AN: Okay again I have an exhausting list of excuses like university and being sick and stuff like blah, blah, blah for not posting in what feels like a year, but all you really wanna hear is that I got the next chapter done for you guys!

This is only spell checked once by me and I'm blind to my own mistakes so please forgive me for any mistakes.

I listened to a Finnish song called "Kolme pientä sanaa" by an artist called Anna Puu while writing Magnus' POV for this chapter, so if you want the full experience give it a shot. By the way the title of the song translates to "Three small words" and I'm just gonna let you guys guess what those words are :D

Enjoy!

Cruel Reflections

All characters belong to the mighty Cassie Clare!

Chapter 36.

Alec's point of view

He woke up to something incredibly heavy rolling onto his chest. Alexander Lightwood opened his eyes only to regret the move instantly. He felt like an entire marching band had spontaneously appeared inside his head and was currently trying to gauge its way out of his eyes. "Ugh." He shut his eyes tight, which didn't prove to be a better option. "Oh God," he moaned. His existence was pure misery. A deep breath proved helpful and reminded him of the inexplicable weight on his chest. He placed his hands on the unidentified object and felt his heart skip a beat when his fingertips were met with soft curls. He would have liked to say that a thought more eloquent than "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit" coursed through his brain, but to be fair he was pretty sure he was experiencing the wort hangover in the history of human kind. He panicked. Wild scenarios he didn't want to conjure up filled his head with images of him doing things he definitely shouldn't have been doing. But no actual memories resurfaced. He grimaced and forced his eyes to open. The ceiling was what he saw first. He was in a room he wanted to say he recognized, but couldn't put his finger on it. He gazed down at the body slumped across his torso, now eliciting heavy snoring sounds, and quickly pushed the weight of him. "Oh fuck!"

"Ouch! What the hell- man how?"

Alec pulled the covers up all the way over his head. He wanted to bury himself under the duvet and never come back up.

"What the hell was that about?" A familiar, grumpy voice asked. "This is not how I like to be woken up Clary. Hogging the blanket is one thing, but kicking me out of the bed because you need room to lie around like a star fish just isn't gonna fly."

Alec sat still under the thick duvet and felt his breathing become shallower as the marching band in his head played a beat that sounded a lot like "What have you done, dum, dum, dum."

"Babe, what are you doing sitting under that thing, you're gonna suffocate." Alec felt a firm tug on the blanket and pulled it closer.

"Seriously, are you okay? Clary?"

Alec shook his head and sighed painfully before he spoke. "It's not Clary, Jace."

"Oh."

Alec could hear the apprehension in his best friend's voice. He didn't know what to make out of the situation so he decided to stay under the duvet.

"It's Clary's bedroom."

"Okay," Alec said quietly.

"I'm in my boxers."

"I know."

"She's freakishly strong."

"Oh," Alec muttered, his voice higher than normally.

"Oh right. Last night was…eventful."

A while went by. Alec barely moved. He was stuck in his head trying to figure out what happened between him singing happy birthday and him waking up half naked next to his best friend.

"Alec?"

He kept still and quiet.

"Alec, are you going to sit under the duvet or are we going to have this conversation face to face?"

"I think I'll sit under the duvet."

As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt the softness of the duvet being ripped away from his body in one swift, strong yank.

"Hey!"

"Well hey to you too," Jace said, smiling like a mad man. His golden curls fell messily around his head, like a halo. His eyes gleamed like the eyes of a man who was far too amused for his own good. "You look miserable. Hangover?"

"H-hangover? Y-yes I've got a hangover," Alec stuttered. He furrowed his brow and frowned deeply. "Of course I have a hangover."

"Well it's nothing more alcohol can't cure," Jace said and clapped his hand together. Alec stared him down, which was hard to do without blushing because the idiot was still standing with his hands clasped together, with only boxers to cover his body.

"Why the frown my friend?"

"Why? Seriously?"

"Oh come on, don't tell me you're mad at me for thinking you were Clary? It's not that I think you have a feminine frame; no you're manly, very manly. It's just that Clary is really surprisingly strong, must be the ginger gene or something."

