Well, Idril was a bit of a witch in that last chapter, eh? Don't worry, she's nicer in this one. Hey, even princesses have to be witchy sometimes.

Chapter 36: Self-Help

"I'm OK—you're messed up."

-Stephan Pastis

"Well, I have to say, Tuor must really, really love you," said Iavas as she played with my hair. She was hanging out with Dinniel and Meleth and I today because we needed some fresh company. "If I'd been him I would've dumped you straight away."

"That's not nice, Iavas," said Meleth. "You fight with Voronwe all the time, I'll bet, and yet he still hasn't left you."

"Marriage is boring without the occasional fight," Iavas replied. "But wow, Idril. I didn't even think you were capable of being that—un-politician-like."

"I'm allowed to act out of character sometimes," I said. "Like Dinniel when she got married to Enerdhil."

"That wasn't out of character," Dinniel protested. "It was fate. You know what they say…"

"Opposites attract. Yeah, Din, we've heard it," said Iavas. "That's not always a good thing, my dear."

"Let's just say that love is weird and leave it at that," Meleth said. "I married a popular rich guy, Idril married a mortal with bad grammar, Dinniel married a shy smith guy, and Iavas married a boy who's exactly like her in every way except that he's not a girl. We've got a very diverse bunch of husbands."

"But you know, Idril, being a housewife isn't exactly easy for most of us," said Dinniel suddenly.

"Seriously. I mean, we love you and everything, but honey, you can be a bit of a snob sometimes," added Meleth. "And I know that being a mom and taking care of kids seems kind of plain compared to all the drama and politics you're used to, but hey, we're pretty much the backbone of society."

I groaned. "You're right, you're right, I'm a total jerkette. You all must hate me."

"Oh, don't be like that," said Dinniel, giving me a quick hug. "It's impossible to hate you."

"Yeah," said Iavas. "Just because we occasionally want to punch you doesn't mean we hate you. But seriously, Idril. Wishing the city would get destroyed because you're bored? Say that in public and you'll get yourself a lot of enemies."

"I didn't really mean that, you know," I said. "And I know it's really nasty of me to say something like that. Tuor said that he didn't mean it when he got mad at me for that, but I'm not sure if he was entirely telling the truth. Really, I'm just desperate for some excitement. Too much contentment leads to bad things, you know."

"Well, sure, withthat attitude," said Meleth. "The Queen of Pessimism strikes again, girls."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded.

"If you keep thinking that bad things will happen, then they will," said Iavas. "So you're constantly complaining about your life and driving us all crazy, when it's actually partly your fault."

"Guys!" I cried. "I can't take all this criticism in a space of five minutes!"

"We haven't even gotten started," said Meleth, grinning evilly. "Let's see, what else can we criticize Idril about?"

"She takes too much for granted," said Dinniel.

"She thinks she's prettier than me," said Iavas. "Which she is, but she doesn't need to rub it in."

"She complains too much."

"She thinks too much."

"She doesn't allow herself to be happy."

"Gee, this is a real confidence booster," I muttered.

"And, of course, she can't stand criticism," said Dinniel. "Come on, Idril, we've all got our faults. You actually have a lot less than most of us."

"So…?"

"So get over it and lighten up," said Iavas. "Let's talk about our kids instead. I think Ilverin's father is becoming a bad influence on him. That boy's six years old and already he's cussing like a sailor!"

"Yeah, Earendil's like that too," I said. "You and Dinniel are so lucky, Meleth. You married cultured guys."

"Hey, do not underestimate our cultured guys," said Meleth. "Have you seen Glorfindel when he's drunk?"

"Are you kidding? Ikissed him once when he was drunk," said Dinniel.

We all stared at her.

"What?" said Dinniel defensively. "It was fifty years ago, you guys. And it was for, like, two seconds. It didn't mean anything."

We stared at her some more.

"Oh, you guys are all just jealous," she said. "Anyway, the point is, yes, I know what Glorfindel's like when he gets drunk. And no, Meleth, I don't envy you."

