Chapter 4: For Pigs the Bell Tolls

Part 6: Your Real Edd Here

"What? What do you mean, you know who I am?" was all Edd could respond with. It was dumb, but he was panicking at Vivian's revelation. His heart and his thoughts were racing frantically. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear… has she truly figured out that I'm Double-D? I truly do not want to end up in battle with her!

"How long have you been in this dimension?" she asked him, rather demandingly.

"Pardon?" Edd responded. "How did you know about-?"

The bell chimed again, heightening Edd's level of panic. The curse on the Twilight Town citizenry may have been lifted, but still, for Edd, the chime signaled a very important moment.

"We're late! We should already be at the bell tower!" he exclaimed.

Vivian didn't move or respond; she was still in a state of shock and disbelief.

"Please, Vivian!" he pleaded. "Help me! I can't do this alone!"

Rather hesitantly, Vivian nodded.

Edd discovered that there was a small opening in the wall surrounding the steeple. This gave him an idea: He placed a hand on the still-out-of-it Vivian's shoulder and rolled himself into a tube, allowing the power to spread to Vivian, and together they rolled under the opening and arrived at the front door of the building. After unfurling, Edd opened the door, and the two shadows re-entered the steeple hurriedly.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"So what are we doing here again?" Koops asked quizzically.

"I received a message-a claiming-a to be from-a Double-D," Mario replied.

The "Edd" with the group suddenly took a step backwards, suspecting that he was close to being found out.

"He claims-a there's-a been a mix-up," Mario noted, glancing at the false-Edd.

The doors to the bell tower opened, and two shadows – Vivian and the real Edd – entered the room.

"You again, slick?" the false-Edd greeted the interlopers. "Pretty stubborn of ya to follow us all the way here!"

"You! Shadow!" Mario piped up, addressing the real Edd. "Are you the one who contacted-a me?"

"Ahem, yes, that's correct," replied the real Edd.

"Wow, do you believe this guy?" Eddy laughed.

"Hey, is that one of the Shadow Sirens with him?" Goombella added, noting Vivian's presence. "That's rich! Don't worry, Double-D, we're with you all the way!"

"Lady Luck's not with you tonight, charlatan!" Jimmy shouted at Edd.

"That creep couldn't take us all on his own, so he buddied up with a Shadow Siren!" Koops laughed.

"Well, Madame shall not let any pain come to ze young monsieur!" Flurrie added.

"Listen up, shadow-fake!" Eduardo Junior piped up. "You're gonna taste the pain! Eduardo-style!"

"Please, listen to me, everyone!" Edd pleaded, pointing to False-Edd. "This fellow is an imposter!"

Nazz looked back and forth at the two Edds and chuckled. "Yeah, sure, and I'm Kim Possible."

"Truly, I am!" Edd pleaded again. Vivian remained silent and surprised throughout the scene.

"You're a liar!" Kevin shouted. "And if there's one thing I hate more than dorks, it's liars!"

The short-tempered jock charged forward at Edd with his wrench raised. Thinking quickly, Edd held out his hands and shouted: "Flame Shield!"

A shield of flame surrounded Edd and stopped Kevin in his tracks. Kevin jumped back with a shout of "Whoa!"

"Fire…?" Vivian was now truly shocked and dumbfounded. "Aside from myself, there's only one other who can command fire… the one I met in Boggly Woods…"

"Vivian?" Edd inquired, noticing this.

She looked up at Edd, with a mix of sadness and anger in her face. "That means… you're the one known as Double-D!"

"I thought you said you knew!" Edd gasped, confused.

"I… I can't believe this," Vivian moaned. "The one my sisters and I swore to destroy… instead…" She shuddered. "I… I helped you."

"Please, Vivian…" Edd began

"Crud…" Vivian cried. "I feel like such an idiot… So was I just a means to an end, so you could get what you want? Patching me up with this cast and this bandage… was that all part of your act?"

