Chapter 36: This Is Where The Title Goes!
A/N: My god, this chapter is definitely a tribute to my laziness! I've put it off for so long… Forgive me?
TCBT
"I said I don't want to play with you!" Lloyd screams as he runs by my open door. Not at all surprised, I see Rei chasing after him.
"If you don't want to be the pitcher, you can always be the catcher! I have all kinds of toys!" the girl shouts. I so hope that she's talking about baseball. Not that I blame Lloyd for running away regardless.
Finding out that her sister is crazy and evil didn't really change Rei's opinion of Kodachi too much. She's still in love with her sister. Well, that's my opinion. Rei definitely holds Kodachi in an undeservedly favourable light. Come on, the Black Rose smacked all three of us around (as did her new, equally crazy boyfriend). Why does Rei continue to be huffy and defend Kodachi whenever I reference her inability to be sane?
Whatever. Psychotic ex-fiancées aside, the last few days have been rather interesting. Did you know that we're staying in an abandoned lighthouse? It's not the one from FFVIII, though. Out of curiousness, I had Lloyd check out the surroundings. There's no orphanage at all. He did say that he thought he saw some sort of large mountain or something off in the horizon, which is kind of surprising when you consider that I had to deal with mostly flat terrain while we were still traveling with Chal and Kodachi. (It also brings about the question of where they would have gone after Rei blew everything up with her lightning bolt.)
The mountain Lloyd mentioned does pique my attention, though, because it's possible that it is one of the mountains beyond Conde Petie. Or whatever the town with all the dwarves is called. But I'm pretty sure that's it. I'm also pretty sure that the likelihood of that town being what I remember from the game is rather slim. For all I know, that could be the place they say Rei's father is from. It's also possible that he's from Madain Sari, but Rei hasn't mentioned anything about being able to use summon magic. However, it is also true that we don't know how her Blue Magic works. I haven't seen her learn a single new skill. I doubt her learning mechanic is like Quina's in which she has to eat her opponent (nor would I voice this as an option if I should ever ask her about it, lest she answer. Why that is a bad thing should be evident). I suppose it could be similar to Gau's Rage abilities from FFVI in which she jumps her opponents (again, not asking her), but most likely it is going to be either Strago's or Quistis's. She could also take after that Ronso thing from FFX, Khimari, but I doubt it.
Forgetting about Rei for the moment, my conversation with Lloyd upon waking up in the lighthouse was kind of unsettling. I mean, I don't recall Lloyd being the type to joke about romance. He's actually more likely to get awkward where it's concerned. I really did think he and Colette were a couple. It's not like they hooked up in the game or anything, and I hope to Hyne they don't in the sequel. (A/N: Yes, I may buy the sequel. I'm going to see how it plays and read some reviews about it first, though.) Besides, I'm starting to think he was serious, despite the fact that I'm the one who said that he was in love with me. Geez, Rick, arrogant much? Sure, your biological father was just murdered and you were stabbed in the stomach, but that doesn't mean all the guys are lining up to be with you. As it stands, the only ones who really had in any interest in you were Michael and Angelo. Now one is dead and the other one probably hates your guts. Jessica sure does.
Stop it. You are not throwing yourself a pity party, Rick. You've been doing enough of that over the last few weeks: especially since Sylvarant. If it weren't for getting to be with Lloyd, I'd wish I hadn't gone to Sylvarant. Life was so much simpler before that. My mother wasn't an evil Disney witch who took on the form of a man just to have sex with me and screw around with my head. (Not that I blame her. Sex with me is probably a wonderful thing.) Then there's also the whole fugitive thing, and Zidane hating me.
Didn't I just say no to the emo? Emo-Rick is not sexy Rick.
"She's not in here," I tell Lloyd after he finally manages to lose her and trudges back to stick his head in my doorway. "Just come in already."
