After hearing what Otabek had said, Yuri stayed silent. He needed some time to think about everything and the Kazakh gave him all the time he needed. The anger he had built up the last months hadn't vanished, but it had decreased a lot. Of course, Otabek had done many things wrong, but at least, he had never wanted to hurt Yuri. He had wanted the best for him and the Russian believed him. All he had done was in order to make him happy, the Russian understood that, even if the other skater hadn't always used the best methods to do so. Yet to be fair, Yuri had to admit that he also had done many things wrong. They should have talked about their feelings a lot earlier, because now, both of them were hurt. The whole time when he had thought that Otabek had looked cold and distant, he had been trying to hide how he really felt – just like Yuri. Even now, watching him from the corner of his eyes, the Russian saw, no, he even sensed, how low he felt. An aura of regret and pain surrounded him, muffling the usually bright shine in his eyes. Yuri didn't know if he should feel this way, if it was right to give in so easy, but watching the Kazakh hating himself so much, deepening his own wounds with every word, made the young skater's heart break. He never wanted for Otabek to feel this way. He wanted him to be happy. He wanted to see the smile he fell in love with.

He still couldn't realize that Otabek was also in love with him and to fully accept it, he was way too confused and too rattled. It seemed so absurd, like a fairy tale. Surely, it made sense what the other skater had said, yet his brain refused to take that in as a fact. Also, he had still some questions that held him back from letting the Kazakh get closer to his heart again.

"Can I ask you something?" Breaking the silence between them felt like shattering the house of glass around them.

"Sure, everything you want."

"You…you really never met anyone at the wedding, did you?"

"No. It was the night with you that made me stop sleeping with other people. I wanted nobody else but you."

"Then why did you have that date?" Yuri blurted out. This was the only thing that didn't make sense to him.

"What date?"

"In that café we always go to. It must have been about a month ago. Like in the second week of February or so." It was embarrassing for Yuri to still know the exact date. He had no idea why, but it was engraved in his memory as one of the worst days in his life, yet he would never tell Otabek. Although he deserved it a little, he was already feeling bad enough.

"Yes, I was there. Once but…"

"I saw you there," Yuri admitted. "You were with a guy I didn't recognize. You looked so familiar, so close, I…" His voice became more silent at the end until it broke.

"What guy? I.." Otabek stopped. "Oh…"

"What 'Oh'?"

"I thought I had imagined it...It might sound weird, but I've seen you everywhere: walking around a corner in front of me, behind be in the supermarket. I thought I was going insane, but it was really you back then." He stopped and Yuri was close to cut out his tongue if he didn't come to the point soon. "That guy was Erzhan. He's been a friend of mine since childhood. I think you must have seen him on a picture in my room. He was in Saint Petersburg for family reasons and he asked me if we wanted to meet up. I thought it was a good way to get you out of my head for a little while."

"That was Erzhan? But he looks so different from the picture I know."

"Yeah, didn't he? He changed a lot. I haven't seen him myself in two years as he had been living in South America, studying plants and animals in the rain forest. I was quite surprised myself when I saw him."

"So you guys weren't…?" Yuri didn't want to know, but at the same time, he wanted certainty.

"No! No. Besides the fact that he's engaged to a wonderful girl who went to school with us, I would never… Since I realized that you were the only one I really wanted, I never looked at anyone this way."

"I see." Yuri really wanted to trust Otabek. He believed that what he said was true. The Kazakh had no reason to lie to him. He hadn't even done that in the past. Yes, he hadn't told him everything, but he had always told the truth. The way he spoke and his expression were more earnest than the blond skater had ever seen him before. His own body told the Russian that his friend was sincere, yet, his brain made him remain cautious. It would probably take a long time to rebuild their relationship.

„May I ask something, too?" Otabek interrupted his thoughts after they both had stayed quiet for some time.

"Um?"

"Do I have…like…is there the slightest chance…that you'll forgive me?"

Yuri thought for a moment. "I guess…yes…I mean… It'll take some time for sure, but… It's not like you're the only person to blame. I just can't promise that'll be any time soon."