"Aw, what's wrong?" Fake-Edd taunted. "Fight with your little girlfriend? Well, don't expect any sympathies from us, ghoulie-ghouls!"

"Please, Vivian, it's not what you think!" Edd pleaded.

"Oh, stuff it!" Vivian fired back. "I should've known better than to trust anyone."

"Please, Vivian!" Edd pleaded again, to no avail, as Vivian had already sulked back into the shadows, leaving Edd alone against his friends, all of whom were convinced that the fake-Edd was the real one, and vice versa.

"See that?" Fake-Edd taunted. "All your friends ditched you 'cuz ya don't have my charisma! And now even your little girlfriend walked out on ya. Now that that little debacle's done and over with, I do believe we have a battle to commence."

Edd knew he had no chance, not without Vivian's help. "No, please… I don't want to fight you."

"Why, 'cuz you're too chicken to go one-on-eleven?" Fake-Edd taunted.

"No… because I don't want to hurt those who stand around you," Edd replied.

Fake-Edd laughed. Just the sight of this, the faker enjoying Edd's misery, caused rage to boil inside the real Edd, until he couldn't contain it anymore. Looking up, he growled and charged at his sadistic copy as fast as he could.

"Nazz, go!" Fake-Edd ordered quickly.

Nazz jumped in front of the copy and intercepted Edd's blow, responding with a punch clear across his face. She whipped out the X-Naut staff and kept up the attack, while Edd managed to shield himself from some of her blows.

"Nazz, you're done now! Return!" Fake-Edd ordered; Nazz reluctantly obeyed.

Edd tried again to attack his copy, but this time was intercepted by Goombella and Koops, who swarmed him and pounced on him, pinning him to the floor. Edd knew he had to fight back somehow, otherwise he was as good as dead. Summoning his strength, he jumped and threw Goombella and Koops off of him before pointing to his copy, his fingertips glowing as he readied a fire attack. But False-Edd was already ahead of him, and he launched a fire attack of his own, sending Edd crashing into a wall with great force.

"Well, that oughta do it, dude," Nazz said rather proudly.

"No, that's not enough!" False-Edd yelled. "Keep up the attack!"

"He's already down, just please, stop it!" Jimmy pleaded desperately.

"No, no, no!" the copy screamed. "Kill him! End his life!"

Taking the cue, Kevin dashed forward with wrench in hand, while Edd countered with his rod. With each strike, sparks flew from both weapons to complement the fierce clanging noises.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Disappointed in herself, Vivian sulked in the basement cellar of the steeple. It was a rather unpleasant, musty, cold, and windowless room, fairly short and dimly lit, with only a ceiling lantern that looked like it could give out at any moment. Cobwebs lined the room, from the walls to the ceiling. An old, dusty, dilapidated armoire sat in the far corner of the room adjacent to a cobweb-covered wall-mount bookshelf, just past the room's only other occupant, a green-and-yellow-feathered parrot with a big reddish-orange beak standing on a wooden perch. Two broken jack-in-the-boxes sat in front of the armoire, while Vivian herself was sulking near the parrot.

"Polly wanna cracker?" the parrot squawked.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Vivian muttered to herself, ignoring the bird. "How could I not have known that I was helping my enemy? The one I swore to eliminate to get back on Beldam's good side? He seemed so nice… yeah, they always seem nice. Please. The only time anyone's ever nice to you is because they want something, and the minute they get what they want, they dump you like last night's Dried Shroom… but if that shadow-creature is really this Double-D, then… who's that pretending to be him? What's his name? And why can't I shake this feeling that I've met this Double-D before?"

The parrot squawked with a loud "Skraaawk," startling Vivian.

"Polly wanna cracker?" the parrot squawked.

"No, I don't 'wanna cracker,' and my name's not Polly," Vivian snapped. "If you'll excuse me, I need some time to myself…"

With a shudder, Vivian sank back into the shadows, right in front of the parrot. The bird looked around, feeling alone in the room. With no one else around, the parrot spoke again. But this time, the words were different.

