The Nerd & The Cheerio ch. 34
When Quinn told me about going to a pool party, I assumed that it would be mostly Cheerios and jocks as I often forget that I am one now that I wouldn't have to go but as it turns out that's not the case. The angel assured me that it was going to be our friends and maybe a few of the other Cheerios if they decide to come but I'm still skeptical about going because I'm confident about my body and showing it to other people. I know that I'm in shape since I wake up at five in the morning for my morning workout and kick-boxing at the community center but having people constantly ridicule me for my looks has damage my self-esteem. I haven't given the cheerleader an answer and in some way I may or may not have been avoiding her a bit, hiding out in the choir room lazily around on the piano.
It's not my look that I'm insecure about, I have to listen to people talk about me, my condition and my family to my face and my back as it's struggle just to be left alone while hiding behind the façade that what they say doesn't effect me. I hate to endure the name-calling, having my house broken into, trashed, or having the front door vandalized with 'Devil's spawn', 'Abomination' or 'Crime Against Nature'. I had to fight to be left alone but no one in their right mind would want to come near me like when I was little, I would go to the park to hopefully make some friends but as soon as I would arrive at the playground, the parents would throw dirty looks my way.
Some went as far as drag their children away from me, warning against playing with the likes of me and there was one instant that a parent had thrown a rock at my head but lucky I ducked out of the way in time. There were a few people that didn't hate me for merely existing but I learned at an early age not to make trouble for other people as my Grandmother on my Dad's side of the family had told me when we went to visit her. She would constantly tell me it was better to be seen and not hear but if I could help it, not be seen at all. The last thing that I wanted to be was a burden and yet it always seem like I was which I think it's the large part of the reason why my fathers are often away on business trips and conferences.
They've gotten tired of looking at my face and constant ridicule of having an intersex daughter like being the only same- sex couple wasn't hard enough on them. The latest conference that they took is taking a lot longer than it should've but in a sense, I knew that they wouldn't be coming back for me. I knew by the look that Daddy gave and the kiss on the forehead from Dad that it was their way of telling me that this was goodbye. I'm surprised that they stuck around for the last sixteen years. Everyone seems to leave me and it's only a matter of time before my friends decide that I'm not worth having around anymore. It's only a matter of time before Quinn… before she realizes that she doesn't want me anymore and be able to do better than me.
Just the thought of Quinn leaving me is more than I can bear and I don't want her to leave me but I know that she realizes that I'm not worth her affection and what I truly am than our relationship will be over. I realize that I was crying until they were streaming down my face onto the piano keys follow by the sound of the choir room's door opening, quickly wiping away the tears before anyone sees them. Before I knew it, I'm standing on my feet with a fist full of my shirt while looking into a pair of angry hazel eyes and I don't know whether to be really turned on or really afraid right now. The angry look on my girlfriend's face quickly morphs into a confused/concerned look before wiping the stray tears from my face.
"What's wrong, baby?"
"It's nothing, I'm fine" I said putting a well practice smile on my face.
"Please don't lie to me Rachel, I can tell that's something wrong because I know that this smile on your face is fake" Quinn said frowning.
"I'm not lyi-"
"Rachel, I swear if you continue to lie to me that I will be very upset with you" Quinn said twisting my ear painfully. "So spill what's gotten you so upset?"
I sigh, knowing that Quinn won't let this go until she finds out what's going on with me as it's one of the various that I love about her as I sit down on the piano bench with her sitting down next to me. I never told anyone this, not even Noah but for the first time in the long time I let anyone see what really goes on in my head and in my life, to fully let them in. By the time I finished explaining everything, there was tear flowing down that perfect face that I love so much and the last thing that I want to do was make the cheerleader cry and I was going to wrap my arms around until she punched me on the arm.
"Ow what was that for?" I asked rubbing my arm.
"For being such a idiot, you are worth it and I'm not leaving you, not ever. You're so special to me Rachel that I don't know what I would do without in my life and I know that the guys feel the same way but I'm glad that you told me" Quinn said wiping her tears.
"You are?" I asked raising an eyebrow.
"Yes because I'm able to help you in the same way that you helped me. I didn't think that I was worth loving but you loved me, protected me, made me safe and I want you to feel the same way with me" Quinn said kissing me on the cheek.
"Thank you" I said smiling softly.
"You're welcome and no more avoiding me, right?" Quinn asked raising an questioning eyebrow.
"Yeah, no more avoiding you. When things become too much, I'll come talk to you"
"Better, now that's out of the way. Let's go" Quinn said standing up.
"Go where?" I asked confused.
"The mall if we're going to the pool party tomorrow then we're going to get you some swimwear that you're comfortable in" Quinn said winking.
