-Zelda

I waited anxiously in the hallway for the Mage to come out of the dungeon. I was acting worse than the maids. I wanted to listen in, but the heavy doors prevented any sound from the dungeon to escape.

When the Mage came out of the dungeon, I blurted, "Is he coming out?!" Of course, it wasn't like we could just walk Link out of the dungeon in broad daylight in front of everyone. We would need a plan, but knowing Link would cooperate was all I needed to know.

The Mage gave me a grim look before shaking his head. "He needs time," he said, as he came closer to Lance and I. He turned his disapproving gaze at me. "What did you do to him?" he asked.

I took a step back, somehow intimated by my old teacher. "W-what do you mean?"

"You've got him thinking that you're in love with him!"

"Oh," I felt my face turn bright red. I couldn't remember the last time I had blushed so madly. "Well, you know... how sometimes things get..."

"I am very disappointed in you, Your Majesty."

"Nothing's happened in a while!"

"You knew the consequences for your actions!" and I sure wasn't expecting it, but he smacked me over the head with his walking stick.

"Whoa, whoa," Lance stepped in between us. "Senior citizen," he addressed the Mage, giving the small man a look over. "It's against my responsibilities to let you discipline your student that way. Please go in a more nonviolent direction that's preferably humiliating."

"I see your bodyguard has not changed." The Mage turned to me. "You have to convince Link that you don't have feelings for him. He's here for you." He pointed his stick at me.

"But, how-" I stammered.

"Tell him!"

"I don't think I can."

The Mage sighed. "I know you're stronger than this, Zelda. If you don't think you can make Link believe you, make it true so you're not lying. As for your husband-"

"Did you take a look at him?" I was glad that we were now changing the subject.

"He's not sterile. I tested him."

I sighed in relief.

"What he is though, is terrified of you. What do you do to these men?!"

I put a hand over my chest. "Nothing!"

"For the Three's sakes!" The Mage fumbled around in his pockets. "I never heard of you having this sort of problem in the past. Here. Take this."

He placed a turkey baster in my hands. "What is... Why the... shouldn't you be giving this to my husband?" I tried to hide it a little from Lance, hoping that he wouldn't know the kitchen tool's new purpose.

"Oh no, Dear. You'll be the one using it. Leave you husband to do his job alone."

Of course Lance was too smart. He pointed at me and laughed. "HA! You have to fuck yourself with a turkey baster."

"Shut up!" I swung it at him.

"AH! Don't touch me with it!"

I sat in front of my vanity, trying to practice my neutral face in the mirror. I tried not to lie outright if I didn't have to, but keeping the truth from people was something I could be rather good at. I held many secrets. It was always safer the less people knew about things, especially potentially dangerous people.

I didn't like lying or keeping things from Link, but I would have to admit, I did it all the time. I never told him I loved him, but of course, my actions around him told him other wise. Link wasn't stupid. He knew me too well. I couldn't just waltz down there and say, 'Sorry, but you must have misunderstood our relationship. I don't love you.'

"I don't love you," I said out loud to my reflection. Of course it was easy to say it to the bitch in the mirror.

I couldn't simply say I felt nothing for Link at all. No one would buy that. I could blame my bad behavior on lust alone. Yes, I could try that. I could tell him that I had lusted over him, but I was over that now. I hadn't had any sort of inappropriate behavior with him for years now. It should be pretty obvious that I was over him.

Of course I still cared about him, too... like a friend or a brother or something.

This was not going to be easy. The Mage had told me to make myself believe I no longer loved Link. I had been trying to pretend not to for as long as I could remember, but actually convincing myself a lie was another matter indeed. How could I?

I tried to think of all of Link's bad qualities, finding none. What did I hate about him? That he continued to leave me and not show his face for years to come? Yet he always came back to me. He was always so loyal and devoted and kind and beautiful and good-No. Stop that. I shouldn't think about him at all, I decided. I should pretend that I was talking to someone else entirely.

And of course denying the affections of any other man was easy. I was married after all. I was royalty, I couldn't just go gallivanting with some common man. How silly that would be!

But of course none of that had ever stopped me before, not when it had been Link. Now there was no more room for silliness. I needed to produce an heir, and all this nonsense that Link had created was distracting. I looked over at the appalling turkey baster that I had left on the vanity table. Maybe, if I told Link I was already with child, he'd realize I didn't need all this, leave me alone and go home. Maybe if I could convince him I was happy without him, happy to be a mother without him, in love with my child and no longer cared for the lust I had over him, he would believe me.

I did not love Link. I lusted over him. I was lonely and needed his companionship. With my child, I would no longer be lonely. I could replace any admiration I had for Link with that of my beautiful unborn child. I placed a hand over my stomach. I normally gave birth to girls. I loved little girls, but I was sort of hoping for a change this time. Maybe a boy, a boy like Link.

