Chapter 36 — Find Myself/ Lose You

"Ach—ach—choooo!"

Yuri watched from the other couch as Mercy shove her face into the Kleenex. She wiped at her nose and then leaned back in the seat, her face looking both disgusted and exhausted at the same time. Yomotsu, sitting to her right, offered her a new Kleenex. She tossed the soggy one in the trash bin at her feet and took the one Yomotsu offered with a weak "thank you."

A long Power Rangers blanket was draped over her body. It went on past her feet and, on the other end, was over her shoulders and up to her neck. Once she had the new Kleenex in hand, both it and the hand that held it disappeared once more inside the warmth of the blanket.

"Whenever I find myself in your position, a cup of warm tea with honey in it always helps," Yuri suggested.

Six days ago, he woke up in a white bed, with Wi-Fi Man watching over him. Then he saw the terrible state Yomotsu was in, and Kotetsu explained to him the purpose of The League. When asked after what he they could do to help him out any further, Yuri asked for tea with honey. Silly, perhaps—but it helped.

"Maybe you require some hot chocolate," Yomotsu proposed. "With marshmallows!"

Mercy smiled. It was like the smile she gave them when they explained to her what had happened. It turns out she had been quite worried about their condition after watching on TV the fight the 12th had with Acid. She was at the time, however, committed to killing the Goblin King. When Yomotsu asked if she had in fact succeeded, she insisted that was beside the point.

She made sure they told her if they were, in fact, well. They must have sounded crazy, with a story like this—an underground organization of heroes, the backbone of which was a dead Batman cosplayer, an enigmatic detective, and the retired Wild Tiger? It was the type of thing someone exposed to Acid's toxins might say.

"That's—that's okay. I just need to get some rest here, but don't let me put a damper on your guys' fun today," she said quietly.

Turned out that Acid's armor was like nothing known to the experts who poured over it. It was, for all practical purposes, quite literally out of this world. The police looked at it and then quietly handed it over to The League. Wi-Fi Man concluded that the armor was too light to be as strong as it was, and that there was no way anything like this had been discovered before. When asked about it, all Acid would say was, "I have friends in very high places."

"Nonsense! We're not just going to play video games and pretend that you're not miserable next to us!" Yomotsu rose. "The least I can do is go the store and get you some tomato soup. Nothing heals the soul more than the proper soup."

Mercy smiled weakly. "That would… be nice. But really, you don't have to go through all that trouble—"

"I'll be just a moment~" Yomotsu smiled and tenderly patted her hand. Yuri watched him cross in front of the TV and go grab the keys to the Righteous Tsunami. "You want anything while I am there, Yuri?"

Yuri shrugged. "…I haven't had Tootsie Rolls in a long time."

Yomotsu slipped on his shoes. "I will add that to the list! Perfect!" He waved to the pair. "Bye!"

Yuri and Mercy said together, "Bye!"

And Yomotsu walked out the door, beyond their range of sight.

On one couch, Yuri repositioned himself so he was lying down and looking up at the stucco ceiling. He was wearing his grey suit and blue-green design tie.

When he tilted his head, he could see Mercy still bundled up in the blanket. She had her knees drawn in and her arms around her legs. Her head was low.

Akise was not the leader of The League, but this up-and-coming detective occupied a higher position than anyone else active in Graceville. The white-haired pretty boy was the one directly receiving orders from The League's leader. He did not help with apprehending criminals on the field, but he was a strategist when more calculated evildoers were on the loose.

Akise tried to get Lunatic and the 12th to join The League, but half of the pair was uncertain. Even while still weak from waking up, the 12th was eager and interested, but Lunatic, independent for so long, was not willing to commit so readily. While he trusted Kotetsu, he did not know the true leader and the true leader's intentions. Even if the real purpose of The League was to defeat Kira, what role did the leader see the organization playing after Kira's defeat?

Lunatic tried to explain to Akise, Kotetsu, and Wi-Fi Man that Light Yagami, Kira, was no longer in possession of the Death Note, but they refused to accept this as a promise that Kira was no more. Just as Lunatic was too stubborn to join The League, they were too stubborn to believe that the threat of Kira was over. Six days had not been enough time for either party to contact the other, but they had the means.

