Hey guys. Big chapter once again. I should warn you that some parts of this chapter are mature. I should have said something last time too, I apologize for not having done so.
To the guest reviewer...yes the (not so) secret's out. I have CP.
Chapter Thirty-five
Lucas and Peyton sat anxiously in the exam room of Dr. Pryor's office, Peyton already in a gown and lying back on the exam table.
"Well," Dr. Pryor began. "Congratulations you two. Peyton, you're definitely pregnant."
Lucas watched as his wife's amazing smile lit up her face. He grabbed her hand and she held on tight. "So...Dr. Pryor what...what happens now? I mean, with the miscarriage and our history–"
"Well, yes, Peyton you have some risk factors, but we're gonna watch you like a hawk."
Lucas and Peyton nodded together, and Lucas cleared his throat. "Dr. Pryor, when...when would you recommend telling Ella?"
A warm smile graced Dr. Pryor's face. "I would wait until about week 13."
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By the time I made it to the Nowell's front porch, I wanted to turn back. I knew it was too late to, though. I hadn't seen Katie in weeks, months even. Something was wrong. When I rang the doorbell and saw Julie Nowell on the other side, looking especially haggard, and wearing faded jeans and a light button down tee, I knew. Something was definitely wrong.
"Hi," I said, standing tall, even though I usually leaned forward on my crutches.
"Ella," Julie said. "How are you?"
If you only knew. "I'm fine. I just...Julie I'm sorry, I don't mean to invade your privacy, but I have to know. Where's Katie?"
At the sound of Katie's name, Julie let out a breath. I watched as she closed the door and stepped out on the porch with me, beckoning for me to join her on two white chairs. "Katie..." Julie began, clearing her throat. Julie kept rubbing her palms on her jeans. I wanted to hold her hand, but I didn't want to frighten her. So I just listened. "Katie's in rehab, Ella."
"...Oh."
"She's in rehab for substance abuse," Julie went on, her lips beginning to quiver. "She was really struggling and...this is what had to be done. I haven't told anyone," Julie said, looking at me. I saw the tears in her eyes...the first time ever seeing Julie in such a state after 11 years. "I haven't told anyone," she repeated. "...It's too hard."
I nodded, feeling as though this entire conversation had me in way over my head.
"I've been visiting her every weekend," Julie continued.
"Is there a way...is there a way for me to go with you one weekend? Or would that be too much?"
"That would probably be too much," Julie said, though I could tell she sensed my concern. "The rehab center is in Miami."
"Oh," I said again, internally kicking myself. Was 'oh' the only word I knew? "I didn't know that."
"It's in Miami," Julie reaffirmed. Julie watched me for a second, and I averted my gaze to the quiet street, where Katie and I used to play as little girls. "Tell you what. Here's something you can do." Julie pushed to stand. "I'll be back in a second."
I was left to watch the street, the occasional car driving by. I tried to keep my tears at bay, but it was proving to be very difficult. When Julie returned, I was relieved I wouldn't have to be alone with my own thoughts. Julie handed me a small blue post-it note with Katie's name and the address where she could be reached at the rehab center in Miami. "Why don't you write Katie a letter? I know you love to write," Julie sent me a sad smile. "I think hearing from you will really help her."
"Thank you." I carefully folded the post-it note and put in my front jeans pocket. I grabbed Julie's hand, and we both listened to the breeze.
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Lucas cut the ignition of his Ford Mustang, breathing heavily. He looked out the driver's side window and saw the front porch light on at CJ Everett's house. Right as he was about to head over there, he got a text message from Peyton which read:
Luke, I love you so much. Everything's gonna be OK. I'll be here when you get home.
Lucas smiled slightly before getting out of the car, shoving his phone in his pocket, heading up to CJ's house and ringing the doorbell.
When CJ's mother, Marline, answered the door, she grinned with delight. "Coach! What brings you by?"
"Hi Mrs. Everett, how are you?" Lucas greeted. He saw CJ at the foot of the stairs behind his mother's shoulder.
"Oh please, call me Marline! We've known each other for how long now?"
"Point taken." At Marline's invitation Lucas sat down in the parlor, accepting a glass of water from CJ's little brother, Tuck.
When CJ entered the room, Marline said. "CJ, what in the hell is the matter with you? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Coach..." CJ began, but quietened after he saw the look on Lucas's face. He sat down on the couch and began to fidget. "What...uh...what brings you on by?"
Lucas noticed how Tuck and Marline stayed in the room, and he knew it wouldn't be right to have them leave, as painful as it was gonna be. "CJ...CJ I wanted to let you know that I spoke with Ben Hennings in person a few days ago at UCONN."
"You...you went to UCONN?"
"Yes, I did."
"Why would you have to go to UCONN? Is there a problem?" Marline asked, her eyebrows raised.
Lucas swallowed and looked at his best player. "Your mother doesn't know?"
"Know what?" Marline demanded. She looked at her eldest son. "CJ. Know what?"
CJ cleared his throat, looked his mother in the eye and said: "I punched Mick Copley at the game, Ma."
"You WHAT?!" Marline shouted. "You talking about the game against Oak Lake?!"
"...Yes ma'am."
"The ONE game I missed?! Now why in THE HELL would you do that for!? And why the hell wouldn't you tell me if it was gonna jeopardize your future?"
