The room was closing in on him again. Sam felt grateful for Edward's quiet presence, a white sweatshirt and casual slacks replacing his perfectly tailored suit. He'd slept some, but not nearly as well as he had before that last attack. Finally, he felt himself relax in the man's company enough to doze, staring at the television set.

Then, it hit again, the gasping for breath, Edward's hands gripping his arms, pleading for him to breathe. "Just breathe, Samuel. Even, slow breaths. That's it, good." His voice was encouraging, making him calm just a moment between another round of overwhelming panic. He writhed in the man's grasp for a moment, then struggled for a breath, gasping into the worn bag again, until he soothed down into a normal respiratory rhythm.

"Let me call Carol, Sam." Edward settled him back against the pillows. "A doctor, someone. You're looking decidedly ill, and it seems to be getting worse."

"We don't need the publicity, Edward. I learned that much from Al. They'll grab at any weakness, any of it, and I can't let that damage our chances with the Project." He was trying to force back the involuntary tears, wiping the moisture from his face with shaking hands. "Why is this happening to me, now?"

"I've been through this with Sara, Samuel. Her husband died, under dire circumstances, and she seemed fine for a while until six months or so later. I was frightened by the way the attacks would hit, at any given time, day or night. If Eddie was a moment late from school, or I didn't arrive home on time for dinner without calling, she'd practically stop breathing. I got her the best of therapy, once we realized what it was, and she went on medication until it lessened and went away. She recovered completely, Samuel, and so will you. I have a feeling you haven't dealt with the end of your first Project, or what you went through during it. I'm no psychiatrist, but I am quite... intuitive."

"That's what Al says about me, Edward. Sometimes I wonder how much I really know, or how considerate I am to him at times." The shakes hit again, and the overwhelming, unreasonable fear. His lungs wheezed, every gasp an almost asthmatic sound. He didn't know how much more he could take. Closing his eyes, Sam felt warm hands curve around his, the bed adjusting for a moment as Edward reseated himself on the bed. Edward?

"Sam, c'mon, kiddo." Looking decidedly windblown, Al pulled the man close, letting the tawny head fall on his shoulder, shocked at the scene he'd beheld as he'd entered the room. "Ease out, Sam. It's me, I'm here, and I'm staying. There," Al said quietly, smoothing his hands over the younger man's tense shoulders. "Thanks, Edward."

"Glad to be of service, Albert." The Englishman left the room, leaving the two men to sort things out privately.

Relief washed over Sam like a cool rain, subduing the panic, all of it. He practically melted against his friend, glad of his presence, not really giving a damn how it had come about.

"Sam, Sam. I'm right here. Sit back now, and talk to me." Sam tilted his head back, keeping his hand in Al's, closing his eyes. "You look like hell, kid. Terrible in fact." A short laugh from the other man, Al touching the tearstained face a moment before continuing. "Don't blame Edward. It was my decision to hop that plane. Gave the airline hell, and managed a seat."

"I can imagine." The greenish eyes opened, satisfaction and peace shining from them. "Everything evened out the moment you held me. Maybe 'Bena is right, that I'm too dependent on you."

"Bullshit. It's more than that, Sam. You can handle the separation; it's still the damned leaps. I called Verbena before I came out. She's setting you up with a program as soon as we get home, and make you talk out those leaps until you recover from them. I'm sorry I went behind your back like that, but I didn't know what else to do while I waited for the flight. She needed to know, Sam."

"I'm not upset, and I really want to stop this. Why did it have to hit now, here in D.C. and not at home? God, it scared the hell out of me."

"You should've called me the first time, Sam. Maybe you tried, and I wasn't home. The damned beeper..." He'd forgotten it after that incident with Hayley, too rattled to remember to grab it before leaving the house.

"How did your party go?"

"I'm out of the Navy, officially. On a decent pension, the works. Retired. It feels strange, but I'll get used to it." Sam's eyes were pleading with him, knowing what the kid expected. He bent and kissed him warmly, that inkling of guilt still clinging to him.

