom tried but she continued to cry so Dom picked her up and she was calm, he put her back, she cried.

"Alright, come here" He said as I watched this big manly macho husband of mine climb into our daughters crib. She curled into him and started to calm down as she started to fall asleep. I couldn't help but let out an 'aw' as I watched my baby cuddle our baby. This 6 ft man squished into our daughters tiny crib. I watched for a while as Dom would try to climb out softly but she just laid ontop of him and cried out when he tried to leave.

Looks like I had to share my late night cuddles. A few hours later they were both asleep in Harlows crib so I snuck in and took their picture. Doms knees bent with one arm through the guard rails with the other protectively wrapped around our girl.

I gently picked Harlow up being sure not to wake her as I woke Dom up.

"What?" He asked with a jump

"Sorry" I whispered "Go to bed, baby" I told him while I held our sleeping daughter.

Dom got out and smiled at me as he kissed the side of my head and made his way to our bedroom. I gently laid Harlow down and let her sleep while I went back to mine and Doms room. Dom was passed out on our bed so I cuddled up beside him to get some sleep.

About an hour later, I was woken up by the sound of Luca crying. Somehow I was able to differentiate the sound of my kids cries. I don't know how but I could. I went to his room and picked him up, and I carried him over to the rocking chair, I started to breast feed him and he latched on instantly.

"Thats my boy" I said softly as I played with his light baby hair while I watched him nurse. His little hands were so soft and innocent, they have done no harm and felt no pain. His body was so small and delicate he didn't even look real, his eyelashes were long like mine, and his nose was just like Doms, but they both had my pout. Once he was done I burped him and put him back in his crib. I peered over and looked at him laying on his back.

"Mommy loves you, sweet boy"

I saw a small smile appear on his face as he went back to sleep. I quietly left the room and made my way back to mine and Doms.

"Mama?" I heard a little voice say, I turned around and saw Leo standing in his doorway rubbing his eyes holding our elephant by the ear.

"Hey bubba, did Luca wake you up?" I asked walking over to pick him up

"Yeah, is it breakfast time?" He asked sleepily in my arms making me chuckle softly as I brought him back to his bed.

"Not yet, baby"

"Mama can you rub my back?" Leo asked so I crawled in next to him and started to softly rub his back and sing him a song to put him back to sleep.

Once he was asleep I quietly made my way back to my room to curl up with Dom to catch some sleep. I was woken up a few hours later by the sound of chaos.

Crying

Yelling

Pots and Pans crashing

Doms frustration

Cupboards slamming

A yell for mommy

And a few curse words

Something burning

I pushed the covers back and made my way downstairs to see Dom cooking breakfast Leo crying that Luca has his car, Harlow crying just because Luca crying because Dom keeps taking his toy away because of the small pieces, pots and pans were everywhere while breakfast burned on the stove.

"IT'S MINE, DADDY!" Leo yelled when Dom took it away from the both of them.

"Shit" He said grabbing the burnign pan tossing it in the sink.

"Leo, not right now"

"Daddy!" He yelled starting to cry and then I saw him hit his little brother thats when I intervened.

"Leo" I said sternly as I grabbed his arm

"Mama" He yelled crying into my legs. "Daddy mean" He sniffled

"Daddy said no and you didn't listen, thats not being mean, but hitting your little brother thats mean. Now go on time out" I told him and he crossed his arms and stomped his feet.

"No!"

"Leo. Now." I said firmly

"I don't like you mama"

"Thats too bad" I said watching him stomp over to the time out chair

"Come on now baby boy, brother didn't mean it." I said softly speaking to Luca while I bounced him in my arms till he calmed down. Once he did I picked Harlow up and tossed her up and down till she started to laugh.

"Wheres that smile" I cooed in a baby voice as she started to smile

"Thats my girl!" I praised again in the baby voice. I put each of them in their jolly jumpers and I went to the kitchen putting the pots and pans away and putting water in the burnt pan. I pulled out 3 bowls and started to pour milk and cereal as I poured Dom and myself a cup of coffee. Being sure to hand him his first.

"Here" I whispered with a smile as I looked at him grinning at me.

"Look at you taking charge" He said

"I'm trying" I told him truthfully

"You're doing amazing" He said taking my hand.