"Ma, you don't understand, he was talking shit about Ryan–"
"Now Cleotus Everett you watch your filthy mouth!" Marline yelled, and CJ was immediately silenced. "I can't believe this. How hard you worked to get noticed by that school. And risking everything for that boy? Ryan's gone! I know you don't want to hear it, but he is."
Lucas turned to CJ and saw that he was holding back tears. "It's not that simple for me, Ma!"
"No, it is that simple! You don't go around punching people! I don't care if the boy's a no good arrogant fool, you DO NOT lay your hands on him!"
"It's too late!" CJ shouted back, his mother shocked by his outburst. "It's too late. That's why Coach is here." CJ turned to Lucas. "You went to UCONN and fought for me, and they said no, right?"
Lucas swallowed. CJ, Tuck and Marline were staring at him. "They said no. I didn't want to tell you that I was going to UCONN, because I didn't want to get your hopes up. But I went and spoke with Ben Hennings myself, and by then it was already too late. They've rescinded their offer."
CJ stomped his foot on the floor violently like he often did when he was beyond upset. He began to cry. Lucas put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, CJ."
Marline got up and sat on CJ's other side, bringing him in her arms, and nudging him to lay against her bosom. "It's alright, baby," she cooed. "I'm furious, but it's alright."
"Mama, you can't afford any of the colleges I applied to without a scholarship from basketball! My grades aren't good enough to get in based on merit."
Marline swallowed. "What's the next step, Coach?"
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Completely drained, Lucas opened the door when he heard the doorbell ring to see none other than his mother on the other side. "Hey Ma," he said, letting her cross the threshold. "I didn't know you were stopping by." He kissed her on the cheek. It was only when they were sitting in the living room drinking tea did Lucas ask, "Everything alright?"
"I'm fine," Karen replied, then hesitated. "Lily told me something that really concerned me."
"Oh?"
"She told me that Jamie told her what happened with Ella in Nathan and Haley's pool."
Lucas nodded, scratching the back of his neck in a nervous habit. "Ella's in therapy, and her therapist knows, Mom."
"So it wasn't...she didn't do it on purpose," Karen said, more of a statement than a question.
"Ella says she's not suicidal, and I believe her. She's my kid."
"Oh God, I know, I know," Karen said, holding out her hand. "I'm just really worried."
"Me too. Peyton and I...we both are. My daughter's depressed, and she feels irrelevant. In her words."
Karen sighed, and didn't say anything for a few moments.
"You know...Peyton and I worked really hard to make sure she didn't feel like she does right now. But the CP...I swear to God... and I know, I know that Ella's blessed and that she is a complete, complete blessing... but sometimes it just..." Lucas sucked in his teeth and clenched his fist in a reflex. "Sometimes it just...it just really sucks," he said, feeling the exact opposite of eloquent.
"I know," Karen lamented.
"I don't know how to help her."
"You're doing the very best you can," Karen said, grabbing Lucas's hand. "That's all we can ever do."
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Eight Weeks Later
Lucas sat in his office, bored out of his mind. Since the Ravens' season was over, Lucas did very little pertaining to his duties as head coach, and did more pertaining to the duties of a substitute teacher. He knew both Haley and Ella were in class–as a teacher and as a student–so he couldn't go see either of them. Instead he picked at his snacks in his snack drawer, wishing he wasn't so paranoid about doing some writing at work. Instead he settled for re-watching some old game tape. At least, that was his plan until his phone rang, Peyton's name on his phone screen.
"Hey, babe..." Lucas answered, watching the clock. Just a couple minutes and it was lunchtime.
"Hi. Are you busy?"
"Not particularly. Everything OK?"
"It's almost lunch period for you, right?"
"Yeah, in a couple minutes."
"Come home for lunch. I can make you something."
"Yeah? You sure it's enough time? I can bring Ella too–"
"Luke. Come home for lunch alone."
Lucas's grip on his phone tightened as he sat behind his desk. "...I'll be right there."
When Lucas got home in only fifteen minutes, he almost thought the house was empty. "Peyt?" he called through the first floor. Eventually he found his wife in his library, standing by the fireplace in just a trench coat and heels, her favorite pair. Lucas swallowed audibly. "Peyt..."
"I know," Peyton said, her lips dipped in her favorite lipstick. "Naked under the trench coat with heels on. I'm a walking cliché, I know."
"I wasn't gonna say that," Lucas replied, sitting on the couch in front of his wife. He did nothing but watch as Peyton slowly undid the buttons and tie of her trench coat, then letting the coat drop to the floor. "Baby..."
"It's my hormones," Peyton explained. "I'm horny all the time." On her knees, she put her arms around her husband, and he her. "I can't...I can't focus at work. That never happens."
Lucas sucked in a breath, and he smiled at her.
"It's not funny!" Peyton pouted.
"I'm not laughing," Lucas said. "I'm not complaining, either." Lucas kissed his wife's lips lightly. "You are so damn sexy!"
"Yeah?"
Lucas pushed his hips against his wife so she could feel how hard he was already, and she let out a breath. "Hell yes." He let Peyton take off his shirt with surprising agility, and pull on his belt buckle. He pushed up so that she could take off his jeans, only just enough so they gathered at his ankles. Lucas began running his hand down Peyton's back the way she liked. "When you first called me I thought something was wrong." He followed that up with a curse as Peyton pressed against his erection.