"Skrawk! Where's that weird shadow-girl who was just here? Aw, whatever… It was almost nice to have some company in forever, even if she was rather rude… I mean, no matter how important it is that his real name remain unknown to all else… The stupid jerk locked me up in here just 'cuz I know it, and what, he doesn't trust me? He actually thinks I'd go and blab his real name to the world? That's no way to treat a parrot! Man, I really need a cracker… Hey, when's feeding time, huh? You better feed me! You're still a big meanie, DOOPLISS!"

Instantly Vivian shot back up into the room from beneath the shadows. Now the parrot was the one who was startled."SkraWHAAAAAAWK?!"

"What did you just say, birdbrain?!" Vivian demanded.

"Uh… Pretty bird! Pretty bird!" The parrot reverted back to its regular behavior.

"His name! His real name's Doopliss?!" Vivian demanded.

The parrot responded as before, just saying "Pretty bird" and "Polly wanna cracker" on repeat.

Vivian found her thoughts racing, and began muttering to herself again.

"So his name's Doopliss! He's the one who stole Double-D's name and body, and his friends! Wait a minute… Double-D… I feel like I met him before… oh, yeah, that's right… in Boggly Woods…"

FLASHBACK

"Now we got her!" proclaimed Goombella. "Double-D! Take your rod and slam it on Vivian, hard as you can! That should finish her!"

Now standing upright, Edd brandished his rod and began charging at Vivian. He then stopped short, however, and had a change of heart upon seeing the look on Vivian's face. She was still crying, as a result of the combined abuse from Beldam and the beating that she was receiving from the others. He hated to see anyone hurt like so, suffering in silence with no escape from the endless torment. Looking over at Beldam, who was snickering evilly nearby as the fight dragged on, Edd decided to shift targets. He resumed his running charge, raised his rod, and landed a hard, determined blow - on Beldam.

"Yeouch! You WRETCHED little boy!" Beldam shouted angrily.

"Double-D! You were supposed to hit Vivian!" Goombella complained.

"I, um… sorry, I missed?" said Edd, feigning confusion. It was clear, though, that Beldam was his intended target, not Vivian.

"Uhh!" groaned Goombella. She charged toward Marilyn and hopped onto her back. Nazz later charged at Marilyn herself, but the large Shadow Siren managed to grab her and throw her at Rolf, sending both of them crashing to the ground.

"Lightning!" called Marilyn, pointing one of her large hands skyward. About a second later, a bolt of lightning crashed down on the ground and shook up the group, long enough to allow Beldam to connect with another blow to Nazz.

"Vivian! Attack them! NOW!" demanded Beldam of her youngest sister.

Reluctantly, Vivian darted over to Edd and punched, but the sock-headed boy deflected the blow with his rod, holding it sideways in both hands and pushing her away. She didn't fall to the ground, however; instead she just stood there as Edd shifted targets once again.

END FLASHBACK

"Of course," she said to herself. "Of all of them, Double-D was the only one who never laid a hand on me… Even when I was forced to attack him, he deflected my punch without throwing me to the ground… he actually took real pity on me, and he went after Beldam instead…"

Lost in thought, Vivian found herself comparing the way Edd treated her to the way her sisters always treated her; the former with pity, kindness, and care, and the latter with violence, abuse, and unjustified punishment. She shook her head and finally made her choice.

"Beldam, Marilyn, I'm sorry… but this Double-D is the only one who's ever shown me real kindness," she said. "True kindness should not go unreciprocated. I've been unfair to him… I know what I have to do now."

Now resolute, and armed with knowledge of the false-Edd's true identity, Vivian sank back into the shadows and exited the cellar, leaving the parrot alone once again.

XXX000XXX000XXX

Jimmy dashed forward and swung his Super Hammer with all his might, slamming Edd with enough force to knock him into the wall again. Edd groaned in immense pain. This was followed by a body slam from the heavyset Madame Flurrie, causing Edd to cry out again.

"Good! Keep it up!" False-Edd shouted.

