Tattooed

Summary: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

Author's Note: Fashion Fairy 26, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Finespun, brightestoflights, Gina, amelancholicangel, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo, teru21: The only person I'd come to resent the most is surprisingly the person I know I love the most.

That thing about the thin line? It ain't a myth.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

xxxv.

Made a wrong turn, Once or twice

Dug my way out, Blood and fire

Bad decisions, That's alright

Welcome to my silly life

- Perfect/P!nk

"Last night, I almost used again," Syaoran spoke before anyone had been asked to speak, before Kaho had even greeted them. "I know I'm speaking out of turn, but I have to get this out before I decide against it."

Everyone remained quiet. Jordan looked at him curiously while Chiharu and Rita sat next to each other and looked at him glumly. There was a man he'd seen before but couldn't put a name to the face, along with a new girl.

"My girlfriend left me, and it looks like she's with someone else now. I guess I deserve it; I'm not really boyfriend material, when you think about it. I've made some fucked up decisions when it comes to girls, and let me tell you something, girls are a whole lot more confusing when you're using.

"To summarize, I slept with my ex while I was with my girlfriend. Yes, I was high. Yes, I don't remember what the hell happened that night. No, I did not want it to happen, but I probably participated anyway. I don't know what to do, but I know this is very fucked up. Hell, I'd break up with me if I could. Now all I want to do is give up, get high and just fuck it. I don't care anymore, about anything, about being clean, about this group session thing, about life in general.

"It was so simple. I had two things I had to give priority to, just two small little things. And I couldn't even keep up that much. All I had to do was keep my girlfriend happy, which also includes not cheating on her, and paint my way to graduation." Syaoran paused to laugh humourlessly. "All I had to do was that much. I messed up. I messed up my chance to be with the best girl in the world. I'm messing up my chances at the best showcasing in the country. I'm messing up my chances of even remaining a credited painter.

"I couldn't paint a decent painting without getting high, that's how I started getting high in the first place. It was so simple, get high, paint and get good grades. Then I met her, the smartest and prettiest woman in the world. Yes, she's a woman. She's older than me, and she's wonderful. She's why I'm here. She's the reason I'm hanging on by a thread. She taught me how to have sober fun, how to live without getting high, feel good without getting high. I owe her everything. Everything I am now is thanks to her.

"How do I repay her? I get high; I cheat her and break her heart."

For some time, Syaoran wondered if there was much else to say.

"I'm so angry, with myself, with that other guy, with her. What do I do now?" he asked helplessly, needy and sad. "How can I paint when I'm so messed up? I can't even think straight anymore, let alone paint. Sure, my family's got my back, and I've got... friends backing me up. But so what? She's gone, and she's not coming back. She's even moving on, and why shouldn't she? She deserves to be happy.

"You know, she knew from the second she saw me that I was high. She cared enough to slap some sense into my when I was delirious. She cared enough to pick me off the streets, though, in the pouring rain. She was the only one who cared enough to entertain me when I didn't want to be alone with my pathetic self.

"Now, it's over. It's all over. I'm a miserable fuck up and it's over."

The man next to him laid a hand on his shoulder a moment later. He gripped his shoulder hard, forcing him to look up. "If it's alright with you, I'd like to tell you something."

Syaoran was quiet.

"Go ahead Sam," Kaho answered softly.

A deep breath later, the man called Sam spoke his story.

"I was an abusive drunk before I met the woman of my dreams. I thought for sure she'd leave me after seeing me, the real me, and she did.

"She called the cops on me. She got me into this program. She gave me a new life. She couldn't have found a better way to do it. Leaving me was probably the only way she could've smacked some sense into me. I'm not saying I'm all better now, but at least I'm not an alcoholic freak anymore."

Syaoran didn't say anything.

"You think you've got it hard. Imagine ten years of prison with nothing but your-sorry-self, sitting there with nothing to do but think, about the people you'd hurt, the people you'd pushed away, the people you'd lost. Imagine coming out of there with nothing to look forward to, not friends, not family, not even a job. You're lucky; you've got something you love apart from this woman who saved you. Stay true to your dream, my boy."

