Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended for entertainment purposes only. The characters and world belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them.

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Panthalassa: High Tide

Chapter 36 – Flow of Energy

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I was not as obsessed with the vast improvements my senses had gained when I became immortal as Jasper informed I should be.

Everyone was rather interested in me, my reactions, my ability, and my lack of memory. They tried to give me space, being a newborn they understood how my instincts were in charge. However we found they would have had to go roughly three miles away for them to leave the range of my ability. So I was stuck, and very angry for being stuck. My movements were much too fast, and I didn't understand how strong I really was, so after the children went to bed I was going to be shown how to move around a human world.

"Why do I even have to learn this?" I complained. Most of the time I stood stock still and never even furrowed my eye brows like I'd seen Kenji or Edward do from time to time, it felt unnecessary to move.

"Humans may not be as observant as we are but they frighten easily when they see something that cannot be explained easily." Carlisle patiently said.

I liked that I didn't even need to turn my head to see most everyone all of the time, my peripheral vision was as good as looking forward. Carlisle was standing off to my left, Esme near him. All of the Cullen's wanted to be a part of this, to teach me how to act more human.

"Humans are food, why would I want to act like one? I wouldn't be hanging around them unless their purpose was to be my next meal." My reasoning was pretty solid from my stand point. Humans were food. Humans didn't act differently around cows or apples did they?

Edward sighed slightly, "You are a newborn so it will take some time to get used to the idea. But in this family we choose to curb our instincts and value the sanctity of life."

"It will not be easy." Carlisle warned before giving each member of his family a pride filled smile before settling back on me.

"It took me more than 30 years before I was confident enough to walk around them." Emmett told me with humility.

I stared Edward down. This is stupid, I thought. I was full of frustration and anger at these people. One, because they were responsible for that burning torture that made me like this, and two because they were trying to control me.

"We really aren't Eva." Edward insisted.

"Listen," I hissed lightly, "I would be perfectly able to walk among humans without drinking them, if I wanted to. Which I don't. You mention the sanctity of life, yet I am told to feed on animals? What about their life? Are humans more important because they thi-"

"Would you just listen to yourself?" Rosalie interrupted. My mouth snapped shut with a flair. My body was vibrating with anger.

"I don't have to stand here and listen to this." I sharply stated glaring at each of them. The fourth light in Jasper grew in brightness and I felt calmer.

Kenji put a hand on my shoulder and I fought the indignation to shrug it off.

"That might be a good idea." Edward looked to Carlisle then to me.

"Let's make a deal. We will stay out of your way no matter what your feeding habits will be, if you promise to spend twenty minutes with Renesmee." His caring and soft suggestion almost covered up the fact I didn't have to strike any sort of deal with these people. But… they had cared for me, and were trying to show they still cared. Maybe I owed it to myself to just try.

"Fine." I agreed.

.~.

Renesmee was up in the mountains sitting on the ground, her knees tightly pulled to her chest as she softly wept. My approach was direct, and no one was following me, I could have taken this opportunity to run. But when I first heard her sobs, so soft and yet so full of grief I stayed my course.

The sun was getting low in the sky, and I watched it with interest. My skin was splashing light in every direction as I came to stand in front of her.

"I'm here." I said. She wiped the tears and snot from her face with the back of her hand. She had darker circles under her eyes than I did.

I started the count to twenty minutes as soon as she spoke.

"Did the others tell you I have a gift?" she asked, her voice was hoarse giving evidence to previous loud wailing and sobbing.

"It's the opposite of Edwards." I repeated what I knew. It felt odd looming above her like I was, and that was the only reason I knelt down a few feet in front of her.

"Would you like to see… anything?" She asked searching my eyes.

Renesmee was basically a living recorder for at least some of the events I was missing from my memory. But without knowing what I was missing it was hard to find a starting point. I was two minds about this family and my new life. It was hard for me to focus on which outcome I wanted more. The instinctual immortal me just wanted to seclude myself, feed, watch my children grow, and mate with Kenji. The rational part of me longed to know what I was missing from my memories. Had I really been happy with the family of vampires? Had they really loved me? But those questions honestly didn't matter now, the only family I needed was with Kenji.

"I don't know." I said, then I began explaining myself to Renesmee, her eyes were very expressive and I could see sadness building in them when I told her what I thought I wanted.