Rolf made his move, whacking Edd with his Puni-emblazoned bag. As Rolf returned, False-Edd turned to Eduardo Junior.

"All right, little slick. Finish him!" he ordered.

"Got it!" Eduardo exclaimed with a nod. "No one tries to rip off my dad!"

The little Yoshi darted up to Edd and bounced up high, attempting to ground-pound him. As quickly as he could, Edd managed to roll away just in time, causing Eduardo to instead slam the floor. Disappointed but undeterred, the little Yoshi ran back to False-Edd, partially smiling.

"Don't worry, Dad, I'll get him next time," he told him.

False-Edd let out a frustrated yell. "What's wrong with you? Everyone else could do it; how come you couldn't?"

What happened next was both unexpected and appalling: False-Edd struck Eduardo Junior clear across the snout. Everyone present, including the real Edd, gasped in shock.

"…D-Dad? Why?" Eduardo cried, tears in his eyes.

"Get it through your head! I'm not your daddy, and that's that!" False-Edd spat.

Eduardo burst into tears and cried in Jimmy's arms for comfort.

"How could you strike a child like that?!" Edd screamed angrily. "That is truly… GAH! Words cannot even describe this!"

"Yeah, Double-D, that's horrible!" Goombella snapped.

"Wow, you're such a jerk, Double-D," said Nazz, disgusted. "To think I actually thought you were nice…"

"Why are you such a meanie, Double-D?!" Jimmy cried.

"Oh, shut up, all of you!" the imposter screamed. "Attack him! Attack until he's breathed his last breath!"

"…No way, you bully," Eduardo told him. "I'm outta here."

Eduardo ran over to the stairs, but stopped when he reached the real Edd. The little Yoshi sniffed the shadow that was the real sock-headed youth, and discovered a familiar scent. Right then and there, it finally became clear to Eduardo who the real Edd was, and he kindly extended his small hand and helped the shadow to sit up.

"What?!" the imposter spat. "What do you think you're doing, you backstabbing whelp?"

"Oh, come on! Ya really think I don't know my own dad?!" the little Yoshi fired back. "Ya don't even SMELL like him! Ya smell like cheap laundry detergent!"

The imposter let out another frustrated shout; he was at his wit's end. "Well, if none of you will finish him off, I guess I'll just have to do it myself!"

False-Edd charged at the real Edd and the little Yoshi, his fists raised.

"STOP!" came the sudden shout of a female voice.

Vivian emerged from the shadows directly in front of Edd and the Yoshi and deflected the imposter's attack.

"Vivian?" Edd was surprised at her sudden return. He watched in awe as she raised her good arm and pointed at the imposter, shouting:

"Fireball!"

A ball of flame shot from her finger and struck the imposter, burning him badly and sending him to the floor.

"You might be good at playing other people, but clearly, you're terrible at being yourself," Vivian told the imposter, who shot her a glare.

"And just who in the River Twygz are you?" False-Edd demanded.

"You keep a parrot in a dusty old room in the basement," Vivian continued. "Not very favorable conditions for a bird. But he's pretty chatty. Didn't even know I was still in the room when he went on that tirade…"

"I don't know what you're talking about," the imposter groaned.

"Ain't it weird how birdies can tell a lot about a fake?" she said smugly. "Huh, Doopliss?"

"WHAT'D YOU CALL ME?!" the imposter screamed in horror.

Doopliss is the true name of the Duplighost responsible for stealing Edd's name, body, and friends, as well as the porcine curse on Twilight Town. He is a mischievous prankster with the ability to shapeshift into anyone he so desires, an ability that is magnified as long as no one knows his real name.

"That is your real name, right, Doopliss?" Vivian taunted.

"NO! STOP IT!" screamed the imposter now known as Doopliss.

Vivian didn't stop there. She kept taunting him, chanting: "Doopliss! Doopliss! Doopliss! Doopliss!"

