Oceans and the Afterlife

Even though the tunnel didn't narrow as it carried them deeper and deeper underground, Jasmine almost felt the massive weight of the unfathomable tons of mountain looming over her head, pressing down on her, threatening to crush the life out of her. The soft, faint row of lights lining the ceiling did little to dampen the toxic threat of a panic attack creeping along her spine, making her muscles tight, leaving her with the desire to flee.

And therein laid the problem—the real problem—she couldn't flee just then. A dozen other people pressed in behind her and another dozen ahead of her, bodies huddled together wall to wall, blocking her escape. If not for the warmth of Thane's shoulder against hers, and the smile on Kolyat's face every time he looked at her, she'd really be crawling out of her skin and pushing her way back through the crowd, no matter how many guts she needed to ram her elbow into or toes she had to step on to get back out.

The air felt cooler and damper in the tunnels, getting worse the farther they went, taking them closer to the ocean. She narrowed her eyes at Thane, watching him for any sign of discomfort, but he only caught her gaze and smiled, pressing against her shoulder a little more. She grinned, his smile easing some of her tension, and leaned into him, returning his covert affectionate gesture.

Scanning the crowd before glancing over at Kolyat, she let out an exaggerated huff of a sigh. "I'm pretty sure we've been walking all day, how much further?"

The young drell cocked his brow ridge at her, looking every bit as if he were the adult and she a child in need of humoring. "We have not been walking all day, but we are nearly there."

She sucked in a deep breath and blew it out, letting her lips flap together as she turned her attention forward again. Her gaze met that of a small child's, maybe three or four, leaning over a man's shoulder a little ways into the crowd. Jasmine smiled, but they hid their face against the older drell's neck.

"Kolyat's birthday is in a week," Thane said, the tone of his voice telling her that he felt as much at a loss for conversation as she did after making idle chit-chat for an hour and counting.

"Yeah?" She turned back to Kolyat and raised her eyebrows. "Any big plans to celebrate?"

He opened his mouth as if to speak, but then closed it again and shook his head.

Thane cleared his throat. "Drell don't traditionally celebrate birthdays—not the ways you're accustomed to, at least."

"When we are young, the day is spent with our mother, showing her our gratitude for giving us life." The sorrow in Kolyat's voice felt like a vise grip clamping down around one of the ventricles of her heart and twisting. He grimaced, seeming to wrestle with the emotion for a moment before swallowing, the features of his face leveling out. "When we are older, or when our mothers are with us no more, we spend the day in Arashu's temple—at least those of us who follow the old religion—until the sun has set. Then, we return home. Aunt Kelena usually prepares whatever meal I want for dinner on the evening of my birthday, and this year, I think Quinlo will join us. I hope Father will, as well, and you, too, if you are available."

"Indeed, I hoped to join you at the temple." Thane reached around Jasmine to squeeze his son's shoulder. "If you don't mind?"

"I would like that, thank you, Father." Kolyat's gaze drifted back to Jasmine, the question clear in his eyes.

"I'm available, so long as Rone and Kelena are alright with it." She glanced at Thane. "And your father, too."

Thane chuckled, his fingers brushing across the small of her back as he pulled his hand away from Kolyat and tucked it behind his back. "I'd be pleased to have you join us, of course, and I'm sure Rone and Kelena will as well."

"Then I'll be there." She grinned, glancing back at Kolyat. "Hey," she said, and bumped her shoulder against his, making him give her an odd, uncertain look. "Are we there yet?"

Kolyat chuckled and shook his head. "Almost."

"Jasmine, you're whining." Thane lifted a brow ridge, the corner of his mouth pulled up in a playful smile. "If Kolyat returns home with this new behavior, his uncle will never forgive me."

She snorted and shrugged. "I never said I'd be a good influence on him."

Kolyat scoffed. "You should hear Quinlo's brother. He is younger, only nine, and he whines constantly."

Laughing, she rolled her head back, hearing the echo off the tunnel's walls, feeling the crowd shift around her, putting a little more space between them and the crazy alien woman. Turning her attention back to Kolyat, she grinned. "I bet I can put the kid to shame, if I try."

"Ah. I urge you not to doubt her, else she'll take it as a challenge and spend the rest of the day proving it to you." Thane smirked. "Perhaps the rest of her time on Kahje."

"You underestimate me." She trapped her lip between her teeth, reveling in the twitch of his eyes widening a hair in response. "I'll spend the rest of his life proving it, if that's what it takes."