Alec blinked in confusion, still sitting in the middle of the bed with his knees up against his chest. He was cold and embarrassed and didn't feel like moving. He took a closer look at his surroundings and tried to file his panic into many separate folders to be dealt with later. He really was in Clary's bedroom. The walls were dark green covered with paintings, drawings, and sketches. A vanity dresser stood across from the bed, a heavy rocking chair toppled with clothes sat in the corner of the room. A delicate gold chandelier hung above his head. It was Clary's room all right.

Alec focused his eyes back on Jace, who still stood in front of the bed with his dumb Calvin Kline boxers and hands on his hips. "You think…I'm mad?"

"You look mad, and also slightly demented," Jace stated bluntly. He laughed slightly nervously, giving Alec and odd stare. "Are you feeling okay?"

"No, no I am most definitely not feeling okay," Alec ranted. He spread his arms and invited Jace to look more closely. "How is this okay?"

"I- I don't know?" Jace looked truly puzzled, which only drove Alec temporarily off the edge of sanity. "Listen you, I don't care how amusing you find this, this, this, I don't even know what this is! But we're practically naked. You we're sleeping on top of me. How does that even? I can't? I-I-I." He stared blankly.

"Oh. Oh!" Jace exclaimed. "No, no, no."

Alec gave him a look of sheer confusion and anxiety.

"We didn't…do anything," Jace said and laughed frantically. "No, we didn't, because I remember."

"You-You remember?"

"Yeah," Jace began and crossed his arms, "And you don't?"

"Not a bloody thing," Alec admitted. "And I woke up and you were like…you know and I thought obviously…because I'm dumb."

"No you're not dumb," Jace sympathized. He sat on the edge of the bed and handed Alec the duvet. "You just decided it'd be a good idea to take a bath with your clothes on, see there's a perfectly logical explanation."

"O-oh," Alec said and pulled the warm blanked around him. "I- I guess I'm sorry, for throwing you out of bed."

"Nah, don't sweat it. Clary beat you to it multiple times."

Alec let out a relieved sigh. He took a deep breath and tried to relax his muscles. "What exactly happened last night?"

"Well," Jace laughed, "It's a funny story, I'm sure you'll appreciate the humor…you know…later."

And just like that the dread was back. "That sounds fucking ominous, Jace."

"Relax, we didn't kill anyone. Or sleep together," Jace added, "We had a good party, came home, which is code for 'Clary dragged us up the stairs and put us to bed' and you decided it'd be cool to take a bath, then I had to pull you out of the tub because you were kinda…"

"Well?" Alec pressed.

"DrunkdialinginthetubcallingMagnusandsobbingabouthowprettythebubbleswere."

"What?"

Jace only replied with a wide apologetic grin.

"I want to beat you to death with a pillow."

"Drunk dialing Magnus is still better than us doing the do together, no?"

Alec shook his head and shivered. "Don't even."

"We'd make a cute couple, but we're just too different."

"And you're straight," Alec pointed out.

Jace nodded and lay down, stretching his arms, making his joints pop disgustingly.

"And you have a girlfriend," Alec noted.

"She's gonna laugh her ass of when I tell her."

"You wouldn't," Alec gasped.

"She has ways of making me talk," Jace laughed and winked. "But don't worry about Clary, if I were you I'd worry about the messages you left Magnus last night." Jace reached for the night stand and grabbed hold of Alec's cell. "You called him six times and he didn't pick up so you decided it was a good idea to leave him a message."

"And you didn't stop me?" Alec screeched.

"Hey! In my defense I was wasted and also you said I wasn't allowed to meddle in your relationship."

"Now you listen to my advice? You always meddle, meddling is your life," Alec yelled. He scrambled off the bed and frantically tried locating his clothes.

"You threw them on the rocker," Jace said and smacked his lips, "yeah, like I said, you'll appreciate the humor."

Alec shot him a death glare that could have sent The Dark Lord himself running.

"Too early," Jace whispered, "Oh and by the way…your phone also took a dip in the tub."