"Maybe we can start at the beginning. From the first time I met you," the most heartbreaking whimsical smile briefly made an appearance on her face. She put her hand out for me to take, and when I put my hand in hers I saw her fourth light flare then I was seeing something as if I was dreaming.

…

I was able to easily understand that I was observing from Renesmee's point of view. She was able to show me what I looked like the night I came to live with the Cullen's. My head was shaved, and I was thin, my shoulders were hunched forward as if I was scared. However, my face showed my true emotions, I was interested and overwhelmed. Renesmee showed my first night and some dinner's she had with me, carefully avoiding the parts where her husband must have been. She showed me singing and playing with the Cullen's. Jasper was teaching me to play the guitar, and I looked… happy. She showed my first Christmas with the Cullen's and how Alice had pinned my short hair back for my concert. I was astounded to see the change in myself. I guessed that the change in my physical appearance and happiness had been gradual but with Renesmee showing me a much more condensed version of events it was truly amazing to see.

She showed me a trip we had taken to Yellowstone, and my interest in the events piqued because I had been told about my biological father and the fact he had been a real werewolf. She showed me singing and us rolling in the truck. Then she jumped to seeing me in a bed with machines hooked up. I looked near death, and although I had a solid lock down on my thirst when I saw the human me bleeding slightly through the gauze I felt the tickling of desire for that blood.

She showed me at my dad's funeral and the fight shortly after that. I found myself actually impressed, standing up to vampires like I was. Renesmee had cut her hair grieving for our friendship, why she showed me that I wasn't sure. We went through most of the summer and then me coming back to live with them and me hugging her in the woods somewhere. I realized while she was showing me the memory how I'd never had a friend like that. Even vague memories of people I interacted with while in foster care were not even close to the friendship I saw the two of us having.

Renesmee went through the last three years quicker, and when I had been kidnapped she was near frantic and crying all of the time. In the memory when she saw me again, Renesmee leaked some of her emotions through and I began to feel unbelievable amounts of relief, and guilt and sorrow over what had happened to human me.

A righteous fury built in me seeing the damage that had been done to my human self, and the fact I couldn't remember the trauma was a double edged sword. It was probably kinder that I didn't remember it now as an immortal I would remember it forever. By forgetting I lost so many other things, like understanding how I was able to move past that trauma. But seeing the damage through Renesmee's eyes was enough to ignite a fury in me towards this Zhan vampire.

We came upon seeing my and Kenji's interaction. My human self couldn't see the looks of adoration he was giving me, but Renesmee could see. She showed me a bit of Seth and his dislike of Kenji, apparently the wolf man had been in love with me. The pregnancy with the hybrid was so enthralling I began comparing it to the vague memories of the baby I'd had before.

I got to see Adam's birth in its entirety. He was amazing, Kenji was amazing, and I felt very proud of myself.

Twenty minutes were up just as Renesmee pulled away.

We stared at each other for a long moment. It was actually 3.54 seconds but to beings like us it felt like a long time. I wasn't sure what I should be feeling. I had half expected the Cullen's to be lying about their feelings for me, or my feelings towards them. By showing me her memories it had solved the issue of me wanting to get away from the castle and just being with my tiny family and Kenji. It had been covered in story time about how Zhan could control others and was using her ability to kill off vampires by using newborns, as we were very strong in our first year.

"I- I can't lose any one e-else I love Eva… please…" she started crying again bowing her head and letting the tears fall to her knees. I took a long breath in. Her grief was bitter and with the new memories of our friendship I felt protective of her. Remembering how gentle I needed to be I put the tip of my finger under her chin and guided her to look up at me.

The human me needed her, needed her friendship. That and the love I'd seen the others give me surely made all the difference in where I ended up. She needed me.

"I will always be here for you, and I-I am sorry I don't remember on my own." Her tears slowed some as she watched me and considered my words. "And I promise you right here, right now I will not let anyone else you love get hurt." She nodded sadly, tears of relief bubbling up in her eyes.

Looking back on the memories she gave me, and the foggy ones I had of my own past I realized something else about her.

"You are my first and only best friend… Ren," I felt a small smile break across my face at saying the nick-name I had called her in the memory.

I had to be very careful as she launched herself at me and full on started bawling.

.~.

"Looks like the conversation you had with her went well." The tone Jasper used was kind and patient.

"I should be less likely to run off. Apparently I have a family and some responsibilities. I can't just go off…" I caught myself, if I talked about feeding I would want to.

