Update 34- Burning Desires
Angela stopped the car outside Temperance's apartment and watched her pull her seatbelt off quickly as if she were trying to get away from something. Angela reached across and grabbed her friend's hand. "Bren, stop…"
Temperance looked up at her friend with obvious confusion. "Ange, I need to go."
"No, Bren… not stop that… stop pushing him away from you. He loves you. He wants to be with you. Why can't you see that?"
"I have to go, Ange." Temperance said softly. "Thank you for taking me… there… to see him. Thank you for keeping an eye on Antonia. And thank you for not pushing." She said, her voice sounding more like a request than an actual 'thank you.' "Ange…"
"He said he loves you, Sweetie. He wanted me to tell you."
"I know that he loves me." She replied, glancing back to Antonia, who had already unbuckled the seatbelt. "Are you ready to go, baby?"
"Yes, mommy."
"Say bye bye to Big A." She said, putting on her best half smile.
"Love you, Big A…" Antonia said, climbing into the front a bit, she hugged Angela from behind.
"I love you tons, Little A." Angela whispered, kissing the little girl on the cheek, pulling her into the front seat, the little girl let out a squeal of laughter as Angela pretended to eat her.
"No! No dinosaurs! Mommy! Save me, mommy!" She squealed as the little girl's feet kicked and Temperance laughed as Angela kissed the little girl again, and her kicking stopped as she slipped down and into Temperance's lap.
"You be a good girl for your mama…"
"I am always a good girl." She stated matter-of-factly, and Temperance gave Angela a grateful smile as she opened the door and climbed out, reaching into the back seat for Antonia's little backpack.
"I will see you tomorrow." Angela said, making sure that Temperance understood that it was an order and not a request.
"Perhaps lunch." Temperance nodded. "I will be in the lab on Monday. I need to get caught up and start working again soon."
"What will you be doing with Ant?"
"She will be staying with dad, I haven't decided if I will be hiring a new nanny or not." She said, clearing her throat, she felt a little hand tugging at her. "I need to get her inside, she has to go to the bathroom."
"Okay… I'll see you later."
"Thank you again, Angela."
"Stop running, Sweetie…" She said as there was no answer but the closing the door, Angela sighed. "Please stop running…" She whispered to nobody as she sighed and watched Temperance and Antonia disappear into the building together.
Temperance walked up the stairs, Antonia three steps ahead of her, but always within sight as they got up to the door. "Okay, it is almost six… that means dinner time." Temperance said to the bouncing girl as she looked for her key. "You run into your bedroom… find your pajamas, and by the time you're done, dinner will be all ready." She said, knowing her daughter's ability to dawdle, she knew she'd have enough time to boil some water for a little pasta for dinner. Antonia nodded her head and hopped one more time as Temperance opened the door and let her run quickly through the apartment toward her bedroom.
Temperance stepped tiredly into the apartment and closed the door, leaning against the door she sighed, hearing the pounding of her daughter's feet coming in her direction. "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" She exclaimed, nearly sliding to a stop when she saw the exhausted look on her mother's face.
"And why are you running through the house shouting?"
"Um…" She said, poking her mouth for a moment of thought, she held her finger up and grinned. "Forgot my bag." She said with a smile, she grabbed her backpack and took off running toward her bedroom.
"Please don't run, Antonia…"
"Sorry Mommy!" She called from her bedroom as Temperance shook her head and couldn't help but smile at the little girl's excitement.
She walked into the kitchen and pulled a pan from the cupboard, and slowly began to run water into it, lifting it over to the stove, she placed it on the burner and turned it on, closing her eyes for a moment to rest, she leaned against the counter for a few moments, thinking of the afternoon, thinking of the sleep that she had been missing, of the nightmare that she had woken from the night before, her body covered in sweat, tears running down her face, and Antonia clutching her tightly as she ran her hands through her daughter's hair, trying to calm her from her fear of her mother's nightmares, and the tears falling anew when she realized what she was doing to her daughter.
Temperance walked to the stove as the water began to boil and pulled a box of pasta from the cupboard, pouring it slowly into the water, she glanced to the hallway. "Antonia, you better be getting your pajamas on, dinner will be ready in ten minutes…" She said, knowing that the little girl had little concept of time, but if she told her there was a time limit, at least she'd be aware of that.
"Almost done, Mama!" She called from down the hallway, and Temperance shook her head as she stare down into the boiling water, the pasta moving with the bubbles, the wooden spoon stirring it to keep it from sticking to the bottom of the pan.
