Chapter 36- Purposeful Parenting
"In this hat, there are many papers, each with the numbers zero through three written on them at random." Kakashi explained as he shook a hat around and stood in front of all the students. "Each student will pick a paper out of the hat to determine how many children you will have."
"CHILDREN?" everyone repeated with the utmost of skeptism. (Just so you know, that is NOT a real word.)
"Not REAL children." Said Gai as if Kakashi hadn't said that the students were going to have children. "Kurenai? Asuma?"
Kurenai and Asuma each whipped out a carton of eggs from behind their backs.
"Eggs!" cheered Asuma.
"You have to take care of the eggs as if they were your children." Kurenai explained. "This will help reinforce you for your future experience with children and taking care of them."
"We're only twelve!" said Shikamaru as if he was legitimately offended that the teachers were making them do this.
"On the contrary," said Gai. "Some of you are older."
"I'M not." Said Shikamaru.
"But some of you are." Said Gai.
"But I'm not." Shikamaru repeated.
"All right… this is a circular conversation." Said Asuma as he came in between the two of them. "Shikamaru, I would expect such a thing from Gai, but certainly not with YOUR high IQ!"
"Leave my IQ out of this." Said Shikamaru.
"Geez, Shikamaru, what's your problem?" said Naruto.
"Um…" Ino said quietly. "I put make-up on him while he was sleeping last night."
"AGAIN?" said Asuma. "How many times do I have to tell you to not do that?"
"Shikamaru, you just have to learn to not sleep in the same vicinity as Ino anymore." Chouji advised.
"Wait," said Tenten. "Gai, didn't you say that this was a team based holiday?"
"Way to change the subject, Tenten." Said Neji.
"Shut up!" said Tenten.
"Well, I DID say that." Said Gai, rubbing his chin. He turned his compadres. "Didn't we agree that this would be a team based holiday?"
"Oh yeah." Said Kurenai. "Well, you must take care of your children together as a team! As if it was some kind of nursery or something."
"So let's get to this baby process." Said Kakashi as he practically tossed the hat at Naruto. "And hurry up."
Naruto reached his hand in and pulled out a paper. When he unfolded it, he revealed that '1M' was written on the paper.
"1M?" Naruto read. "What's the M mean?"
"Well," said Gai, looking over Naruto's shoulder. "The one means you have one child, and the M means that it is male." He reached over and picked up an egg from one of the cartons. "So you should think of a name for him now."
"So we're naming the eggs too?" Naruto groaned.
"YES!" said the teachers.
"Um…hm…how about Pansuke?" Naruto suggested.
"Why would you name your child that?" questioned Sakura.
"I wouldn't." said Naruto. "This is an egg, not my child. So it doesn't matter."
"I don't know if I will tolerate your child being named a no-no word!" Kurenai announced.
"Kurenai, you did NOT just use the term 'no-no word'." Asuma said.
Kurenai thought for a moment and then gasped. "I DID!" she wailed.
"Come on, come on, let's get this going." Kakashi said, moving on to Sakura.
Sakura reached her hand in. "I hope I get at least one girl!" she said excitedly as she pulled out a paper to reveal she had picked a '1F'. "That means one child and it's female, right?"
"Right." Said the teachers ALL IN UNISON.
"Yay!" cheered Sakura as Kurenai handed her one egg. "I'll name her Kajitsu, because that's a flower just like Sakura!"
"Well, actually Sakura, it's not a flower." Said Ino. "It's a berry."
"Whatever." Said Sakura because she didn't want to look like she cared.
"And once Sasuke picks his then your team will be complete with their children." Kakashi said, imposing the hat on Sasuke as well.
"Don't be annoying and pick a high number, Sasuke." Said Naruto as if Sasuke had any control over it whatsoever.
Sasuke reached in and picked out a paper. He gave a heavy sigh as he read it to himself, and then was coaxed to read it out load. "3MMF."
"So Sasuke has two males and a female!" interperated Gai.
"SASUKE!" said Naruto angrily. "What did I JUST say?"
"I wasn't really listening, Naruto." Said Sasuke.
"And what will you be naming your children?" Kurenai asked curiously.