"Nothing's wrong," Peyton said, planting a searing kiss on her husband's mouth. "Other than I might be going crazy."
"You're not crazy," Lucas said, brushing a stray curl away from Peyton's face. "...I'm loving these hormones."
Peyton giggled, and continued kissing her husband as if she hadn't done so in weeks. "Even if one minute I'm on top of you and the next I want to cry hysterically?"
"Even then."
"I love you, Luke," Peyton breathed, and then laughed in spite of herself. "See?"
"I love you, too." Lucas shifted so his wife was lying back on the couch, and she laughed again. "Best fucking lunch break ever," he breathed against her neck, and proceeded to make love to his wife.
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I sat down on the white couch in Dr. Rosado's office, and began to play with her yellow stress ball. "So. How are you doing after the last time we spoke?"
"I'm OK."
"Just OK?"
"Yeah… that was really intense," I said, remembering how I cried in my parents' arms.
"Yeah," Dr. Rosado agreed, her eyes gentle. "Ella," she began. "What makes you feel irrelevant? Is it the CP?"
"That's a big part of it, yeah. It's starting to interfere with my relationship with my boyfriend."
"How?"
"Well...like my mom revealed...my boyfriend Adrian and I have been trying..trying to explore with each other sexually. It just...I don't know how to explain it other than it makes the fact that I have CP painfully obvious."
"Hm. How far have you guys gotten?"
I explained it all to Dr. Rosado, and wasn't embarrassed, really. "Every time we try, my spastic muscles flare up. A little while ago he...penetrated, but it hurt too much for him to keep going….It's not always gonna be like that, is it?"
"No," Dr. Rosado said, waving off my concern. "It's painful the first few times. But soon the pain just...eases away. I'm sure you know that you and Adrian can find ways that work especially well for the both of you."
"Yes, I know. So you're saying I should just keep trying?"
"Absolutely. Don't give up. And you can have fun in the process!"
I smiled. "Yeah. I remember when I was so shy it was hard to undress in front of him. Now, well...now it's different. I mean I'm still shy about certain things."
"Like what?"
I hesitated, watched as Dr. Rosado crossed her legs. "OK well...I've never...I haven't exactly given him a blow job yet." I let out a breath. "That's humiliating to say."
"Why is it humiliating?" Dr. Rosado asked, a gentle smile on her face. "Everyone moves at a different pace. And some girls and women don't even like giving blow jobs."
"Really?"
"Yes," Dr. Rosado said. "You shouldn't pressure yourself based on what other people are doing."
"I don't think it's that...sometimes I just feel like he does all these things to make me feel good and I don't reciprocate really. That's not really fair, I feel like."
"What if you asked him if he wants one?"
I blushed. "I mean I'm sure he does. He hasn't asked yet, though."
"He might be respecting you as pace-setter."
"You think so?"
"Maybe," Dr. Rosado answered. "Does he respect what you want and don't want to do?"
"Yes, he's extremely respectful."
"Does he give you the opportunity to say what you want and don't want to do?"
"Yeah," I said, smiling as I thought of him.
"Ok, well good!" she said, sending me a grin. "I would encourage you to go out of your comfort zone when you're with Adrian. Sounds like he's the right one to do it with."
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It wasn't until Mom knocked on my bedroom door for the third time that I heard her and turned around. "Sorry," I said, pulling out my red earbuds.
"I would be annoyed, but I did the same thing at your age." Mom sat on my bed and patted the quilt with her hand. "Come sit down."
"What do you have behind your back?"
"Just sit."
I sat down across from Mom on the bed, nerves already building up in my stomach. "...What?"
Mom looked at me for a minute or two, and she looked like she was gonna burst into tears, even though she didn't seem particularly upset. "I got you something." Mom thrust a fancy gift bag into my hands, filled with frilly tissue paper. "Open it."
I cautiously reached into the bag and pulling out its contents: a pair of baby sneakers. "Uh...thanks?"
Mom sent me a look, her eyes filling with tears...happy ones.
"...Oh," I said, and my heart began to pound furiously. "Wow. I'm an idiot." Mom was unable to hold back her contagious smile, and infectious laughter.
"Mommy's pregnant."
I ran my fingers over the tiny shoes and white laces. "….You are?" I asked, my voice quiet and a lump rising in my throat.
Mom nodded. "Are you happy?"
"Of course!" I leaned forward into Mom's arms for a fierce hug. "Finally!"
I knew just by looking into Mom's eyes that she'd at last gotten everything she ever wanted and more. I did, too. With the news that I would be a big sister, something inside me lifted, and I began to live in color again.
Dad's knock on the door pulled us from our embrace. He tiptoed to the bed and sat down with us, kissing the crown of my head and wrapping an arm around Mom's waist. "Wait. ...You guys still do that? Nice work, Dad," I said, and he began to blush and laugh at the same time.
"Ella, take it easy," Mom warned, swatting my leg.
"There's one more thing we want to tell you, goof," Dad said, taking Mom's hand.
"Even more good news?" I guessed. "I really like this day."