Jasper had met me and Ren about half way back to the castle, our perfect eyesight could see everything in fine detail even with the three-quarter moon light. I could see the other lights not much further away, and I could hear them shifting and talking to one another. It seemed my 'siblings' were all waiting to hear how it went.

"You can go on ahead Ren," I tried to smile at her. I heard everyone's happy response in the distance to me saying the familiar nick-name. Ren nodded still so severely depressed before running back to see the others. Once she far enough away I looked to Jasper.

"Even without your memories you are still much calmer than most newborns. I wasn't nearly as well behaved for months." He complimented me as he started to walk back. Walk. It seemed needlessly slow. I resigned myself to following along with the rules this family was setting forth, I'd trusted them as a human, and there was one lesson I had learned very well over the years and it was that I could only ever really trust myself. If I had trusted them then, I could do it now.

"It's still hard to be around a large group," I complained.

"Edward mentioned your ability helps you deal with that anxiety?"

I was looking at him while we walked forward, and the angle my head was to my body felt weird, like I should be watching where I was going, but of course I could see perfectly where to step.

"The lights I see can indicate who is a threat, and so far Ichiro is the only one I want to be far away from, otherwise I could easily handle any of you if for some reason you wanted to attack me."

"You would just turn us off?" He asked still very interested.

"Yes. But the reason it's hard to be around so many others is the burning light here," I pointed to Jaspers throat. The light had a sort of sinister look to it, like it could never be... fulfilled. I solved the problem for mine by just turning the brightness off.

"You can see the thirst?" he actually sounded impressed and surprised.

"I see it as if it's a red flame captured inside a crystal prism, it's beautiful… but very harsh. The colors coming from it are so sharp; I don't like looking at it. Being around so many of our kind I can see it in all of them and it reminds me of mine."

"Does it cause you more stress, by making you thirstier?" Jasper was really concerned and his ability flared slightly when I felt the concern as he was speaking.

I stepped on a twig breaking it, and did that awkward shoulder shrugging motion.

"Oh good lord no. It makes me anxious. I turned that light off as soon as I felt how uncomfortable it was." Jasper stopped walking at that, so I stopped walking too. "So I feel anxious because I want to do the same thing to everyone else so I don't have to look at it."

He opened his mouth to say something, shook his head once, closed his mouth, cleared his throat and asked in a very small voice, "You turned it off?"

"Yes, as I see it right now it's like that crystal prism is empty now, or the outside of the prism has a tinge of red in it. It feels much better this way. I especially don't like being so close to yours… it's so bright."

After that statement I had to tell Jasper why the light in his throat, the one for thirst, was so bright and enlarged. His light was like a cancer it had tendrils linking to his ability. Meaning his empathic ability was fueling his thirst. When he was near others that were thirsty it was like a shot of energy straight to the thirst light. It looked so vile and I felt horrible for him, once I finished explaining I couldn't contain my desire to fix it. I reached out with my fourth light and my hand, my finger tip barely touching his throat, and I turned his thirst down. His facial reaction to what I was doing was instant. His scared hand went to his throat, the awe in his eyes made me smile inside.

"This," I paused my manipulations for a moment, "Is how bright say… Rosalie's light is." As I could see her light it was a fair comparison.

"It goes down further than this?!" He practically laughed in my face; I felt a strong wave of giddiness which had me laughing.

"It does, but I see a problem," I saw the thin line of light from his ability steadily supplying his thirst light. "Eventually it would go all the way back up to its full brightness on its own. Due to your ability. I see two solutions to the problem."

"Go ahead and give them to me electrical engineer Eva," he laughed happily at his own play on words. Due to his influence on me I was rather amused.

"First solution, I turn off your fourth light," seeing the puzzled look on his face I remembered he hadn't been there for that conversation. "Your ability, I could turn it off." He frowned slightly.

"Or I could try to find a way to cut that little thread of light linking it between the two. It doesn't seem as likely to work though."

"Eva…I feel practically… I have never felt less thirsty in all of my existence." To add to that he pushed a heaping amount of gratitude towards me.

"You're welcome Jasper. When I lowered the intensity of your light it reminded me a bit of Carlisle's."

"Oh?" He asked as we resumed walking.

"His isn't as sharp and ugly of a red as everyone else's. It is much softer." It was comparable to a book cover that had been sitting in the sun for a long time; it was still red, but much more faded.