It might have seemed rather absurd to purposely have myself fall in love with a child that did not even exist yet. You couldn't purposely fall in love with anything, but I was a wonderful actress. I had been playing parts for millions of years, and had millions of experiences, millions of feelings. I could picture this child. I have had so many before, and it was easy for me to create this little boy.

I had always been very protective of all my children. All the people were my children and Link was just one of them, one of them that was causing a problem for my other son. Sometimes, you had to isolate yourself to fix a problem. You mustn't have any feelings that would sway you into making possibly the wrong decision.

Unfeeling.

Now. I was going to send Link home. I stood, picking up my crown and placing it on my head. The Queen's power was nothing compared to the power of a goddess, but there was no need for godly powers here. I was dealing with mortals, my subjects, and they would obey me.

I went to the dungeon, walking calmly and slowly, gathering my strength. As I entered the cold dank space, I felt an uncomfortable chill that I didn't have the last two times I had rushed down here to talk to Link. I felt my stomach turning, too. It did not matter. I did not deserve to be comfortable. I had worked to do.

Link lifted his head eagerly when he realized it was me. "Zelda?" and his voice sounded too hopeful, too desperate. "Zelda, have you been talking to the Mage recently? He's been saying some shit, that just doesn't make sense. I don't believe him, so I guess it doesn't really matter, but I was sort of wondering if maybe you believed him."

I stared at Link with my Queen face and said nothing. Truly, I wasn't sure what he was talking about, but I couldn't leave my Queen mind frame to ask questions.

"You don't... you don't think that I only love you because the Goddesses made it so, do you?"

I had never thought of that. The Mage had never told me such a theory, but I showed no shock to the news. I did not react to the feelings that such a thing would give me. I made myself feel nothing. I didn't even really think about the statement that much at all. The Mage must have told Link. I didn't care to think if the Mage said it, whether that meant that it was true or not. If the Mage told Link, the Mage wanted Link to believe it, whether it was true or otherwise.

"It would make lots of sense, don't you think?" I did not think of how much it made sense. I couldn't. I glossed over it in my mind and it seemed perfect. How else could a mortal man love me so long? But I did not think long enough to feel.

I saw Link's eyes widen slightly at me with hurt, but then I saw them narrow in anger. "Oh, so that is what you think, is it? You think I'm cursed? Like I'm fucking diseased?!"

I merely raised one eyebrow at his anger, as if his anger was shameful of him and I was indifferent. "Considering your interest in me has always seemed to exceed your duty and that of a normal love a subject should have for his queen, then yes, maybe some divine help has happened."

"That's fucking bull shit! Then explain yourself to me! Is your love for me divine?"

"No-"

"No. No it's not. At least that's what the Mage said. He said that it's impossible for you to love me because you don't have mortal feelings."

Now, I wasn't going to go on defending myself and claiming I had feelings when I was trying to do just the opposite, so I rolled my eyes at him and deemed the whole thing nonsensical. "Link," I said calmly. "What are you trying to prove here?"

"Well, I thought it was pretty obvious."

"Well, it is not, Link."

He looked at me steadily, confidently. "What we're doing is wrong. If we're unhappy, it can't be right!"

"I'm sorry Link, but are you happy in that cell?"

"Yes," he growled back at me. I glared at him. "Know why? Because I get to see you all distraught. It proves to me that I'm right. You're not happy with our situation."

"I think you have misunderstood my emotions. I am unhappy about the situation, but only the one that you have caused. I am unhappy about all the excess problems you are causing me, and are always causing me, but besides the little temper tantrum you are having, I am perfectly content."

"That's your problem, Zelda. You're just going to ignore that you're unhappy because you think that's the right thing to do."

"I am not ignoring the problem! I never ignore problems. Your mistake is what the actual problem is. I was perfectly happy before you stormed my castle."

"You're lying."

"The Herkinson problem was finally gone. I was making progress with my husband's relationship with me. The kingdom's in relative peace, still at the peak of a booming era. It's the perfect time for me to raise an heir. It would have been a perfect time to raise an heir ten years ago, or even twenty years ago, but you keep coming back, causing me problems!"

"So you're blaming your lack of an heir on my presence? You know that has nothing to do with it. If anything, you have prolonged it yourself because you feel the same way as I do."

"I feel the same way as you?"

"Yes."

I shook my head. "No, Link. I don't."

"You don't? You're going to stand there and tell me that you don't love me?"

Link was so sure of himself, that I think he said the statement as a rhetorical question. I said nothing for a long while. Neither did Link. He was too busy thinking, thinking on the best way of what he wanted to say next.

I caught his eye, which is something he normally did first. "I don't... love you," I made myself say. At first I wasn't sure if I made it sound convincing enough, but my voice was low and serious, if a bit slow. I wanted him to understand.

He just stared back at me for a long time, with no reaction at all.

I wasn't sure if he understood, so I said it again. "I'm not in love with you, Link. Not anymore."

"Not anymore?"

"I don't know if ever, okay? With all of our encounters, I do not know if I ever felt love. I have never said it, never felt it."