"Well, my first born male will be named Sasuke." Sasuke answered. "Beyond that, I don't really care."
"You should name your second child Senjou, so he can grow up being almost as troubled and unstable as you are." Said Naruto, obviously trying to annoy Sasuke.
Sasuke was above being annoyed, so he agreed. "Fine." He said, and Naruto shook his fist at him. "And the girl will be…uh…"
"You should name her Hana." Said Kiba.
"Why?" said Sasuke.
"Because that's my sister's name." Kiba answered as if it was common knowledge.
"Oh." Said Sasuke. "Um…fine."
"Wonderful!" said Kurenai as she took the hat from Kakashi and turned to Kiba. "Since you're so good at picking names, how about you pick next?"
"I'm not good at picking names." Said Kiba. "That's just my sister's name."
"Whatever, just pick a paper!" said Kurenai.
Kiba shrugged and took a paper. "1F." he read.
"What will you name her, Kiba?" Hinata asked.
"Well, not Hana." Said Kiba as he went into deep thought. "Well, I guess she'll just be Kiba Jr."
"Kiba." Said Naruto. "It's a daughter. You can't name a girl Kiba."
"Why not?" said Kiba, looking offended.
"Because that's YOUR name!" said Naruto. "Unless you're telling us that Kiba is ACTUALLY a girl's name, then you just can't do that!"
"FINE!" said Kiba, sounding overly offended. (Everyone else was wondering why Naruto actually cared.) "Then I'll just name her Akamaru Jr.!"
"You can't name a girl Akamaru either!" Naruto said, ready to throw a temper tantrum.
"This is coming from the guy who named his son Pansuke?" Sakura pointed out.
"That's different." Said Naruto, crossing his arms.
"Fine." Said Kiba. "Hinata, what do you think I should name my daughter?"
"Um…" Hinata said nervously.
"How about… Tashoku?" Kiba said finally.
"That's random." Said Shino.
"Yeah, well, Shino." Said Kiba.
Everyone waited a bit for him to continue, but he seemed as though he was done with his statement with just that, so Kurenai decided to move on to the next member of her team. Hinata!
Hinata picked a paper out and got slightly depressed when there was no number on the paper at all.
"That's okay." Said Kurenai, patting Hinata on the shoulder.
"Yeah!" said Kiba. "We can share MY daughter!"
"Thanks Kiba…" Hinata said hesitantly.
"Last but certainly not least, SHINO!" said Kurenai.
Shino reached into the hat and pulled out a paper. He stood there like a tree staring at his paper until Kiba took it from him to read it out load. "3FFF."
"Three girls!" Hinata said cheerfully.
"No." said Shino.
"And their names?" Kurenai asked.
Shino paused for a moment. Maybe two. "Moujo, Jijo and Sanjo."
"Shino…" said everyone, but then they decided to just laugh about it and exclaim, instead, "OH SHINO!"
"Next up is my team!" Gai cheered, turning to his team that was just standing there in a helpfully silent fashion the whole time except for that one outburst by Neji and Tenten.
"ME FIRST!" Lee shouted as he leapt forth and pulled out a paper. "1M! I have one male child! And I shall name him after me! LEE!"
"What a wonderful idea, Lee!" said Gai.
"Had I two children, I would have certainly named one after you, Gai." Said Lee, looking overly dramatic.
"That would have been the greatest of honors!" said Gai.
"Won't you be my son's godfather?" Lee asked as he held his egg so tightly that it might have burst if he had held it just a little bit longer.
Gai gasped. "WOULD I?" he said excitedly.
In the meanwhile, Tenten and Neji each drew a paper from the hat, revealing that they had also gotten papers with '1M' written on them.
"Lame." Said Tenten. "Our whole team got one male child!"
"Don't turn this into a feminism thing, Tenten." Neji warned.
"Won't one of you name one of our children after our teacher and mentor, Maito Gai?" Lee said.
Neji had that look that was like, "No way, bi-otch." And Tenten had that look that was like, "Well…um…er…"
So Lee decided to abandon asking Neji for any favors and try his best to get Tenten to do it for him. Eventually, Tenten gave in and named her egg Gai.
