Flash of Red and Black

Chapter XXXIV

I sat suddenly up, finding myself completely awake despite the world still being covered in darkness. Kakashi was still next to me, and somehow I had been the first one to wake up and managed to do it without stirring him.

Since I knew that I wouldn't be falling back asleep any time soon, I slipped out of the bed as quietly as possible and got dressed before grabbing a leftover rice ball from the fridge. We hardly had any energy left last night, but Kakashi still made me eat before going to sleep, though I was too tired to eat more than one, so we just decided to save the rest for morning once I promised to eat once I woke up. (Who knew that the always-aloof Kakashi would turn into such a mother hen? But I guess he did always try to force me to eat more vegetables, so I should have known.)

As I ate, I decided to start writing up the mission report for the sake of documentation and for Shikamaru to look over since I knew that he would want more than the brief version that I would tell him later. I never did like writing up reports since they always just felt stiff, but I got stuck writing that one even more than usual. Words just kept getting jumbled in my head and every time I wrote something down, I had to cross it out again until the page became an illegible mess of ink.

Eventually, I let out a groan and dropped my head to the table, but then I remembered that Kakashi was still asleep. I listened, unconsciously holding my breath, to see if I could hear him getting up, but after a few moments of quiet passed with no change to the silence, I gave a quiet sigh and stood up. I wasn't going to make any more progress on the report for the moment, and I was too alert to go back to bed, so I decided to head out to keep from disturbing Kakashi's sleep.

Light in the eastern sky was just barely starting to creep over the walls of the village as I meandered about the streets, and soon I found myself near the training grounds, but I could tell that I wasn't alone. The rhythmic sound of a wooden post getting hit carried from the field and I didn't even need to check out the chakra to know who it was.

"Eight hundred fifty-two… Eight hundred fifty-three…Eight hundred fifty-four…"

"What's the target number?" I called as I approached when I realized that he hadn't noticed me yet, but he faltered when he heard me, apparently surprised, and flinched when didn't hit the post at quite the right angle.

"Ah! Naruto-kun! If I can't kick the post one thousand times with each leg, then I have to do one thousand sit-ups!" Lee said, smiling at me as he shook out his leg from the awkward hit, though I could see the dark circles beneath his slightly red and puffy eyes. I just stared at him for a moment, trying to decide whether or not to order him to go back home, but before I made up my mind, his gaze dropped to my feet and his smile fell with it.

"You shouldn't be worrying about me, Naruto-kun. I can still fulfill my duties, so don't let me add to your stress. You have more important things to worry about," he said before looking back up at me with a much more serious expression.

"I'm worried as your friend, you know," I said, frowning. "You obviously haven't slept, and I know that you've beaten up your legs pretty badly if you've left the post in that condition," I said, gesturing at the cracked and frayed log before looking back at Lee. "And I know… What you're going through, I mean. Losing a teammate isn't easy… And beating the shit out of a block of wood only helps so much," I told him more gently. Lee stared back at me for a little bit, looking surprised for some reason, but then he nodded slowly.

"I suppose that breaks are a necessary part of training," he said, giving me a small, less-forced smile, and I returned the gesture as we sat down with our backs to the posts.

A comfortable quiet settled between us as we stared out at the rest of the training ground and gathered our thoughts, but Lee apparently collected his first as he spoke.

"I never thought that she would… It's just, we all made it through the war, so I thought that we could be a team forever… I let myself get too relaxed," Lee managed, staring down at his hands. I clenched my jaw as I nodded.

"Me too. I'd hoped… I wanted to keep everyone safe. I thought that there was a chance… But people keep getting hurt, and I don't know what else I can do to stop it… I'm sorry," I admitted quietly, lamenting my powerlessness, but then I saw Lee shaking his head out of the corner of my eye.

"It's not your fault, Naruto-kun. Tenten… If there was a way that she could have made it back alive, she would have managed it… She has always been strong. Neji had more trouble sparring against her than he had against me sometimes, so I think that no matter what you could have done, she still would have…"

I stared out at the field for a while longer before sighing and closing my eyes against the steadily-growing light.

"She always has been impressive, hasn't she? I never got to spend much time with her since we never seemed to have missions together, but even during the chuunin exams, she seemed to have as much energy as you, but she also made smart plans like Neji… I wish that I could have sparred with her 'cause I know that she's a top-class ninja just like you guys."

He didn't say anything for a while, so I opened my eyes to look over at him, just in time to see a surprised expression turn into a smile.

"She would be thrilled to hear you say that too, you know. I think that she has always admired you as much as she admires Tsunade-sama, even if she hasn't ever said it," he said. I was confused, but it didn't seem like a good time to ask for clarification.

"Baa-chan would definitely agree too, I'm sure… Gai-sensei raised a hell of a team," I told him, and Lee just smiled again.

"He's definitely been a great sensei to us. I have no idea where I would be if it weren't for him."

"Oh, I'm sure you'd still be an admirable shinobi… But you'd probably wear a little less green and that post might not have taken such a beating," I joked, laughing lightly, and Lee laughed too. We both sat there quietly for a while longer, but then I finally noticed a couple of familiar chakra signatures in the distance. Then I stood and stretched before turning to Lee, looking him over again. He still looked tired, but somehow slightly less worn, and I knew that with Gai watching over him, he would be okay, so I decided to let his sensei take over from there.

"I should get to work. Don't overdo it, 'kay? And let me know if I can do anything," I said, and he nodded. Then I started ho head out of the clearing in the field, but he called out to me before I was too far.

"Ah! Naruto-kun? Thank you. If you ever want to talk about… anything, I would be happy to listen."