"When your mom and I were in the Cayman Islands," Dad began, and I knew right then this was going to be big news as well. "I asked her to marry me again."
"...You did?" I asked, my mouth gaping.
"We're going to renew our vows," Dad said, watching my lips morph into a smile.
"I want you to be my maid of honor," Mom said, biting her lip.
"Wow. That's a lot of information to get in just a few minutes," I said, though I couldn't erase the stupid grin off of my face. "What about Aunt Brooke?"
"Aunt Brooke is going to be the matron of honor."
"Obviously I'll stand up there with ya. Wait. How am I gonna stand up at the altar and keep my balance?"
"We'll worry about that when we get there," Mom said.
Just like that my anxiety was eased. I planted a smooch on my mother's belly. "Baby! Your big sister loves you!"
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That Saturday morning, I sat in the kitchen with Mom while Dad was out for a run. Music hummed on the victrola and Mom asked me, "Who do you have on the list? Are we missing anyone?"
"Uncle Nathan, Aunt Haley, Jamie and the kids, Aunt Brooke and crew, Uncle Derek and Aunt Lisa, Grandma Karen and Andy, and Grandpa Larry."
Mom nodded. "Is Adrian coming?"
"He can't, he's visiting his grandmother in the nursing home today. He says she barely recognizes him."
"That's awful," Mom pouted.
"What's awful?" Dad asked, popping into the kitchen, his light blue t shirt damp with his sweat. Black earbuds around his neck, he patted my head pecked Mom on the lips.
"Adrian's grandma's Alzheimers."
Dad made a noise of sympathy. "Not easy."
Mom motioned to Dad with her chin. "Why're you sweating so much?"
"...Because I just went for a run."
"How long?"
Despite Mom's incessant questioning, Dad grinned at her. "Finally made it a mile. Don't worry, I paced myself. Don't worry," he said this time in a whisper, pulling her to him.
"You know I get nervous."
"Dad, we could use your help with getting ready for this get-together-pregnancy-announcement-shindig." Mom and Dad had gone grocery shopping early in the week and cleaned the house nearly all of last night.
"I know. I'm gonna take a quick shower and then I'm all yours," Dad promised, winking at Mom and retreating upstairs.
"Did you write down the menu yet?" Mom asked me, standing in her apron by the sink.
"It's right here," I showed Mom a notepad filled with appetizers, entree and dessert selections. "You do know people are bringing stuff. There's no need to make so much."
"Yes, honey, I know that."
"Why're you so on edge? And why don't you invite Grandma Karen over to help us?"
"I'm on edge because I have a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in. And I don't want Grandma Karen to help because she's gonna guess that I'm pregnant as soon as she looks at me. Besides, I want to tell everyone all at the same time."
"OK, OK, jeez."
"So either help me or leave," Mom said, smiling.
"What do you want me to do?"
As soon as Dad finished in the shower, he helped us in the kitchen. Not soon after that Mom demanded I take a shower and change, and had Dad watch over the food as she did the same. When the doorbell rang, Uncle Nathan and company were the first to arrive, and the party commenced.
"So," Uncle Nathan began, sitting on the couch next to me in the family room, TV turned on low. He was as handsome as ever in a striped blue button down and jeans. "How's everything going, honey?"
"It's good," I answered. I thought of a few months from now, where I would welcome a new little one into the world. "I'm OK now. I mean, it's probably going to stay with me in some capacity for a while. But I feel better."
Uncle Nathan nodded, and I saw tears in his beautiful eyes. "It terrified me and it broke my heart when Aunt Haley told me what happened when I was away. I'm always going to be here for you, Ella. I don't want you to ever feel like you can't come to me, or Aunt Haley, or James if you need anything. I love you so much, you know that right?"
"I love you, too."
"...And, I'm proud to be your uncle. C'mere." He brought me in for a hug and I inhaled his cologne. As always when I hugged Uncle Nathan, I felt safe. Untouchable.
The sound of high heels descending the stairs caught our attention, followed by recognizable footsteps. "Separate party down here, huh?"
"Hi Aunt Lisa," I said, getting up to hug her. "Uncle Derek."
"Hi honey," Aunt Lisa returned. "Where's the boyfriend?"
"He couldn't come, he had family stuff."
"Ah." She sat next to me in the spot where Uncle Nathan had just vacated, putting a warm hand on Aunt Lisa's shoulder and heading upstairs. "We want to talk to you."
"OK."
"Your mom and dad told us about what happened in Nathan and Haley's pool," Uncle Derek began.
"Did they also say I was–"
"No," Aunt Lisa interjected. "We just wanted to say we love you, honey. And that no matter how far away we are, we're always right here with you." Aunt Lisa pointed to her heart.
"And we admire you, kiddo," Uncle Derek said. "Do you know how much you've taught me?"
I looked down at my hands and felt tears springing to my eyes.
"And I just wanted to say one more thing," Uncle Derek said. "I mean this in the nicest, most respectable way possible. With everything you've been through..Ella, you're one tough bitch."
I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh my God, Uncle Derek."
"And you know he was a marine, so that's saying a lot," Aunt Lisa said, chuckling. She motioned to Uncle Derek and said, "Go."
"Go?"
"Yes. Girl talk time," she said, and watched as Uncle Derek got up.