"Thanks" I said softly as I took a sip of my coffee

"So when is your next session?"

"Tomorrow"

"Could I come with you?" He asked shyly and I smiled that he was really wanting to help and be there for me.

"Maybe not tomorrow, I think I still have things to work on for myself, but after a couple sessions I would love it if you came" I told him honestly.

"How are you feeling?"

"Slowly getting there, I'm learning things about them, and I'm falling in love with the little things they do. Doesn't mean I don't feel like breaking down in tears, but I've definitely not been feeling like that for the past little while."

"I really am proud of you" He said and I gave him a small smile.

"Mommy" We heard a little voice say. We turned to see Leo walking in with his head down and a pout on his face.

"Yes"

"I'm sorry" He said not liking to apologize.

"I'm not the one you should say sorry to" I told him and he walked over to Luca and said sorry to him and kissed the top of his head.

"Gah" Luca yelled happily not knowing what was even going on.

Leo crawled into my lap and tucked his head into my neck as I rubbed his back.

"Thank you for doing that" I told him. "You're a really good big brother"

"Can I watch Scooby Doo?"

"Sure, bub, but, eat first" I told him putting a bowl of cereal in front of him.

After about an hour I went to get dressed and had decided to take my daughter with me to the grocery store. Maybe some one on one time would help.

"Babe, I'm taking Lo with me to the store"

"Mama, can I come?" Leo asked, I hated saying no to him, but I really wanted to bond with my other kids too.

"Uh baby I-" I started to say till Dom jumped in

"We're gonna have a boys day, bubba, so you're gonna stay with daddy, mama and your sister are going to go to the store ok?"

"Okay" He said going back to play with his car.

I kissed Dom and held Lo in my arms as I brought her outside. I realised this was my first time driving with her, and now I was starting to get nervous. I strapped her in which took a while. I sat in the drivers seat and just took some deep breaths, driving with your child for the first time can be incredibly nerve wracking. Dom has been doing all the driving with the, so I knew it could obviously be done, but I was still nervous. I heard a knock on my window and as I looked up I saw Dom standing there holding Luca. I rolled the window down and looked at him.

"She loves driving as much as her mommy does, you're an amazing driver so don't even worry, she will be fine and you will be fine." Dom said like he knbew I was nervous about this.

"I was nervous the first few times too, but no one drives better than a Toretto or an Ortiz."

I took a deep breath and looked at him then back at her.

"Drive as slow as you need to"

"Ok" I said as I started to pull away slowly

"Have fun, girls" Dom said waving as he gently lifted Lucas arm to wave at us.

I put some music on low to calm my nerves.

"You doing ok back there baby girl?" I asked looking in the mirror to look at her in the mirror attached to the car seat.

She was looking outside the window amazed by all the things out there. Soon she went back to looking at the stuffed dolphin I bought her a while ago.

Once we got to Whole Foods I grabbed the car seat out of the car and placed it on top of the cart like Mia showed me.

I grabbed some vegetables, fruit, meat, and snacks then I got to the baby food looking at everything they had.

"Jesus, theres more options for you than me, kid" I said quietly to myself.

"Sometimes I think we should just live on baby food too" A woman said making me look up

"Might as well" I said with a chuckle

"She's beautiful" She told me and I looked at Harlow who was now sleeping in her seat.

"Thank you"

"I'm Kristen" She said extending her hand to me to shake which I did. "And this sleeping little one is Marissa" She said motioning to her daughter.

"Shes beautiful"

"It's only because shes sleeping" She joked.

"I'm Letty, and this is Harlow"

"It's nice to meet you"

"You too" She said with a smile

"I swear people approach me a lot more now that I have babies" I said with a laugh

"Oh, I know, before I had kids, my greeting was a right hook, but once I punched an ex boyfriend of mine who disrespected me and was ordered to take anger management and one of the things he taught me was to start being more friendly and approach others" She told me with a shrug. I wasn't one to judge but this girl had long blonde hair, a face full of makeup, wore a very lady like white laced tank top and fitted black pleated shorts with a bow tied loosely in the front with black flip flops. She looks like a girl that would be punched not do the punching.

"You got anger management for that?"

"Oh yeah my ex was a cops son" She said and I laughed.

