Hello everyone,
yes, I am still alive... I know it's been ages.
I am really sorry for how long it took me to update.
But basically everything in my life went wrong and I fell into a hole so deep I couldn't get myself motivated for anything, not even writing. Recently I had problems with my eyes that forced me to go to the hopsital and I despise clinics (is there such a thing as a phobia of anything relating to doctors and even worse hospitals?). Anyway, because of my eye I wasn't allowed to read or look at an electronic screen too long so I picked up an old notebook and started writing again. I hope it's the start of me getting better ^^"
So, really sorry for the delay but I finally managed a new chapter for this story.
If I'm honest I'm still not entirely happy with how the chapter turned out, but it was written past a major writer's block and I didn't want to make you wait even longer.
Disclaimer: Yeah, still not a chance they're mine.
Two weeks later I am exhausted beyond belief. It hasn't been easy since Draco started getting panic attacks about anything that triggers him. I stopped counting after it reached over twenty, four days in. The blonde has been triggered by any kind of stuff like Hermione predicted. In between the attacks he has mostly spent his time sleeping, exhausted from panicking. There have been instances where I had to put him to sleep by force because he couldn't calm him down. Between that and the nightmares I've gotten barely any sleep either. It hasn't helped that we couldn't get to the one thing that usually calms Draco down. Both of the horse therapy sessions we had scheduled for the two weeks had to be cancelled. Right before the first one, Draco got triggered by a careless wand movement. The day of the second one I found him screaming from a nightmare during his afternoon nap which then resulted in him being too exhausted and wired to go out in the evening.
I let myself fall into the sofa with a long groan. I am basically dozing off when the floo suddenly flares to life. Turning my head towards it sounds like too much effort so I simply wait for whoever just came to identify themselves.
"You look like death, Harry," Hermione's voice sounds eventually.
"I feel like it," I groan.
She sits down next to me, "You want some rejuvenating spell or coffee?"
"That only works so far. I have been drinking coffee, potions and using those spells. But I've had less than twenty hours sleep in the last two weeks."
"Let me guess, Draco?" she sighs.
"Yeah, apparently he has started remembering things past his infant years. That means he gets panic attacks about everything and anything."
"I told you –"
"Yes, you warned me, I know," I wave her off, "I just didn't expect it to be that bad. I mean what's so dangerous about a pillow?"
Hermione just pulls a face, "It's going to get better."
"I hope it will. Neither of us can live like that."
She nods, then tugs at my sleeve, "Come on, you need to sleep."
"But Draco – "
"I can look after him for a few hours. Now get up," I let myself be pulled to my feet, "Anything else new?"
"New?" I blink at her tiredly then straighten up, "Yeah, it's strange. Sometimes, especially directly after a panic attack, Draco is completely clear."
She frowns, "What do you mean 'completely clear'?"
"He called me 'Potter' a few times, asked where he was and one time he even asked whether the war was over."
"It makes sense, I guess," it earns me a shrug, "That his memories come back all in one, so he remembers you as well."
"Is that good or bad?"
"It simply is," she responds, "There is not one solution for these kind of situations. It all –"
" – depends on the person, I know," I shake my head sadly, "Never thought I would wish for him to return to infant-state."
"You don't really mean that," she says in a reproaching tone.
"Not really no," I groan as I fall face first onto my bed, "But it would be nice for him to sleep through one night."
She cringes, "You know you could always put him under a spell or a potion."
"A potion could negatively affect his healing process and it feels wrong to put him under with a spell just so I can sleep for a few hours," I grumble into my pillow.
"Well, you are going to sleep now. Draco is sleeping too for now and I will try my best to keep him calm should he wake up. You need sleep more than he does right now," when I open my mouth to protest, the woman glares at me, "Don't make me put you under with a spell."
With an indistinctive grumble, green eyes fall closed and it doesn't take more than a few seconds for the raven's breathing to even out into deep sleep. Hermione shakes her head, takes off the other's glasses and tucks him in bed with a swish of her wand. Once she is sure her friend is sleeping comfortably, her next way leads her to the second occupied bedroom in the house. Opening the door as careful as she can, her eyes land on the thin figure on the bed. Stepping inside she slowly approaches the blonde. His face is clinched even in sleep. With a sigh she waves her wand over him and his face relaxes.
"Just a small spell so that both of you can have a few hours of peaceful sleep," she strokes over the pale cheek, "Never thought I would care about Draco Malfoy so much."
She shakes her head before exiting the room again.
It takes long until I wake again. But eventually my full bladder overrides my tiredness and groggy green eyes blink slowly open. Yawning widely, I heave myself from bed and pad towards the bathroom. After relieving myself and cleaning up, I walk back in the direction of the living room. Expecting Hermione to still be there, I am surprised when all I encounter is a floating message.
'Sorry, I had to leave. There was an emergency at the ministry. They might finally be moving forward concerning the Malfoy trial. I put Draco under a sleeping charm. It should alert you if something is wrong with him. Hermione'
Reading that, I immediately turn around, my feet leading me to the blonde's room automatically. The door is slightly ajar so I push it open. But nothing is out of the ordinary inside. Draco is laying on his side, thin body curled around himself. I tilt my head, normally the blonde sleeps on his back. Smiling softly, I walk over to the side of the bed and kneel down in front of the other's face.
"Hey Draco. Have you been sleeping the whole time?"
The blonde doesn't react at all, so I wave my hand over the pale form, dispelling any kind of spell still lingering on him. For a moment Draco startles, giving a pained sound. I immediately start to calm him down. The other falls silent again. It takes a few more moments until grey eyes blink slowly open.
"Good morning, Draco," I smile.
A pale forehead furrows in confusion, "What?" he croaks out.
Limbs heavy from sleep, the blonde tries to sit up, "Where am I?"
"Draco?" I ask worriedly, hands stretching to stabilise him.
Grey eyes flit to me and widen, "Potter? What the hell?"
"You remember me?" the green eyes are just as wide.
"Of course I do. I - ," he suddenly breaks off and presses a hand against his temple, "Argh, my head. What the hell is going on?"
"Draco," I immediately rush up, "I – "
"Since when do you call me by my first name?" the blonde startles, instinctively trying to scurry away from the other, "What the hell is going on? Where am I? Last I remember I was at the Manor and –" His eyes spring wide, "By Merlin! Vold – The – "
He chokes, chest seizing as the panic overwhelms him. He curls in on himself, left arm moving on purpose for once. I stare at him wide eyed, having no idea what I am supposed to do right now. Touching Draco seems like the absolutely wrong move at the moment. It doesn't take long for the grey eyes to fog over again. He shudders and his head falls down.
"Draco? Malfoy, are you okay?" I ask tentatively.
Blinking once, grey eyes focus slowly back on me and he tilts his head curiously. His right hand stretches out and pats the bed. After a few moments of confusion he starts to make distressed noises. It takes even longer for me to realise that he is looking for his stuffed dragon.
I sigh, summoning the toy, "Your clear moment is over I guess," the animal garners a happy hum from him and I stroke his head sadly, "Let's hope we can lengthen that next time. Still, it was nice to see the old you for a few seconds," a blonde head pushes against his hand, he shakes his head, "Not that you are not cute like this, but for you to live out there again, we need your old, annoying self back."
He only huffs and I chuckle.
That's it for today. Thanks for reading.
Hope you liked it nonetheless.
Once again sorry for taking so long. Unfortunately I can't guarantee for the next chapter either. I am writing again, but it's been some time since I wrote HP, so give me a bit more time.
Hope to see you next chapter anyway. Reviews are always appreciated.