"I'm outta here," he said, squeezing my shoulder before heading upstairs to grab another beer.
"So. How have things gone with Adrian?"
"Things are going really well. We're still… trying things. But my legs don't hurt as much!"
"That's wonderful, I'm so happy for you."
"He's a cool guy."
Aunt Lisa smiled, showing her pearly white teeth. She took my head and said, "Come on, let's head upstairs."
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Standing at the sink at the upstairs bathroom, Peyton scrubbed her hands clean as she heard only echoes of the party going on downstairs. There was a jovial knock on the door, and Lucas poked his head in. "Hey," he said, before going into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. "Y'know, this used to be our signal."
Peyton laughed. "Except that I actually had to use the bathroom."
"Uh huh," Lucas said, kissing her. "Did you also want to get away from it all for a second? You seem nervous."
"I am."
"Why?"
"Because...because I want this to go perfectly. I know everything can't be perfect, but this can go how we want it to, you know?"
"Sweetheart, this is wonderful news. There's no reason to be apprehensive."
"I know…." Peyton sighed, playing with the buttons on Lucas's shirt. "I'm making too much out of this, aren't I?"
"Maybe a little," Lucas admitted. "Could it also be because of our history?"
"Maybe."
"Hey, Peyton," Lucas said, his eyes a deep blue. "One day at a time. We're past week 13," he said, swaying his hips in celebration.
"Love you. Since when do you wear pink?" she asked, referring to his pink and white striped button down.
"Hey!" Lucas protested. "I am awfully happy." He pulled Peyton into the hallway by her hand. "Come on, beautiful. People are gonna get suspicious."
"You think people knew this was our signal?" she asked, as they descended the stairs.
"Hm. Brooke definitely did. And Haley. And probably Nathan."
"Oh, God," she said, and they laughed together.
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We set it up so we'd all have our meal at one long table, and Mom and Dad sat next to each other in the middle. I sat across from them, Jamie on my right and Natalie on my left.
"Selfie time," Jamie announced, and he and Natalie leaned in. Afterwards we looked at the picture of us beaming. "We're so attractive."
"P Sawyer," Aunt Brooke hollered over the noise, and everyone quietened and looked at her. "Where's your drink?"
Subtly, I looked Mom's way and Dad did the same. "I can't," she said.
"Why?" Aunt Brooke asked. "We're celebrating being all together."
Mom took a deep breath, and her smile was sincere. "I can't because I'm pregnant."
Everyone got quiet and then the entire table erupted in cheer.
"Are you serious! Peyton!" Aunt Haley said, tears in her eyes.
"I KNEW it!" Aunt Brooke declared, and there was laughter and happiness all around. Grandma Karen began to cry, and Grandpa Larry was as proud as ever.
"That's what we're actually celebrating, y'all just didn't know until just now," I said, and Jamie laughed at me.
"Aunt Peyton, how far along are you?" Natalie asked, her question as honest as it was innocent.
"About 14 weeks. We wanted to wait before saying anything."
"A vow renewal and a new baby, I am so unbelievably happy for you, all three of you deserve it," Aunt Haley raised her glass. "To the new little one!" Everyone raised their glasses, alcoholic or non alcoholic drinks, and toasted to the new baby that would soon bless us with its presence.
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Lucas found Nathan on the front porch. Nathan raised his beer to him. "Congrats big brother!"
"Thanks Nate. I actually want to talk to you. It's not baby related."
Nathan took a seat on the porch swing and Lucas followed suit. "What's up?"
Lucas explained the whole situation with CJ Everett. "I was wondering if you could help at all."
"Hm. What other schools has CJ applied to? Have they said anything?"
"Not yet, but they will. I mean, you went to a junior college and still got to the NBA. I'm thinking that's where CJ is headed. Maybe you can put me touch with your coaches?"
Nathan thought it over. "I'll see what I can do. He had to punch that kid, huh? I mean I shouldn't talk, I would have done the same thing. But I had Dan."
"...Yeah."
"Don't worry Luke. I had Dan, but CJ has you. You can figure this out. In the meantime, I can try and help you do so."
I was listening to music behind the Whitey Durham Field House when Adrian approached me, messenger and camera bag slung over his shoulders. "Hi baby," he said. "You ready?"
I pushed up to stand before picking up my crutches, and pulled Adrian into a kiss by the hem of his tee shirt.
"What was that for?" he asked me, an amused look on his face. He rubbed the strawberry lip gloss from his bottom lip with his thumb.
"I wanted to." I slipped my arms through my crutches, first the right arm then the left, and let Adrian lead the way. "Can I hold your hand?" I asked him, a couple blocks away from Jesse's apartment.
"Of course," Adrian said, before taking my crutches in one hand, which allowed me to take his hand in mine. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. "You have such a big smile on your face, Ella...I missed it so much."
"Me too," I said, raising my voice over the rain which began to slap the ground. I quickly put the hoodie of my raincoat over my head, and Adrian did the same. "We're screwed!"
"Come on," Adrian said, and we bolted the rest of the way, and I couldn't help but laugh at the look on Adrian's face.
"What, didn't think I could run?"
"No, I just didn't think you could run faster than me," Adrian said, as we went through the front door of the apartment building, then up the elevator to the fifth floor. "Christ."