Sam felt the hesitation in the kiss, and frowned, pulling away. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I..."

"Something's up. You're cold, acting...what did you do at that party, Al?"

"Got bombed, Sam. Broiled, drunk as a skunk. Other than that..."

"Who was there? Any ex-girlfriends?"

"Damn it, Sam. You're suspecting stuff that..." He bit back the words, hearing the clear guilt in his voice. "Kid, I'll tell you stuff later. You're pretty much a mess right now."

"Who was she?" Sam reinforced the grip on the older man's arms, his expression no nonsense. "I want it all, now, or I'm going to go ballistic and raise so much hell Edward is going to call the police."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me."

"Sam, it happened, and I didn't do more than kiss her. That was it, the whole thing."

"Who?"

"Hayley. She had a crush on me the whole time and waited until the last moment to tell me. I knew what I'd lose if I went all the way with her, and I stopped it before it was too late."

"You don't realize what I've been through today, Al. I don't understand what's happening to me, and I've been frightened. Witless, past the point of fear. I have to absolutely trust what you've said to me, now. You were the only thing that kept me sane, the thought of you." He swung himself off the bed, gaze darkening, trying very hard to bite back the hurt-filled words he really wanted to say. Snatching his running pants from the pile of folded clothes near the dresser, he tugged off the shorts and slipped into them, followed by his sneakers. The tears were just on the very edge, he thought, leaning over the dresser. In another moment, he'd lose control.

"Sam."

Turning his anguished face to the other man, he almost gasped at the true pain and remorse that filled Al's expression. The dark eyes were filled with moisture, spilling out and down his cheeks.

"I hurt you, damn it. I held her in my arms and forgot. Like we were nothing, and when I realized what I was doing..."

"Okay, Al. Stop it." Sam gritted his teeth, closing his eyes. "We're going for a walk, and try to talk this all out. I've had enough of this room, and I can't take much more of your apology. You told me the truth, didn't hide or cover up anything, and I'm missing you. Badly. Regardless of Hayley, all of it, I still love you, you bastard. Start thinking with your head, and not your glands."

"Now, one minute." Al began.

"What I said was perfectly justified, and don't deny it. You blew up when I made that harmless pass at the waitress in Idaho. Don't forget that, and how you felt then. And I don't deny that I did it on purpose, just to see you get angry. We had it out over that, and once it was over, things got back to normal. Allow me to be pissed off, please, or I'm going to knock you into tomorrow and beyond."

"I blew it, once. Once. I'll never do it again because I don't want to see that look in your eyes again. Damn it, kid, face it. You're stuck with me." Al kept his tone light, rasping from the way his throat closed at the tiny smile that appeared on his lover's face. "If you'll feel better, give me one of those flying noodle kicks you're so famous for, and finish me off. Or let me take you out for some of the greatest pizza you've ever had in your life."

"I'll go for the pizza, Al." Sam turned in Al's embrace and kissed him once, lightly, the embrace deepening as he felt the other man's fingers smooth through his hair. He gasped against Al's half open mouth for a moment as they broke apart, his tongue licking once against his lover's lower lip before drawing back. "Among other things."

"You really want me?"

"I can forgive a kiss, and care less about the rest right now." Coaxing Al out of his clothes was nothing, and he stripped quickly himself, falling back onto the bed, closing his eyes as he felt every inch of Al's body press against his.

The older man placed every bit of love and longing into the kisses he placed reverently on Sam's chest, licking and petting the lightly haired body down to where the erect organ waited. He craved the feel of Sam's cock in his mouth, as he wrapped his lips around the crown. It had been so long, it seemed, almost forever. Smoothly, he took him, as much as would fill his mouth, sucking gently, laving with his tongue against the base and moving carefully up and down against the warm flesh.

