Soooooo sorry for the long time absence. I'm kinda having a problem of getting my muse back.

But here I am! Finally! And I promise this chapter got all my concentration and big plan.

Please, read and review.

CHAPTER 36

-Alex's Apartment-

Suddenly feeling ashamed for taking so long to get the door, Olivia subconsciously ran a quick look up and down her body, before twisting the knob. Damn. That metal foot showed out beneath her pants, still didn't look any less creepy. Dragging her pants a little bit down to cover that, she took a deep breath.

C'mon… It's just Melinda Warner…

Though, physically, she was not actually allowed to care that much about anything but the bone-chewing pain all over her body.

Another breath, she opened the door. "Hey, M-…"

"Sorry, Olivia, it's me." Kathy Stabler smiled dryly, while Olivia's face fell. "I'm here because…it's actually impossible for anyone holding a medical license to help you with this problem off record." She let the informations sinking, watching how surprise, disappointment and anger flashed in those brown eyes. "…Doctor Warner neither."

Olivia froze. Her instinct was to just slam the door into this woman's face. But somehow, "is it your idea or Elliot's?"

"Liv, I'm sorry…"

Kathy rolled her eyes as Elliot Stabler showing himself from the sidewall shadow.

"Get the hell out of here."

"Olivia!" He got the door before it slammed shut. "I have NO choice. There's a tough case on them, and Melinda's been living under the lawyer's radar for a while, as well as the whole team. What am I supposed to do?"

Her sore shoulder kept pushing the door. "So you just lied to me? You never change, do you?!"

"It's for your own good, Olivia. Please. You need this. You know it's the right thing to do. For Alex's sake at least. I'm sorry for her old man but isn't it a perfect chance for you to get clean? You want her to see you through?" He muted voice in the last sentence.

(Fuck you).

Though, his words somehow got her.

-Hospital-

-Los Angeles-

Alex Cabot spotted her mom as soon as she got out of her father's hospital room. Her heart ached in how small and wizened her mother looked over there. It'd been only, one year maybe, and her mom seemed had grown ten years older.

"How are you holding up, mom?" Taking the skinny, cold hand of her mother's, Alex sat down next to her.

"I feel…It's time, Lexie."

The calm and acceptance seeping from all those deep wrinkles, felt stung. "No, don't say that, ma. Dad's not that old yet! He's strong."

"It's stage 3 already…"

Alex lifted her eyes to the direction of where her father was, seeing the blurriness floating in her view. "No…"

"Don't cry, silly girl. It's just part of life. Yeah, I know it's hurt. Shhh… "

In her mom's arms, Alex let herself break down.

-Alex's Apartment-

"I'm sorry, Kathy, for losing it. I just don't like the surprise."

"No need to say this. I even expected worse, you know, about his coming here with me. But, well, he seems just couldn't trust me any less after… signed the paper. Anyway… you are ok with his waiting outside? I asked him out just…"

"Yes, please.

He's been guarding me for days, treating me like some fucking prisoner. So…" She frowned, pinching the bridge of her nose trying to ease her headache. "Um, you want anything? I was about to make coffee."

"Water is fine. Thanks." The blond said, unbuttoning her coat while heading to the living room. "Mmmm, it smells like college girls' dormitory. I can't even remember when was the last time my place felt this sweet." Though, she felt the small talk was dumb. Glancing around, she quickly got what the fresh perfume was truly for when her nose catching the alcohol in the air.

At the same time, with her back to her guest, Olivia suddenly felt the old familiar urge of running away kicked in. All these years, whenever she was in The Stablers' house, for whatever reason, she always got a little bit unexplainable upset. The Elliot she working with and the self she knew, felt oddly different showering in the air of "home flavor", which did nothing but reminded her who her partner really was and how ridiculously apart her life was from the so called normal, which always made her heard wanted nothing but returning to the squad, the field, so they could just be detective Benson and Stabler, busying with saving the world. She thought she would get use to it, could just ignore it, but obviously, she still failed in this. Yeah, of course, she didn't even have a squad to hide in, but also, the Kathy Stabler was not a Stabler anymore, and they were't in their house even.

So, why?

She asked herself. Why still felt so unwilling to accept some help from this woman, a nurse, a mother who just went through hell also.

Damn. Why has to be her?

You hate her?

