TO CLEAR UP CONFUSION: THIS CHAPTER TAKES PLACE FIFTEEN YEARS AGO AND IT EXPLAINS WHAT HAPPENED TO SOPHIE. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS PLEASE ASK THEM IN A PM OR A REVIEW AND I WILL ANSWER THEM IN THE AUTHORS NOTE OF THE NEXR CHAPTER OR IF YOU SENT ME A PM I WILL PM YOU BACK THE ANSWER. Sorry, I accidentally deleted the chapter. PLEASE REVIEW! I WORKED VERY HARD ON THIS CHAPTER AND IT'S VERY LONG! I had a very tough time writing this. I'd really appreciate it!
MAX POV
"Time to get up, baby," I whisper, sitting down on the bed next to Ash, and rubbing her back.
"No, mommy," she whines.
"Yes," I say," You need to get up if you don't want to be late in getting to the zoo."
"The zoo!" she cries cry, sitting up.
"Uh, huh," I nod.
Ash had been begging me to go to the zoo for over a year, and I finally broke down. If it had just been Ash I wouldn't have caved. However, that wasn't the case. Sophie and Ash teamed up, and made my life a living hell. They would bug me everyday, every moment possible. The things those two can do when they work together is amazing. I don't doubt that they could solve any world problem with the snap of their fingers.
Ash smiles brightly. I feel a slight tug in my chest. The way she looked at me before this moment makes me feel like a bad mother, because I denied her something which was so trivial to other children. But what can I say? I was raised in a cage. Seeing other living beings imprisoned doesn't exactly bring back memories from the good old days. Ash, of course, was too young to know about my childhood, so I basically was just one big controlling party pooper to her, and to Sophie for that matter. Until they live in a cage I doubt they will understand.
Before I can say anything to coax Ash out of bed she is already across the room rummaging through her drawers. I laugh. I know that within the next ten minutes she will have already gotten dressed, eaten breakfast, gotten her shoes and coat, and started asking when we are going to leave. I leave her, and walk down the hall to Sophie's room.
"Soph," I call, knocking on the door.
"Come in," I hear her say.
I twist the knob, and push the door open. She sits on the the bed, still dressed in her pajamas. I can see dark circles through the rims of her glasses. I can tell that she only just fell asleep. I instantly regret waking her.
"Oh, Soph," I whisper, walking over to her.
I sit down on the edge of the bed, and pull her into my arms. She wraps her arms around my waist. I hear her sniffle a few seconds later, which tells me that she's begun to cry.
"What happened," I ask, smoothing down her hair.
"Matty," she sniffs.
"Oh, sweetie," I say," What did he do?"
"He called last night," she cries," He told me that it was my last chance to come with him to Antarctica. But I know that he isn't telling me the truth. Something isn't right. Why would a Organic Chemistry major be going to study icecaps when he was offered a position as a professor at Yale, which is all he ever wanted?"
"I don't know," I admit.
Sophie was right, it did seem odd that Matty continued to be so insistent that she move to Antarctica with him. It was especially weird considering that Sophie was a doctor, not a scientist. What could she really offer a team of Arctic researchers? She wasn't trained in anything besides the medical field. Yes, Sophie was a doctor, but the thing is she isn't a government doctor, so she would never be allowed to join a government research team. All of this brings up a big question; how does Matty, someone who just graduated from college with a degree which has absolutely nothing to do with Antarctic icecaps, have enough authority and position to recruit expedition members to a government only project?
"It's almost as if he's trying to protect you," I tell her.
"Protect me?" she squeaks," What is there to protect me from? It's not as if I have a dangerous job which puts me in danger."
"It depends on how you look at it, Soph," I say," You are putting yourself at risk with your work."
"How?" Sophie snorts incredulously.
"You see crazy people every single day at work," I tell her.
"Yeah, I guess," Sophie sighs," Matty isn't crazy. Something is going on, he just won't tell me."
"Maybe its not important," I tell her.
"Maybe-" she starts to say, before Ash bursts into the bedroom, hurdles herself onto the bed, and begins to spastically jump up and down.
"We're going to the zoo!" Ash cries, ecstatically.
When she doesn't get a response from either of us, she stops jumping and glances back and forth between Sophie and I. Her face falls. Ash knows something isn't right.
"What happened, Mommy?" she asks, plopping down beside us in the bed.
"Nothing," Sophie lies, wiping her tears with the sleeves of her pajamas," Auntie just had a bad dream, and Mommy was making me feel better."
I give Sophie a small, appreciative smile. She sniffs a little, but the tears luckily don't resurface. I can tell that it takes every ounce of will power for her to not resume crying. Although Sophie is beyond strong, she can still be a little bit sensitive, especially when it comes to emotions. I shift my gave from her to Ash, who seems to accept her brief explanation without a single question. Ash smiles, throwing her small arms around Sophie's shoulders.