Sam then sat down.

"It's going to be okay," Chiharu spoke up.

"Yeah, man. You clearly love her; you'll make things work for you." Jordan then added. "Just do this painting thing you have to do. Don't waste this chance."

"Second chances are rare." Kaho said after Jordan spoke. "You know as well as I do that these people will not take tardiness lightly. You may be discredited from the field. No one will take you seriously.

"Is that what you want?"

Hearing Kaho, of all people, saying those words was a reality check he'd needed. Syaoran didn't need to even think about it twice.

"No, it isn't." He paused to look around, his face red, his pulse racing. "Thanks... I've been... meaning to vent it out,"

Rita scoffed. "Lamest thank you I've ever heard."

"You'd better call us to this art thing," Chiharu prompted. Jordan grinned in agreement.

"Don't give up on her though," the new girl reminded. "This special girl you're talking about. Don't forget her. Wait, give her time. She will forgive you if you stay true to her."

Syaoran had his doubts about that, but he didn't argue.

*.*

In a collection of canvases, paintings good and bad, Syaoran and Lillian stood while the dim light shone on them from the outside. The air was cold and murky, like usual, but somehow it was familiar now. The smell and feel of the ruins now came with a sense of recognition that Syaoran'd come to appreciate regretfully.

He picked one up and showed it to her. "What do you think about this one?"

Lillian scanned it like she was reading a page. "It looks bland."

Syaoran threw it in a pile of paintings that were of no significance. In the pile that mattered were five paintings that were Lillian-approved. Syaoran took her opinion seriously. She knew her art. He trusted her.

"So, five paintings down. Two more to go," he told Lillian. He had a little over a month to get his work together, do some last minute work and what not before the Exhibit. Syaoran then observed the five paintings.

"What should I call this one?" he asked Lillian. She stood by him then.

"Lady in Red." She pointed to one of Sakura with her face covered by the umbrella she was holding. The rain was light in this one.

"And this?"

"Weeping Rock," Lillian kept naming. "The Lost Room of Rain, Reflections," she paused at the last one of Sakura in a black dress, facing away, in the rain while the sun crept through the clouds.

"Neighbours," she finished at the last one. Syaoran nodded. Two balconies stood highlighted in the painting of dull blues and yellows, opposite to each, opposing each other, balancing each other. It had been an on the whim painting but it was good, Syaoran knew it was.

"Seven Shades of Drizzle," Syaoran announced without looking up from his notepad. "That's going to be the collection's name once I've finished the last two paintings."

Lillian was quiet.

*.*

Syaoran offered Lillian some green tea once they'd come back to his place. It was drizzling, but that didn't stop the two of them from standing on the balcony while they drank their tea.

"You're quiet today," Syaoran said as he realized it himself. Even back in the ruins she'd been somewhat... reserved.

"Miss my usual banter, do you?" Lillian questioned cheekily. Syaoran narrowed his eyes as she grinned at him. They both sipped their tea at the same time.

"Not especially. Just wondering what's going on." Syaoran replied.

Lillian sighed before placing the cup on his coffee table and returning.

"My father's been on my case about getting my work out there," Lillian started.

Syaoran nodded. Her father wasn't entirely wrong.

"Anyway, that's that," She crossed her hands over her chest.

"It'll be okay," Syaoran assured her. "You'll find something soon."

"I sure hope so,"

"I'm sure you will."

They stood side by side, watching the sun set while the rain fell lightly onto the streets.

"Since misery loves company and all, I'm guessing you have some family issues of your own." Lillian commented as they watched the rain. Syaoran shrugged, as if to say that everyone did.

"Sort things out with your sister?"

"Yup,"

Lillian was nice, but very nosy, Syaoran realized.

"Don't trust me, do you?" she then asked. Syaoran grinned.

"Not all the time,"

"Fair enough, I guess." Lillian paused. "I wouldn't be too trusting too if I'd just lost the love of my life."

Syaoran felt the pang in his chest even before she said 'life'.

"What's your favourite colour?" Lillian asked.