"I AM SO HAPPY!" Gai screamed.
"Neji, what will you name your child?" Asuma asked as he took the hat, all ready to give children to HIS team.
"Hichou." Neji answered as if he had been thinking about it previously.
"WHAT A SURPRISE!" screamed everyone…IN THEIR MINDS.
"Finally, for the best team in the universe…" Asuma started.
"But my team already picked their papers!" said Gai, looking legitimately confused. Then he realized that Asuma had been referring to his OWN team, and so he got embarrassed and hid behind Lee.
"Like I was SAYING…" Asuma said, throwing a glare back at Gai and then facing his students. "It's time for you all to pick your eggs. Shikamaru? Would you like to go first?"
"Fine…" said Shikamaru. "Just to get this over with faster…"
He took the paper out of the hat.
"1M." he said. "Well, at least it wasn't three children."
"What are you going to name him, Shikamaru?" Ino asked.
"Um." Said Shikamaru.
"Never mind." Said Ino. "You're too lazy to think up a name. How about Shikataro? Cute, isn't it?"
"You're acting like you thought about this before." Shikamaru eyed Ino suspiciously.
"No I didn't!" Ino said as if she was mad at Shikamaru for accusing her.
"Chouji?" said Asuma.
Chouji picked out a paper and opened it. His face fell when he discovered only a zero upon his paper.
"Aww…" he said sadly. "I kinda wanted to have one or two…"
"That's all right Chouji." Said Shikamaru as he held out his egg for Chouji to take. "You can have Shikataro if you want."
"I'm not going to kidnap your son, Shikamaru!" gasped Chouji as he drew away from 'Shikataro' like it was the plague.
"And last of all, we have Ino!" said Asuma.
Ino stepped forth and picked a paper. She opened it up and gasped dramatically as if these papers even meant anything. "3MMM!" she exclaimed. No, she didn't say Mmmm as if she had tasted something really delicious. She said 'M' three times.
"It appears as though Ino has come across three sons." Said Asuma as if it were a tragedy.
"I thought we were going to get off easy with just having my son." Said Shikamaru with a sigh.
"Shut up, Shikamaru!" said Ino. "Keep up with THAT attitude and I won't name one of my sons after you!"
Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.
"That's more like it." Said Ino as if Shikamaru had apologized or something. "My first son will be Inoshi, after my father. And then my other two sons will be Shikamaru and Chouji, but I'll call them Shika and Cho for short."
"Now…you DEFINITELY thought about that previously." Shikamaru said.
"I did NOT, and don't say that again!" Ino threatened.
"OKAY!" said Gai, waving his arms to get everyone's attention. "Now that you all have children, you may all depart and take care of them! Tomorrow, we will—"
"Tomorrow?" Kiba interrupted. "You mean we have to take care of these things for a whole day?"
"Kiba, they're just eggs." Shino reminded him.
"They're not JUST EGGS!" Kurenai said. "They're your children!"
"This is also a team bonding exercise." Said Kakashi. "So we will be checking in periodically to make sure you're taking good care of your children."
"I'm going to put my egg up for adoption." Said Neji.
"No!" said Gai. "Give your egg the love and support that YOU have always longed for, Neji!"
"Gai, don't bring my personal life into—" Neji started but everyone quickly ran away as fast as they could so they wouldn't have to listen to one of Neji's rants on the Main House or fate.
Only Lee and Tenten remained.
"See, Neji?" said Lee. "THIS is why you don't have any friends."
Neji thought it over for a little while. "So it IS the Main House's fault." He finally concluded.
Tenten and Lee both slapped their foreheads.
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And, just so you know, here's what the kids names mean.
Pansuke- Um…go look it up in a Japanese-English dictionary.
Kajitsu- a type of berry.
Senjou- Fan.
Tashoku- many colors (or) one who generally eats a lot
Moujo- first daughter
Jijo- second daughter
Sanjo- third daughter
Hichou- flying bird
Shikataro- the beginning of Shikamaru's name with a generic ending that most boy's names have (much like 'maru')
Inoshi- well, that's the name we decided Ino's father should be named a long time ago before he got an actual name so…blah.