He does and shuts the door, sending up a storm of dust. While it's true that this place is abandoned and thus perfect to recover from the beating that Lloyd and I took, it also means that it's filthy. Neither Rei nor Lloyd is capable of cleaning up, and I guess there really isn't much point considering we won't stay here longer than we have to.
"So, how are you?" the swordsman asks nervously as he sits on his bed. We are still sharing a room, mind you.
"Same as I was this morning," I shrug, staring at my wrist. I do remember Kodachi breaking it when she tried to kill me with a baton. However, it feels just fine now whilst the hole in my stomach is taking its sweet time to heal. Lloyd told me Rei gave me some sort of liquid, I'm assuming a potion, and that it slowed down my bleeding some. Why it would only slow my bleeding down (and presumably heal my wrist) instead of fixing me up like potions had before?
Unless this is a result of that whole "potions become less effective thing" I was told about a few months back. Who was it that told me that?
"Right." Lloyd chuckles and runs his hand through his hair. Why mine is almost as filthy as Madonna's crotch in the 1980's and his seems to be as spiky as ever is probably something I'll never be able to figure out.
"Come here," I sigh as I motion with a finger for him to approach. Raising an eyebrow, Lloyd sits beside me. Then I lean over, biting back a sob from the pain in my gut, and plant an awkward kiss on the tip of his nose.
Probably not the big romantic gesture that everyone was expecting, but I'm sick as hell of playing all these games. I wasted months chasing after Zidane and playing around with Michael and Angelo's feelings. So if Lloyd isn't interested he can just punch me, and go get raped by Rei or whatever. All of this pussyfooting around is an unnecessary stress-inducement anyway.
Both of Lloyd's eyebrows go up and he kind of scoots back. There's a very thin line where his lips should be. His eyes have doubled in size, though.
"So, tell me, how was that for a first kiss?" I laugh bitterly. His reaction clearly shows that he wasn't in the same place as me after all. So I have a thing for yet another straight guy. Figures.
He actually chuckles then. I repeat, I make a fool of myself, Lloyd freaks out, and then he laughs. Boy, aren't I glad I didn't just repress this and get an ulcer?
"Hate to disappoint you, but you weren't my first kiss."
"Colette?" I ask with an eyeroll. Who else would it be? Genis? Raine?
"Um, actually, Colette once tripped and fell into my friend Kaoru, and he…"
THAT WHACK JOB WHO HIT ME WITH A FAN? THE GUY THAT CRAZY SCOTTISH WOMAN WAS OBSESSED WITH? HE KISSED LLOYD BEFORE I DID?
Rick, regain your composure. You are not a drama queen.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I groan. Then he puts a hand on my shoulder tentatively and, in a very non-Lloyd manor, presses his lips against my cheek. I think "bwah?" covers it nicely.
"Uh…" Lloyd then rubs the back of his head and grins sheepishly.
To reply, I grab him by the red collar of his hideous shirt and practically jump on him. Leave me alone. The last time I made out with someone, it was with my mother. Or something along those lines. It's so hard, keeping track of the people that want to have sex with me.
After I finally pull my tongue out of Lloyd's mouth, the adrenaline fades and there's a throbbing pain coming from my stab wound. I guess snogging the brains out of mentally deficient swordsmen is still a no-no. Bending over, I cradle my stomach with one hand.
"You okay?" Lloyd inquires stupidly. Um, I'm bent over in pain. Does it look like I'm okay?
With his hand on the small of my back, the guy I just practically mouth-raped tries to comfort me. Lovely.
"Do you mind?" I ask.
"Uh… mind what?"
Before I can clarify, though, there's an explosion. Not a big one, but my first thought is that Chal and Kodachi found us. They are the latest in my assortment of crazy stalkers. Stupid Maleficent. Lloyd runs out of the room, completely unarmed, calling out Rei's name. A twinge of jealousy passes over me. I'm sure it's just that he's afraid she might be in trouble, and the fact that I put the make on him has absolutely nothing to do with it. Even if that was an oddly placed explosion. Heck, Rei could've been spying on us and blown something up because I got to Lloyd before she could.