"Green,"

"Like your aura," she smiled what Syaoran thought was a sad smile. It was enough to distract him from the melancholic mess that was the colour green. "It suits you."

Syaoran didn't know why but it looked like Lillian needed a hug. So he hugged her.

"You're hugging me," Lillian announced softly before loosely hanging her hands around his waist.

"Looked you needed it,"

"Thanks," she muttered as he pulled away. "I have no income, my dad hates me and the only friend I've got is a lunatic ex-drug addict,"

"Just for that, you can sleep on the streets if you get evicted,"

Lillian smacked his hand. Syaoran laughed, protecting himself from the girl before him.

The grin fell when he saw Sakura on the opposite balcony looking at him... at them. The look on her face was indecipherable.

"Sakura?" he spoke loud and clear, before she turned around, shut the doors behind her and drew the curtains closed. Syaoran turned to the living room and stormed out of his apartment.

The next thing he really registered was the noise he was making from knocking on her front door.

"Sakura!" he screamed for her. "Open up, it's me."

She did, to his surprise, open the door after that.

"What?" she questioned. "What do you want?"

Syaoran narrowed his eyes at her.

"What the hell was that back there?" he asked her, pointing at the balcony after he walked into her apartment.

"It was nothing. I was out on my balcony, you were out on yours. I'm sorry if I interrupted you." She looked away.

Suddenly, it was all so very clear. Walking to her, he'd made up his mind. He brought his hands to her shoulders and held her flush against him.

"You were the one who decided it was over." Syaoran reminded. "You said you couldn't trust me, and that was that. Don't you remember?"

"Perfectly," Sakura answered with a shove to his chest. Syaoran did not budge.

"That automatically gives you no right to be jealous,"

"I am not jealous!"

"Don't even bother denying it. I may not have known you for long, but I know you well enough to know that right now, you're jealous and seething inside." Syaoran loosened his grip on her before realizing what he felt was elation at the fact that the woman he loved still cared enough to get jealous. If she'd been jealous, which in itself was a long shot, but supposing she was... then that meant...

Syaoran didn't bother with any lies, or games. He had to be open with her if he had any chance at all. Sure, nothing was going on between him and Lillian. Hell, nothing was going on between him and any other girl in the planet as far as he was concerned but, if it helped Sakura see, if it helped her realize that maybe she still wanted to be with him, then why not?

"I saw with your ex one day," Syaoran started slowly. "I wanted to kill him."

Sakura blinked. "When was this?"

"I don't know, someday last week."

She didn't say anything.

Did she feel the same way?

The two stood staring at each other when the phone rang. Sakura moved to get it, but Syaoran stopped her.

"Let the machine get it," Syaoran told her in a low voice, his head nearing hers. The magnetic feel of the kiss that was yet to occur was too strong to ignore. Syaoran was going to kiss her right this second, with or without her permission. How much he'd craved for this very moment, how many times he'd envisioned and dreamed of it in his head? He wasn't letting it go, he decided, as his hands went through her hair, making her breathe deep. God, she felt so good against his fingers, so much better than she ever had before. After so many days of separation, all he wanted to do was kiss her, long, deep and hard. It was probably a subconscious effort of making what could be their last kiss the best they'd ever have.

Just as his lips moulded with hers, a voice filled the air.

"Sakura?" It was a man's voice. "It's me. I know it's been a while but I thought I should call you today.

"I miss you Sakura, more than I can say, and I hope you've forgiven me. I love you. You can reach me at this number. I'm back in Tomoeda, at our house.

"I'm sorry, Sakura. I'm sorry for the way things were then. I know there's nothing I can do or say to make any of this alright but I'm hoping... I want to see you, Sakura. Call me, please."

There was a beep and that was the end.

"Who was that?" Syaoran asked then. Sakura shook her head and pulled away without a sound.

Syaoran had made up his mind though. He was not going to back down. Today, he'd get his answers, even if it was the last thing he did.

Filled with so much hatred

Such a tired game.

It's enough, I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons,

I've seen you do the same.

QUESTION: Have you ever gotten back with someone after breaking up with them?

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