"Well… if this is normal I think I might be able to go to Medical school like the others, hopefully I won't have to put up with one more decade of Rosalie lording that over me." He joked.

Okay, I thought, I guess having a family wouldn't be that bad. Sometimes I judged things too quickly; at least I knew well enough when a change of my mind was in order.

.~.

As an immortal I never got tired, not physically at least. But I after I had been requested kindly by everyone to turn off their thirst light I felt required to oblige, I found out what it was like to be mentally drained. It didn't take me long to do, and as more of the stinging red lights were turned off I found myself actually feeling better and relaxing. All said and done I had turned off the energy supplying 20 vampires with a raging dry thirst. I hadn't wanted to do anything to Shizuka's light, but it wasn't worth being petty over, so I did it anyway. Ichiro's had been rather difficult to get at, as he couldn't get close enough for me to do much, just tweak it a little, which was better than nothing. Afterwards I noted something new with my own light. As I worked on playing with others energies my own thirst light pulsed more frequently. It was uncomfortable but not painful.

Thankfully when I finished with Tia, everyone wanted to go off and be with their mates. Esme and Carlisle were going to watch Lily and Adam while I went hunting again. It made me extremely happy when Kenji came along.

"I don't know if you realize how big of a deal what you did for everyone is." The warmth in Kenji's voice made my entire being feel comforted.

"Big deal for them. Not for me. I am actually impressed that I didn't have to do anything to your light." My compliment had Kenji kindly smiling.

"Hundreds of years mediating will do that."

We were running to the south, an area I hadn't yet been in. Kenji was going to try to feed me a rabbit himself; he'd use his ability on it as I fed. He warned me it might not be possible as I was still a newborn and my instincts for killing made me very protective and wild for my kills.

We ended up at a little rabbit farm; Kenji took two rabbits before the motion detecting lights could even come on. He had to hold on to the rabbit as I fed, otherwise he wouldn't be able to increase the blood volume of the small mammal. As soon as my teeth tore in to the small soft creature my senses were over taken with the threat of the vampire close by possibly taking it away. I ripped the animal from the threat, rabbit guts scattered all over the forest floor. A tiny amount of rabbit blood dribbled down my chin as rational thought came back to me.

"Sorry," I muttered. I had barely gotten anything from the critter. One long gulp and then I couldn't handle Kenji being so close.

We tried four more times to allow Kenji to give me a solid meal of rabbit blood. Each time had a similar outcome. I would yank away my prey from him and growl deep within my chest. I was frustrated, mostly. But also I was highly amused, I felt a little bit like a child poking at something an adult had told me to stop doing a long time ago.

"Perhaps in a few weeks we could try this again." He sighed.

"If you just let me hunt humans," I grumbled. Once again turning off the light responsible for my thirst, having had it on while feeding so I could actually appreciate the smooth texture of the blood.

We arrived back at the castle and I could see how much Lily had changed in the few hours we had been apart, it was astounding. The hybrids were amazing. Lily liked to change her eye color to her favorite color of the moment, which right now was an odd cream color, it was rather creepy I suspected I felt that way mostly because she was so tiny.

Kenji and I had around 67 minutes with our children before we heard Alice call for us. She was all the way in the lower rooms of the castle, the area where servants would live, and probably had lived at one point.

Seeing how many immortals were gathered with my second sight gave me time to prepare myself so my newborn instincts didn't go overboard. Before we got to the room, we got side tracked. Ren was standing in the hallway and I could smell the stink of the wolf shape shifter all over her, I could even see his lights further down the hallway.

"Eva… Seth, he wanted to see you." She told me, her eyes still as lifeless and depressed as I had ever seen them. It was amazing she was even functioning. I supposed the upcoming battle and the potential for lives lost gave her something to be strong for.

Not speaking I looked to Kenji, but it was Adam that spoke, "You go see Uncle Seth, mummy, he's missed you a lot." I took a long soothing breath in of Adam's scent; it reminded me of a breezy day on a hilltop.

"We'll be inside waiting," while balancing Lily, Kenji lifted Adam from my arms and set him down. The little boy turned his blue eyes to me and smiled with approval before following after the retreating back of his father. Ren gave my arm a pat before going with them.

I was down the hall and standing in front of this Seth person I didn't remember in this life before a full second passed. He of course could hear me coming but that didn't stop him from gasping by my sudden movements.

He smelled so horridly I was instantly scanning his lights to find the culprit. The closer I looked at his lights the less I liked of them.

