Lost

She sat alone in the dark. It was her own choice, she had asked them to leave her alone for a while and the respect they had for each other in her family was enough to honour her request. She was sitting against her wall on her bed with her arms around her legs and her head on her knees.

Never in her life had she felt like this, so lost and hopeless. She knew her enemies were countless and strong, but she had always thought she had a chance. She had kept hoping she might win, that she could protect her family and that she would be strong enough.

She now knew the truth. That chance was nonexistent.

There was no future for her. She was going to die and she was going to take everyone she loved with her. The pain this caused her, suffocated her. It was not easy to know your own death, but it was impossible to know the deaths of your loved ones.

She knew what she was going to do. It would be the hardest thing she ever had to do.

She had to leave them, all of them.

If her future was lost, she would be damned if she took her family and friends with her. There was still a way to protect them. She would have to get away from them and face her enemies alone. She was not afraid. She would face them with her head held high and she was going to die swinging. If she was dead, Aro and Maria had no reason to come after them anymore.

The moment these thoughts crossed her mind, she immediately knew her mistake, Alice.

The door of her room slammed open and Alice rushed in followed closely by Edward and Jasper.

'Why do I see you sneaking off in the middle of the night, Bella?' Alice accused her.

Busted! She thought, irritated with herself.

She should have known this would happen, she was smart enough to anticipate every move of her family. There was a reason she could play chess so well. She had to cover up her decision, otherwise Alice would know the minute she made a plan. She did something, she never thought she would do.

'It is nothing, it crossed my mind for a moment, but I am not going anywhere, trust me.'

She lied and it hurt her more than she ever thought possible, especially after seeing the hurt faces of Alice and Edward. The rest of the family gathered in her room, alarmed by Alice's rash actions.

'You are lying. Your mind is set, you mean to leave.' Alice answered pained. 'You never lie, Bella, never. What is going on?'

She pulled her head up from her knees and watched the faces of her family. They were not angry, mostly deeply concerned. She felt a pinch of sadness in her heart. They would always love and protect her and it meant so much to her.

She saw Emmett first, her big brother, who could always make her smile. She remembered the times they played and laughed together and how she could forget all her sorrows and dreams around him.

Rosalie was next, standing tall besides Emmett. Her big sister, who taught her to have the courage to act when necessary. Rosalie was like a lioness, protecting everything she held dear with claws and stubbornness, but she could be soft and sweet at the same time, telling her bedtime stories or combing her hair.

Esme's soft eyes answered her next. Her love and care had meant everything to her. She was so grateful for a mother with such a big heart, accepting everyone without hesitation.

Carlisle wasn't as calm as he normally was. His deep concerned look crossed hers. Right and wrong were concepts that lived strongly inside her and it was all thanks to him. He would always do the right thing and so would she, in honour of her father.

Alice still looked at her with an accusing look, expecting her to explain her sudden need to leave. She was never going to let her go without a fight. Alice wasn't as much as a big sister for her as Rosalie was, but Bella loved her immensely. She could always talk to Alice and they had so much fun together.

Her eyes went on to the two most important persons in her life, Jasper and Edward. Jasper was her best friend. She would do anything to protect him. He had always been there for her, teaching her almost everything she knew. He had such a big place in her world she couldn't imagine one without him.

And then there was Edward. She stared in his incredible handsome face and suddenly knew the truth with complete certainty. She was in love with him and everyday she would fall deeper in love with him, until there was no way back to the surface. It wasn't a crush, he was her mate in every way possible. Their souls belonged together. Even now, his eyes took her in, drowning her and letting her feel all the love she felt for him.

The knowledge gave her peace, knowing she would always feel this way, but also gave her more pain. There was no future for them. She was never going to share her life with him in the lover's way. There would be no stolen kisses, no sleeping in his arms every night and no promises of an eternal life together.

Each and every one of them was worth giving her life for, let alone all of them. She placed her head back on her knees and looked away from them. She needed to make sure Alice would not see her leave. The answer was simple, obvious. If she wanted to sidetrack Alice's visions, all she needed to do was involve some werewolves.

Instead of sneaking off at night, which only made sense when she was surrounded by a sleeping human family, she had to leave by day, preferably a sunny day.

She had the best chance on a sunny day. It was the only time, she could go out in public and her family could not.

'Great! Now your future is disappearing!' Alice said exasperated. 'Care to explain?'

She didn't hesitate with her excuse.

'It is just because I was thinking about going to La Push soon. Jake and Seth asked me to come. They wanted to show me something important.' She didn't look at Alice. 'Relax Alice, I told you I am not leaving.'