But her heart denied right away. Oppositely, she felt some level of sympathy for this blond, as a woman, as a friend, as a mother who lost baby…

How did he ask her to do this…by telling her that I'm gay now?

"…right?"

Olivia blinked, searching quickly for the words she heard but didn't comprehend when her mind was somewhere else. "House with kids running everywhere is sweet, if you ask me. Here is…Sorry for the mess…"

Kathy turned, met Olivia holding a glass standing right in the middle of her view line. Anyway, she already spotted the wine bottles on the kitchen counter. This bad, huh? That was when she took a good look at the woman she came to help with. She could tell that the brunette must have done some necessary job on that pale face, but it only drew more of her attentions on those dark circles and blood shot eyes. Also, she saw her pain and distracted from that uncomfortable micro-body-language and sweaty forehead. Surprisingly, it didn't moisten any of the dried up vengeance-river in her heart, but sort of triggered her maternal instinct deep inside.

So, what people said is true: stripped the costume of this marriage and old role, SHE could really just be a simple woman.

Just a partner of his… well, an ex partner… Ex, like me.

"Olivia, let me just be straight. I know that… things between us are…really awkward since, you know, maybe forever, though… today, I'm not coming to fix or break anything, but to help, just as a nurse technically, if you don't mind. And I'm not doing this for Elliot's sake or even yours, believe it or now. I feel… I need a closure, after this lifetime… drama. So I can truly move on, without hate, regret and burden." She paused, feeling those brown eyes scanning on her face. "I doubt that we will ever meet any time soon, or ever again," she shrugged in a brief smile, "after this, to be honest. So I really hope that, for one time, even one last time, we could just spend some… peaceful time together, woman to woman, as if the first meet, with some simple trust in here." She said with a hand pressing on her chest.

For a moment, Olivia's mouth half was open but no word came out. She was so astonished and moved in this precious sincerity and honesty, that even made her feel ashamed and even undeserved, considering whatever going on in her mind minutes ago. "I trust you." A small smile crawled up her face, as she welcoming the blondie's hug.

-The Dinner of the hospital-

"You're losing weight, Lexie. This job is draining you."

"Isn't that a good thing? Most people do their best to be thin. By the way, you said this every time you see me, mom. Relax. Everything's fine. I'm just the same." She smiled, taking another bite of her salad. Though, she knew her mother didn't buy it.

"When will you be back?"

Alex slowly moved away her eyes. Her mother's gazing were almost like an innocent child waiting for hearing the date of vacation end. "I uh, don't know yet. Need to call my boss."

"But won't be more than days, right?"

She couldn't make down her food anymore, as Olivia's face popping in her mind.

"I'm sorry. It's just…I'm just saying, maybe… maybe…"

Their eyes locked. The daughter waited patiently.

"If, I just say if, you're seeing anyone, like serious seeing, your dad will be more than happy to meet him. Just have a dinner or something. You know, you're the only kid we have and… your dad really worries about you a lot. You know what, one day he woke up in the morning, told me he dreamed you're dating a good-looking lawyer who is a jackass deep inside."

Alex tried very hard not to show any inappropriate expression to her old mother who already looked as if treading on eggs now, though, her chest tightened in how much her mother respected her personal life. Her parents never asked anything from their only daughter, after raised her, educated her, sent her to law-school… But now she couldn't even give the first and only thing her father truly wanted, which could very likely be the last family meeting with his presence…Food in her stomach now felt like rocks.

"Hey, don't look so stressed. I'm just saying. I know how busy you are, and-"

"Mom," she lay down her fork. "Actually, I am seeing someone, and not a jackass lawyer." And she added quickly before too much light lit up in her mother's eyes. "But…" That was when she got cold feet. You could've just told them there's no one.

But she felt her back was against the wall already, under her mother's staring.

So what? You're gonna tell your Catholic mother that her daughter turned gay right here right now?

Thousand thoughts ran in and out of Alex Cabot's mind. And before she knew it. "It's not a him."

-Alex's Apartment-

Tension felt had been diluted in the air, as the two women pushed apart the longest hug they'd ever had.

"C'mon, let's sit down. You're shaky." Kathy smiled, taking over the glass with one hand, and the other already under Olivia's armpit.

Surprisingly, the brunette just let her.

"Thank you." Olivia heard herself whisper, biting down a wince when she shifting weight. She even doubted whether she could make it to the couch.