"Indeed." He glanced away from her, and then lifted his hand to point down the path. "Look, we've arrived."

Jasmine turned her attention to the front, catching the first glimpse of dark water pressed against clear glass.

Christ, how far down are we? The water looks damn near black, and how the hell did they get glass thick enough not to crack under so much pressure?

The crowd thinned as the tunnel opened up into a dim cavern, the entire far wall nothing but glass, the flicker of bioluminescence dancing on the other side. Hanar swam past, their tentacles pulling up around their bodies before shooting out behind them, propelling them through the water. Schools of brightly colored fish glowed in the illumination just before darting away from the hanar. In the depths of the ocean, the hanars' bioluminescence wasn't the faint, pastel glow she'd become accustomed to seeing from them on land, but bright and vivid, carrying far more colors than she imagined.

Kolyat led them to a bench carved from the stone of the cave wall, its angle allowing them the perfect view of the window into the ocean, and Jasmine sat down with the two of them. Whatever she expected when Kolyat told her that he wanted to take her to 'The Threshold', it certainly wasn't where she found herself. She watched the light show for a few minutes, remembering the aquariums back on Earth and reminding herself that she wasn't seeing just animals on the other side of the glass, but people, too. Seeing a hanar on the Citadel, or even moving along outside the domed city on Kahje was one thing, hell, even seeing them swim from the surface of the ocean … but seeing them as they were in front of her …. She hated herself for the mental disconnect, the fact she'd even need to remind herself the glowing entity, ensnaring a fish in long, serpentine tentacles before pulling the squirming creature to their mouth, might very well be the same person she bought groceries from the week before. But damn if they weren't beautiful, so much more graceful and ethereal in their natural environment.

The family, with the child she'd caught looking at her earlier, spread a blanket out on the floor right up against the glass. The woman sat a basket down before folding her legs beneath her and reached up, taking the kid in her arms when the man handed her the little girl—at least Jasmine thought she was a girl, based on how she dressed. Sitting down next to them, the man opened the basket and began laying out bowls and small jars.

Jasmine expected it to be food for a picnic in the basket, but instead, the drell seemed to be setting up some sort of altar. She glanced around her, noticing several other people doing the same throughout the cavern. The flicker of flames caught her eye, and then a moment later, the pungent aromas of burning herbs reached her nostrils. Pursing her lips, she suddenly felt wholly out of place, an intruder in a sanctuary where she didn't belong.

Thane caught her gaze and held it, gesturing toward the dark water in front of her. "The ocean is closely associated with one of our goddesses: Kalahira, the goddess of oceans and the afterlife." Turning a little, he glanced over his shoulder toward the wall at their left, across the expansive cavern. "Officially, this place is called Enkindler's Grotto, but we call it Kalahira's Threshold. Many like to come here to feel closer to those they've lost. It's thought the incense might entice their spirits to cross the sea again to visit."

"Why two names?" Jasmine squinted her eyes at the wall, barely able to tell over the distance that something was different about the stone, lights in the floor casting it in eerie shadows.

"Originally, The Threshold was created as a place where drell could look upon the hanar, the saviors of our people, as they are meant to be seen," Kolyat said, pulling her attention back to him. "With the island already called Enkindler's Pass, Enkindler's Grotto seemed like a natural choice for the hanar, and so it was recorded as such. In time, as our traditions started to fade and with our temples forever left behind on Rakhana, our people began gathering at Enkindler's Grotto to pray and commune with the spirits of their loved ones. Eventually it became known as Kalahira's Threshold, or more simply, The Threshold, but the records remain the same." He leaned back against the cool stone and draped an arm over the side before flashing a wide grin at her. "At least that is what we are taught in our history lessons."

Jasmine arched a brow, finding his grin infectious. "That was straight out of your classes' textbook, wasn't it?"

He dipped his head. "Indeed."

She chuckled, but she still couldn't shake the feeling she didn't belong there. Whether it's original intent was in service to the glorification of the hanar or a goddess, the place was holy to the people around her. It'd be like a drell tourist sitting in for Sunday service … or maybe crashing a funeral for a stranger back on Earth.

Thane leaned over, whispering in her ear, "Relax, siha, you are perhaps more welcome here than anywhere else on Kahje."

Keeping her voice just as low, she asked, "Why's that?"

"Because you've also lost people you care about, and despite whatever differences there are between humans and drell, in the end we're all the same. We all die; entropy always wins." He inhaled, a small hum leaving his throat as he pulled away from her and sat back.

