I swear this is some extreme selflessness right here! I mean, I said that I would do anything for this world, but I never thought I'd have to do THIS!
In case you need a recap, I am currently inside Mr. Slave's anus. So far, I have passed by a dildo belonging to Cartman's mom (I'm assuming, since it had the name "Liane Cartman" on it, and Cartman doesn't have any siblings), which I had to activate to clear some shit (literally) out of my path. I also found a flashlight and some bats (which I vaguely recall Mr. Slave warning me about earlier), and I even found a cellphone right as a call from some guy called "Big Gay Al", who was apparently Mr. Slave's husband, came through. He left a message telling Mr. Slave that he "better not be tied up someplace, you silly goose." I snorted at the irony. Eventually, after entering a more-open space, I met with the ghost of a sparrow, which didn't surprise me. Come to think of it, the ghost frog I met earlier didn't surprise me either. Go figure.
"I am the Sparrow Prince." the sparrow said, which would have startled me if the frog hadn't spoken to me already. It was at this time that I noticed that the sparrow was wearing a silver crown and a dark blue cape. He also had a sword at his side. The Sparrow Prince continued, "Like you, I was once used for pleasure as an anal plaything, and thus perished in this place." Actually, I'm up here to disable a nuclear bomb, but whatever. "Now you must defeat my angry spirit in order to move forward."
I tilted my head. You sound pretty calm to me. The Prince, sensing my confusion, insisted, "I know I don't really sound that angry, but trust me, I am."
I narrowed my eyes, analyzing my opponent. I left my sword sheathed, knowing that physical attacks wouldn't work, as he was no longer of the physical plane. In order to hurt him, I would have to use a more advanced stage of Spirit Manifest, the same technique I used to stop the Woodland Critters. I'd had a feeling that I might need the technique's next stage in this fight, so I'd used it to get home after my meeting with Damien, just to make sure I could in this body.
"Prepare yourself, New Kid!" The Sparrow Prince commanded, his calm tone never changing. I crouched down on all fours, watching as two smaller birds, summoned by the Sparrow Prince, dove at me. As they got close, sharpened beaks ready to skewer me, they suddenly dissipated. The Sparrow Prince's eyes widened.
"What's this?" he exclaimed, voice still calm. I grinned, a rare expression bordering on sadistic, as a long, black, whip-like tail materialized over my head, connecting to the base of my spine, the feathers from the birds that it had just slashed still hovering around my head. My elongated canines gleamed in the low light of the anal cavity as two large, black wings extended from my shoulders. My red eyes glowed with superiority as I stared down at my opponent. Good thing the gnome's dust is so resilient.
"My anger…is greater now." the Sparrow Prince snarled, although his tone remained the same. He spread his wings, diving at me himself. I leapt up to meet him head-on, slashing his chest as he scratched at my stomach, his talons succeeding only in tearing my jacket. He glared at me and lunged again. I blocked him with my wings.
Enough of this foolishness.
My strengthened telepathy reverberated off the anal walls. I heard Mr. Slave groan with pleasure, but I ignored him. Focusing on the spirit before me, I pounced at him, which he preceded to dodge.
It's over.
"Well done…Dragonborn…" the Sparrow Prince gasped, fading from view to leave only the arrowhead tip of my tail, which I had driven through his heart when he had dodged my initial strike. I then turned to the path in front of me, my own spirit fading from view as the Sparrow Prince appeared in front of me.
"You have proven yourself in combat, young anal plaything. You may journey forth! Find the snuke's trigger and save the outside world! Fare thee met and fare thee well!" And with that, he disappeared.
After moving a little further into the intestines, I hid behind an area of the intestinal wall. Well, looks like I've found the snuke.
"I didn't join the company for this." a government agent sighed, standing in front of an opening that led to what could only be the stomach.
"We've got our orders." his companion replied indifferently, adjusting his hold on his gun.
"Yeah, but how come we always get the shit jobs?" the first guard complained, turning to the other guy and putting a hand on his hip, "Go clean the barracks. Go round up civilians in their homes. Go up a gay man's butthole and guard against intruders. Fuckin' sucks!" He stamped his foot in frustration before resuming his watchful position, though his mind was clearly still elsewhere.
The Frog King and the Sparrow Prince appeared beside me, keeping their presence hidden from all but me. I had known they'd been following me the whole time.
"Armed guards? What are they doing here?" the Frog King exclaimed worriedly, tightly gripping his golden staff.
"Whoever seeks to blow up the city clearly doesn't want anyone stopping them." the Sparrow Prince commented in reply.
"You must get past them, Dragonborn." the Frog King told me, "Go fuck 'em up!" They both then faded from sight, but I was still aware of their presence nearby. There was another presence up ahead, but it seemed to be concentrating too hard for me to contact it.
I narrowed my eyes. These guys didn't seem the type to willingly sacrifice their lives in service, nor did they seem particularly well-trained. Still, they were somehow able to shrink and climb up a gay man's ass to guard a nuclear device knowing (hopefully) that they would die when it went off.
"I don't have time for this." I thought to myself, remembering everyone who was in danger. Silently drawing my sword, I lunged at the guards, faster than the human eye could see, and slashed through both of them. Hey, if they really were willing to die, what better way than by an angel's blade?
With the guards out of the way, I entered the stomach, where a strange, eerie voice sang.
New Kid came to the stomach dark. 'Neath the cold depths of the lungs and heart…
As the voice faded, the other spirit I had been sensing appeared: a catfish.
"Hello, Dragonborn." the fish said, immediately recognizing me (all spirits instinctively recognize angels by their aura, since angels often serve as guides for lost souls), "I…am Catatafish."
The voice returned.
Catatafish of the stomach's cove…
"The trigger of the thermonuclear device lies before you." Catatafish explained, not acknowledging the voice. You don't say. "I have tried to solve its riddle, but I have been unable to disarm it."
Catatafish riddle will soon be told…
The voice sang. I spared a look around the stomach. What IS that?
Catatafish, not seeming to even notice the singing, continued, "There are only moments to spare. Find a way to disengage the trigger, or all will be lost." He then faded from view, joining the other two spirits in observation.
Alone once again, I looked at the snuke. There were three buttons: a red and orange one that could only be accessed by higher-ups, and a blue button with a handicap symbol. That's it!
I smirked, activating the handicap button and typing in a passcode that I learned by discreetly looking into the Bard's memories. Angel powers can be very convenient at times.
With the snuke's control panel now open (with two pipes extending from the sides that looked suspiciously like legs), I started the abortion sequence, revealing an opening that looked a little too much like a woman's vagina.
"Abortion sequence initiated." a robotic female voice said, providing a syringe filled with a strange liquid, "Begin electronic infusion."
"Ok, WAY too similar." I thought, injecting the opening and causing the pipes to go limp, "Really?" Grabbing the dilator provided, I opened the hole further, revealing a chip that had to be removed in order to disengage the snuke's trigger. I sweatdropped (not from nervousness) and used the provided vacuum to remove the chip, successfully aborting the snuke.
"Well done, Dragonborn!" the Frog King congratulated me as the trio reappeared.
"We knew we could count on you, Dragonborn." the Sparrow Prince added.
"We are very grateful to you, Dragonborn." Catatafish told me, raising his trident and surrounding me with energy from the three spirits, "The least we can do is get you out of here."
"Farewell, Dragonborn!" the three called in unison as I was lifted up the esophagus, "And good luck!"