Magnus' point of view

It had been a week since Magnus had spent the entire night lying awake, tossing and turning in his queen sized bed. The soft, plush pillows had never felt so uncomfortable. The silk in his sheets had never made him want to scratch his skin so much. And most of all his heart had never ached like this.

He sat on Tessa's couch; it was clean and white, dotted with lime green decorative pillows. He held a copy of the book of short stories Tessa had supplied them all with. They were discussing Hemingway's "Hills like White Elephants" in this week's book club session. Since the story was only a few pages he'd made an effort to read it. The story had also been a good distraction since the past week his mind had persistently drifted to that night of tossing and turning.

"How do you know they're talking about abortion?" William asked, slamming the book against his thigh. "For all you know the guy could be trying to convince her into getting a lobotomy."

"Will, it's pretty clear from the context," Tessa said while calmly pouring tea into a colorful variation of mugs, many of which Magnus knew Will had given to her as gifts. His personal favorite was the one that said "My friend went to New York and only got me this crummy mug".

Magnus picked up the cup of steaming hot tea and brought it up to his lips. He was tempted to have a sip even though he knew the scalding hot liquid would burn his lips immediately.

"Of course you don't think it's about an abortion," Camille huffed and waved Will off. She sat cross legged next to Magnus, wearing a pair of pink sweatpants and a white top that left very little to the imagination.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Will challenged.

"You're a guy," said as if the statement was self-explanatory.

"So guys don't think about abortion?" Will asked, his voice holding a tone Tessa was not having.

"William, I'm sure Camille is just pointing out that men and women tend to have different interpretations of this particular story."

Magnus narrowed his eyes and payed close attention to Tessa's stance, the way she held herself gracefully and levelled.

Will also stared at her with intense blue eyes that could have burned the world down. "Is that what she meant?"

"Yea, Will, take a chill pill, it's just a story," Camille commented. She fixed her ponytail and proceeded to take careful interest in the cubes of sugar sitting neatly in a bowl on Tessa's glass table.

"I need a cigarette," Will said and stomped out of the room.

"Jesus," Camille sighed, "Sensitive much."

"You know it's a touchy subject," Magnus remarked.

"It's alright," Tessa said and bit into a cinnamon cracker, "Everyone's entitled to their opinion."

"Yea, well opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one, darling," Camille snorted and began sending out texts. "I'm done with participating."

"Where is Jem?" Tessa wondered and glanced at the clock ticking slower than a snail stuck on wet cement.

"Maybe he's not coming," Camille offered. "He's never late."

"Why wouldn't he come to book club?" Tessa asked.

Magnus knew the answer and so did Tessa deep down inside, but neither of the said it out loud.

"I'm going to go make some sandwiches," Tessa said and busied herself in the kitchen.

Magnus crossed his legs and let his head fall back. He squeezed the book against his chest and hoped it would dull the pain in his heart. He wanted to discuss Hemingway. He wanted to argue with Will. He wanted a distraction.

"You're top looks God awful, Camille," he said, hoping she'd bite back with her usual venomous come backs.

"It's hot and stop it. I'm not getting involved in your dumb relationship issues," Camille said not once lifting her gaze from the screen of her I-Phone.

"They aren't dumb issues," Magnus muttered mostly to himself.

"They seem pretty dumb to me. You like him, he likes you, get with the program."

When Camille Belcourt seemed to give rational advice, your life was officially fucked. Magnus groaned internally and fixed the sleeves of his dark blue sweater. He picked up his tea mug and sipped furiously.

"Just jump his bones and get it over and done with," Will said and slouched back on his seat across the room.

"It's not about the sex," Magnus articulated. "It's more complicated."

"It's always about sex," Camille assured as her fingers flew across the touch screen of her phone. "How is the sex?" She raised her gaze from the screen.

Magnus sighed exaggeratedly and shook his head.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Camille asked.

"It means they haven't done it yet," Will interjected. "It's sweet really."

"Stop it," Magnus fumed. "Don't make a mockery out of this. I love him, okay. I love him."

"Then go be with him," Camille urged.

"It's not that simple," Magnus cursed. "It's never fucking simple. Shit gets in the way and life sucks. And weren't we supposed to discuss Hemingway. I actually read the fucking story and now all you want to talk about is my relationship with Alec?"

