36
Derek was awake watching Emily's rhythmic breathing. Watching her chest rise and fall just to make sure that she was there with him. That she was really there.
Somehow, in the middle of the night the two must have become tangled up. Derek had a few memories of having to calm a whimpering Emily down by having to whisper calming words in her ear.
Now she lay with her back against the side of his body. Her arms securely fastened around one of his that she was using for a pillow.
When Derek had woken up he realised Emily was sleeping without any fuss and decided he'd stay put until she woke up of her own accord.
He had sat there for three quarters of an hour before she had started to stir.
To say she was a little shocked that she had used Derek Morgan for a pillow that night was a bit of an understatement.
"Uh, morning…" she said with a slight blush.
"Morning Em. How are you feeling?" he asked with a smirk on his face.
"Uh…" Then last night came back to her. Everything from the rambling to showing him the bruises. 'Oh gosh. The bruises.'
Her face immediately went a deep crimson colour.
"… Embarrassed."
Derek just smiled at her reassuringly. "Don't be."
"But Derek. I… I yelled at you and, and, and…"
"I know. It's okay. Really. I can be professional. Emily, this won't affect our friendship."
"I… but Derek… I basically said I blamed you. But I don't. I don't. You couldn't control the situation any more than I could. I don't blame you. You have to know that. Please tell me that you know that. You do right?"
Derek just smiled. "Of course Princess. You okay if I give you a hug?"
Emily thought about that and then looked at herself. She had been cuddling up to him for who knew how long. "Yeah, that's… that's fine." She admonished, still slightly unsure.
He held her tightly and she felt the raw emotion that she had been holding back start to creep up to the surface.
All of the things that she had had to admit. All of the feelings that she had had to expose to that man. The feelings about herself. The feelings about… Derek.
She pulled away as a tear started to fall from her eye.
"I… I have to shower I suppose."
"That's okay. I'll make us some breakfast."
Less than 15 minutes later Emily was out in the kitchen. She was now able to stand the shower if the water was basically cold. But that still didn't mean that she was going to be in there any longer than she had to. No, definitely not. And she still didn't really have that much of an appetite, but she could feel the hunger nagging at her slightly.
Her feelings about Derek were still tangled up and were being suppressed, and for now; possibly for a long time that was how she wanted it. She didn't really know. All she knew was that dealing with everything else was easier than dealing with Derek.
o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o/o
A week had passed and Derek had moved out. His self-motivation had led to him going back to work as soon as he was back in his own place.
By the third day of being alone Emily was feeling stir crazy and she was looking forward to getting back to work.
But today was the day that she had been waiting for. She was sitting in her car in the parking lot and she was trying to calm herself down. She just had to breathe.
She could see her friend's cars in the parking structure. She just had to make it to the floor with the head shrinker's and get cleared. That was all she had to do. She could have her service weapon back, but she just needed to get the note to say that she was mentally cleared.
Stepping out of her vehicle she was a bit shaky and the ascent to the fourth floor took longer than it normally would have. Or at least it seemed like it did to her.
And then she was in the psychologist's office. Thank goodness for her it was a woman. She didn't think that she could handle having to face a man in that position right now, or ever again.
"Hi Emily. It's nice to meet you."
"You know, I would say that to you to, but I'd rather not have to be here."
"I expected that sort of reaction. It is an unfortunate situation that we are here, but nevertheless here we are."
"Yes, unfortunately."
The session was intense. She could tell that this woman was doing her best to really get under her skin. But not in a mean way. Only so that she could make sure that she was actually okay. Yet no matter how good the woman was, Emily was better.
Each question that was meant to probe at her thoughts and feelings were met with a wall, and a pre-prepared answer was given instead. Each answer she gave she knew would result in her passing.
Walking out of her office, paperwork in hand she made her way back to the elevators. Hopping on, the ride to the BAU floor went far too quick for her liking.
With the doors opening it was now or never. She took a step out and a big breath in. She could do it. She would do it.
Opening the big glass door into the bull pen she held her head high as she was met with the gaping stares of other agents.
Emily could see her team sitting in the round table room and quickly made her way over. Waiting quietly at the doorway she listened in to the conversation. They were doing a review of cases, though there were no cases that they had to see to in person.
She moved just inside the door where Rossi managed to spot her first. "Emily." His voice flowed warmly. "It's really good to see you." He moved over to her encompassing her in a hug. Most of the team followed, and then left the room leaving only Hotch and Emily in there.
"How are you doing Emily?"
"I'm fine."
"You know that doesn't work with me Emily. How are you really?"
"I'm really fine. Shrink said so and all. Here's your piece of paper. I've also been cleared to get my service weapon and badge back. I start again tomorrow." She told him handing him the paper.
Looking her up and down he said "You and I both know that this piece of paper means absolutely nothing. Any one of us on this team could be falling apart and still pass."
"That may be true, but tomorrow I will be here ready to work."