"Your girlfriend with cerebral palsy beat you," I said, walking through the door of Jesse's apartment.
"Yes she did," Adrian said. "Don't self-deprecate." He shed his jacket and threw it on the couch, before pulling me towards his bedroom.
"I'm not, I'm just stating facts." I let Adrian take off my purple raincoat. "Straight to the bedroom, huh?"
"Well I figured we could watch a movie and order takeout when we get hungry," Adrian replied, scratching the back of his neck. "Unless you don't want to?" he pouted like I'd seen my cousin Olivia do.
"No, I want to. I'm just teasing you, Lion. Can we watch The Incredibles?"
"You've been wanting to watch that for over a week now," Adrian said. "You in a kiddie mood?"
"Hey, The Incredibles is for adults too," I argued. "But yes, yes I am in a kiddie mood….and there's a reason why," I said.
"...Why?"
I sat on the edge of Adrian's bed and he sat next to me. "My mom's pregnant."
Adrian's eyes lit up and he smiled the smile I fell in love with. "Are you serious? That's amazing!"
"I'm so excited...and I feel like, I feel like I'm finally getting back to myself again. The news lifted me up, you know?"
"Yeah," Adrian said, putting an arm around my waist.
"I'm gonna be a big sister! I've waited so long for this."
Adrian laughed along with me. "That's awesome Gummy. As we both know, I'm not anyone's sister, but...being a big brother...having someone look up to you, it's incredible, you're gonna love it." Adrian set up his television with The Incredibles, took off his tee shirt and joined me on the bed.
"So how much of this movie do you think we're gonna actually watch?"I asked him, tracing my fingers down his chest, as his fingers journeyed up my blouse. We lay in the dark as the movie began to play.
"You tell me."
I met Adrian's gaze and my heart began to pound. After months together, he still made me nervous. "When I met with Dr. Rosado last, she wanted me to get out of my comfort zone."
"Yeah?"
"Mhm." I kissed Adrian, hard, digging my nails into his tricep. "Baby I wanna try again..."
"…Now?"
"Now. Nobody's here, and your dad's working late, right?"
"Yeah," Adrian said. He got off the bed and reached into his closet for his box of condoms and packets of lubricant.
I laughed. "I say I want to have sex with you and suddenly you're incredibly agile."
Adrian pulled back the covers to his bed and I crawled under them. He gently took off my blouse and bra, jeans and underwear, and lay with me for a while, caressing my skin with his hands. "Don't be nervous, Ella."
"I'm not," I answered. "I promise I'm not." I kissed him, slipping my tongue into his mouth and letting him hold me like only he could. I moved to run my fingers down the shell of his ear, gasping when his warm hands ran over my breasts, down the plains of my belly and up again, going almost too slow. "Baby..."
"Hm?" Adrian answered, placing soft kisses on my neck, as his hand worked me. "Where do you want me to touch you?"
"You know where," I breathed, lifting my hips to meet his free hand.
Adrian crept his hand up my thigh and between my leg, brushing his thumb against my moist heat. "Here?"
I nodded, craning my neck as he opened the lubricant, a process already familiar to me now. He spread it over his fingers and found my clitoris. "Relax, beautiful," he said. "Try."
"I am," I closed my eyes and leaned against the pillow as Adrian began rubbing his fingers against me, his pace quick and urgent but gentle at the same time. He knew my body with his eyes closed at this point.
My legs began to twitch in the best way, my stomach tightening and loosening. "Feels good," I whispered, running my hand over his arm.
Adrian kissed me and whispered in my ear, "I love that face you make. You're a fucking goddess."
I dug my nails into his wrist. "Babe, don't… don't stop until..."
"I'm not gonna stop," Adrian said. "Unless my hand gets really tired."
Though it felt good, it had yet to bring me over the edge. When Adrian could sense I was getting frustrated, and I guess because his hand did eventually get tired, he stopped, shaking the cramp from his hand. "You know," he said, leaning over me. "As good as I am with my hands, I'm a lot better with my tongue."
"Oh my God," I said, briefly covering my face with my hands.
"What?" Adrian teased, his touch gentle as he moved my hands from my face. "Don't hide from me." Adrian kissed the tip of my nose. "Aw, you're blushing. I love that I can make you blush still."
"OK," I said.
"OK?"
I nodded, watched as Adrian kissed down my body, and soon I felt his mouth on me, and I gasped. My knees were pressed against his chest and soon he carefully rested my legs on his shoulders. My stomach began to tighten again, the spastic muscles in my legs beginning to tighten up like wound up string. Adrian rested his hand over my bellybutton, and I pressed my palm against his knuckles, his tongue twisting and licking and curling on me. I began to pant heavy breaths, squeezing his hand tightly. My legs began to shake, my mind getting flooded, my spastic legs more spastic than they've ever been.
"You alright?"
"Why'd you stop?!"
"I felt your legs tightening against my shoulder. I'm sorry. Did it feel good at least?" he asked, his voice carrying a vulnerable quality that I recognized.
"Of course it did," I said, brushing hair from my forehead. "But I don't think this is ever gonna happen for me."
"Oh come on," Adrian replied. "Don't talk like that. We're just getting started, Ella." He ran his hands down my legs, the friction loosening me up. "I just want to make sure you're nice and relaxed."