Anemone gave Lunatic a phone number to call if they ever needed anything, and Lunatic and the 12th each gave her their phone numbers.

"Hey, Yuri… Can I tell you something?"

Yuri opened his eyes. He glanced over at Mercy. She was looking at down, with her chin on her knees.

"Of course," he said. "What is it?"

"Well…" She took a deep breath. "I think I'm going to break up with Yomotsu."

Yuri watched her. She did not move, she did not say anything more. "Why…?" He asked quietly.

"It's kind of a long story, but," she said, repositioning herself so she was lying on her side, "I think I still love Yomotsu, I mean, I do, but… Lately, it's been a lot, you know? I realized that I could end up really hurting him, and I don't want to have that kind of power. And really, it isn't healthy for either of us. I really like him, but..."

Her cheek was on the armrest of the couch. Her face was close to Yuri, since he was lying in a mirrored way on the opposite couch.

"But I need time to find myself," she explained. "I'm at a point in my life, where I'm realizing that I don't know 100% who I am, and I need room to be able to find that out. I can't really figure this out when I'm in a serious relationship, and it would hurt him too much to make him try to take this relationship or me less seriously… So we need a break, at least. And then, when I am more sure of who I am, we can continue, if that's what we both want."

Yuri sat upright in his seat. He stared ahead, at the wall, and though for a few moments on what she was saying. He then said, "I see… But if you do still love him, as you say you do… Than why do you think you can't learn more about yourself while in this relationship with him, as he learns more about himself at the same time?"

"Yuri, I wish that would work… But I really don't think that would, in this situation. I guess it's just a feeling, but it's a strong feeling—and I think I'd be miserable in the long run if I didn't follow it…"

"But it seems to me that both of you have been enjoying yourselves and each other more as the relationship has grown," Yuri continued, now looking at her. "And I don't see why that would have to change…"

"Yuri…"

He looked down. "What do you hope to learn about yourself that you can't learn when you're with the person you love most?"

"I don't know," she said, emphatically. "That's what I am trying to figure out, and I won't know until—"

"Until what?" Yuri pressed. "Until you've created enough distance between him and yourself for you to feel miserable about breaking off the relationship?"

"Yuri, I don't see why you should be getting so mad about this… I know it hurts, but you and I will still be as close…"

"I just do not want to see either of you get hurt," he said. "I want you both to be happy, and you have both been so happy together… Please, consider this more. Consider your feelings more…"

"I have already been considering it for quite a long time," Mercy confided. "I decided I would only tell you about it when I had my mind made up, because I didn't want to scare you with these thoughts and feelings if they later turned out to be temporary… But now I have made my mind up, so I guess… Please don't hate me, okay?"

He looked hard at her, and his eyebrows furrowed. "I don't hate you, Mercy…"

"You just seem so upset…"

He shook his head, slowly. "And you should know why… I will not deny that I think this is a very bad decision, but so long as you are doing this with the right state of mind, I will do what I can to try to protect both of you… While allowing your free choice in how you respond to each other and handle your feelings. I will try to help, but… I'm worried."

She looked at him and, for a fleeting moment, showed him a smile.

Yuri's head was spinning, and he went back to lie on the couch. This time, he was lying in the opposite direction, with his head resting on the armrest further from Mercy.

When Yomotsu arrived cheerfully with the soup, Mercy thanked him for it, and Yuri saved his Tootsie Rolls for another day.

"Whenever it rains, he always gets in a weird mood."

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me at all."

"But lately, it hasn't been raining as much, and yet he still insists acting serious all of the time… I am not sure if it is something I have said or done, but his behavior is most unusual."

"I can see that… Although, we're also talking about the guy who often sees his dead father walking around, but those are two different kinds of unusual, I understand…"

"Maybe it's the way JusTV has been portraying things that is getting him down."

"They haven't been as supportive of the heroes lately, have they?"

"The media is unreliable, but it is so predictable! Now they are suggesting that our heroism is for naught, because criminals like Acid can resurface more powerful than before."