What can I say? I guess I'm just more of a sexpot than she is. Well, that and the fact that I am both sane and humble.
Groaning, I hold my stomach and shuffle out of the room I haven't left since regaining consciousness. This really hurts, and the last thing I need is to be caught by my psychotic ex-fiancèe. Why did I have to leave my satchel in Lindblum? I was so worried about Lloyd's safety that I left it back in my room with an unconscious Temari. Of course, I had to practically drag Rei away from the potential rape victim. No, literally, I had to drag Rei out of the room. Keep in mind that Rick is not as strong as he looks.
As I make my way through the lighthouse, I stumble into one particular room that will probably haunt me. (Besides, since when are lighthouses big enough to confuse someone as intelligent as myself anyway?) There is a length of rope hanging from one of the ceiling rafters that looks like it was cut recently, as there are footprints disturbing the dust underneath it and another piece of the rope shaped like a noose has been thrown against a wall. There's a tipped over chair nearby. For a moment, I wonder if Lloyd or Rei had tried to kill themselves while I was asleep at one point. Then I look at the rest of the room and notice that it is filled with paintings and drawings. Some are of goat-children, there's
a girl with blue skin, and I notice a half-finished portrait of a porcine person. Upon closer inspection, I notice a broken staff of some sort near the chair.
Blocking out the image of an undercover reporter swinging from the ceiling, I try to tell myself that she would never… I played that game and the woman was never that hopeless. It had to've been someone else.
Another explosion rocks me out of my thoughts. Closing my eyes and turning out of the room, I grapple witth the realization that this definitely wasn't where Squall and company spent their childhood. This was the refuge of a whole other assortment of orphans.
Eventually, I make my way out of the lighthouse and see what all of the commotion is about. And I'm pretty sure it isn't the return of Kodachi and Chal.
Rei is throwing what I would guess to be mid-level ice spells at a lithe figure in a dark green outfit. Lloyd attempts to tackle the person from behind, only to find himself the recipient of a heel to his temple. Then he is grabbed and thrown into Rei with very little effort.
Gee, if only I knew someone who fought like that… Sarcasm my children, you should know this by now. The green threw me off a little bit, but the pale skin and grey hair are pretty big clues, if I were to somehow overlook the eye patch.
"Fujin?" I call out. When she looks at me, my suspicions are confirmed. Then she slams an elbow into Rei's face as the teenager attempts a surprise attack.
"RICK!" she states in her usual crass manner.
"Um, yeah?" I say with an awkward attempt at being casual. I haven't seen her since the day Raijin was killed, when I fled Alexandria with Dagger, Zidane, and Vivi. To be honest, the last time I saw her, things were just starting to not be normal anymore.
Lloyd stops mid-punch and stares at me. "You know him?" I sigh at the clueless look on his face. Then said face crumples under Fujin's fist.
"GIRL." She states emphatically.
"Knock it off, you guys," I tell my two comrades when they attempt to stand up. "She's a friend of mine." Violent and insane, yes, but a friend nonetheless. It seems a lot of my friends on Gaia are insane and violent. On Earth, people were a lot simpler. There weren't any evil megalomaniacs. Well, there was Hitler and Stalin. And Raquel Malone. But I digress.
Rei cradles her right arm slightly and pouts. Is she disappointed that I'm not letting Fujin beat the crap out of her? "Who is this guy, Rick?"
After watching a sizable rock collide with Rei's forehead, I tell Lloyd and Rei that Fujin was just someone I traveled with a few weeks ago. No need to let them know that she's a drifter from yet another world and that she watched this world's representation of her only friends kill each other. Well, Seifer killed Raijin, but whatever.
Man, did I really just say that? When did Rick become such a heartless bastard?