"Yeah, thanks. Maybe another time. Take care, Lee!" I said, giving him another smile as I left, heading towards the two chakra signatures hidden just beyond the tree line.

"Your turn, Gai-sensei," I called once I was far enough from Lee and close enough for the pair to hear.

"No," Gai replied before hopping down from a branch to land in front of me, Kakashi at his side. "He should be fine now, thanks to you, but I'll keep an eye on him still."

"'Kay, thanks. How are you doing?" I asked him, watching him closely. It was hard to tell since what little light there was at that hour was mostly blocked out by the changing leaves, but it didn't take much to know that Gai needed rest. He looked almost as haggard as Lee, which made me worry even more about the team and made my gut twist painfully with guilt.

"I'm well! Especially now that I see that Lee is better, thank you for helping him, Naruto-kun," he said, giving a slight bow, but I just looked at Kakashi, whose face remained studiously blank as he looked back out at the training field that Lee still occupied. A rhythmic thumping had already begun again, but it didn't echo through the area quite as loudly as before.

Then I watched as Gai straightened, flashing me a smile even as his eyes were lined with red and surrounded with dark circles, making him look much older than he was, and I felt my chest clinch. I really did want to protect everyone, but so many people still ended up hurt.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't keep your student safe. Thank you for helping her, and Lee and Neji too, become great shinobi," I told him, bowing too, but then his hand caught my shoulder, immediately straightening me.

"Training them has been my pleasure, Naruto, and what happened to Tenten wasn't your fault, so you don't need to apologize. Just take care of yourself as well as you take care of the rest of the village," he told me, looking at me with an expression more serious than I'd ever seen him wear.

"I'll try," was all I could muster, and after another short moment, Gai gave a nod and released my shoulder.

"We should go get ready for the meeting," Kakashi said finally, and Gai nodded and waved us off as we headed towards my office in the still early-morning light.

Apparently Kakashi had woken up a while after I had and started working on the mission report for me since he handed over a completed report to me to glance through before I passed it on to Shikamaru. As he read over it, I quickly told him the short version and once he'd finished reading, he weighed in his opinion.

"For now, we will assume that the missing-nin are after you, Naruto. We'll know more once Konohamaru's group recovers, but as it stands, you can't be seen. We will have to operate like you're still in Suna. They'll figure out soon enough that you've left, but based on what you overheard, it sounds like they still don't know that you've returned, and the longer they think that you're in Suna, the easier it will be for us to gather information about what we're up against," he said. The room stayed quiet as we all soaked it in, and Shikamaru closed his eyes as he thought, but suddenly I felt like I was getting crushed by a glaring problem with the plan.

"And the harder it will be for Suna to stay safe," I mumbled, and then I felt everyone's eyes on me, though Shikamaru's remained closed. "The longer the missing-nin think that I'm there, the more dangerous it will be for them, right?" I asked, and Shikamaru's deepening frown was his only response. "Then we have to help! The other Great Nations are already getting pressured. We're the only ones with the freedom to move right now," I said, and Shikamaru's eyes opened as his brow pinched together even more.

"They could be aiming for that, a hole in our security and a weakened force, and I can't say how well we would be able to hold them off if they tried something with our shinobi attacking elsewhere. After all the casualties during the war, we just don't have the numbers to hold them back."

"So, what? We're just going to abandon Suna? No way. Look, I can't leave here anyway, and I have enough chakra to double our forces and then some. Leave security to my bunshin," I told him, and I felt everyone in the room stiffen as Shikamaru gave a sigh. No one said anything, but no one could hold my gaze either. After several minutes of a heavy silence ticked by, I snapped with frustration.

"What's the problem?" I demanded.

"If they have more Sharingan users, using your bunshin for security will be more of a liability than an asset, Naruto," he said flatly, and immediately, I wanted to yell at him, deny it, something, but I couldn't. I knew what had happened on the mission, and I knew why. I would just keep causing people to get hurt, even killed, if I couldn't get a grip.

I dropped my face to my hands, trying to think of anything that I could do, that we could do, but I was drawing a blank, and the room stayed deathly silent for what felt like ages until I looked up, all eyes trained on me, seemingly waiting for my reaction.

"Alright. I'll get better. So in the meantime, what do we do?" I asked, staring down Shikamaru, and from the corner of my eyes, I could tell that most people were surprised by my reaction, but Shikamaru just closed his eyes again and put his fingertips together to think.

"We bide our time. We'll send some help back to Suna and let them and the other nations know what's going on with a double-encrypted message. You can't be seen. Neither can you, Kakashi, or Sakura or Ino. They can't know that you're back," he said eventually, and I was about to nod when he spoke again. "You go home. Take the rest of the week off. Sakura and Ino will be looking after you," he said, and I started to protest when he continued. "You have to get better, Naruto. And you can't do that in here or alone."

I stared back at him for a while, but I knew that he was right, so, tiredly, I nodded. Then Shikamaru set about giving orders and assembling the team to head to Suna while I stood and headed home, Kakashi following behind.

I had to get better. I needed to sort out my head and keep from freezing up. I needed to get stable and healthy. Because otherwise I would hurt more people than I would help.

Hiya everyone! Sorry it took me so long to get another chapter up, but things have been a little crazy with coming back from Canada and holidays and whatnot. I won't be able to get regular with the chapters again for a while either, but I'm going to try to get another one written before I leave for England Wednesday.

Anyway, I hope everyone had an awesome Christmas/Whatever holiday/winter break and whatnot! ^_^ Happy New Year and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!