Temperance closed her eyes for a moment, several seconds of sleepiness coming over her as she pictured the look on Booth's face, the sadness in his eyes, the hopefulness in his eyes as he mentioned seeing Parker. She could feel the sadness deep in her chest, the heaviness in her heart as she sighed. She knew that he loved her, and that he said that he needed her to be safe. He said that he would never disappear again, that he'd never betray her, but he had said it before, why was it so different?
Was this a promise to her, or a promise to Antonia? Was this a promise to both? Where would he stay? Where did he expect to stay? Did he want to be with her, or date her? Marry her? Be her partner? Her friend? Her lover? Who was he?
He is still Booth, still the man she loved, loves, and will love, forever… but where did he fit in with the life she had now? Where did he fit in with Antonia? Could she continue to raise her by herself? Did she want to raise her by herself? Would Booth want his things back? What would the arrangement be, so many questions, so many questions and not one answer.
"Mommy!" Antonia's voice jolted Temperance out of her reverie, and the spoon she had in her hand fell into the water hard, sending boiling water splashing up onto her hand. Antonia saw her mother's expression change from half asleep to intense pain, and she was frozen in place.
Temperance's face turned red, her hand was burning with boiling water, and she sucked in a deep breath to keep herself from shouting. The last thing she wanted to do was scare Antonia, what she didn't realize though, was that by not shouting, it was even more distressing for the little girl. "Mama! I'm sorry! What did I do?" She exclaimed as Temperance used her good hand to move the boiling pot from the burner, she switched it off and ran toward the sink, immediately turning on the cold water. "Mama? Mama? I'm sorry! Mama, talk to me!" She exclaimed, watching Temperance's eyes move to the ceiling as the cold water ran over her hand, and she sucked in a deep breath again and again. "Mama, please… mama!" She exclaimed as she started to sob, grabbing hold of her mother's shirt, she pulled on it as Temperance leaned down and lifted her up with one arm and buried her head in her daughter's hair as she tried to control her breathing. "Mama, talk… Mama… please..."
"I'm okay." Temperance managed to whisper into her daughter's hair. "I'm okay…"
"I'm sorry, Mama." She cried into her shoulder. "I love you."
"I love you, baby… it's okay…" She said, finally finding her breath. "I got you… Mama is okay…" She said, rocking the little girl back and forth as she turned the water off and assessed the damage to her hand, she carried the little girl toward the cupboard and pulled down a towel. "Mama needs you to do her a big favor…" She whispered as Antonia wiped the tears from her eyes with her sleeve, sniffling. "Can you do Mama a big favor?" She asked, watching Antonia nod her head. "Go into the bathroom and find mommy a pretty band aid for her arm… and then she'll feel all better…" She whispered. "Can you do that?" She asked, watching the little girl nod her head.
"Scooby doo?" She asked, sniffling, her brown eyes hopeful.
"Scooby doo might just do the trick…" She said, carefully lifting the little girl to the floor, she watched her run out of the kitchen quickly as Temperance gritted her teeth and let herself breathe heavily for a second as she walked to the freezer and filled the towel with ice, wrapping it around her hand, she waited patiently for the little girl to run in from the bathroom, just as Temperance sat on the floor beside the sink.
"We were all out of Scooby doo, Mama… I got you a care bear one…"
"Oh… even better…" Temperance said as she watched the little girl unwrap the band aid, letting her sit between her legs as she worked diligently.
"Where's it hurt?" She asked, looking up into her mother's tear filled eyes. "Right there… next to my elbow…" She said, in a place very far from where she was burned.
The little girl leaned forward and put a very light kiss on her mother's skin, looking up to see if the pain was gone from her face, she took a deep breath and put the band aid on her mother's skin very gently. "That oughta do it, mama…" She nodded her head. "Does it feel better?" She asked, sniffling again.
"It feels a lot better…" She said, nodding her head as Antonia rested her head against her mother.
"Mama?" Antonia whispered, hearing her mother hum in response as they sit against the cupboards. "I'm not hungry no more…"
"You're not hungry?"
"No." She shook her head. "I'm just sleepy."
"So am I…" Temperance admitted.
"Can we just go to bed?"
"Yeah…" She said, pulling her daughter up against her with her good arm, she slowly rubbed her back.
"Mama?" Antonia whispered.
"Mmm…"
"When is daddy coming home?" She whispered, hearing her mother's sad sigh as she rubbed her back.
"I don't know, baby." She whispered, kissing the little girl's temple. "Hopefully soon…" She said, nearly falling asleep right there. "Hopefully soon… because I don't know how much longer I can do this without him here." She said honestly, unsure if she had even said it out loud or to herself, she cradled her daughter against her as she tried to find the strength to get her and her little girl to bed.