"That's great," said Meleth. "Please shut up now."

"See, I'm not the only one who's kind of a snob sometimes!" I said. "So ha. Now I can criticize you."

"You criticize us all the time anyway," said Iavas.

"I do not."

"Yes, you do. You might not mean to but you do."

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm just a bit critical by nature. I can find my own faults, too." I looked up at the sky and saw that the sun was starting to set. "Sorry, girls, I have to get home and make supper."

"Aw, Idril's become so domestic," said Dinniel. "I remember back when she couldn't even boil water."

"I still can't," I said, standing up. "But it's not like my boys can tell the difference."

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"Idril, this dinner is delicious," said Tuor. "For a girl who claims not to be the domestic type, you're darn good at it."

"Thanks," I said, trying not to laugh.

"Mom, why are you making that face?" said Earendil. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing, hon. I was just remembering something that Dinniel said earlier today."

"I like Aunt Dinniel," said Earendil. "I like Aurelia, too. She once beat me up."

"Ah, yes, I remember that," said Tuor. "Think you'll marry her someday?"

Earendil wrinkled his nose. "No. I don't wanna get married."

"Aw, he's just like you," Tuor said to me. "I wonder if he'll change his mind like you did?"

"Well, he might and he might not," I said. "Anyway, it's his decision."

"I'm right here, you know," Earendil pointed out.

"Oh, man, Tuor, we're worse than my friends," I said. "Sorry, Earendil. Man, it seems like it's Point-Out-Idril's-Flaws Day."

"What, didn't you know that?" said Tuor. "We've been talking about it for weeks. It's a new holiday that your dad just instated."

"Very funny, love," I said sarcastically. "Well, get it over with. What do you want to say about me?"

"You need to learn to relax," said Tuor. "You're uptight all the time, and it drives me nuts."

"And you need to let me stay up later," said Earendil.

"Thank you for that, Tuor, I will try to relax more from now on. And Earendil, I'm letting you stay up until eight o'clock these days. That's plenty late."

"Ilverin's parents let him stay up until eight-thirty."

"Yes, well, I've been Ilverin's dad at cards thirty-three consecutive times," said Tuor. "What does that tell you about Ilverin's dad, huh?"

"Nothing," said Earendil. "Playing cards has nothing to do with bedtime."

"I've taught you well, my boy," I said, kissing him on the forehead. "Now finish your beans."

"So what did your friends criticize you about?" Tuor asked.

"Want the whole list?" I said. "I'm a snob, I'm too pessimistic, I take too much for granted, I'm too vain about my looks, I think too much, and I won't let myself be happy."

"Most of that I agree with, but vain about your looks?" said Tuor. "Now thatisn't true. You've never cared about your looks."

"Which is probably a good thing, or I'd be even more insufferable than I am now," I said. "At least I'll never be stuck with the burden of being the most beautiful girl in the world, like that poor Princess Luthien. Seriously, I would have hated to be her. I have enough annoying guys in love with me as it is. And besides, with looks that good, she couldn't have been that intelligent. I mean, something has to give."

"So you're saying that extremely attractive people are dumb?" said Tuor.

"Of course not," I said. "After all, you're pretty smart, aren't you?"

"Mom, Dad," said Earendil. "Can you not get all mushy? At least not when I'm around?"

"Sorry, kid," said Tuor. "It's your mom's fault, not mine."

I sighed. "Here we go again. If I get through today without losing all my self-esteem it'll be a miracle."

"If it's any comfort, Idril, I often think that it would be a shame if you were somehow to get killed," said Tuor.

I kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks. I feel the same."

"Now that we've solved all Mom's problems, can we start on Dad's?" said Earendil. "He always yells at me for pointless reasons."

"Let's save that for tomorrow," I said. "I've heard all the criticism I can handle for now. Even if it's not referring to me."

Okay, yes, not much happened in this chapter. I just needed a break from drama. : )