I sat up, resting my weight on my forearms, not bothering to cover myself with the light blue bedsheets. "You think it's kinda weird that I just told you about my mom being pregnant and we're about to try and have sex?"
"...Well now I do," Adrian said, and I laughed a bit. "Why'd you go and mention that for?"
"Sorry," I said. "My mom is gonna be a mom. Again. It's just been on my mind."
"OK, but does it have to be on your mind now? I mean I'm happy for you and all, but..." Adrian nudged me. "Sheesh. I don't want to think about anything when we're together. It's just me and my girl." He crawled up toward me and kissed me, and I hooked my arms around his neck, slipping my tongue between his lips.
"I'll shut up now," I said, when we pulled apart. "What would happen if I did get pregnant?"
"Uh," Adrian answered. "…That escalated quickly."
"Stop making me laugh."
"Stop thinking so much." Adrian kissed me again, mumbling, "You see how hard I'm trying to preserve the mood, here?"
I reached down and brushed my hand against his throbbing erection, and he groaned into my mouth. I pulled down his boxers. Sorry," I said again, handing him the condom that rested on the night table. "Put it on or get out."
Adrian saluted me, before opening the condom carefully and slipping it on. He leaned over me and I could feel my heart about to leave my skin. "I just want you to relax, baby. Be here with me. Don't think about anything."
I nodded, struggled with moving my legs apart on the bed, as Adrian put more lubricant on me, and slipped in. The pain hit and I bit my lip, hard.
"You OK?"
I kissed him fiercely, digging my nails into his back. Soon the pain miraculously eased. "Lion it doesn't hurt," I breathed against him, and soon he began thrusting in and barely out, like a pendulum.
"Told ya," Adrian said, a boyish grin on his face.
Even though it wasn't painful, there was pressure as he moved against me, pressure that felt good and pressure that admittedly made me cringe. I hid those cringeworthy moments by burying my face into the crook of Adrian's neck, inhaling the sexy cologne he wore for me.
"Your legs OK?" he panted in my ear, speeding up and slowing down in a rhythm.
"Fine," I said back, every inch of me going haywire. "God..." I said his name, once, twice, and I watched his eyes fill with something I'd never seen before, but absolutely elated me.
"Baby…. you feel amazing," he breathed, kissing my lips, his own warm and tender. "I finally have you all around me….does it feel good?"
"If you stop I swear to God…." I said, and soon, with the way my boyfriend was touching me, the moans and groans escaping our lips, our writhing naked bodies creating a heat all their own….soon, I said, "I love you…."
"I love you too," he said back, nipping my ear. "I fucking love you so much," he said, his voice soft and gravelly. "I wish I could spend forever with you..."
I let his words wash over me like a waterfall, held on tightly as he lifted me up and carried me back down. Together we made love, completely and totally, for the very first time.
Soon I began to throb, pulse. "Adrian… Adrian, I think..."
"I feel it," he said back. "Don't lose it," he groaned. "It's alright, baby."
"It's coming," I moaned, totally unhinged with this boy. I looked at him, and he at me, and with one escaped breath I released, my body tensing and relaxing at once. Watching Adrian going through the same thing shortly after was one of the most erotic experiences I've ever had. "Oh my God..."
Adrian brushed hair from my sweaty forehead, his whole body shaking. "Feels amazing, doesn't it."
I lost my hand in Adrian's thick locks, and I honestly have never felt more relaxed. He eased out, and collapsed beside me on the bed. I ran my hand up the curve of his back and kissed the red spots where I had scratched him. He shifted and lay on his hip, watching me bemusedly.
"What?"
"Baby, you're really loud."
My mouth gaped. "I am not, shut up!"
"Oh yes you are," he insisted.
"Did you like that?"
"Are you kidding, I loved it."
"Well then," I said, pulling Adrian toward me. "We're doing that again."
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After that time, my legs began to burn in pain, and I lay curled against his bare chest. I turned so I could look at him, and I brushed his nose with my thumb. "Lion, I really do love you."
"I love you too, Gummy."
For reasons I couldn't quite articulate, I began to cry. "I'm fine," I said, before Adrian could utter a word. "I just...it's a lot. And it's a big deal." I took a deep, shuddering breath. "You're the first person that has made me feel...feel like…" Feel like I was worth loving.
He knew what I was going to say before I said it. "Aw, baby…."
"I can't say it."
"It's alright." he said, pulling me close to him. "You mean everything to me Ella."
"I don't do this with just anyone."
"I don't either." He nuzzled my nose with his own and said, "There's that smile again."
I breathed in his scent and listened to the rain outside the window, and the world evaporated. My legs began to throb, the muscles in my legs burning. "Ow..."
"What? Your legs?"
"I think they're just sore," I said, bringing Adrian's arms around me as I burrowed further into the pillow. Soon sleep began to pull me in, and I felt Adrian watching me as my eyes fluttered closed.
When both of us woke up, the rain had stopped. "Hi," Adrian said, kissing my shoulder and turning me to him. "Are you hungry yet?"
I shrugged. "Are you?"
"Not enough to move," Adrian said, putting his finger on my chin and kissing me. "I like waking up next to you."
"Me too," I whispered, brushing the hair from his eyes. "You know….you're the only one who can take me out of my comfort zone and make me feel safe all at the same time."