"Mommy always can make you feel better," she says.
"I know, she sure can," Sophie laughs, softly, returning the hug.
Sophie stands up, still holding Ash. She shifts her onto one hip, and begins to walk towards the closet. I watch as Ash leans over and whispers something into Sophie's ear. Sophie laughs, shaking her head. I continue to watch them. It's times like these that make me happy about my decisions. I know that if I had stayed with the Flock Ash would never have the chance to live a normal life. She would instead live a happier cage free, mad scientist free version of my childhood. And while that would be great, I've never wanted that for her.
I decide to leave them alone together. I walk downstairs to the kitchen, where I find Ella sitting at the table. Ella stares blankly out the window. She has one hand resting on her belly, while the other is placed against her chest. Tears run steadily down her face. I falter, unsure of what I should do.
For once I feel completely helpless. I've never lost a child, so I don't know what it feels like. I can, however, only imagine what it would be like to carry a baby for nine months and watch as your child comes into the world small and lifeless. Ella may not have made the smartest decision by running away, but she would have been a great mother. It hurts even more because her stomach hasn't flattened back, and she still looks pregnant.
"Are you heading back today?" I ask, cautiously.
She looks over at me, and barely nods. A million different emotions are displayed on her face. Sadness, worthlessness, hopelessness, loneliness, yearning, regret, envy, eagerness, pain, weariness. I don't know how she hasn't given up. I may be strong, but if I were in Ella's position I know that I wouldn't be able to see a way out.
"Will you ever tell him?"
I can instantly tell that I shouldn't have asked. Those five words bring her crashing down. She stands, and runs from the room. A few moments later I hear the door of her room slam. I regret everything I have said, and done over the past six months. Every little fight, or disagreement weighs on me. I should have respected her choice. If she doesn't want to tell him that is her choice. It's not my life she's living. From here on I vow to never mention this again, unless Ella requests for me to do so directly.
Ash and Sophie enter the kitchen, pulling me away from my train of thought. Sophie gives me a curious look, but doesn't say anything. It's not that she doesn't care, it's that we simply don't have time, and she doesn't want Ash to hear. After all, by the time we get back Ella, and everything that ever marked her presence will be gone, and by her specific orders she will not be mentioned again. Nobody can ever know that she was here, not even Ash, who has seen her ever single day for the last few months. It's to be as if she never existed.
Without so much as a word, I walk over to the counter, grab my keys and my bag, and head out to the car. I wait in silence for the next twenty minutes, until Sophie and Ash are ready to go. They both get into the car, and without a word I pull out of the driveway. What is a relatively quick drive seems to drag on painfully slow. We finally arrive, and I find a parking spot. After unbuckling, we get out of the car and head towards the main gates.
"Stay close," I instruct, grabbing Ash's hand, as we cross the parking lot," Don't talk to anybody, don't get ahead of Aunt Sophie and I. If you can't see us we can't see you. Got it?"
Sophie rolls her eyes, and crossed her arms over her chest. She thinks that I'm way to cautious. It's not my fault that I look at everyone as a potential kidnapper. Given my history, I'm only being realistic. The last thing I need is to have Ash taken from me. I make sure to pretend that I don't notice. Ash gives me a quick, and sincere nod, and tugs on my hand in attempt to reach the gates faster.
"Relax," Sophie whispers softly enough so only I can hear," You'd think that we were going to walk through a crowd of child kidnappers."
"You never know," I hiss.
This earns me another rolling of the eyes from Sophie. She's an optimist, I'm a realist slash pessimist. If life were a ship heading into a storm Sophie, the optimist, would say that everything was going to be okay, while I, the realist slash pessimist, would be adjusting the sails so that we would go away from the storm, while I simultaneously announced in despair that we were facing the end and our ship is as good as sunk, and our bodies are essentially dead and buried.
We reach the gates, where we pay for our admission, and grab a map of the zoo. Ash eagerly opens the map and begins listing off what she wants to visit. Within less than ten seconds she has decided that she wants to visit the emus, the orangutans, the gorillas, the rhinos, the sloths, the kangaroos, the lions, the giraffes, the chinchillas, the bats, the falcons, the meerkats, the penguins, the zebras, the wallabies, the squirrels (why do they even have squirrels? We can just go to the park to see those) the owls, the goats, the flamingos, the llamas, the bears, the cobras, the alligators, the yaks, the hyenas, and the tortoises, but that's only her short list. I can already tell that it's going to be the longest day of my life, which is saying something, considering that I've given birth.