She swallowed, fighting back the urge to take his hand in hers and never let go.

Thane followed just a few steps behind, listening as Kolyat named various sea creatures swimming past the glass while he led Jasmine along the wall. As much as he loved interacting with his son and seemed to perpetually long for Jasmine's touch, he found he liked their current dynamics quite well: him little more than a shadow moving behind them, watching over them as they bonded. A place he was familiar with, after all, he spent much of his time in the same position with Irikah …. However, this time, he made a point to not only protect but to learn, hoping to soak up some of Jasmine's innate, interpersonal skills.

"The blue and yellow one right there is a bastial." Kolyat pressed his finger to the glass. "When we catch fish, we return the bastials because they are favored by the hanar."

"What about this one?" Jasmine pointed at a red and gray su'tine.

Something told Thane that she didn't really care about the names and natures of the fish, but she gave Kolyat her rapt attention and asked questions nevertheless, smiling at his answers, gaze following wherever he directed. He seemed more than content playing tour-guide, perhaps it was all the reason and reward she needed. Indeed, there might be a lesson in there for Thane.

"Su'tine." Kolyat glanced at her, waiting for her to meet his gaze before continuing, "They are toxic for you or I, but the hanar are able to eat them."

They walked a little further, stopping again when they neared more fish, picking at the algae growing on the other side of the glass. Jasmine glanced over her shoulder at Thane and smiled, discreetly waving her hand where Kolyat wouldn't see, beckoning Thane closer. Dipping his head and returning her smile, he moved a little closer and rested his hand on Kolyat's shoulder.

Kolyat glanced at Thane briefly, his smile warm and peaceful before he turned his attention back to the glass, pointing. "These are called mindfish. I am told the hanar eat them as a means of recreational intoxication, but they have little to no effect on drell."

"However, they have a quite potent effect, more so than with the hanar, on some other species," Thane said, making an attempt to contribute to the conversation. "Asari, batarian, volus, and humans will experience hallucinations for an entire day or more. Not so much krogans and salarians; krogans have a naturally high tolerance towards most substances and salarians tend to metabolize the secretions too rapidly for them to experience a prolonged effect. Turians and quarians can't consume them, of course. I don't know how what effect they have on elcor or vorcha."

Eyes sparkling, Jasmine pressed her lips into a thin line and looked away, the expression perplexing to him until a reedy giggle escaped her control a heartbeat later. Her shoulders jerked with her laughter, and she clamped a hand down over her mouth. Soon, both she and Kolyat were snickering, leaving Thane puzzled.

"Ah," he said, thinking he might understand his blunder. "Perhaps this is not the most appropriate topic." He glanced at Kolyat. "I suppose I should've discouraged you from discussing intoxicating substances as opposed to providing you with more information on their effects."

"Well, I mean ..." Jasmine took a deep breath, and cleared her throat, seeming to regain her composure. "... I think maybe if anything a conversation on their negative effects and why he shouldn't use them."

Kolyat turned and patted Thane's shoulder. "Do not worry, Father. I have heard far more from Uncle Drali, and Uncle Rone has already discussed with me the things Jasmine speaks of."

"Indeed?" Thane tucked his hands behind his back. "Perhaps I'd be better served having such a conversation with Drali, then."

Kolyat grinned, turning back to the fish, already pointing at another. Just then, a hanar stopped swimming, remaining next to the glass in Thane's peripherals. He turned, taking in the hanar, noting the deep, still-healing gouges etched into his flesh.

"This one remembers you," the hanar said using his bioluminescence to communicate through the glass. "This one is grateful to you and the human."

Thane bowed to the hanar, and he swam away.

"Father, what does he mean?" The confusion in Kolyat's voice left Thane scrambling for an explanation.

Turning back to Kolyat, Thane cleared his throat and absently waved his hand, hoping he wouldn't need to outright lie to his son. "He was in trouble on the Citadel, so Jasmine and I helped him." He could see the next question forming just on the tip of Kolyat's tongue.

"It was actually really embarrassing," Jasmine cut in, drawing Kolyat's attention to her. "I got hurt in the process and was laid up in bed for days, so maybe we can talk about something else?"

Kolyat dipped his head to her, tucking his hands behind his back. "Of course, my apologies."

And with that, the conversation was over—if not forgotten. Kolyat started walking again, and Thane took a cleansing breath, offering Jasmine a soft smile to show his gratitude. She winked at him before following Kolyat.