"Quinn, I don't think that's-"
"Before you say that it's unnecessary, I'm gonna stop you right there"
We turned to see Puck, Mike, Sam and Gabby standing in the doorway with sheepish looks on their faces.
"How long where you standing there?" I asked glaring at them.
"This wasn't our idea. It was Puck's" Mike said as they pointed at Puck.
"I know for a fact that you don't have any swimwear which why as you're best bro to take you to get some" Puck said grinning unabashedly.
"We want to help you because we're your bros too" Sam said giving me a thumbs-up. "We're like the three Musketeers but with like four people"
"Five people" Gabby chimes in. "Plus you could use some girl advice"
"Thanks guys, I don't know what I would do without you" I said feeling overwhelmed with emotions.
"Don't get all mushy on us but there's nothing that we wouldn't do for you" Puck said holding out his fist. "You gotten this far with our help so there's no way that we're gonna abandon you now"
I stood up, wrapping my arms around Puck's waist and I know that he's not one for showing public affection but I couldn't stop myself because for so long I thought that I was alone even when Puck around. He wasn't there most of the time so it got really lonely but now… I don't just have friends but I have family that do care about me, not just because I'm popular or on the football team. They're here because they want to be here, by my side and I've never been more grateful to these people than I am now before I knew it, I'm surrounded by warmth that I never experienced before.
I don't know why I had thought letting the guys and Gabby drag me to the mall for swimwear for the pool party would be a good idea as Puck was trying to get me to wear a damn speedo. Honestly I don't know if he was serious about it or not but I don't particularly want to find out but I think that we lost Mike somewhere in the food court fifteen minutes ago although the cheerleader and I did lose the other two jocks. They were trying to impress Gabby but ending up annoying her with their constant fighting over petty little things so we gave them the slip when they weren't looking. I don't even know what I'm doing here, I don't think that I should be even going to this pool party but knowing my friends, they'll make me go as I snapped out of my thoughts by a hand on my shoulder.
"You know that you don't have to go to the party if it's making you this uncomfortable" Gabby said concerned.
"I'm not uncomfortable per say about the party" I said lightly pulling on my earlobe.
"Rachel, you look like you're ready to throw up your lunch"
"That obvious, huh?" I sigh.
"A little bit but you know that we'll understand if you don't want to go" Gabby said bumping her shoulder with my own.
"I know but I just don't want to disappoint anyone"
"You're not gonna disappoint anyone, the people that truly love you will understand. Of course we want you to come and have fun with us but if you're more comfortable with helping your regular clothes on then that's cool too" Gabby said wrapping her arm around my shoulders.
"Thanks Gabby" I said smiling.
"What are friends for?" Gabby smiles.
We walked around a little before finding something that I think that I might actually wear but I don't know if I'll go to the pool party but I guess that I'll just see what tomorrow holds. Gabby and I find Puck and Sam where we left them before going to find Mike who apparently spent the entire time flirting with the Hot Dog On A Stick girl and got her number. We went our separate ways and by the time I arrived home, dinner was being placed on the table as Logan recounts his day at pre-school and it seems like he's fitting at his new school even making a new friend. In the middle of the dinner, the phone rings and Frannie excuses herself to answer it but I couldn't hear all of it as the lawyer comes back into the room with a somber look on her face.
"What's wrong, Frannie?" Quinn asked concerned.
"Rachel, I'm so sorry" Frannie said shaking her head.
"Why are you sorry?" I asked raising an eyebrow.
"That call was from the hospital in Columbus and it turns out that your Dad were in an accident with a truck driver. He had fallen asleep at the wheel after driving for nearly eighteen hours straight and he collapsed with your Dads' car. Your daddy had died on the way to the hospital and Dad had died during surgery, I'm so sorry Rachel" Frannie said taking my hand in hers.
I don't know what to feel, honestly I don't think that I can feel anything as my feet moved on autopilot not hearing either Quinn or Frannie calling out for me as I just keep running. I run and run until I couldn't run anymore until I came to the meadow that my Dads had brought every year just to get away from prejudice of the town that we live in and this is my getaway when everything just seems like it's too much. I didn't hear the storm clouds rolling nor did I feel the rain pouring down on me until the cold seeped into my clothes but I couldn't bring myself to care as my tears rolls down my face.
I knew that my fathers were never coming but not in this way and they're still my parents as I lost the both of them in the worst possible way. It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest because I didn't get to say goodbye to them as I screamed until my throat was raw but the thunder drowned me out as I dropped to my knees. I don't know how long I stayed in this position but I knew that it's been a couple of hours as the sun rises over the horizon and I'm sure that I lost all feeling in my legs but sitting in this position for so long. My clothes feel so heavy from all the rain but nothing compares to how heavy my heart at the moment as I rise to my feet, slowly moving towards home.
~Nicole The Dragon Rider signing off
End of ch. 34