Another lie and it stung her just like the first, but she was a quick learner and this lie was not as easily discovered as her first. Alice narrowed her eyes, but because of the blanks of her vision she couldn't see the reason behind her involvement with the wolves. She couldn't see through Bella's lie. Before Alice could ask any more questions, Edward spoke.

'Could you give Bella and me a minute alone, please?'

Carlisle nodded and opened the door, letting everyone out, closing the door behind him. Edward watched her for a moment before sitting next to her on her bed. He placed a hand on the side of her neck, caressing away her hair. His thumb lightly traced her jaw line.

Inevitably her heartbeat sped up with his tender touch. She sighed softly to calm herself.

'Is someone going to hurt you?'

His question almost surprised her enough to blow her cover. It took everything not to respond physically to his question. She was suddenly glad her heartbeat was already racing because of his hand on her skin.

She took a minute to make sure she could answer him without her voice betraying her.

'No, I am fine.'

Edward sighed, but he left his hand on her neck, now gently caressing the lower side of her cheek.

'What was your dream about? We couldn't make sense of the words you said.' He asked quietly.

She knew this question was coming and she had another lie ready to use. She looked up at him and the moment her eyes met his, the words stopped in her mouth. Sitting here next to him, he was so close, it was impossible to lie to him.

'I can't tell you.' She said instead of her lie.

'Please, Bella.'

He waited, his eyes begging her to let him in. It was so hard to deny him anything. She ripped her eyes away from him and looked over her knees to the ground.

'I can't.'

She couldn't say anything else without the risk of spilling the tears she felt stinging her eyes.

'I will never let anyone hurt you.' His other hand now softly pulled up her face, forcing her to look at him. 'Never.'

Although his words meant so much to her, they were essential to the problem. If she would die, Edward would die first, trying to protect her. She was never going to let that happen.

'I love you so much.' He whispered.

The words hung heavily in the air. She knew what they meant, what he was trying to tell her. All she could do was answer them with the same sincerity.

'As I love you.'

The next day things had somewhat calmed down, although her family guarded her closer than normal.

'Alice?' Bella asked. 'When is the next sunny day?'

Alice concentrated for a moment.

'This Saturday. Why do you ask?'

'Jake and some others want to go to the beach and I promised to ask you when it would be sunny. Thanks.'

Alice smiled to her.

The next few days she lay low, acting normally and going to school with a smile on her face. Only when she was alone in her bed, she let her tears fall unchecked. She hid them well, making sure no sound of crying was made, giving her family no reason to check up on her. It worked better than expected. She had asked Jake to take her to the beach next Saturday and he had agreed immediately. She knew Jake was crazy about cars and that kind of stuff, so he would give her the contingency means after La Push. She needed to involve Jake as much as possible in her escape plans, to keep Alice in the dark. Her plan was in place.

Bella noticed that when she really didn't want time to continue, the moment she didn't want to happen only came faster. Saturday had arrived swiftly. Jake was waiting for her in the yard. Esme kissed her cheek.

'Have fun today, sweetheart.'

Edward hugged her before she went out of the door. His face was pained, she knew how hard he struggled when she wasn't in his sight.

'Please, be careful.' He whispered in her ear.

She promised and gave Edward a smile, opening the door and walking out. She didn't look back, because if she did she didn't think she could go through with it. She was very glad Jasper wasn't around or he most definitely would have felt her reluctance and sadness. She walked into the woods with Jacob and held her tears. Edward was still too close and he would see her tears in Jacob's mind if she let them fall now. After only a few seconds many werewolves came from multiple sides until she was completely surrounded by them. They greeted her with small howls and she nodded her head to them, unable to smile anymore.

Jacob disappeared a moment in the bushes and came back a wolf. He stopped in front of her and waited. Bella climbed on his back and held on tight. It wasn't the first time she had travelled on the back of one of them but it took some getting used to. She bowed over, so she was almost flat on his back, looking over his head. She was safer from the wind in that way and Jacob would have less trouble with carrying her. They arrived in La Push and her werewolves friends left to return in human form. They walked to the beach and Bella had anticipated some hours she was forced to spend on the beach, acting normally. She needed to fool the werewolves as much as she needed to fool her family. Luckily, her werewolf friends were a distracting lot. They were very skilled in having fun and it was easy to forget her troubles around them.

A few hours later most of the boys were swimming in the ocean and Bella was sitting next to Jake and Seth. This was the opportunity she was waiting for.