I nod in defeat. Sophie nudges me, in attempt to make me act a little happier. All I want to do is to go slam my head into a wall, and not stop until this day is over, which Sophie knows. Judging by how Sophie is squinting her eyes at me I can tell that that is not an option. It's her fault that I gave into to Ash's constant whining, so why do I deserve to be subjected to this torture?
Sophie loops her arm through mine, and pulls me along after Ash. Our first stop is the flamingos. I'm horrified when they begin to jump on each other and proceed to mate in front of us. Sophie and I quickly pull Ash along to the next exhibit. Thankfully we stop to have lunch just as my body is about to break down from exhaustion. Ash shows no sign of being anywhere near done. By the look on Sophie's fade I can tell that she is somewhere in between how I feel and how Ash feels. How she ever manages I doubt I will ever know. This is one of the great mysteries of Sophie.
We finish up and head back into the mass chaos which is known literally and figuratively as the zoo. The crowd bumps us around, pushing us towards an unknown location. I reach behind me for Ash, but my hands come up empty. I whirl around, desperate to find her. I spot her about sixty yards behind, with Sophie less than ten feet further. Sophie tries to push through the crowd, towards Ash. I let out a sigh of relief as she manages to pull Ash to safety.
I shove my way through the wall of people as quickly as I can manage. By the time I reach them, the panic has subsided, and I am able to appear nearly calm. Though I know that Sophie can see right through me. I pay little attention to the furtive glance Sophie gives me. Given the current situation I can't think of a single (at least half decent) mother who would not have been overtaken by anxiety and motherly instinct. I pick Ash up, and walk us over to a bench, where I try not to mull over what just happened. Sophie follows closely behind.
I set Ash down on the bench and give her a good look over. Everything appears as it should be. But how I to know that she hasn't been emotionally traumatized and scarred for life? This is when the realization hits me; me from six years ago would be giving present day me a good slap across the face and told me to stop being such a ninny. I gulp in horror by the use of the word ninny. Pre mom me wold have something much more creative and colorful. Oh god, I've gone soft. Where did the Max I once used to be go?
"Do you want some ice cream?" Sophie asks Ash, pulling me out of thought.
Ash gives a small nod. I reach into my bag, pull out a ten dollar bill, and hand it to Sophie. She shoves the money into her pocket.
"I'll meet you at the otter exhibit," she says, placing a hand on my arm reassuringly.
"Okay," I mumble, taking Ash's hand.
I follow Sophie as she walks towards the ice cream cart. I've just begun slowly steer away from her when the first shot rings out. Everyone around me bursts into fearful scream. I am instantly pushing Ash to the ground, and throwing myself on top of her. I hear another shot, over the loud pounding which fills my ears. Blood sprays across my back. I manage to cover Ash's ears just before there is a third shot. She whimpers, softly.
My breath is short and ragged. Everything inside me screams that I should run. After ten seconds without hearing a gunshot, I lift my head up. Beside me lays Sophie, covered in the bright crimson of her own blood. I stifle a scream, prior to recollecting myself. I order Ash to keep her eyes closed, before I pick her up, and break into a run. I try to avoid tripping over all the other people, who are still pressed flat against the pavement in fear.
I rush out of the gates, past the tellers. They undoubtedly are still unaware of what has just happen. I run across the paring lot, frantically trying to find where I've parked the car. I dig into my bag until I find the key. The car beeps when I press the unlock button, which allows me to locate it. As we get in the car I order Ash to buckle her car seat. I almost cause a car wreck as swiftly pull out of the parking space. I ignore the angry honking of the driver behind me. Police cars whiz by as I speed out of the parking lot. The pay little attention to this, which I know is because they have much more important things on their minds right now. As do I. Although they don't know it, we are all thinking about the same thing; Sophie.
I manage to get home in half the time that it took us to get to the zoo. I tell Ash to grab her suitcase and to pack as many clothes as possible. She obediently runs up the stairs towards her room. I walk down the hall and pull my own suitcase out of the closet. I bring it to my room and fill it with a months worth of clothes. I then go to Sophie's room and get her suitcase. On my way out I grab the photograph on her nightstand. I let myself glance down at the photograph. The picture was taken only a few months before, by Ella. It shows me, Ash, and Sophie sitting on a beach, watching the sunset. This sets me off. Tears begin to well up in my eyes. I push the feelings back down.
I trudge out of the room, and set the suitcase on the couch. I go downstairs, into the basement, and reach behind the dryer. After a few failed attempts, I pull out a dusty zip lock bag, which contains our passports. I go back upstairs and zip it into the outside pocket of Sophie's suitcase. After searching the house and grabbing any pictures and documents that could be used to confirm that I lived here, I go upstairs to check on Ash. She is on top of her suitcase, crying.