And that's when I saw Link pale. I realized I had hit a sore spot. A spot unintentionally made, but made all the same and I was going to use it.

Link had never questioned it. All the times he had confessed his feelings for me, I never said anything back. Sometimes I could feel him waiting for it, or wondering, but he never pushed it. He always accepted what he had, whatever that might have been. I realized now that he took my silences as my own confessions. He truly had thought I had loved him.

"You..." He swallowed, not knowing how to finish the sentence.

"I don't really have anything else to say."

"Why?" he asked. "Why did you... Just why?"

"Link," I told him calmly. "We were young. We're going to be bound to each other if we like it or not. I care for you as a person. With everything you've done, of course I care, but that doesn't mean I'm in love with you."

"But-"

"You're all I've known. I've always felt comfortable around you. Being forced to marry men continuously older than me, I craved the feeling of being with a younger man. You were all that I knew. Maybe I used you out of lust, but-"

He scoffed. "Lust?"

"But, you seemed to see me out of lust as well, and it went beyond our control. You must admit that the dangerousness of our relationship was what made it so attractive in the first place."

"It was always more than just lust for me. I could-I could have any other girl. I could love anyone else, who was just as beautiful, just as smart, just as... dangerous or alluring or whatever you want to call it. It would have been a hell of a lot easier, too, but I just can't-"

"You can Link. You-"

"No I fucking can't, Zelda!" He screamed at me. I tried to keep my knees from buckling. "Is this just like a fling for you that you can easily forget about? You're admitting it's a little bit harder than that, because you know I'm also your best friend, but to me it's nothing like that. It's so way beyond any normal relationship. To me, it's not like, or I had sex with my best friend, and now things are gonna be weird, or, whoops, I accidentally had a fling with my Queen, that's not going to go well. It's NOTHING like that. I've always loved you... You were never my friend. You were never my princess, my queen or my goddess. You were my entire world. There was no Hyrule for me. There wasn't anything. You were my country. You were my home. I did everything I did in your name!"

Link-"

"You think I enjoy this?! Do you think I enjoy getting myself killed for you, or never having a normal life, or keeping any of my friends or family?! You don't even have a clue! You somehow managed to separate yourself from every human life and don't feel when they're gone. Maybe the Mage was right! You are inhuman!"

I just stare back at Link as he went on, accepting everything he said as I watched him break. I've been bitched out before by many high and important men, and I had never cared about what they had to say before. I had to briefly remind myself that I didn't care what Link had to say either.

"It seems like you're finally starting to come to your senses," I said.

"Senses?! Like I even had any senses to begin with!"

"Start getting some sense, then Link!" I commanded. "Whether what the Mage says is true or not, the fact of the matter is still the same. You need to accept that the emotions you are feeling are wrong and must be ignored."

"Zelda," Link said desperately. "Can you talk to me honestly? Tell me how you feel, not what you think. Please, I just need to know that for sure."

"I am being honest."

"I need to talk to the true Zelda, not Queen Zelda."

"Zelda..." I said, and the name suddenly sounded foreign to me. "The name Zelda is only a name that mortals give me. I am as I am. This is me. The true me may very well be Hylia, which I'm certain you will not want to talk to."

"Please, I know you're hiding your true feelings. Tell me right now how you feel about me? Would you care if I died tomorrow?"

"I think that it's weak of you, but you would only be reborn so it would not affect our duties."

"Yea, what if I wasn't reborn?"

"I suppose a new hero would have to be chosen. Maybe it should be. This one's weak."

I could visibly see Link breathing, heavy enough to show, but not loud enough to hear. "Good. Maybe I want out."

"That's not what you want, Link," I said calmly. So calm that my statement and wishes became fact to both him and I. "You would not give up your role to someone else. It is your purpose. It is all you have left." I did not panic because I knew I was right.

He became angry because he also knew I was right. "Shut up! Like you know anything about purpose. You've never felt purposeless in your entire existence! You don't know what it's like to have nothing!"

I said nothing. I did not know. I wasn't Link. I didn't know what it was like to be him.

He wasn't looking at me, his glare on the dirty stone floor. He looked up once and almost seemed to wince when he saw I was still standing there. "Maybe you should just leave and go back to ruling your fucking country!" Now I could hear his breath coming out in ragged gasps, like he was too angry to breathe. He was so upset, I worried he could choke himself on it.

I did leave. I didn't want to see him choke. I feared if I stayed too long, he would die. Die right there of no real logical cause.

Step one, the hardest, was finished. Link's pain should revert to some form of anger to help protect himself. I didn't know if it was enough for him to hate me. It was hard to imagine him hating anyone, but I hoped, in the time he spent in that cell, he would learn to hate me enough to want to leave the castle. Eventually he would heal, but the lesson he was taught, I hoped it left something of an emotional scar to keep this from ever happening again. Link would always remember with feelings first.

Let this feeling be remembered, I prayed.

Betaed by Illusore