Not for the first time since arriving at Kalahira's Threshold, Thane became aware of more than a few distantly familiar faces watching him as he scanned the crowd. His name and Irikah's, whispered in pitied tones, echoed back to him from across the chamber, twisting his insides into painful knots. Oh, he knew they didn't mean to cause him any grievance, they probably didn't even realize their voices were carrying, and surely most wouldn't be expected to pick out specifics over the noise of the crowd. Of course they were shocked to see him, but still, it hurt. He remained steadfast, keeping the emotions from his face, as he started walked. He only hoped Kolyat didn't hear the whispers in his distraction; he prayed their voices didn't carry across the sea to Irikah's ears.

Perhaps she's watching me even now. What must she think of me, bringing Jasmine here with our son?

He expected people to recognize him when he returned to Enkindler's Pass. Though he'd been careful not to use his name in any legal manner—using an alias when he checked into the hospital and rehabilitation center, relying on the credits in his alias' account for all purchases, anything that might be tracked—there were people here who knew him … before Irikah died and he left. He thought it inevitable, especially while with Kolyat, for someone to identify him as Thane Krios. Had he spent more time at home, with his wife and child, instead of in other solar systems for weeks at a time, there'd likely be far more people still in Enkindler's Pass who knew his name … knew he'd abandoned his son after his wife was murdered in their home.

He ignored them and the pain it caused, instead, keeping his focus on the only two people in the room who could possibly matter to him. It wasn't too difficult until Kolyat stopped in his tracks, his face turned to the ground beneath his feet, shoulders folding in on themselves.

"Perhaps we should go, Father." Jaw clenching, fists balling up at his sides, tears welled in the corners of his eyes when he turned to look at Thane.

Anger flared, white-hot inside of Thane. Who were these people to make his son feel so unwelcome? He took a deep breath, using it to anchor himself, to still the rising tide before it swept him away.

"What? What happened? Oh God, did I say something wrong?" Panic painted Jasmine's voice with sour tones, something he'd only heard there twice before: the night he nearly died and the night they first kissed.

It only added to his ire, because hearing fear in her voice made him want to reach out to her, pull him against his chest and assure her all was well, but he couldn't do that, not in front of Kolyat. Not yet. Her gaze bounced back and forth between him and Kolyat, brow furrowed, mouth contorted as if she bit the inside of her cheek.

Kolyat blinked several times before looking at her. "No … I—I just do not want to be here any longer."

Thane looked past Kolyat, spotting two young men, no more than two or three years older than Kolyat, but old enough to be considered adults in many circles—making their behavior that much more abhorrent. They stood, leaning against the relief of Kalahira carved into the wall, the floor lights meant to shine on an image of the divine lit their faces instead, faces twisted into cruelty as they watched his son. One of them met Thane's gaze and snickered, looking back at his friend before jerking his head in Thane's direction.

When Thane's face stilled, shifting into a mask as cold and rigid as the mountain enveloping them, the hairs on the back of Jasmine's neck stood on end. Following his gaze, her jaw snapped closed hard enough her teeth rattled inside her head, and she stared daggers at the two drell. The trained assassin and the street rat fought a war within her, one insisting she not draw any more attention to herself while the other wanted nothing more than to knock their teeth down their throats.

She pulled in a slow, deep breath, remembering all the asshole bullies she'd dealt with in her past. Chasing her down on the playground, shoving her back and forth between them while taunting her about her father, saying he left because he hated Jasmine. Kids in the orphanage cornering her in the bathrooms, making her fight to keep what few belongings she held on to from home. Jaded teenagers, high out of their minds and living on the streets, spitting in her face and calling her weak when she cried at night, missing home, missing her mother. Of course, she could never forget The Yankee, Mr. Mysterious, and Blondie. She'd like to say none of them would ever forget her either, but The Yankee wouldn't be remembering anyone, long dead in his grave with Geoffrey's bullet in his head.

"We can go, if you wish," Thane said, his voice taking on the same soothing quality he used with her whenever she became upset.

Snapping her gaze back to him, she shook her head. "No."

He blinked, lips parting as he looked at her, the light just enough for her to catch the flicker of movement of his eyes as he searched her face.

Licking her lips, she took another deep breath and turned her attention to Kolyat, putting her hand on his shoulder. He flinched, but then stilled beneath her touch, watching her with a clear mixture of shock and curiosity.