"I can't close it, mommy," she cries.
I shush her, and walk over. She slides off the suitcase, and sits on the bed. I zip it up with ease. I tell her to bring it downstairs. She asks about her stuffed animals, and I say that she can put them all in Sophie's suitcase. Once we finish pack, I load our bags into the car. Ash gets in and buckles, and we pull away from the house. I take a glance back, knowing that this is goodbye. The peaceful house in the woods that I have called home for the past six years shrinks gradually , until it disappears all together.
Ash's soft cries fill the car. I feel a twinge of guilt. I should have prepared her better. She's never experienced death. Up until this point she has had a relatively normal upbringing. All the things that worked for don't matter now. I never wanted her to life how I've lived. Her whole life is about to change. The stability she has known and grow accustomed to over the past five years is about to go away. I suppose it's my fault. I should have taught her that life isn't as easy as she was raised to believe it is. While I had to fight for everything while growing up, she has had everything handed to her. I wouldn't call her necessarily spoiled, I would however state that she views the world far to innocently for someone like her.
We drive until we reach the airport. I park the car, and unload the suitcases. I'm not sure what will happen to the car, but at this point I couldn't care less. We head to the terminal, where I intend to buy tickets. I first find a map of the United States, so that I can figure out where we will go. As I scan the map, I find a town located in the middle of nowhere. I need to make sure that nobody would ever think to look for us where we are going to go. I then bring the suitcases over to one of the counters, pick Ash up, and let go of everything that I have been holding in.
"What can I help you with, sweetheart?" the woman behind the counter asks, before looking up.
Her face instantly softens when she sees that I am crying. I would normally give myself a pat on the back, but right now I'm not faking anything. For once in my life I am going to use genuine emotion.
"I need to get to Salt Lake," I cry, patting down Ash's hair.
"Okay, honey, I'll see what I can do," she says, looking back at her computer.
She focuses intently for a few minutes, before she finds what she is looking for. She prints out a pair of tickets, and hands them to me.
"All we have are two first class tickets, and the plane leaves in half an hour," she tells me.
I nod, and hand her my credit card. She runs it, and after it goes through she takes my bags and checks them. The process takes now more than five minutes.
"Hey, Angela," she calls to the the woman who is at a counter about thirty feet down from us," Will you come cover me? I've got to get them through security, before the 794 to Salt Lake City leaves.
The other woman nods, and comes and takes over. Elisa, as her name tag says, leads us through the terminal, towards the security line. She bypasses the entire line, and takes us to the VIP check in. A grim, older looking man sits behind the counter.
"I need you to check them, Carl," Elisa says.
"Why can't they wait in the line, like everybody else," he growls.
"She has a disabled child," Elisa explains.
"Disabled, Elisa, really," he snorts, giving me a suspicious look," That little girl is the poster child of health."
"She's deaf," Elisa sighs.
Carl purses his lips into a tight line. I can tell that everything inside him tells him that he shouldn't trust Elisa. Frankly, I wouldn't believe her either, but right now that isn't important. I don't want to know what will happen if we don't get on that plane. We need to disappear as soon as possible, and this is the quickest way. Carl sighs, and I hand him the tickets, and our passports. He only glances at them for a brief moment, before handing them back. Less than a minute later Elisa is leading us towards the gate.
"I don't know what is going on, or what you're running from, but you keep that little girl safe," Elisa say, when we reach the gate.
"I will," I tell her.
I glance back at her, as we wait in line to board the plane. At first I don't know why I trusted her so easily, but I then realize that it is because she reminds me of my mother. I feel a contraction in my chest. I should be running to my mom, not to the unknown. But I can't face her. Maybe Ella and I aren't so different after all. We both run from the same things.
They take our tickets, and we board the plane. It only takes us a few minutes to find our seats and settle in. I stare at the airfield through the window. How many times do I have to run into the unknown before I can find somewhere that will be my home permanently? I don't want Ash to spend her life in the shadows, always worried that she'll say or do the wrong thing. She deserves so much more than I can give her. Maybe it's time that I bring her home. I know that they would all love her. But would they ever forgive me? Some things can't be forgotten. I push the thoughts away. I'll decide when we get to Salt Lake City. For now I decide to think of a good future, one where we don't have to run, and we don't have to hide.
"Where are we going, mommy?" Ash asks, lacing her small hand through mine.
"We're going somewhere where we'll be very happy," I tell her.
"Do you promise?" she whispers.
"I promise."
That is the longest chapter I've ever written, and boy was it difficult! And as promised, I will be posting the last chapter on the 17th, so stay tuned! Please review and tell me what you thought!
~Lillie :)