"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are and today what I see is a room full of potential… because I have seen it before. Oh yes, many times have I watched the brilliant and the eager venture from these walls out into a world of infinite possibilities. Sometimes it's disappointing… and sometimes it's glorious. Students of Hogwarts… today you will leave this place but know this, you will always be welcomed back here with open arms. So remember, to always take a look at yourself. Look into yourself before looking out at the rest of the world. Make sure you know how to feel before you accuse others of lacking that same compassion."
Severus Snape had heard these words many times before. In fact, he was quite sure that Albus Dumbledore, brilliant as he may have been, was rather lazy when it came to speech writing. And he felt awkward now reading these words aloud from the worn bit of parchment in front of him. He cleared his throat and scanned the room before continuing.
"Students of Hogwarts. You are a unique graduating class. Not because you have the best marks of any other year before you, not because…" Professor Snape suddenly grew gravely serious and he chanced at look at Headmistress McGonagall before setting down the parchment.
"Severus- are you quite alright?" Minerva whispered.
Snape braced himself on the podium for a moment before looking out at the sea of young expectant faces and something happened… he found that by reading the late Headmaster's words, he was finally hearing them. Professor Sprout exchanged worried glances with the Headmistress, who held an expression of confusion mixed with a certain clarity.
"Students of Hogwarts…" He began again "It's true… you are a unique class. But it truly is not because of your grades" He couldn't help but sneer. "No- it is not because of what you've done" McGonagall began to stand in objection but a young professor with a long mane of platinum hair placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her.
"It is because of what you've not done." He said finally to a room of very confused staff, students and of course, parents.
"What Professor Snape means is-"
"I mean precisely what I say, Headmistress. This class took their first steps into this castle after the true fall of the greatest evil our world has known in a long time. This class is unique because they have not fought in a war, they have not been plagued by the same House rivalries and pureblood prejudice that every class before them endured and provoked. Students of Hogwarts, I knew Albus Dumbledore well. And when he writes in his speech that you must look at yourself before looking at the world, he is right. The world is not as it is here, within these walls. Out there- there is nowhere warm until you are willing to build a fire or accept… a flame… with the chance that you may get burned…"
"Do you think he's been nipping the bottle again?" Professor Flitwick leaned into Professor Malfoy's ear, who stood and flashed the dwarf an annoyed look.
"I can speak to this very thing" The younger man stammered before approaching the podium. "This class that graduates today has a rare opportunity and a responsibility to show the world what we at Hogwarts stand for and what the staff and students before you had to fight so hard to accomplish."
Draco had grown into a fine young man. He was the new Potions Master as Severus had been promoted to Defense Against the Dark Arts when Remus Lupin had decided to go into politics, as many of the laws and prejudices against werewolves no longer applied. Much had changed in the seven years since Miss Granger had walked out of this castle. And Draco eloquently spoke of their time at school with affection, respect and honesty.
"Many of you know that were it not for my cousin, Hermione Granger, we might not be here celebrating a graduation at all. Many of you also will recall how unkind I was to her simply because I thought she was of an inferior bloodline." He chuckled a bit "Well… knowing what I know now- I guess our lot was pretty inferior for believing the archaic rot we believed" The room hummed with laughter at this. Draco really was a natural public speaker. He looked at Severus, and was unsure he should continue. The dark haired wizard was stoic once again in a way that he had not been for quite some time. He looked more lonely than Draco could ever recall. Professor Malfoy exchanged glances with the Headmistress, who nodded her head as a signal to continue.
"As my colleague, Professor Snape pointed out, it has been seven years since this very class entered this school as first years and it has been seven years since the littlest witch to ever make such a huge impact left this school."
Severus became visibly tense in his seat. He knew it was inevitable that she would be brought up during the ceremony but he could never have anticipated how he would feel about it.
"Wizards and witches, she is my cousin, she is the godmother of my first born child, she is a leader for muggleborn rights as well as the ethical treatment for magical creatures, she is one of the experts in her field of Transfiguration, she's a Gryffindor alum and she is here today – please welcome Hermione Granger"
Applause filled the Great Hall and Severus felt he would be sick. Why had nobody mentioned this to him? He noticed that everyone had stood to receive the girl, and he promptly followed suit, though he couldn't really see her from where he stood. When the crowd settled, he took a seat and felt his heart would crack when their eyes locked as they had seven years ago. Black obsidian ripping through the deep depths of her honey eyes. He was coming undone.
"When Draco asked me to speak at this graduation ceremony, it was a very easy decision. He is right – you all have a tremendous responsibility before you and a tremendous future. It's not easy out there but I guarantee you will find yourself recalling your days here at Hogwarts many times to get you through the toughest spots in your adult lives. Without my friends" She glanced at Harry and Ron who stood at the back of the Hall, smiling from ear to ear. "My family…" She nodded quickly to Draco "and some wonderful mentors" She bowed her head to the Headmistress, "I would not have survived."
Hermione glanced around the room and took a deep breath before continuing.
"Professor Snape said something that really struck me earlier…"
At this, Severus raised an eyebrow, which certainly did not go unnoticed by anyone in the audience and in fact earned a few chuckles from the Slytherin table.