"When will Alex be back? How are you doing on your own?"

"Her Dad's hospitalized, so she probably needs to be with them for another week or so. I uh, been doing some part-time job, recently. You know… doing nothing could be ten times tiring than doing everything. You? I'm very sorry about," she regretted already. What you gonna bring up? The divorce or the baby's death? Thanked God. They were already beside the couch, and Kathy took over the awkward tongue-tied.

"Yeah, rough year… Here we go. You ok? You're sweating."

Sinking into the couch, Olivia sighed in a life-saving relief. Even with a worsening headache due to the sitting position, it still eased her clenching teeth when her legs could finally off pressures. "Still breathing. It will pass…"

"How are you feeling recently?"

"Good days, bad days…"

"And today is relatively…"

"Not that bad. I suppose."

"How's your leg?"

"Yeah, comparing to last month, everything's much better." She got uncomfortable when Kathy staring at that prosthesis.

"I see you walk pretty well. Practice a lot? Don't for get your good leg needs time to heal."

"I know. My doctor said the same. The good leg with a crappy knee. But, still…" she shrugged.

Kathy gently put a hand on Olivia's right knee, which already had two surgeries. "Feels swelled. Must hurt."

"Just looks worse than it really is."

"So, that is true."

She lifted eyes to meet hers.

"Badass Benson never listens to the doctor."

Olivia rolled her eyes with a sad smile. "Not that badass anymore… Look what I need for you here now?"

Kathy's hand found hers. "You just went through hell, Liv."

The way she called her Liv, somehow gave a warm squeeze on her heart.

"Hey, your palm's very hot. Hope it's not a feverish-" As the brunette jerked away, Kathy's hand awkwardly froze in the middle way before touching Olivia's forehead. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to startle you."

"Oh, f…" Her eyes closed in frustration and shame. "No, no, it's me. I feel so stupid… It's been so long but I'm still jumpy."

"It's normal…"

The brunette shook her head and stopped Kathy. "I know. I know… It just-" feels never end. "Yes, I've been having this cold sweating for days."

"Olivia, when did you start using?"

The nurse's tone turned serious, while her eyes scanning burningly on Olivia's face. That was when all these makeup, perfume… got ridiculous to Olivia. "I… assume that Elliot has told you everything."

"Not everything. Besides, I want to hear from you."

Olivia took a breath. "About a month ago." She swallowed drily, hearing herself actually saying this out.

"What kind of drug? How often?" She asked calmly and professionally, noticing Olivia fisted when she eyed on those trembling fingers.

"I-I don't know, really. That is what I need you to find out for me. Just, white pills. Tasted bitter… it's some kind of sedative. I guess, cuz it makes my sleep better. But, actually, I already haven't been using it for days."

"And how's the withdrawal symptom?"

"Slight fever, cold sweat, accompanied by muscle sore, palpitations, nausea, sometimes hands shaking."

"I know it's extremely hard for you. Elliot should've told me earlier…Any hallucination, auditory?"

"No. Not really."

"Okay… I think it might be too bad, because it's been several days, which should be the hardest time already. So…" She took over her bag, digging out a small plastic cup and test kit. "Urine test is the fastest. Let's find ou tand then I'll give you some medicine."

"Thank you, Kathy. And thank Elliot... I'm shamed."

"Don't say that."

She took the test kit, whispered. "How fast I can get rid of this?"

"You're not deep involed. Maybe a week, I guess, you'll be off the symptom. But totally clean, takes time and willpower."

The brunette nodded, while Alex's voice echoing around her ears: I'm in love with you, Olivia... "Yes, I can do this." She heard herself smiling.

-The Dinner of the hospital-

"You, you mean…"

"Yeah."

The old lady swallowed hard. "Do I know her?"

"Yes,,,"

"Don't tell me it's Olivia Benson."

This time, Alex answered her mother with a quiet gazing, while feeling the air thickened and pressed in her face like a pillow.

Eventually, Mrs Cabot slowly rose to her feet and walked away, leaving her daughter sitting there, eyes full of tears.

(TBC)

So, seems Liv finally accepted this love, and decided to fight for it, but Alex had to face some tough choices.

If you were Alex, what would you do? You like the scenes of Kathy and Olivia?

please don't forget to leave your opinion! You have no idea how important your review is for me!

Also, this story is heading to its finale :)