"Al. ..." Sam gasped, closing his eyes as he felt the warm cum seep from him, the other man's tongue lapping wetly at every drop. He loved him with every fiber of his being, for his care and the sweet way he took him. Al's mouth moved lower, tonguing his ass, until he was ready, almost crying with wanting his cock in him.

Hesitating, Al moved off the bed and went to the bathroom, returning with a small tube of Vaseline. It was all they had, Sam having a habit of using the stuff to keep his lips from becoming dry. It would have to do, for now.

Unable to keep the laughter from bubbling over at the sight of Al brandishing the tiny tube, Sam felt himself shake, unable to contain it. The older man was making a face, his expression breaking up with his uncontrolled outburst.

"Damn it. kid, you pick the worst moments to break the damned mood." Al fell back on the bed, smiling tenderly at the smiling face next to him. "I'm trying to screw you, Sam. You have to make do sometimes, and this," he said, holding the thing up. "Is it!"

Sam rolled over and kissed Al thoroughly, from forehead to lips, clinging for a moment, before brushing his fingers gently against Al's rapidly re-arousing organ. It was warm beneath his hand, the skin so smooth and strong. For a moment, he gripped it tightly, just a fraction short of causing pain. He was nose to nose with Al, keeping his hand possessively around his cock. "You're all mine, Al. Don't forget that, or how I'm holding you now. I love every solid inch of you, even when you're being a bastard because I know in my soul you love me as much as I do you. I can't live without you. Even if you'd screwed her."

Al felt the grip ease, the greenish eyes slitting in passion as Sam laid on his back, waiting. Taking the tube, Al applied Vaseline to his cock and soothed it into Sam's opening. The velvet softness was just easing, warm and ready for him. In a moment, he was in him, gripped and held tightly, the butt muscles fitting around him perfectly, just the slightest friction as he moved inside Sam's body. Sweat poured from him as he thrust, hearing the other man's voice as from a distance, whispering words of love and longing that made him come almost immediately. He fell atop the perspiring body of his lover, kissing his throat, remaining in him as long as his softening cock would allow.

They showered together, quietly, in deference to Edward and Kyle's adjoining rooms. It was a pure pleasure to just hold each other under the spray, letting the warm water caress their bodies as their mouths clung together.

Sam was beautiful, Al thought, looking up into the hazel depths. Too damned thin, and more worry lines added around those eyes, but. God, how the kid loved him. Just the faintest swelling of his lips, and the way his damp hair clung to that strong neck and shoulders.

"Your hair is getting pretty long, Sam," Al said, wrapping a towel around the other man as he stepped from the shower.

"I'm growing it for you, love." Sam grinned. "You love me for that stuff, all the way down to my ass, if that's what you want."

Smiling softly, Al remembered what it felt like to pull against the red brown hair, the soft curls at the ends tangling in his fingers. "Not down that far," Al joked softly. "It'd play hell with the view."

They dressed and took a long walk, Kyle popping his head out of his room for a moment and deciding the Admiral would take very good care of his charge before he quietly closed the door.

It was late, and few people were out on the Mall. Al let Sam take his hand, not caring very much who saw the way they held each other. Lights glowed, accenting the white monuments against the dark sky. They finally made it to the Washington Monument, alone together, taking in the beauty of the place, and the simplicity of the quiet. Sam bent and wordlessly took Al's mouth, feeling the other man warm beneath his lips, moving and sucking gently before they parted.

The glow from the monuments lit Sam's face, Al almost breathing a sigh of relief at the pain erased from his smooth features. Wrapping his left arm around the slim waist, Al rested his head on Sam's shoulder, feeling the embrace returned, soft lips resting in his hair for a moment.

"Al," Sam finally said. "Somehow, you can't let me stay mad at you, not for long. "

"I'll never..."

"Don't say it." Sam sighed, wrapping his arms around his lover for a moment and quickly releasing. "I trust you. I love you."