Otabek smiled, but he couldn't hide the disappointment in his eyes. "That's more than I hoped for."

They sat next to each other in silence again. Yuri noticed that there were still things on Otabek's mind that he didn't dare to ask.

"You can ask another question, if you want," he murmured.

"I know, but I don't know if I want to hear the answer."

"Um?" Yuri cocked his head and examined Otabek who squidged his fingers so hard, the Russian feared that he would break them. Then he suddenly stopped.

"Will you...come back? I mean back home?"

Yuri hesitated. Did he want to return here? Sure, living with Victor and Yuuri was pretty annoying, but at least he could calm down there. If he was living with Otabek again, everything was uncertain. Everything could happen. The darkness around him might reappear. The weights to pull him down might wrap around his ankles and wrists again. But on the other hand, getting used to the Kazakh could also help him return to his old form.

"You don't need to. I won't lie and tell you that I don't care. Of course, I want you to come back. This way I could see you every day and make sure you're okay. But I understand that it's easier for you right now to stay away from me. You want to concentrate on the world championship and if keeping my distance from you helps you achieve that goal, I'll do my best to support you."

"No," Yuri blurted out without thinking. Otabek looked at him surprised.

"I mean...you don't need to stay away from me."

A shy smile formed on the Kazakh's lips. "Thank you. I don't know if I could have held myself back."

It was quiet again for a while and Yuri wasn't sure if this silence was comfortable or not. It wasn't completely awkward, but there were still so many unspoken things between them that made the atmosphere charged. In addition, both were so unsure about how to act and talk, it felt a lot like their first meeting.

"But… you still want to go to Germany, don't you?" Otabek's voice was merely a whisper.

"Yeah, sure. I mean, Yakov has already arranged everything."

The way Otabek's expression changed, sent painful aches through Yuri's heart.

"But I haven't decided yet, if I will train there. At first, I'm going to visit Wertmann for two weeks and afterwards, I'll decide what to do. Maybe I don't like him," he added quickly. Somehow, he didn't want Otabek to look that way. His brain told him that he deserved it, but if Yuri was honest, he would have loved to take the Kazakh's hand and tell him that he would never leave him.

"It's okay. I knew very well that your decision wouldn't change. But I'll wait for you. Not only those two weeks, but the whole time until you come back."

Yuri wanted tell him that he didn't need to, but Otabek didn't let him say anything.

"Please don't say that this is not necessary. This sounds too much like I don't stand a chance anymore. I want to wait for you even if you don't want me anymore. It's not like I could do anything else. My feelings for you haven't changed in the last six years, so I'm sure they won't do so during these months. Even if you stay there for years, I will wait. Just allow me this small ray of hope. Don't take it away from me by saying I shouldn't do that."

With a sudden rush, Yuri's body was filled by an overflowing heat. More than his confession, Otabek's pained but determined face made the Russian realize how much the Kazakh loved him. He felt the stream of sweet golden honey running through his veins into the smallest vessel, convincing even the last doubting part with its warmth and tenderness.

Taking two deep breaths, Yuri reached out for Otabek's hand, loosening its tight grip around his wrist. The Kazakh's gaze was following Yuri's movements in disbelief. Slowly stroking over his fingers, the Russian felt how much the other skater was trembling. It was odd to see Otabek like that. He has never been insecure or afraid, but now he looked like Yuri was his executioner.

For a while, Yuri didn't say anything. He just kept caressing the other's skin. It calmed him and allowed him to reflect whether the things he was about to say were stupid or not.

"It's okay, if you wait." He finally whispered. His head was turned down, concentrating on their hands, but he could feel Otabek's gaze on him.

"I don't know how much time I'll need. I don't know how long it'll take for me to trust you again. But if you wanna waste your time waiting, it's fine by me." He intertwined their fingers, waiting for a reaction from the Kazakh. Only cautiously, he latter raised their hands to his mouth, placing a soft kiss on Yuri's hand.

"Waiting for you has never been a waste of time."