"You look… amazing Eva," He smiled at me. Trying briefly to find any emotions I must have had for this man, as evidenced by Ren's memories, I failed. So I focused on the memories she gave me.

"Thank you Seth." I muttered. I was unsure what to say to him, or what to do. I was still trying to figure out what part of the 600+ lights were the reason he smelled terribly, but in the mean time I turned off my sense of smell. It was uncomfortable not smelling the subtle things in the air, but it was better than smelling him.

The awkwardness stretched as I counted the seconds. Five went by before he spoke again, an eternity to me.

"You'll be happy to know I didn't imprint on Lily." He timidly smiled, I couldn't really tell if he was being serious or trying to joke with me.

"It doesn't make me unhappy." I replied simply. His face fell slightly and he nodded once, as if to himself. His posture changed slightly, shoulders rounding a bit and he didn't seem to want to look me in the eyes now.

"They told me you don't… that you don't remember any of us, not really." I nodded. "In a way I think that makes it easier for you… which I guess I am happy for."

While I couldn't agree with him or disagree as having no memories I couldn't tell what I was missing if anything. Although I was beginning to really wish for the memories from my perspective of Kenji and I; how we met… and well everything after that till I woke up as a vampire.

"I know you were-are," I corrected myself seeing his eyes darken in sadness at my words. "A good friend to me. And I wish I knew what to say, I know… the whole family is experiencing the grief over Jake and I am supposed to be a part of that, I feel like I am hurting everyone a little more because I don't remember."

"You aren't hurting anyone, so don't even," His voice cracked slightly under the emotional strain I was seeing bubble up. "I am just very very happy you are… alive." He nodded and then moved to embrace me. My eyes went wide and as he wrapped his arms around me my instincts to fling him away warred within me. I kept telling myself over and over that he was supposed to be a friend and ally. My animalistic nature however wasn't easily assuaged with words, and a low growl rolled through me.

Seth realized his mistake and released me, he had a rather cute embarrassed smile on his face as he took a few deliberate steps back. His smile changed while my growling stopped.

Suddenly he was laughing, not just a small chuckle, but full on bent over his knees laughing.

"I can't believe you just growled at me!" He managed to get out between breaths.

I smiled, realizing how silly it really was. I could remember my human life and I never would have imagined I would growl with that kind of intensity.

"It's odd that I am not even aware of why I do things like that… growl or hiss." I admitted.

"I am going to guess it's an instinctual thing." The smile faltered slightly as his eyes looked deeply into mine. He was searching for something in my bright red eyes.

He took a long deep breath as if to calm himself, I could hear the rush of the air go in to his lungs and I found it creepy I could hear the inner workings of his body so well. "Eva I-," A thought occurred to me just then, and my face must have changed drastically as Seth interrupted his own sentence, "What is it?" he asked concerned.

I heard Edward stifle a chuckle from the other room and Emmett instantly started begging Edward to tell them what was so funny.

"I just… I can hear everything going on inside of you," I said the clear disgust and awe in my voice caused Seth to become worried. "I just… I lived with a household full of vampires for almost three years…" at this point my revelations were barely coming out as a whisper, Seth face instantly became amused understanding where I was going with this. I realized that with this understanding and the surge of embarrassment human me would have been blushing, but I wasn't so I was just staring past Seth shoulders looking at the off cream color of the wall across from me.

I was completely aghast with what they had to have heard. Because I didn't know Seth that well I wondered if he was sympathetic to my new understanding or if he found it humorous.

"Well if it helps any, I know they only placed bets on five occasions on how much you'd fart in your sleep." He told me with a very convincing air of sincerity.

Instantly I heard many others laughing in the other room, my son and daughters laughter stood out among the group. However I was not amused and I glared at Seth.

"They WHAT?" I barked, my fury building. Thinking about me sleeping while the Cullen's made bets on my bodily functions.

"He's joking," Bella said, she sounded annoyed.

"Mostly," Emmett snickered.

Seth must have been able to tell I was about to go in there and throttle that big oaf, because he called my attention back to what he was going to say before I realized the living situation I was in.

"Eva, this might be the last time I get to see you… alone for a… while," He stumbled so heavily on the last word I wondered exactly how often he and I had been alone before.

