It was late by the time they left Ianto's family. Mrs. Jones had insisted that they stay for dinner, piling Ianto's plate high with food and telling him he was too skinny by far. Conversation had been stilted and awkward, but one could expect no more considering the issue they were avoiding.

Ianto was saying little, allowing Jack and his family to make the most of conversation, which was hardly surprising. Ianto had never been much of a talker and his ordeal had, naturally, forced him further back into his shell. Jack was concerned, however, that Ianto's reluctance to talk may have other reasons behind it - fear of being punished, for one. Ianto had not been treated kindly for the past few years and Jack could understand him not wanting to entirely trust anyone – even his family – until he was sure they wouldn't treat him ill.

They wouldn't; Jack was certain of that and he suspected Ianto knew that too. Still, appearances could be deceptive; Jack didn't know Ianto's family. He didn't even know much about them. Ianto had never really spoken of them and Jack had somehow picked up the impression that they weren't especially close. They loved Ianto, though, that was obvious, and Jack had no worries of them treating him badly. If anything, they seemed to want Ianto to visit more and not hide himself away as Jack knew he had done.

He promised Ianto's mother that he would insist on them coming to visit again, joking that he would take any opportunity for more of her cooking. Really, though, he knew Ianto would need them to help with his recovery. He had been pulled into a tight embrace for that, Mrs. Jones murmuring her thanks and apologies for the way she had treated him in the past.

Afterwards, while steering the car through the city, Ianto's silence was deafening. He sat staring out of the window, his face a familiar mask of emotions. Jack smiled to himself, flicking his gaze back to the road.

"That wasn't so bad, was it? Do you think they liked me?"

Ianto started, glancing over at him. "It was okay, I guess. They still don't know what I am though - if they knew that..."

"They would love you all the more if they really knew you," Jack cut him off. "And I told you, they never need to know what you've been through. I won't tell them and you don't have to." He paused. "Look, its late - why don't we go and see Gwen tomorrow. Tonight we can go back to yours and watch a film or something, whatever you like."

Ianto nodded. "Yeah," he murmured absently. After a moment or two he glanced back at Jack. "Thank you, for coming with me," he said. "You didn't have to and I... well, I was glad you were there. I couldn't have done it alone."

Jack flicked a glance over at him, smiling. "I think you did a good job if it, anyway, I thought it was about time I met your family." He sobered up, staring forward defiantly. "I'm going to be here for you, Ianto. As long as you want me, I'll be here offering all the help I can give."

Ianto glanced across, smiling nervously, for a moment it looked as if he would say something then he turned away, going back to staring out of the window at the passing city. Jack bit back a sigh; it was hard not to get frustrated. He knew Ianto needed time to recover but equally he wanted his lover back, the man who trusted him, who loved him and believed in him. He was trying his best to make Ianto feel comfortable and safe but he felt as if he was getting nothing in return. He knew Ianto couldn't trust him immediately, in fact he was overjoyed with the level he had been granted. He accepted that Ianto was bound to have issues and reservations, he just hated that he couldn't convince him of the truth. It would be hard for a while, but Jack just couldn't help the selfish desire that wanted more and now.

The rest of the journey passed in silence. No words were exchanged until Jack had locked and bolted the door to Ianto's flat and was pulling his boots off in the hallway.

"Do you want some coffee?" Ianto asked, appearing behind him to slide his greatcoat from his shoulders, hanging it from a coat rack by the door. His fingers lingered a little on Jack's shoulders and the Captain had to try very hard not to grab them and pull them to his lips.

He nodded stiffly. "I would, thanks."

He smiled as Ianto pulled away, trying to rid himself of the images that flooded his mind. It was hard not to want Ianto, even though Jack knew that to take him like this would be nothing short of rape. Ianto was far from ready for sex, and Jack wouldn't abuse the trust that had been placed in him, no matter how strong his desires for Ianto became.

Placing his shoes side by side he followed Ianto into the kitchen, leaning in the doorframe as Ianto made the coffee.

"Would you mind if I told you that you are beautiful?" he asked after a moment. "I don't think you even have any idea how much."

The blush that lit up Ianto's face was obvious from across the room. "I'm not," he said, a slight quiver to his voice. He looked up meeting Jack's eyes. "You don't need to say those things, you know. You don't have to lie."