"NOOOOOO!" Edd/Doopliss screamed. The room began spinning for him as he gripped his head, screaming all the way: "NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-WHY-WHY-WHY-WHY-WHY-WHY-HOW-HOW-HOW-HOW-HOW-HOW?"

"Like I said, you've got a really chatty birdie," Vivian reiterated smugly.

She then sidled over to Edd/Doopliss and delivered a punch. The imposter was too far in shock to respond, and he fell to the floor, dropping the Ruby Crystal Star in the process. Almost immediately, both he and Edd were enveloped in the same blue light from before. When the light faded, Edd found himself back in his own body, no longer a silhouette; while the true form of Doopliss was revealed: the "freak-in-a-sheet" under whom Kevin had briefly served. Everyone (with the exception of Edd, Eduardo, and Vivian) stared slack-jawed and dumbfounded, while Edd breathed a sigh of relief, grateful to finally have his name and body back.

"No!" screamed Doopliss in despair.

"What the heck?!" Nazz found her voice first.

"What's happening?!" Jimmy shouted.

"Sacre-bleu!" Flurrie exclaimed.

"We've just been shellwinked!" Koops exclaimed.

"YOU HAD THE NERVE TO FLEECE ME?" Eddy screamed at Doopliss.

"You're a bigger fake than Dorky! And that's sayin' something, dork-in-a-sheet!" Kevin growled.

"Man, I should've known Double-D would never behave like that," Goombella lamented.

Edd climbed to his feet and scooped up Eduardo in his arm, receiving a hug from the little Yoshi in the process, before facing Doopliss. "Now that you've been exposed, I think it would be unwise to fight when the odds are one-on-twelve."

"Gaah! I won't forget this!" Doopliss wailed. "Fun-sucking killjoys!"

The Duplighost dashed out of the room, wailing like Jimmy after being scammed out of his last quarter while already having a bad day.

"Mamma-mia, Double-D, I can't-a believe we didn't-a realize the truth sooner," Mario told Edd apologetically, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "It's a good thing you thought to instant-a message-a me. We owe you an apology."

"Man, it's good to have the real you back, Sockhead," Eddy said. "By the way, what the heck did you mean, one-on-twelve?"

It was then that the group remembered that Vivian, who remained by Edd's side, was still in the room.

"Hey, I remember you! You're Vivian, of the Shadow Sirens!" Goombella spat at her. "Y'know, those witches that gave us problems at Boggly Woods! Why don't you just make like ice and melt?"

"Son of a gun! The Goomba-girl speaks the truth!" Rolf exclaimed angrily. "Hear Rolf's words, witch-girl! Rolf shall NEVER forgive you for your attempted siege of the home of the Punies!" Rolf charged forward, but Koops and Mario restrained him. "Return to the inky shadows where you belong lest Rolf subject you to a 3-shoe beating!"

The sensitive Shadow Siren looked up at Edd, tears in her eyes; Edd couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Are we just about done?!" he pleaded. "Do you hear yourselves?! Never have I heard such deplorable words! Vivian here came to my aid when I had no one else! Why, if not for her assistance, you would never have known that you were with an imposter who would have turned on you at any moment. I owe her my life."

Vivian gasped as she heard her former enemy defending her to his friends, while Edd gave her a sincere smile.

"But Nazz and Rolf told me about her while we were catchin' up!" Kevin fired back. "That girl's evil! C'mon, Double-Dweeb, even a dork like you can't be serious about her!"

"Evil? Quite the opposite, Kevin! She's nowhere near evil! In fact, she's one of the kindest souls I've come to know!" Edd responded. "Whatever life of evil she's lived up to this point was forced on her by her cruel sisters, Beldam and Marilyn. No one deserves such unjustified malicious abuse."

"…You're right, Double-D," Koops piped up.

"Very well, then," Mario added. "If you trust her, Double-D, then so do we."

Edd's friends gradually agreed and nodded in affirmation, except for Rolf, who remained angry.

"Tread carefully with this one, head-and-sock Ed-boy," Rolf warned him. "Do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser."