"Hey, guys, can I talk to Fujin alone?" I ask after a few minutes of everyone just standing around looking at each other stupidly. (Well, Rei went between giving Fujin dirty looks, and then giving Lloyd a completely different kind of dirty look. But no one should be surprised by that, really.)
"Are you sure?" Lloyd asks quietly, regarding Fujin as though she were some sort of threat. I mean, come on, just because she beat you up doesn't mean I have to worry, Lloyd. People love me. I'm that awesome.
"Yeah, it'll be fine," I tell him with a wave of my hand. "Get out of here, guys."
Begrudgingly, Lloyd leaves. Rei is out of there the first chance she gets. A few seconds after they go back into the lighthouse, I hear something crash. And I'm quite sure in my not wanting to know who did it or what it was. The possibilities aren't good at all. But the most likely scenario is Rei taking her chance at raping Lloyd before I can.
...Not that I've considered raping him or anything...
"Hey, Fujin, do you want the good news or the bad news?"
TCBT
My jaw still hurts, as does my stomach. Stab wounds and all. Ah, but why does Rick have a sore jaw? No, it's not Lloyd-related, you perverts. It's actually because of Fujin. Unlike my dealings with Hermione, this time around I told Fujin everything. Well, almost everything. There's no need to let her know that, in addition to being the great evil that ruined our lives, Maleficent is also the person I lost my virginity to. Unless you count Angelo, is. I don't know.
Anyway... Fujin punched me. Not because I was hiding things from her, and not because I had lied to her. Nope. She punched me because I asked her about Celes. Seriously. It's not like I asked what their past was. I just inquired as to whether the general was okay (in addition to Steiner and Freya). She did show up without anyone else, after all. I still don't know if they're alive or not. I'm going to assume they are, though. What with them being alright in the game.
I do know why Fujin is here, though. She explained, as best she could in her shouting one-word way, that she was hired by Tifa to track down my father. Apparently, I'm not the only one who took off in the middle of the night. Stupid Lloyd. He just had to go and get kidnapped. Now Cloud is dead and Kodachi has it in her head that I need to die, too. Isn't life wonderful?
"How much farther is it?" I whine loudly. Yeah, I'm whining. You would too if you had to walk across a pseudo-desert with a not-yet-healed stab wound. Stupid Fujin. So what if we didn't have any real food? There was a bed at the place. And I didn't have to watch Lloyd give someone else a piggy-back ride.
Yup. Rei is currently straddling the back of the guy I snogged this morning. And Lloyd is also sporting a black eye. He saw Fujin punch me and ran out to defend me or something. Would anyone else be surprised to learn that he got his butt kicked?
"It's right in front of us, Stupid," Rei chortles as she points over Lloyd's shoulder; all I see is another frickin' mountain. Stupid mountains. Aren't there enough mountains in the world already? Why must they be in front of me?
"Does anyone even know if there's going to be anything there? And where exactly is 'there,' anyway?" I question. When no one answers me, I call for a break. But Rei quickly shuts me down. "If I'm not getting a break, then I'm getting a ride. Move, Rei."
"Screw you, I happen to be hurt," she retorts as she wraps her arms and legs tighter around Rei. Fujin stops and turns around, arms crossed and brows furrowed. "See if you can get the guy leading us to give you one."
"WOMAN!" Fujin screams as she points at herself.
"Sure, and Rick's had sex," Rei laughs.
"I'll have you know..." I start but then stop. Was I really just about to brag that I'd gotten it on with Maleficent? What the heck is wrong with me?
"Ooh, are you saying you actually got some? Was it with that Michael guy?" Rei inquires before answering her own question. "Nah, he looked like he had some class."
"Excuse me, but I happen to have quite the list of guys, thank you very much," I point out. "Just because I'm not a slut like some people here doesn't mean that I'm a total prude, either."
"Are you calling me a slut?" the blue-haired girl shouts as she jumps off Lloyd's back and strides over to me. So much for being hurt. Then she gets in my face and pushes me. "Who are you to talk, fawning all over Zidane?"