Jack straightened up frowning. In a moment he was standing in front of Ianto, tilting his face up and stopping him from moving away. "It wasn't a lie. Those things you've been told over the last few years, they're lies, all of them. You are beautiful, Ianto Jones," he whispered. "You're so beautiful and far too modest – and I love you." He pressed a kiss to Ianto's forehead. "You have no idea how much it hurts me to have you think those things about yourself."

Ianto dropped his gaze. "I'm sorry. I just..." he pulled away from Jack, a tear making its way down his cheek. "For the past two years no one has ever spoken a kind word to me. I was called, ugly, pathetic, worthless, whore. Any name you can think of, they used it. They treated me like I was nothing, just someone they could fuck and order about and after a while it became easier to believe that. When people treat you like that, it's easier to believe that it's what you deserve."

"Then why can't you believe you deserve this too?" Jack asked, reaching out a hand to brush away Ianto's tears. "I've not treated you cruelly. You mean everything to me, Ianto. You're beautiful and brave, smart, kind and worth so much more than the people who did this to you. Don't believe what they told you, Ianto. Believe me, believe this."

Ianto shot him a watery smile. "It's easier to believe the bad things. Then there are no hopes, no expectations of anything better. When things go bad, you accept them, because it's what you deserve." He shrugged. "And I do deserve it, even if they were lying, I'm still a murderer." He swallowed, turning his back on Jack. "I don't deserve this, Jack. I don't deserve you."

Jack shook his head, turning Ianto so he was facing him again. "Ianto, that doesn't make you a bad person. In fact, the fact you feel guilty shows the opposite. I would have killed him for what he did to you, and I wouldn't have felt any remorse. He would have suffered had I got my way. If either of us deserves ill treatment, it's me. I'm the one who will never deserve you. I never did understand what you saw in me, why you stayed with me."

Ianto bit his lip. "You saved me Jack, so many times. I loved you, and I'm starting to remember why." He paused, sighing heavily. "You're a good man, Jack. You would have killed him to save me again; I'd have killed him for revenge..."

"So would I," Jack answered, not breaking eye contact with Ianto. "I would have killed him, slowly and painfully, for all that he did to you. I would have killed him even if you were already safe. He deserved what he got, Ianto, so you need to stop beating yourself up over it. You stood up for yourself - you were brave and you managed to save us both a lot of pain. And you did it for me – even after everything he did to you the revenge was for me, not yourself. I'm proud of you, Ianto, and you should feel the same. Not just for that but because you survived, you suffered so much and you still came out of it whole."

Ianto blushed again, refusing to meet Jack's piercing gaze. He pulled away from him, heading back to the coffee machine. "It doesn't stop me feeling guilty, though."

"I know, but that will fade in time," Jack told him stepping up behind him. "You just need to accept that he deserved it, and that killing him doesn't make you a terrible person, understand?"

Ianto nodded then shook his head. "I don't think I'll ever understand anything again," he murmured. "I don't understand how you can even look at me, not to mention how you can still want me."

"Because you're beautiful," Jack told him, taking the coffee Ianto offered him. "Inside and out, because I love you." He took a sip of the coffee, closing his eyes as the liquid slid down his throat. "And because you make the best coffee I've ever tasted."

Ianto smiled faintly, taking his own coffee and stepping towards the living room. "Do you still want to watch a film?"

Jack knew it was a deliberate attempt to change the subject, but he let Ianto lead the way into the living room anyway, settling down at one end of the sofa. It was hard to hide the hurt when Ianto settled at the other end, passing the remote to Jack so he could choose something to watch. Jack would have liked Ianto to sit closer, cuddle into his side or something, not put distance between them. He wondered if Ianto was worried about something happening, but surely he had put those thoughts far from Ianto's mind the night before? No, it had to be something else.

Glancing at the remote in his hand, Jack realised Ianto was passing the choices to him. He still wasn't making his own decisions unless prompted to by Jack. Before all this Ianto would have sat beside Jack immediately, regardless whether he had been invited or not; now Ianto was so unused to making decisions for himself, still so fearful of the recriminations of doing something wrong, that he wouldn't risk any such decisions without prompting. Something would have to be done.

He had an idea, something that would potentially help Ianto, something that would help him understand, help him realise he wasn't alone but... at the same time Jack had no wish to dredge up the memories. Deciding that Ianto's need was greater than his own, he pushed the remote onto the coffee table and glanced over at Ianto.