"Kolyat, listen to me. I know you don't really know me, so you've got no real reason to trust what I'm telling you, but I hope you will anyway." She glanced back at the two drell leaning against the mural. "Those assholes over there aren't worth your time." Holding his wide-eyed gaze, she continued, "Forgive my language, but they're not. I know people like them, I've dealt with far too many in my life, and I'm telling you now, if you leave because of them, it'll only get worse. Don't run." She wanted to add 'never run', but maybe that was a little too much for the kid just then. Besides, with what he'd been through and who his father was, there very well might be a time when it's either run or die.

"Hold your head up high and do what you came here to do." She offered him a lopsided smile, hoping her tone came across as more encouraging and less manic. "Enjoy spending time with your father and educate the alien on the local wildlife, okay?"

He glanced from her to his father, and she turned her head to look at Thane, too, dropping her hand back to her side. Thane watched her, the weight of his gaze enough to make her want to grab his lapels and beg him to trust her. Just as she thought he'd surely insist they leave, he dipped his head.

Thank you.

"Jasmine makes an excellent point," he said, lifting his gaze to hers before glancing at his son, "but the choice is yours, Kolyat."

Kolyat lowered his gaze, appearing to study his father's feet for a moment before nodding. Chewing on her lip, she held her breath, praying she didn't just make a huge mistake. His shoulders lifted, squaring, and he looked at her, tucking his hands behind his back. "I wanted to show you the kin'lu growing near the glass," he said, turning back around, gaze fixed on the water, and started walking again.

She grinned, relief and pride flooding her and glanced at Thane. He smiled at her, the soft, gentle upturn of his lips he seemed to save just for her and held his hand out, gesturing for her to follow Kolyat.

"Where would you like to go for dinner?" Thane slid his arm around her waist as they stopped at the cab stand and put in a call for a taxi. As much as he loved spending time with his son, and seeing the two of them together, it relieved him to be able to feel her warmth beneath the palm of his hand once more.

Turning into him, she draped her arms over his shoulders and pressed her lips to his. He hummed, pleased by her unexpected kiss and pulled her in a little closer, tongue meeting hers when she opened her mouth to him. Lifting a hand to her face when her lips left his, he caressed her cheek. "What's that for?"

"Didn't think I needed a reason," she said, scraping her teeth over her lip, "but, because I love you."

He leaned in and kissed her again, a chaste brush of his lips against hers. "And I you, siha."

She beamed at him, eyes full of the love she just professed. "The place we ran into Drali at was good. How about there?"

"Whatever you like." He pulled away from her and opened the skycar's door for her when it arrived. He waited for her to climb inside before settling into the seat next to her, closing the door, he entered the address of the restaurant.

Scooting a little closer as the auto-pilot took over, lifting the cab into the air, she leaned against his side, pulling his arm around her. "I hope I didn't upset you earlier, with what I said to Kolyat."

"It surprised me, but it didn't upset me." He rubbed her arm, bare skin smooth as silk beneath his fingers. "I'm glad he decided to take your advice, I believe it was the right thing to do, it just pained me to see him upset."

"Yeah … I kinda wanted to go kick their asses." She snuggled in closer to him, pressing her face against his chest.

He kissed the top of her head. "As did I."

She snorted, tilting her head back to look at him. "Kolyat would've loved that." She shrugged as much as possible without pulling away from him. "Or been completely embarrassed and told you he hates you. With kids his age, you can never tell."

Thane chuckled. "He has far better things to hate me for, it amazes me he doesn't." Rubbing her arm again, he swallowed. "I owe you a debt of gratitude I don't think can ever be truly repaid."

She reached up, her hand tracing the curve of his jaw. "You don't owe me anything, Thane. You owed him, but you're doing right by him now."

"I owe you everything." Ducking his head down, he pressed his lips to hers before she started to argue.

She giggled against his lips, obviously understanding his ploy, but shifted to her knees, using them as leverage to claim his mouth completely. Moaning in approval, he hooked his hand behind one of her legs and pulled her over to sit on his lap. She wove her fingers through his crest, using the ridges to control the movements of his head, leaving him more than happy to submit to her will.

She tugged his head back, tearing her lips away from his. "You." She kissed him again. "Do." Her teeth nipped his lip, pulling a low, hungry groan from him. "Not." Tongue darting out, she licked the place she just bit. "Owe." Her lips brushed back and forth over his. "Me." She stopped and stared into his eyes, making him want to pull her back to him, but he knew she was serious. "Anything."

He cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb over her lips. "Very well, siha." But he did. He knew it, and he'd never forget everything she'd done for him, reuniting him with Kolyat, giving him back a reason to live, and healing his wounded soul.