'Hey Jake, want to show me your new project?' She asked.

He had been bragging about it for days, so she knew what he was going to answer.

'Sure.'

She smiled, Jake was young and eager and very predictable. They got up.

'Are you coming with us, Seth?' Jake asked.

'No, I am going to get something to eat. I will see you later.'

Bella was suddenly glad for the unbelievable appetite of werewolves. It was easier if she was alone with Jake to get away. They walked to his house and to her relief Billy wasn't home. Jacob opened the garage with an eager look. In it stood an old motorcycle. Jake immediately began to tell her all about it and all the work he had done on it.

'Does it work?' She interrupted him.

'Yes, but I am legally not allowed to use it yet.' Jake answered hesitatingly.

'But you can, can't you?' If she knew Jacob and she did, he already was a star in riding the motorcycle.

'Of course, it is easy.' He answered proudly.

Oh, this was perfect, even easier than she imagined.

'Do you want to take me for a ride?' She asked.

This surprised Jacob, she could see it in his face, but she pretended to be excited and gave him an eager smile.

'Where do you want to go?' He asked, slightly confused.

'Let's go to Port Angeles. I want to buy a surprise present for Esme and we can be back before diner. It is such a nice day to go riding.'

This was enough to convince him.

'Alright, I will go tell the others.'

Bella couldn't have that, they would probably insist on going with them.

'Why? We will only be gone for a few hours. Aren't you strong enough to protect me by yourself?'

She flinched from her own words. It hurt her so much to manipulate Jacob. If there was any other choice she wouldn't have involved him in this.

'Of course I am, but you have to wear the helmet.' He said strongly and handed her a helmet.

That compromise suited her perfectly. She placed the helmet on her head and followed Jacob outside with his motorcycle. He pushed it to the road and sat down. He pushed the engine a few times and after four tries it roared to life. Another proud smile beamed on his face. Bella quickly sat down behind him and closed her arms around his middle.

'Hold on tight!' He shouted above the noise.

She grabbed his middle tighter and he stepped from the road. They rode off with a quick pace.

Bella sighed relieved when only forty-five minutes later they arrived in Port Angeles. So far, so good. Jacob was a good driver and he was very fast, enjoying speed just like her family did. He stopped in the middle of town and turned around to her.

'Where to?' He asked.

'Can you take me to the harbour?'

He furrowed his brow.

'I thought you needed to buy a gift.'

'Yes, but can we go and watch the ferries first? I love ferries.'

She did love to watch the ferries, so it wasn't a total lie.

'Sure.'

He started up again and continued their path. A few minutes later they were in the harbour. The sun shone brightly on the water and the ferries were sharply contrasted with the blue water. It was a pretty sight. They sat down on a bench close to the boarding dock and watched the ferries. Bella was watching something else though. She was keeping a close eye to the ticket offices and the departure times of the ferry to Victoria. Jake was telling her a story about Leah, which she wasn't really listening to. The moment she saw the ferry was preparing to depart and there was no line in front of the ticket office, she knew she had to act.

'Could you buy me some water, Jake.' She asked him sweetly. 'I am really thirsty from the drive.'

As she expected he immediately jumped up and agreed to go. It was a consequence of their imprint. They would always do everything to keep her in the best possible condition or how she rather liked to look at it, they cared deeply about her. The moment he was gone, she jumped up and ran to the ticket office.

'One ticket to Victoria, please.' She breathed heavily, because of her hurry and her nerves.

The salesman noticed and checked his watch.

'You have to hurry, young lady. It leaves in two minutes.'

She quickly paid for the ticket and ran to the boarding dock. She saw them starting to close the gate and felt her despair. She wasn't going to make it.

'Wait please! I need to go with you.' She shouted.

The man looked up and saw her. He hesitated and it was all she needed. With all her speed she ran to the ferry and jumped through the gate, which the man kept open just long enough to let her pass.

'Thank you.' She said to him with all her heart.

He smiled to her.

'No problem.'

She walked on to the deck and watched the harbour. She saw Jake arrive back to their bench carrying a bottle of water and looking around panicked when she wasn't there. It broke her heart. The ferry started to move and she saw how he became smaller and smaller. Her face was wet with tears, but she didn't bother to remove them. She had never felt this bad in her life. She had tricked Jacob and he would pay the price for it. The only thing that kept her from falling apart was the thought that at least he would be safe from her destructive destiny now.

'I am so sorry, Jake.' She whispered into the wind, hoping he might hear it.