"Well it's kinda the elephant in the room, Maggie," Camille claimed.

Magnus got up and left the room. "That's it." He marched into the kitchen where Tess was cutting sandwiches into triangles. "I'm leaving."

"What, why?"

"I need to go home and think," Magnus replied and threw his jacket on. The way Tess looked at him made him feel a bit guilty for leaving her with the bickering bunch. "I really did like the story. Let's talk about it over coffee tomorrow."

Tessa smiled, "Of course. Call me if you want to talk."

The rest of the day passed with not much to report. Magnus had cleaned and cooked, avoiding thinking, the thing he actually needed to do. He lay on his bed again, his head propped against one of the pillows he'd collected over the years. He was engaged in a game of fetch with The Chairman.

He hadn't had a drink in a week. He was craving a good glass of whiskey and he'd settle just for a cold beer, but he didn't feel like drinking. He needed a clear head to think, even though he had quite successfully avoided thinking.

This week had been eventful in some ways. Camille had gotten a new job as a manager at the local H&M store, Will had quit smoking and the started again claiming that his friends drove him to it, Jem had composed numerous pieces of music each more depressing than the other. Magnus however was still stuck in his bed, holding his phone, trying not to listen to the messages left for him a week ago.

That night, a week ago, he had woken up to the loud beeping of an incoming call. He'd been sprawled out in his bed, still wearing his work uniform. He'd worked a late shift and then gotten shit faced with some girls he couldn't remember. His head was a mess, so when he'd seen the caller ID he'd panicked and let the phone ring. He tried to muffle the noise under his pillow and eventually it did stop the beeping. He didn't know what to say to Alec. He knew what he'd done had hurt him and it made him feel insanely guilty. But he kept telling himself that it was for the best. They both needed time to think, especially Alec. He was so young, not that much younger than Magnus, but then again Magnus had felt old since he lost his parents, which was a sob story on its own.

Doing the right thing was hard; it was possibly the reason why it wasn't a habit of Magnus'. His feelings for Alec were like nothing he'd ever experienced before. He'd experienced infatuation and lust, but nothing like this, nothing that'd be worth doing the right thing for. Their relationship was like an infection. It burned you up from the inside and wore you out. The only cure was to be with each other, but all it really did was add fuel to the flames so you burned up so brightly and quickly you didn't notice you got destroyed in the process.

He'd only listened to the messages Alec had left him once. Even though he'd been inebriated at the time each word had been scorched to his memory. Maybe it was because he was feeling particularly masochistic or maybe because he couldn't resist hearing Alec's voice again he took out his phone and listened to the last message.

"Hey, the stupid beep, can you believe it, the stupid beep cut me off again," Alec sobbed. "I was trying- I was trying to say that I didn't mean anything I said. J-just forget the messages I sent you earlier, okay?" He sniffed. The distant lap of water was clearly audible. Alec sobbed into the phone. "I love you, I fucking love you, but I don't think you want me to…Magnus I need you to talk to me. I can't figure this out on my –on my own. I love you, I love you , I –I love you, okay? How, how many times do I need to say it so you'll believe me? If I could just-"

The message cut off abruptly leaving Magnus with the echoes of Alec's sobs in his head. He threw a pink plastic mouse, which was The Chairman's favorite toy, across the room and watched the cat lunge after it with deadly precision. He watched the cat tear at the toy. He thought about calling Alec, he was going to do it, he had scrolled through his contacts and had his number on standby, but just as he was about to press dial Chairman plopped onto his chest and looked at him with judging cat eyes.

"Fine," Magnus muttered. "I'll wait."

The Chairman meowed sympathetically.

AN: Okay so that was emotional. But that's okay we like emotions. Let me know what you thought of this chapter and let me know which of the two you think will cave in first and make contact with each other (Drunk dialing doesn't count)?

Also I know I haven't responded to the latest reviews, which is really due to forgetfulness, but I do read each and everyone and they make me SO happy. And I'm hoping a new chapter will make you guys happy!

Love Always, Alexandra!