The skycar dropped, settling itself on the platform, but she didn't move from his lap, holding his gaze a moment longer. She sighed, a soft breath he barely heard, and kissed him again. Letting go of his head, she wrapped her arms around his neck and nestled her face down against the side of his. Splaying his fingers out over her back, he pulled her a little closer and just held her there, sitting in the silence.

After a moment she pulled away and let out another sigh, far more exaggerated than the last. "Come on, I'm starving."

Laughing, he let her go, and she slid from his lap. He opened the door and stepped out before turning around and holding his hand out to her, helping her from the cab. Keeping hold of her hand, he led her inside, and within two minutes they were seated at a table, looking over the menu.

He glanced over at her, smiling at the way she moved her lips around whenever she tried to decide between several appealing options. "Tell me something about yourself."

She turned her attention to him, eyebrows lifting. "Like what?"

Considering for a moment, he leaned back in his chair. A few seconds later he waved his hand toward the table they'd occupied the last time they were at the restaurant. "Tell me about Las Vegas. I gathered you were there the same time as Drali, and for some reason this bothered you until you learned where exactly he stayed during his visit. What happened there?"

"Hmmm. You're getting too good at reading me. I'll have to work on that." She looked back at the menu, entering her order into the datapad. "I spent six weeks seducing a very wealthy, very famous man, Heinrich Schneider. I was his constant companion, visiting all of the major casinos, bars, theaters … until he gave me the information I needed." Glancing back up at Thane, the corner of her mouth lifted. "And then I killed him."

Using sex as a means to get closer to a target wasn't an unfamiliar concept for him, he'd been trained to do the same, and in fact had done the same a time or two before he met Irikah. But never since. It didn't surprise him to learn Jasmine employed the same methods, but spending six weeks with a target in such an intimate way seemed … excessive. Propping his elbows on the table, he clasped his hands together and rested his fingers against his lips. He watched her for a moment, weighing out his feelings on the topic, until she lifted her brows again, defiance filling her eyes.

"What?" She leaned in and folded her arms over the table.

He smiled at her, fully aware he skirted the edges of a land mine, and if he gave voice to his thoughts, it'd be the equivalent of willingly triggering the explosion while he stood right next to the device. Instead, he turned his attention to placing his order and asked, "You were concerned Drali might've seen you with this man?"

"Well, yeah." She lifted her shoulders. "It'd be awkward enough if he remembered me with another man, but if you throw in the fact I used an alias and the man ended up dead …."

"Indeed." He reached across the table, turning his palms out to her, and she took his hands. "Though, I admit, it might've been amusing to watch you explain yourself to him."

She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Ass."

He chuckled and squeezed her hands. "Tell me something else; anything else. I want to know all there is to know about you, siha."

A soft blush spread across her cheeks, and he found he enjoyed being the one to put it there.

"Um, hmm. Okay. My favorite color is purple. I'm an Aries." She chuckled when he cocked his head to the side. "Not Ares, but Aries. Sounds the same, but I'm referring to western astrology. What else? Oh, I was born in the year of the tiger; it's from the Chinese zodiac. You already know my favorite book and movie series. I—"

"Jasmine," he said with a laugh, "this is useful information, but I hoped for something more …."

"Personal?" She smiled at him, the teasing glint easing back from her eyes as she brushed her thumbs over his knuckles.

"Indeed." He dropped his gaze to their hands. "I love you. I know this with everything I am, but there's still so little I actually know about you." Lifting his head to meet her gaze once again, he found empathy and affection in her eyes.

"I love you, too, and I want you to know me … I just don't really know where to start with such an open-ended question." Tilting her head a little, she brought her shoulder up to meet her ear. "Maybe narrow it down for me a little bit?"

He hummed, a million questions running through his head before he plucked one from the masses. "When you're falling asleep at night, what do you think about?"

She blinked twice and pursed her lip. "Well, since meeting you, I've spent a lot of nights thinking about you." She grinned. "Though I have very different thoughts about you now than I once did. Some nights I think about work, or Geoffrey and his family. Rift. Sometimes, though not so often anymore, I think about my parents … until I'm in tears. I've replayed the night Leon died in my head many times since then. Last night I thought about Cerberus some. Before I met Geoffrey, my nights were mostly spent trying to figure out how I was going to eat the next day … or get more red sand. When I was little," she said, squinting and staring at the table as if it'd help her to see into the distant past, "it's hard to remember, but I think I use to fantasize about what life would be like as an adult; being able to do whatever I wanted, go wherever I wanted, eat whatever I wanted—cake for breakfast and a whole package of cream cheese for lunch." She chuckled and looked back up at him. "What about you?"