When he kissed me, it was as amorous as it was sweet, his tongue rubbing with mine as he got hard against my thigh. His warm hand palmed my breast, pulling me on top of him. "Want me to take you out of your comfort zone again?" he said, between kisses.
"Mhm," I breathed. Adrian he slipped on a new condom, and turned on his stereo. Then he put his hands on the back of my legs, easing me onto him. The pain vibrated through me, down my legs to my toes.
"You alright? Too much?"
"No it's OK," I said. "It's OK. Just don't let go."
"I won't," he said, his eyes glazing over. We began moving together, even though my knees burned against the sheets. I began uttering nonsensical things, my breathy moans filling the space.
"Fuck... you're so sexy," he said. "You don't even know it."
I blushed again, my hands resting on his chest. It moved up and down with each of his heavy breaths. Sweat dripped down both our necks as I ignored the intense pain in my hips, until it got to be too much. "Wait...wait." I stopped moving against him and he did the same.
"What?" Adrian asked, exiting his sweet haze. "It hurts?"
The music was too loud for us to realize that someone had entered the apartment. It was only when Adrian's door opened did we realize that we weren't alone. "Adrian!"
"Dad!" Adrian shouted, immediately covering me with his quilt. My cheeks turned extremely red as I felt Jesse's presence in the doorway. "Get out!"
Flustered, Jesse shut the door closed.
"Oh my God," I said, shielding my face with my hands. "Oh my God!" I swatted Adrian's arm.
"What was that for?"
"You said he was coming home late!"
"He was supposed to! Don't be mad at me."
"I'm not mad I'm fucking mortified!" I curled into a ball under Adrian's sheets. "Your dad caught us having sex! I'm never leaving this room, ever."
"I'll deal with my dad," Adrian said, pulling on his boxers and jeans and leaving the room.
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"Jesus Christ, Adrian," Jesse said, as soon as Adrian walked into the living room. He took a swig of Stella and shook his head. "What if Nicky had been with me?"
"Dad I'm sorry! You said you were coming home late!"
"What, so you thought it was the perfect opportunity to have sex with your girlfriend? My home isn't just a hub for you to do that."
Adrian shrugged. "Well where else are we gonna do it?"
"Clearly location never stopped you before!" Jesse shouted, pacing.
"Dad! Shut up! She'll hear you. It's different with Ella, OK? She needs to feel completely relaxed. I'm not going to just screw her in the dark in the music room."
"What?"
"Nothing. I know what I'm doing."
Jesse laughed humorlessly. "Give me a break, you're 16. You have no idea what the hell you're doing."
"What is wrong with you?"
"Adrian, I walk in on you...what if she gets pregnant? What then?"
"She's not gonna get pregnant, I used a condom!"
"Condoms break! You fully well know that!" Jesse yelled. He gestured towards Adrian's closed bedroom door. "Is she on birth control? Hmm?"
Adrian sighed, running a hand through his brown hair. "I don't know."
"You don't know? How could you not know?!"
"She's not, OK? I was her first."
"She wasn't yours."
"Yes, she knows that."
"Does she know about Mari?" Jesse challenged, and Adrian got quiet.
"...Who's Mari?"
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I stood in the doorway to Adrian's bedroom, now fully clothed and awaiting an answer.
"Thanks Dad," Adrian snapped. "Can you go somewhere?"
"Watch it, Adrian." Jesse said, pointing at him. Nonetheless he said, "We'll talk about this later," and retreated to his bedroom. Soon it was just Adrian and me in the living room of the apartment.
Adrian sat down the couch and faced me, where I stared at him. "Is Mari an ex?"
"Yes."
My heart began to pound and my stomach began to twist in nerves. "Why's your dad so tweaked about her?"
Adrian shook his head, rubbing his eyes with his hand. "Ella, I don't..."
"Just tell me."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"I fucking hate when people tell me that," I said, shaking my head. "I can handle it, I'm not some fragile little thing. Just say it."
"Mari was my girlfriend in San Francisco. We dated for a year."
"OK," I said, even though the mere mention of Adrian with anyone else made my stomach turn.
Adrian's eyes met mine, and his whole body began to shake. "We had a pregnancy scare."
My heart dropped into my stomach. "Why didn't you ever tell me this?"
"Our exes never came up..."
"I didn't have any! God Adrian, you were this close to ending up with a kid!"
"Babe..." He reached for me and I backed away, standing up.
Almost losing my balance, I caught myself. "Don't call me that right now." I was fuming. "Did you break up with Mari because you had to move here? Huh?"
Adrian said nothing at first.
"Did you break up with her because of the scare?!"
"What the fuck? No. Mari's a lying cheater. She was seeing somebody else the whole time then used the pregnancy scare to try and keep me around when I found out. Moving to Tree Hill came at the perfect time and I swore I wouldn't date for a while, but then...then I met you."
"Did you love her?" I asked, close to tears.
"Ella… I cared about her. Then when I found out she lied, she meant nothing to me. She means nothing to me." Adrian stood up, put his arms around me, and I didn't back away. "Yes, she's part of my past. You're my present. I'm serious."
I grabbed my purple raincoat, put it on and said, "I have to go." Adrian called for me, but I went out the door anyway.
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