The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Version 4

by amiddle

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book, of which version 4.0 is a wholly remarkable excerpt from which, for copyright reasons, all Guide entries authored by field researchers other than amiddle811879, have been deleted.

36. Space Marines

Space Marines

In the current galactic climate nobody can afford to wage war anyway, yet most major planetary governments have continued to invest in the training and equipping of the many armed forces scattered across the galaxy. Not only does planetary service keep the wage bill low (weekly benefit payments are, of course, much higher than the average space marine's pay packet), but it is one of the few poorly paid professions in great demand among the work-shy masses.

Being a space marine offers the ultimate training for civilian life. As a lean, mean fighting machine, trained in the art of war by the use of extreme violence and pre-emptive blitzkriegs, a space marine learns how to get what he wants simply by asking for it (he may make threats, destroy private property, and behave in an overtly brutal and sadistic manner, but these actions are considered to be incidental), practically guaranteeing a seat in a bar or a drink on the house.

Being a space marine is also seen as a bit of a cushy number. This is, of course, because they rarely see any real action. In fact, the most frequent duty performed by a space marine is guard duty, in which they strut up and down in flash uniforms looking typically menacing.