"Guys have always tried to take advantage of me for the way I looked, sure I have nice tits, but my right hooks even nicer" I loved this girl. I thought with a laugh.

"I remember those days, I swear I got into more fights than the guys did."

"Men don't know respect, and the women that dumb themselves down or slut themselves out, I don't have time for that"

"All I hope now is I raise her to be better than that, and my sons respect women"

"I'll send this one to a nunnery if she tries any funny shit, look Letty you seem like a cool chick. Lets hang out sometime" She said as she gave me her number.

"Sounds good, thanks, nice meeting you too!" I told her genuinely.

"Looks like you might have a friend, boo boo" I told my sleeping daughter.

Once I finished shopping I went to put Harlows car seat back in but I couldn't strap it back in like Dom had it.

"Why won't you work" I sighed starting to get frustrated which Harlow must have sensed because she started to cry.

"Oh no no no, please don't cry not now" I pleaded as I got in the car holding her on my lap. I tried it again and just struggled. After about 10 minutes of trying I caved and called Dom in tears.

"Hey ba-" He said happily

"Dom I can't do it" I cried

"Do what, baby? Are you ok? Is Lo ok?"

"I can't get the carseat to go in" I said as tears fell down my face in frustration.

"Baby, it's ok. K do you see the openings at the bottom?" He said as he tried to instruct me for a few minutes before I gave up again.

"Dom it's not working I can't this! I don't want to do this anymore" I cried and Harlow cried harder too

"Harlow! Shut up!" I yelled in frustration

"Hey baby, shh shh shh" Dom said trying to calm me down. "It's ok, babe. Where are you?"

"Who-" I choked on my sobs. "Whole Foods"

"K, just wait there and I'll be there in 5 ok?"

"Why can't I just do this?" I said quietly as the feeling of defeat and failure washed over me.

"Listen love, don't be so hard on yourself, you've never done it before" He said calming me down.

"I'm just getting the boys in the car I'll be there soon ok?"

I sniffled and mumbled ok. I waited in the car holding Harlow wishing she would stop crying.

Finally 9 minutes later Dom pulled up beside me.

"Hey baby" He said pulling me into a hug. He pulled away and wiped my tears from my face and kissed my forehead.

"Let's see if we can get this in ok?" He said being so patient with me as he helped me strap the seat into it's place making it look so easy.

"Why can you do it and I can't"

"I just did it a couple times, you'll get it too"

"Thanks Dom, again" I said now feeling ashamed

"It's nothing, love. You done or do you have anywhere else to go?"

"I just want to go home" He pulled me into a side hug and kissed the side of my head.

"Then home is where we will go"

Harlow had finally calmed down and she was strapped in her seat as I followed Dom home. Once we got everyone inside I wanted nothing more than to just be away from everyone.

"Hey, where you going?" Dom asked gently

"I just want to be alone"

"How about we hang out together?"

"Dom, I really don-"

"Come on, I think it'll be good for all of us" He said reaching his hand out. He was trying and I had to try if not for myself or the kids, I had to try for him.

"Ok" I whispered as I took his hand walking back into the living room.

"We're gonna let mama pick the movie tonight" Dom said as we walked into the living room

"Leo, you wanna help me, bubba?"

"Dis one, mama?" He said pointing to Moana

"Thats a good one" I smiled at him as we started the movie.

'Just stay calm Letty, this is your family, no need to feel uncomfortable' I told myself. I really needed the appointment I have tomorrow.

My phone buzzed and I saw Maggies name appear.

'Hey lady, how've you been? How's the kids?'

'Hey, I've been fine, kids are healthy'

'Sounds like someone is stressed' She responded

'You have no idea'

'I remember how bad I was when I had Max, it was just the worst. But it made it worse because of the PPD' She told me and I was surprised I didn't know she had PPD with her kids too.

'You had PPD?'

'Oh yeah, it was bad'

'I think I do too, I've been seeing a therapist about it, but some days I just. I don't know, some days I just want it all to stop'

'It's not easy to go through, Let. Trust me. But you do get over it, it took me a few months, but I did. If you ever need to talk I'm here.'

'Thanks Maggie'

'Anytime girl, maybe we will do lunch soon'

'I'd love that'

I never thought I'd say it but I think I needed girl time, well mommy to mommy time.

R&R, loves! xx