Thane cleared his throat and glanced around him before meeting her gaze once more. "Before I met you and before I felt close to you, I mostly thought about Irikah. Not—I used her memory to punish myself." He stopped to swallow, pushing away the memories threatening to rise to the surface, using the soft, consoling caress of her hand over his to anchor himself. "Over the last few months, while you were away, my last thoughts were always of you. Oh, I'd spend some time thinking about Kolyat and my treatments, maybe something one of the nurses said earlier in the day, or a conversation with Rone, but as my mind settled, I thought of you. I used your memory to keep me going, especially early on when the treatments were the most painful. The sound of your voice telling me you love me, the feel of your hand in mine, the way you smell, and taste …" He felt the heat creep into his frills, but made no attempt to hide it from her. "... I made love to you every night, and fell asleep with you in my arms."

The sheen to her eyes told him she fought back tears, and he only hoped love and fondness fueled those tears, because the last thing he wanted was to make her sad. Still, if she kept them at bay, she wouldn't want him to ask, or so he thought.

"Do you still use her memory to punish yourself?" She asked, her voice soft, barely above a whisper.

"No, not intentionally, though it is still quite painful when I think of her at times, especially if I'm with Kolyat." He let go of her hands and sat back, clearing the way when the waiter arrived with their drinks.

As soon as the waiter left again, she moved her glass aside and reached for him again with one hand. "I hope, for your sake and Kolyat's, you find a way to feel at peace when you remember her," she said when he took her hand. "Maybe even find some joy in the positive memories."

"I'd like that, and perhaps in time I will." He took a deep breath and prayed to Arashu that Jasmine didn't take offense with his next statement. "Siha … I think you may be using Leon's memory to punish yourself, as well. I understand if you never find any joy in his memory, but I don't wish to see you hurt yourself with him, either."

Hand twitching against his palm, she closed her eyes and swallowed. After several slow breaths she opened her eyes again and nodded. "Yeah, maybe a little. I still have a lot of hurt and a lot of anger toward him … and a part of me hates that I'm the one who killed him, even though I still think it was the right thing in the moment. God only knows how many more people he would've tried to kill if I didn't stop him, and I know him … knew him—there's no way in hell he'd have given up while still breathing. He wouldn't have let me bring him in, and he would've tried again to kill you and Nevas. I couldn't let that happen, and I think it'd be worse for me if you'd been the one to kill him instead."

He hadn't considered the possibility. Of course he'd have killed Leon himself if he'd needed to, but it never occurred to him that had he, Jasmine might harbor ill feelings toward him for the act. He supposed he understood why—she'd loved Leon once, and he was her handler, not to mention she felt responsible for everything that happened on Illium—but it pained him to consider if things went just a little differently, he might've lost her because of the man.

Forcing himself to chuckle, he rubbed her hand. "It's unfortunate Nevas wasn't the one to take the shot, though I suppose his death would still bother you all the same."

She snickered, the sound relieving some of the tension in his chest. "Maybe, but I don't think I'd blame her one bit. Poor woman, she was absolutely terrified. I meant to give her some explanation, but I suppose with everything else going on …. Do you think I should send her a message?"

"It depends." He took a drink from his water glass. "Do you think reaching out to her can cause you further trouble with the Alliance?"

She let out a heavy breath. "Possibly, if they knew I'd spoken to her at least. No one told me not to contact her, but it's kind of a given."

"Then no, I don't think you should take such a risk, siha. It's been months, Nevas has returned home where she wished to be, and is likely moving on with her life." He turned out his empty palm. "If you like, I can message her as Saman."

"Mmm." She shook her head. "I doubt the Alliance is able to track the use of your alias through galactic communications, but still, the last thing either of us need is to give them a chance to locate you and try to question you about that night."

"Indeed." He didn't really believe it was a risk to use the alias in such a simple way, but he didn't want to do anything to trouble her mind, either.

Looking up as the waiter approached, carrying a tray laden with their plates, Thane caught sight of the two young men they'd seen teasing Kolyat coming through the door. One of them spotted Jasmine almost immediately, and then his gaze slid to Thane. The man smirked before nudging his companion, directing the other's attention toward their table. Suppressing a frown, Thane turned his attention to the waiter, smiling and thanking him as he laid out the plates.