Emily was about to turn but Hotch reached for her arm. She jerked it away violently only proving his point even further.
"Emily, you don't need to be here until you are really ready."
"Hotch. As my boss, no offense is intended, nor is it as a friend. But you don't know how I'm feeling. I say, and the shrink says I can come back, and that is what I intend to do. I will see you tomorrow Sir."
Emily walked to the doorway, but before she could exit Hotch's voice stopped her one last time.
"Okay Emily. But please, if things become too much for you and you need a break, just let me know. Okay?"
Emily nodded her head, trying to keep the tears at bay. The rest of her team watched from the bull pen as Emily flew out of the room and basically ran across the catwalk, not sparing a look at any of them. In fact, it seemed she was doing her best to avoid them altogether. The team looked at each other wondering what had caused such a reaction. Derek was about to take off after her, but JJ stopped him. "Let me."
By the time she got to the elevators, the doors to the elevator holding Emily were already closed. Opting for the stairs she took them two at a time in the hopes of meeting Emily in the lobby.
But Emily was nowhere in the lobby that she could see. Scanning around one last time she spotted a figure heading for the front doors. Thinking that it was odd, considering Emily would normally have parked with the rest of the team, she considered that her friend may have caught a taxi, and began to run because she didn't want to miss her.
Emily was always good at giving people the slip. When she got outside JJ couldn't see Emily anywhere. Outside the front of the FBI building it was bustling. People coming and going. Apart from one woman, who was sitting on a bench under a tree with her back to the chaos that was associated with the FBI.
JJ made her way over carefully, not wanting to frighten her or be over-bearing.
"Emily?" She asked as she approached. She could hear a loud sniff and see hands immediately making their way up to clear the pale woman's face of any tears.
Seeing her front on JJ could tell that there was still so much emotion caught up behind the walls that she had created.
"Em, hun, what's wrong?"
"I'm sorry. I just needed some fresh air… and… but, I, I can't JJ. I just… How can I go back there like this?"
"Go back where like what?" JJ asked, not entirely confused, yet simply wanting to gain a better understanding of the situation.
"To work. How can I go back when I feel like this?"
"You do it because it is your job Emily. And you love your job. But, Emily, how do you feel?"
"I'm not myself. You know JJ, I'm pretty sure I came this close not to passing today with the shrink." She said, emphasising the minuscule amount with her fingers.
"Why is that?"
"Because… because I can't control these damn emotions. Since… since… before I could bottle everything up and wrap chains and padlocks around everything. But now the lid just won't stay closed. And I'm drowning in my thoughts… and, and in my feelings. And that just doesn't happen to me Jayje. You know this."
"True. But why has everything changed?"
"I…"
"Emily…?"
"I can't…"
"Emily, it might help."
Pausing for a moment she thought about it all. If she was ever going to tell anyone this, it would be JJ. That's because she was a good friend, and Emily knew that she would keep her mouth shut.
"He made me admit… things."
"Things like…?" JJ encouraged whilst rubbing Emily's arm.
"Like that…"
"That…?"
"That I love him. Okay. Well, I think I do... No, I do." She admonished as she began to twist her hands nervously.
JJ was slightly confused. She had to admit that she loved her captor?
"That you loved… your captor?"
Emily looked shocked "No, that I loved him. And I had never let myself think about it before. And now. Now it just consumes my thoughts. And I don't want it to. It's dangerous territory."
She breathed in deeply.
"That I loved him."
She exhaled.
"Derek."
O/o
Derek watched as JJ left through the glass doors. After a few moments he couldn't help it. He had to go after them. After getting Garcia to find that they had made their way to the lobby and were outside he ran as fast as he could. The elevator felt as though it went slower than usual, but as soon as the doors opened he was out. He headed for the front door scanning everyone to see a blonde and a brunette sitting down facing away from him. He started to move closer.
But then he stopped when he heard their conversation.
"…drowning in my thoughts… and, and in my feelings. And that just doesn't happen to me Jayje. You know this."
He waited for JJ to reply.
"True. But why has everything changed?"
"I…"
"Emily…?"
"I can't…"
"Emily, it might help."
'Please Emily. Please let her help.' He waited as she paused.
"He made me admit… things."
"Things like…?"
"Like that…"
"That…?"
"That I love him. Okay. Well, I think I do... No, I do."
Derek was shocked. Who did she love?
"That you loved… your captor?"
"No, that I loved him. And I had never let myself think about it before. And now. Now it just consumes my thoughts. And I don't want it to. It's dangerous territory."
He watched her breathe in deeply.
"That I loved him."
He watched her exhale.
"Derek."
So this chapter is up a bit quicker. Sorry for the jump. I just don't want the story to get stagnant. And so this many or may not be the start of Demily. You'll have to stay around to find out. ; ) Next they'll be going on cases and stuff, and more of the juicy actiony emotiony stuff should be happening. In the mean time though, please let me know what you think. : )