Finally, Jimmy spoke. "She seems nice, Double-D. You treat her with the kindness that Sarah treats me with." As he said this, he took note of the cast on the Siren's left arm and the bandage on her right arm.

Vivian finally managed a timid smile. She knew how hard it must have been for Edd to stand up to his own friends in her defense, but it seemed like some, if not all, of them were coming around.

"…Thank you for sticking up for me, Double-D," she said, looking up at him. "I'm sorry about earlier… I don't deserve to be treated with such kindness."

"Yes, you do, Vivian. By all means, yes, you do," Edd reassured her, smiling.

"Yeah, Viv," Eduardo piped up. "Thanks to you, my dad here got through this, no sweat."

Vivian raised an eyebrow at the notion of Edd being a parent at his young age, let alone to a Yoshi child, but she gave him a smile, too.

"You're welcome," Vivian replied. "By the way, what's your name?"

"Eduardo!" replied the little Yoshi. "Well, technically, Eduardo Junior. I was named after my dad here."

"He, ahem, inherited my Glitz Pit moniker," Edd explained, setting Eduardo onto the ground gently.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Eduardo Junior," Vivian told him. "By the way…"

The Siren picked up the Ruby Crystal Star that Doopliss had left behind in his hasty escape. "This is what you came here for, right? Seems that Doopliss dropped it on his way out."

"Yes, that's correct," Edd explained.

Vivian held the Star toward Edd. "Here, take it. It's yours now."

Edd gently took the Star from Vivian's hands and held it aloft. The Star emitted a bright flash and levitated, whirling around the heroes and bathing them in its light, endowing them with the Art Attack special move before coming to rest in Edd's hands. Now with four Crystal Stars out of seven in their possession, the ever-growing band of heroes was eager to leave the perpetual dusk of Twilight Town behind and return to the daylight of Rogueport to continue their journey. This, of course, as usual, still left the question of the whereabouts and welfare of Princess Peach and the Kanker Sisters.

XXX000XXX000XXX

"Vivian is so very late!" Beldam growled. She and Marilyn were still in Twilight Town, anxiously awaiting their sister's return with the Superbombomb, and Beldam's patience was wearing thin. "Where is that inferior dumbbell? If she's not here in the next minute, I will punish her so hard she will wish she was dead!"

Marilyn just grunted stupidly. "Guuuhhh…"

The two Shadow Sirens were taken by surprise when Doopliss brushed past them, grumbling and crying all the way. They heard him grumble: "Stupid jerks … All I wanted to do was have some fun, is that so wrong?"

Beldam raised an eyebrow, but sneered just as quickly. It seemed an opportunity had presented itself.

"You! Freak-in-the-sheet!" she called.

Doopliss jumped in surprise and saw who addressed him. "What?" he spat.

"Come here," she told him. As ordered, he approached Beldam, who asked him, "Did you say you were having problems with some people?"

"Yeah," he complained. "I stole one kid's name and body, but his shadow ruined it and stole it back!"

"Which jerk?" she asked.

"The kid with the black ski hat on his head," he responded. "The one called 'Double-D.'"

Beldam recoiled in surprise, as she seemed to know immediately who he was referring to.

"And his stupid friend, the girl with pink hair who shoots fire, just like he does," Doopliss continued.

"What?!" Beldam growled angrily. "Marilyn! Are you hearing this?"

Marilyn grunted stupidly in response, forcing Beldam to continue: "Keep up, you lump! It would seem our dear sister Vivian has gone rogue and joined up with our enemy."

"That girl was your sister?" Doopliss asked.

"Did you say that this Double-D now possesses the same fire magic that she does?" Beldam asked.

"Y-yeah, why?" Doopliss replied.

Beldam scratched her chin at this revelation. "Hmmm… could he truly be the legendary hero we seek…?"

"Legendary hero?" Doopliss inquired.

Beldam grinned evilly at Doopliss, the window of opportunity now wide open…

End of Chapter Four