A minute later, they chose a table not far from his, and Thane sighed, calculating the odds of being able to enjoy his evening with the woman he loved without being harassed by thugs. Jasmine watched him, her head cocking to the side before she glanced over her shoulder. A moment later, she looked back at him, a frown etched into her face.

"Tell me something else, siha," he said, hoping to distract her from the unfortunate intrusion. "Perhaps something pleasant, a memory from when you were very young?"

She hesitated, lips parted, and glanced over her shoulder again before turning her attention back to him. "When I was four-years-old, my mother took me to London to visit relatives. I'd never been so far from home before, and to me, it felt like the grandest adventure." She smiled, the sort of lopsided, mocking lift of her lips she got when she thought something seemed foolish. "I pretended I was visiting another planet and all of the people I met were aliens I'd heard about but never met. I called my great-aunt an asari, and her husband a turian." She chuckled, bringing a smile to his face. "I embarrassed the hell out of my mother."

He chuckled, digging into his salad and lifting a bite to his mouth. "What did your great-aunt and uncle think?"

"My aunt laughed about it and said something about how it reminded her of her children when they were little." She shrugged, picking at her own plate, then her grin widened, her face lighting up. "My uncle went along with it; he spent the entire week pretending to be a turian. He fashioned a crest out of sticks and glue and wore it whenever he played with me." Smile faltering, her brow furrowed. "That's not bad is it? I mean, he wasn't trying to make fun of turians, just make a kid's vacation a little brighter. The First Contact War was over by then …."

He offered her a reassuring smile and a light shake of his head. "I don't think so."

The hushed voices from the other table began to rise, words becoming more crisp, and more hateful—clearly designed to antagonize Thane. "No, he disappeared after the funeral. There were rumors that he died, too, but obviously it is not the case."

Thane lowered his gaze to his plate, taking a steadying breath and reminding himself nothing would be gained if he were to kill them simply because they wished to hurt him. When he looked back up again, he saw fire in Jasmine's eyes.

"Perhaps he killed his wife." One of the thugs said, and Thane winced.

Jasmine pushed her chair away from the table, and Thane reached for her, fingers closing around her wrist. She smiled at him—a look no doubt meant to be reassuring—but the murderous glare in her eyes as she shirked him off tied knots in his stomach. He watched her, blood racing through his veins as fear set in, worried she might be about to do something regrettable. She turned, the wide, fake smile she used with targets plastered on her face and crossed the floor, pulling out a chair at the other table.

The two drell watched her, eyes-wide and jaws slack, as she sat down and opened her omni-tool. Her fingers ran over the holographic screen before she waved it first in front of one drell, and then the other. She typed, ignoring their sudden protests, and then a moment later showed them both the screen once more. She spoke quietly, voice too low to travel back to him, but still he watched her every move, already committed to the course of action he'd take if either of them put a hand on her.

After a moment, the two drell scrambled away from their table, frills so dark he could no longer tell they were red. With their lips pressed tight, one hastily threw a credit chit down, and they rushed for the door. Jasmine stood back up and pushed in her chair before turning, a smug smile on her face as she made her way back to their table and sat down.

Raising his brow-ridges, he leaned over the table. "What did you say to them?"

She opened her omni-tool and turned the screen to face him. She'd taken their photos and placed them in a message using the 'report' option on the extranet site for The Department of the Preservation of the Enkindler's Legacy. The message she included quite simply said the two drell were witnessed performing crude acts with prothean artifacts in the Enkindler's Pass Museum of Hanar History, and they were overheard talking about defacing the artifacts. She'd yet to send the message.

Thane blinked, wondering if she understood the seriousness of the threat. The hanar were a passive, kind people, but they had absolutely no tolerance for the kinds of things she intended to accuse those men of, and she'd be ruining their lives if she sent the message. Even if they were found innocent of the crimes, the allegations would remain in the memories of everyone around them, and no hanar would ever trust them again. It was no surprise they left as quickly as they did.

"I told them to stay away from Kolyat and his family, and I won't hit 'send.'" She shrugged, closing her omni-tool again. "And just in case they thought I wasn't serious, or if they decided to do something stupid later, I was going to hang on to their pictures and made them watch while I sent copies to 'a good friend of mine.'"

"Who did you send them to?" Thane sat back, impressed as much as he felt alarmed by her quick thinking and devious maneuver.

She smirked. "Laura Kramer."

He blinked. "Who is Laura Kramer?"

Shrugging, she picked up her glass of iced elocol. "The woman who killed Heinrich Schneider."