"You said before how you don't understand why I still want you. I would always want you Ianto, but perhaps it would make it easier for you if you knew that I knew how you felt." He swallowed. "I've been at the mercy of others and not known where to turn, or how to escape – even if I could escape. And I didn't cope half so well as you."

He paused, running a hand over his face, already dreading having to relive the memories. He chanced a glance at Ianto, who was watching him, eyes alight with concern.

"I've told you some of it, already."

"The Master?" Ianto's eyes widened. "Jack... he... he didn't? Did he?"

"Only once," he confirmed, nodding. Closing his eyes, he bit back a sob, not even reacting as he felt Ianto slide over the sofa to sit beside him, a hand resting gently on his arm. "Afterwards he said that he was disgusted with himself, that he should check I hadn't infected him, called me a freak and left."

He omitted the rest of the story, didn't tell Ianto that it was the same day the Master had labelled his birthday, the day he had found out Ianto was dead. He didn't tell Ianto that Jack had been left alone, Ianto's corpse at his feet, video screens playing out recordings of his last moments. The combination had broken Jack, leaving him unwilling to even fight, unable to even believe there was anything worth escaping for.

"I was a shattered wreck," Jack confessed. "I hated him for what he did to me, but I hated myself more for letting him."

He felt Ianto's arms tighten around him and rested his head on the younger man's shoulders, stifling a sob. Ianto whispered, "You're not a freak. Don't ever think that you are."

"I know," Jack replied. "You convinced me of that, remember." He glanced up at Ianto, smiling through his tears. He reached up, brushing his tears away. "And I'm going to convince you that those things they told you aren't true."

"How did you cope?" Ianto replied, shaking his head, his fingers stroking the back of Jack's hands. "How did you seem so strong when you came back to us?"

"I didn't cope; for a long time I just existed. I didn't care what he did to me, there was nothing left to care about," Jack admitted. "Then I realised that I couldn't let him beat me, I had to fight him because if I didn't – he'd won. And when I came back, you were there and suddenly everything was worth fighting for again. You were what helped me recover, Ianto; if I hadn't had you then I'd have broken down a long time ago. These things happen, Ianto, and you can either let them eat you up inside until your so afraid of it happening again that you don't even live - or you can fight it, let it make you stronger." He gripped Ianto's hand a little tighter. "You can beat them, Ianto, I know you can. I couldn't bear to watch you give up."

"I'm not as strong as you, Jack," Ianto murmured. "I don't think I can fight it. I can't imagine not being scared anymore. I'm terrified that they'll come back to me, take me away – or that people on the street will know what I am and think that they can use me..."

"I wouldn't let that happen," Jack told him with conviction. "And neither will you."

He settled back against the arm of the sofa, pulling Ianto with him so that he lay against his chest.

"I know you, Ianto. I love you. Surely that counts for something?" Jack began, murmuring the words into Ianto's hair. "Even before I fell for you, though, I knew you were intelligent, brave and strong. I knew you were someone I wanted on my team – if you were any less then I wouldn't have given you a second chance. The people who hurt you never knew you, they never got chance to see your brilliance. Why would you believe them over me, when I know you better than they do?"

Ianto shrugged, shaking his head. "Because I don't feel brave or clever. I feel dirty and worthless. I'm not as strong as you are, Jack"

"You will, in time," Jack said, pressing a kiss to his hair. "When you're ready I'll get you back in the field; we can go weevil hunting, boost your confidence a little, remind you of just what you can do."

Ianto smiled against him, looking up to meet his gaze. "You mean that?"

Jack grinned back. "Yeah," Jack told him. "I mean it, we'll stop all this talk of you being worthless. Soon enough we'll have you thinking you're just as wonderful as I think you are." He paused, frowning. "Well maybe not as wonderful as I think you are, I know how modest you are."

He flashed Ianto a grin. Ianto blinked up at him, a small smile spreading over his face. Then, he twisted around, leaning upwards to brush the softest of kisses over Jack's lips. Jack smiled, entwining their fingers as he leant into the kiss. When Ianto pulled away his face was flooded with nerves. Jack had to kiss him again, a soft peck against his lips.

"I must say, I wasn't expecting anything like that," he smiled.

Ianto settled down against Jack's chest again, smiling up at him with the smallest of blushes. "I think I'm remembering why I fell in love with you."