"Did you hear how Acid died, a couple of days ago?"

"A heart attack, yes. I mentioned that to Yuri, and he seemed almost unaffected."

"Hmmm… I guess there isn't much he could say that you couldn't already figure out, with regards to his thoughts."

"Sometimes there are coincidences."

"Kinda funny that you, of all people, would be saying that to me—of all people."

"Perhaps, but… I could hardly agree or disagree, seeing as I hardly know you."

"Arguably, no one really does… But, I guess you really don't know much at all, huh?"

"You're wearing that mask, even when we're meeting in private like this, in your own house."

"…You're blind. You don't know if I'm wearing the mask."

"…It was a good guess, though, right?"

"A wonderful guess! But it's just a guess. Go on, though, keep guessing—what do you think my name is?"

"You sound like a… a Martha."

"Ugh, a Martha? That sounds like an old lady's name."

"Christine?"

"Oooooooh—nope."

"Tabitha?"

"That's a cat name, Yomotsu!"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"Ugh, fine—I suppose there really isn't a way you would guess it, but it would have been pretty cool if you could've guessed it. Then I would've been able to exclaim, 'It's fate!' That would have been… Nice. Anyway! My name is Natalie."

"Natalie… Natalie Walkins, correct?"

"Ah! Ah! 'It's fate!' Ha, ha, ha! How you'd guess?"

"You make me feel… The same way she did."

"Yes, Mommy does have a certain presence about her… But I never thought it was the same with me? I guess I never felt weird around her, like other people have."

"Have you spoken with her lately?"

"Hm?"

"Your mother."

"Oh, yes! I speak with Mommy every day!"

"Ah, wonderful. Then… How is she?"

"She's busy. But, what else would you expect?"

"I always expect wonderful things, with regards to your mother."

"She told she's been watching over the both of you, and she says she's still gonna save you both."

"I already know she can, but will she help Yuri get out of this rut he's in?"

"That's always the trouble with gods, isn't it? We know they can do anything, or just about anything, but they're always in the background! I'll have to mention it to her, next time we speak."

"Thank you, Natalie."

"Between you and me, I have this ugly blemish between my eyes, under my ballroom mask. Runs in the family, but it's so gross."

"Ah, the secret is safe with me!"

"Good. I feel a lot better with that off my chest. Anything you want to talk about?"

"Well…"

"How have things been with Mercy?"

"How did you—?"

"Mommy mentioned it to me. Don't worry, I haven't been spying that much to know her name."

"Things have been wonderful… She's been wonderful. She works tonight, otherwise I'd be seeing her. Yesterday, her and I went to go see a movie—but Yuri refused to go with us."

"I see… That's unfortunate. If you don't mind me asking, if you could speak with Mercy, right now, what would you say to her?"

"Right now? Well, being here in this room, with the daughter of Olivia Walkins—I suppose I am predisposed to be in an unusual state of mind. I think I would tell her something along the lines of, 'I love you very much, and I am afraid of what it would be like to lose you.'"

"Mm. I see..."

"Natalie?"

"Yes?"

"If you could speak with anyone right now, who would it be?"

"Oh. Well, being here in this room, with Yomotsu Hirasaka—I suppose I would want to speak with Vidalia."

"Oh… Wait, Vidalia—?"

"Yes, like the onion."

"No, no—It's just, surely you don't mean…?"

"Yes, Vidalia."

"And what would you say to her?"

"Oh, my. Ha, ha, ha… That's tough. I suppose something like, 'I miss driving with you, even at night in the rain.' If I could say more, I'd like to also add, 'We never wanted to lose you, and Yuri misses you and will always love you.' I suppose… There's a lot left unsaid."

"I understand. It must be tough."

"It's always tough."

"Yes… Wait, which of us is supposed to be the patient, and which of us is the therapist?"

"I believe that sometimes, in really good friendships, both people are the patient and both are the therapist."

"Does that make us really good friends?"

"Whatever it is, it makes me happy that you're here. And 'I'm sorry,' too…"

"Sorry?"

"I'm not sure, either. That was just what I was told to tell you."