"The world can be a very cold place. There really is nowhere warm out there. When I was unconscious for nearly one year, Professor Snape read to me almost every night."
Everyone's eyes were on Severus Snape, who, for his own part, was about three shades more pale than usual. Headmistress McGonagall pursed her lips in a very disapproving way and once again, this earned quite a few snickers from the Slytherin table.
"He read me textbooks, interesting articles, folklore, fairytales and even some of the classics of muggle literature. Though there may be nowhere warm, as Professor Snape pointed out" She swallowed a hard lump in her throat.
"I would like to quote muggle author Edith Wharton now and say 'There are two ways of spreading light; to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.' And sometimes…" She chanced a glance at Severus and a chill ran up her spine when she saw that he was staring directly at her. "Sometimes maybe we need… to be both…"
"Sounds like she's been dipping into the Ogden's as well" Professor Flitwick chirped to Draco.
Hermione worried her bottom lip and cleared her throat before continuing her speech. For every word she spoke, Severus slumped a little further into his seat. More than ever he wished that the old wizard in the funny hats was sitting beside him, eyes twinkling, with that coy smile that somehow always made one feel that 'everything would turn out alright in the end'.
Hermione's parting words resonated in his mind. "If you do not come, I will leave and I will not be back" . He had drunk himself into such a stupor that night that the next morning, it had taken two cups of tea laced with four ounces of his strongest brewed pepper up potion just to get him out of bed. From that moment on, he had resigned himself to a life without color, without beauty... a life without Miss Granger.
"Congratulations to your graduating class" The beautiful witch beamed from the podium.
The crowd erupted in applause and Hermione quietly stepped out of the Hall.
Severus had also slinked away after Hermione's speech and retreated to the one place he knew he could brood in peace… the dungeon. He threw his cloak to the floor and headed straight to the firewhiskey. He wanted to forget about her… seven years had passed without seeing her and Severus had hoped for seven more. He closed his eyes and yet all he could see was her face staring back at him. She had grown up. Her hair was much more tame and hung about her shoulders in soft, beautiful tendrils, like enchanted ivy. Her creamy skin was luminous and her whole body seemed to glow with a warm beauty all it's own. He shook his head and took another drink. Why did he still feel this way- after all this time? Why did she have to make him feel so many things? Severus let out a breath he felt he had been holding in since his speech and flopped down into his chair by the fireplace. Albus had given him permission to care for Hermione. Katrina had given him permission to love Hermione… so, why hadn't he? He set his tumbler down and buried his head in his hands. Why did he find it so hard to love her when it was so obvious to everyone that he did?
"We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are" he said it aloud several times as if it were a mantra. He thought about the last conversation he had with Dumbledore and it suddenly all made sense. He, Severus Snape, truly hated himself. That is not to say that Professor Snape suffered from low self esteem or was one to wallow in self pity... no... the Potions Master truly, with all of his being, loathed himself for ever being born. Dumbledore had asked him quite bluntly, why he could not see the world as he was meant to. At the time, Severus had not understood his full meaning and had rejected it as the ramblings of a dying old man. But now, he realized his mentor's words as clearly as if they had been literally placed in his hands; they became tangible to him in this moment and Severus was unsure whether to laugh or cry. So, he simply exhaled. He thought about his mother and though he knew that her life would have been easier without him in it, for the first time he refused to accept the notion that it would have been better.
The hours of merriment had dwindled away and once again the castle was quiet and the halls were empty. Most everyone in the castle, who remained, had headed off to bed ages ago. All but Draco or rather, Professor Malfoy and his dear cousin, Miss Hermione Granger. The two of them had retreated up to the Astronomy Tower together once the festivities had started to die down. It was a clear night and from where they sat, they could see the stars above so clearly that Hermione felt she could almost catch them in a net.
"Well- I had better get going myself…" The flaxen haired wizard smiled warmly at Hermione. "The little witch will be wondering where I am" he beamed.
Hermione bowed her head in agreement and looked wistfully out at the night sky, allowing the fresh Scottish air to blow kisses across her face.
"You know, Mione…Snape… he…" Draco really wasn't sure what he intended to say at this moment, but felt he should say something. "He's been…"
"Draco- really… you don't have to say anything… I'm fine." She gave him a half-hearted smile and continued looking at the stars. "Go home, see your family… I'll come by tomorrow"
Draco sighed. Hermione had it all. A successful career, a beautiful flat in London, and more friends than she could ever count, but the young witch always looked so lonely; as if she was constantly waiting for one of those stars in the sky to drop down into her arms and turn into… well… to turn into the great bat, who he could never really understand why she loved in the first place!
"You sure you're alright then?"
"I'm fine- don't worry. I'm just… I'm fine."
"Well… don't stay up here too long… You might catch cold"
"Goodnight Draco" she laughed and shooed him away with her hand.