"You do the exact same thing with Dagger," I argue as I push her back. She stumbles on a rock and falls on her butt. HAH! "And I seem to recall that you'll throw yourself at any guy or girl that'll have you. Isn't that right, Lloyd?"
His eyes widen and he holds his hands up in front of him. "Hey now, don't drag me into this..."
"Please," Rei laughs as she stands back up and forms a fist. "Why would Lloyd side with you when I'm clearly so much better than you?"
"Um, because I've already gotten to first base with him? How about you?" I taunt the girl. Then she punches me in the face. No, really, my jaw hurts even worse. Punched twice in one day! Stupid insane women. And people wonder why I prefer the guys...
"You aren't so big now, are you?"
"I'm still bigger than your BREASTS!" I cry as I slap her in the face. Hey, this isn't the first time I've had to take down some uppity floozy. I seem to recall giving Hermione and Dagger both the smack down. While she stares at me stunned, I do the natural thing and grab a fistful of hair in either hand and wrench them away from her head. Screaming, Rei punches me again.
Falling on my back, she pounces on my chest and starts slugging me in the face. Now, if I weren't already used to this kind of treatment by the female citizenry of this planet, I might be worse off. However, Rick knows how to hold his own now. And after I've laid waste to Rei, Raquel Malone won't know what hit her...
"Ow! He bit me!" Rei screams as she holds her palm. I take the opportunity to drive my palm into the flat of her chest. Which is all of it, actually, since even an A cup would be too big for her. Heh, it's funny cause it's true. Anyway, the winded Rei doesn't know how to react when I push her off.
I then stand up and kick her in the side. In retaliation, a burst of flame hits me in the face.
"Aargh!" I scream in pain. I call cheats. Then a large icicle blows close enough by me to leave a bloody cut in my arm before crashing into a nearby boulder, shattering both weapon and environment. This psycho is trying to kill me!
I start running as various elements start raining down all around me. Then I feel something grab me by the stomach. I look down and see a pale hand, which is starting to turn red due to the blood from my reopened stab wound.
Fujin lands on the ground about ten feet from where she grabbed me. Then she readies her chakram and launches it at Rei, who is still lying on the ground. Luckily enough, I guess, Lloyd pulls the teenage girl out of the way before the circular blade cleaves her in half. Instead, chunks of dirt and stone are thrown into the air.
"Are you crazy?" Lloyd screams. The anger is directed at Fujin, though, as she effortlessly catches the weapon with her free hand, still supporting me with the other. "You could have killed her, you psychopath!"
"Hey," I yell at him, "she was trying to kill me! Why are you siding with her?"
He then claims that he isn't siding with anyone, which is such a lie. He's mad at me for trying to make out with him earlier. I knew he was straight. This is Zidane all over again. Seriously, the only people interested in me are dead and incredibly evil. Well, I suppose Angelo might be, but he probably hates me. Heck, he definitely hates me. I've run off and left him how many times?
She's right, I throw myself at any guy that comes along. Who am I to call her a slut? Even if she is one.
"GO," Fujin orders the rest of us angrily. She lets me go, and grabs me by the collar of my shirt. I am then dragged across the desert, until my brain kicks in and I can protest that I can walk on my own. Lloyd, meanwhile, walks with his arm draped over Rei's shoulders, consoling her. Why the heck he's comforting her instead of me I don't know. She struck first. She was the one attacking me with magic! Just because Fujin tried to stop her before I died...
Screw it.
"How much farther is it?" I ask once more as we start walking.
"SILENT!" Fujin demands as she gives me an angry, dirty look. Then she gives the same glares to Lloyd and Rei, daring them to speak. They wisely opt to be quiet.
TCBT
A/N: Well, I sincerely doubt that was worth the wait. Sorry about that, writer's block and all. But hey, Fujin is back, and you got some guy-on-guy action. Even if it was kind one-sided. Or was it? Pardon me while I go laugh evilly.