"I know you don't, and probably won't ever understand what I am going to tell you, but I do owe it to you. I gave you a really hard time about Kenji, and more times than I care to admit I made things between us worse," he gave a small mirthful chuckle, "Hell I think sometimes I had a talent for knowing the wrong thing to say and then actually saying it. I want to apologize for ever making you feel like you owed me anything, or for ever making you sad."

His large brown eyes were trying to see into me. I knew what he was seeing too, bright red blood eyes that probably held no discernable emotion. And truthfully the only emotion he was evoking in me was impatience. But as he spoke them, I thought on his words, he was trying to make amends for something.

"Seth," I took a long breath in, reminding myself to be gentle. I did not remember him, Ren showed me things, but that wasn't enough to get a solid feel for what my actual feelings for Seth were. But he cared deeply about me, without my memories I could at very least try to understand his position, even if I didn't actually care about it, "I don't think you have any need to apologize. I am sure I forgave you when I could remember exactly what it is you are referring to, that's just who I am." I lied.

I may forgive people, but most times I would still hold the grudge of what they did in my heart. I doubted Seth had ever done anything serious enough to me that would warrant me to pay him back for anything.

.~.

With the bright lights of the vampires thirst off, the gathering did not seem so stressful for me. I stood with Lily in my arms and Kenji to my left, Adam was sitting on a table top next to me, leaning in to my side. The others; Kate, Garrett, Eleazar, Benjamin, Tia, Siobhan, Liam, Maggie, Toji and Shizuka were on Kenji's left going in a circle. Ren, Edward, Bella, Seth, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, Tanya, and Ichiro were standing to my right. Ichiro was furthest away, which made me more comfortable, I almost wanted to thank him for being further away, but perhaps it wasn't a planned action of his.

"So the update is I have been seeing Zhan changing a lot of people, or deciding to. She had mostly given up the use of werewolves, as they are much more difficult for her to utilize, they are much more chaotic and volatile." I could hear the disgust in Alice's voice, I briefly wondered at her ability. How detached from witnessing those being changed was she?

Carlisle spoke up immediately, "Do we know where she is or what she plans do with this new group?"

Edward takes in a sharp breath, "Not a group, so much as an army. What Toji and Alice are seeing is closer to an army."

Garrett, Liam, and Jasper all look displeased with this information, much more than most others in the room. I had heard Garrett mention he'd been in the American Revolution, perhaps he could as well as the others who've been in battle see the destruction a human army could do.

"She is near the border of Mongolia now. Before the hybrids just blurred my visions out some, it looked like she was changing roughly 10 a day. I doubt she is able to control more than that at a time from when they finish changing to where her ability can control them."

"10 a day?!" Kate sounded wounded, defeated almost.

I wasn't worried for my own safety; unless Ichiro was around I was very aware of how to stop others from harming me. Manipulating those lights would not be a problem.

"If we go find her now, it will decrease the size of her forces, simply by preventing her from changing more." Jasper said what we all must have thought. Esme and Carlisle recoiled at the thought. Bella looked worriedly from Edward to her daughters face.

"She'll know we are coming, I am sure she would have sent newborns out to keep watch for their camp." Ichiro was only partially right.

"Not really," I mutter thinking about my lights. I see Edwards look of appreciation. Kenji's fresh baked bread scent washed over me as he draped an arm over my shoulders. The weight of his arm registers but does not affect me in the slightest. "I can see lights three miles away. If we approach down wind I can spot those on watch and…" Then what? I realized I hadn't thought that far through.

"I go in and take them out. We would have to pair up for this of course." Shizuka gave me a cheerful smile; her eyes however had a catty quality I didn't like.

"This will be a battle." Kenji sighed, "We have 43 vampires to their 104, at last best guess."

"3 to 1 odds…" Benjamin murmured. Something about the way everyone seems to tense up bothers me.

"When do we leave?" I ask, already wanting this whole ordeal over.

"We can't be hasty," Carlisle gently said.

"You were just espousing to me the importance of human life, and why you eat animals. Yet you want to delay going to destroy this person who has and is causing massive amounts of destruction?" The irritation and bitterness in my tone are easy to hear.

"We just don't want to go in without a plan." Siobhan adds.

"Plan or no plan, what we are facing will end up being chaos. There is no one here that doesn't have something to lose." When Toji speaks I briefly feel like he is pulling some sort of string that I cannot see, but since he seems to be on my side about this I let it go.

"First we have to decide what to do with the hybrids," Ren says.