He really was sweet to her, she smiled to herself. But her thoughts quickly turned to Severus and she wished that he would have joined everyone after the graduation ceremony. She hated the fact that she found herself missing him so much of late. Over the years, she had been too busy to miss him. In fact, Hermione had been so busy helping others, that when she stepped back for a moment and looked at her life, she realized that she had forgotten to fall in love with anyone else. She realized that she had never really fallen out of love with… well… with the great bat. A soft yet sad smile spread across her lips as she watched a shooting star race through the dark sky. She closed her eyes, as she had done when she was a child and made a wish. Had anyone been watching her, they would have thought her quite ridiculous looking; a twenty something year old woman sitting there with eyes clenched shut, wishing so hard that her heart might burst from wanting her wish to come true so badly.
She suddenly felt warm fabric settling over her shoulders. "Draco, I told you… I'm fine… It's not even that co…"
She turned around and met the deep-set black eyes of Severus Snape.
"I'm sorry… Professor... I thought you were Draco…" she stammered.
Severus said nothing and stood rigidly next to her.
After a long and awkward pause, she smiled up at him and patted the stone floor beside her. "Do you want to sit with me?"
Again, the wizard said nothing but complied and sat down next to the one person that he had never wanted to see again.
"Thank you for the coat"
They sat in uncomfortable silence for a long time… too long a time. Severus swallowed hard and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was taking a chance by coming here, he knew and he began to second-guess himself. What if she no longer held the same feelings for him that he held for her? What if he was too old for her now? What if she had met someone else? What if she was angry with him? It took all his willpower to stay seated and not sneer some nasty remark at her and bolt out the door. He took a deep breath and decided to tell her what he should have told her long ago.
"Hermione…"/"Severus" They spoke at the same time and both suddenly grew quite sheepish.
"Hermione… your speech… I…that night when you …I didn't …"
Hermione could scarcely believe what she was seeing…Severus Snape – the great stoic Ice Prince himself, the pride of Slytherin House, the nasty git of the dungeon – was tripping over his words like a blushing, half witted first year asking a seventh year to the Yule Ball!
This went on for a while and Hermione decided to muster that Gryffindor courage and hopefully, allow Severus some of his dignity back. She leaned forward and covered his mouth with a kiss. This kiss would have seemed unremarkable to any outsider looking in. But to Severus, it was the deepest, most affectionate sensation his body had ever encountered, and he relished in the taste of her lips against his. When the two finally parted, Severus couldn't take his eyes off of hers and before he could open his mouth to speak, the young witch had pounced on top of him and was running her fingers through his soft black hair and kissing him with so much more than passion – she was kissing him with love. And he felt that his heart would break with happiness that anyone could ever love him as much as it was plain this beautiful witch did. This witch that he had seen grow up before his very eyes- the witch that he had challenged, tormented, protected and cherished. And for the first time, in his entire life, Severus Snape felt everything all at once.
He lunged at her again with ravenous fervor and kissed her so deeply that Hermione felt she could be forever sated by just one kiss, and she whimpered slightly when he lifted his lips from hers. He stared at her with that notorious 'Snape glare', furrowing his brow with a look of deep scrutiny. His years as a spy had hardened him to so much emotion for so long, that this moment came as quite a shock to his system. The spy in him doubted this foolish little witch and her "love" for him but the smallest piece of himself as a fragile youth, which he kept tucked away deep within his black heart, wanted to proclaim to all the world that he finally understood this elusive thing called happiness.
"Severus?" Hermione suddenly seemed so small... so delicate. Her face was sort of pale and crestfallen, as though she was bracing herself for bad news. Severus reached out and stroked her cheek, cradling her chin as he gently pulled her face to his. This kiss... was the kiss that all fairytales end with. A kiss so pure and yet so desperately needed by both lovers, that it bordered on lustful.
It seemed like hours passed before Severus pulled himself away from her again. Lips swollen, faces flushed- the dark wizard never wanted this to end. But the practical side of him knew that it would end one day... one day, he too would die. And she would be in pain and there would be nothing he could do to save her from it. His eyes begged to cry and he found himself standing abruptly and turning away from her.
Hermione quickly rose to her feet and rather forcefully grabbed his arm, turning his rigid body to face her. He was perfectly silent, as if he was about to say something of such weight that it might forever alter the known world. Hermione's breath hitched a little in her throat and she silently prayed that the shooting star would come back and grant her just one more wish. Severus took one step forward to close the gap between them and stared at her with deep, unwavering eyes.
He smiled at her weakly as if smiling took great effort. And she knew that it did and so... she kissed him and felt an effortless grin form on his thin lips.
"I will love you until nothing remains of me but ash, Miss Granger"
As for a happy ending, like in the muggle fairytales… Severus Snape and Hermione Granger did live happily ever after. They were eventually married in a quiet, intimate ceremony and had a single child, whom they devoted themselves to entirely. They named her Samara and she too eventually graced the halls of Hogwarts with her stern but beautiful chocolate eyes… but that, dear friends… is a different story, meant for a different time. The story of these two lovers has ended and their journey to each other is over, but know this… for as long as there are stars in the sky, there will always be star crossed lovers and as long as there are stories yet to end, there will always be those wandering souls with nowhere warm to call home. This is the eternal journey of storytelling and thus ends this tale of deceit, wickedness, adventure, friendship… and, above all else, love.
THE END