It doesn't take much of the conversation to realize that Ren will have to take Lily, and Adam back to Washington with her and Seth to keep them safe. I don't want to part with them. But I know it would be for the best, if I have to fight to kill this Zhan I will need to have no distractions about whether or not my children are protected.

"It won't be completely 3-1," Ichiro adds after we all agree where the hybrids will be safest. I see Kenji smile and Shizuka barks out a pretty giggle. "Otousan… perhaps we could use the armory for once?" I see the excitement in Ichiro's eyes and suddenly everyone seems to be interested in this idea.

I however am I little confused, seeing this Kenji explains.

"I can make weapons from the strongest most harmful material to vampires… I shape vampire teeth in to swords and daggers." Emmett gave a loud whoop of excitement. Kenji seemed to think the attention was amusing so he picked up Adam and gestured to the group. We follow him at a normal vampire speed and arrive at a 4th sub basement of the castle. Ichiro brushed past me temporarily blinding my second sight as he went, he walked up to a fairly solid looking wall made of granite and dugs his hand into the material as if it were clay. Watching I could see him strain to lift something, and knowing that Ichiro is literally the strongest vampire known to exist it was rather impressive.

"This is very stable rock," Benjamin ran his hands all along the rough curves of the tunnel we are standing in.

"Can you sense how hard it was for Kenji to carve?" Shizuka pops up behind Benjamin, her black hair glinting in the minimal light provided by the stairway behind us.

"It wasn't easy," the Egyptian laughed pulling his hand away to look at Kenji.

"It took me around 230 years to carve this out, and 180 of those were when Kaneyasu was around to boost my ability." The sad dip in his voice around his masters' name brings a little ache to my heart, knowing Kenji lost someone so dear. Then again Kenji only had time to tell me that Kaneyasu had changed him and was Ichiro's real father, but all the same he meant a lot to my Kenji.

Ichiro managed to lift what I quickly estimate is 2 tons of solid rock and slide it a good 18 inches, providing entrance to a little room. Most of us cannot fit in there, but of course most of the men push forward so they can get a look of course Kenji is excitedly at the front showing Adam a nice looking dagger.

Armory is a rather misleading word for this room, I decide. The alcove is about a 6x6 room, with a table that runs along the back edge. The entire room has eight weapons in it, nine if you count the sai's.

"Each one of these weapons, used properly, will triple your lethality. You would not have to grapple with an opponent." Jasper gave a low whistle after Kenji explainedand handed the short katana to him. I can feel the threat these weapons pose, knowing how sharp our own teeth are, having a sword with such a long reach sends an uneasy chill up my body.

Kenji gathered all of the weapons, and we formed a tight group in the narrow rock corridor. Ichiro had pulled his abilities influence in as far as he could, but even so it still blanked out my second sight in this area.

"How do we decide who gets a weapon?" Maggie speaks up looking at the long sword Kenji examines.

"Those with the weakest fighting skills should have them, and be paired with a better fighter to keep them both safer." Tia suggests.

There is some disagreement about whom should wield the weapons. Some think that those that are the strongest weapon users should have them, protecting others better. But eventually everyone agrees that those weakest fighting hand to hand should have them. I grin in self satisfaction as I am not even considered to need a weapon. My ability is more than enough of a weapon for me to fight with.

Kenji and I separate from the group, after seeing Adam's eyes water slightly we know it is time to be alone with our children. After all tomorrow night they will be on a plane headed for the safety of the Quileute tribe and we have no idea when the next time we will see them will be.

I spend some time alone with Lily, telling her stories about my own mum, and about my life before she disappeared. I tell her about my life, and about myself, as much as I can remember anyway. She smiles at the right spots and makes a laughing happy sound when I tell a funny story. She is somber when I tell her about the life after my mum had left.

"Lily, I don't want to you worry about me or your father." She smiles, her eyes bright blue again. "I'll protect him, and we'll see you as soon as we have taken care of that horrible woman." My little girl has such an expressive face and every emotion that flickers across it, I wonder if the feelings I have are the same my mum had when looking at me.

Her tiny hand reaches to touch some of my hair, like Adam does.

I start humming a song that Alice had played in the house earlier. Once the melody was in my head the lyrics for the song resurfaced in my memory like they had never left.

"Dream a little dream of me…" by time I finished the song, my daughter was crying slightly, and I was certain they were happy tears, because if I could cry, that's what mine would have been.

..~..