The Book of Being At Home

The deep leaves of the yawen tree shimmered in the gentle breeze of the meditating garden. The sound flowed into the gentle cascade of the distant waterfall. Taking in long, powerful breaths, Obi-Wan Kenobi slipped into a deep meditative stance.

The ache in his side still persisted but he was slowly getting over it. All he cared now was not to let the pain show.

Closing his eyes, he allowed the Force to act as his vision. Casting out he felt the currents of the temple. The gentle movement of thousands of voices, all blending into a single hum that invigorated the Force. He sensed thousands of lifeforms mulling about the immense temple.

His thoughts briefly alighted on his small, but empty apartment. He hated that small, dark windowless place. He missed the view of the commerce lines that arced around the ancient temple. Longing for a window or balcony or someplace that he could see the kinetic energy that flowed above the city planet's surface. Just a little escape from the contemplation of temple life, something the knight knew he was going to have to get used to. He had been removed from active duty to "heal" but he knew that it would remain a standing order long after his injuries were taken care of.

In quiet reflection, he allowed his weary thoughts to wander the massive structure that was once familiar and alien to him. It would be home again. He would just have to try, right?

Obi-Wan craved the comfort and safety of the temple, but at the same time he knew it didn't feel quite right. He didn't belong there. Hadn't since awaking from the coma. Ever since that day he had felt as if he were walking a step out of synch.

The Force told him that.

Something had changed and yet for all his meditation the answer never presented itself.

It was the will of the Force and he should just accept it.

Easier said than done.

Unconsciously his thoughts drifted from the emptiness that had become his life. The uncertainty that he could not just accept without question.

The initiate dorms were quiet at the late hour. For a little while at least, soon it would be full of children ready for another day.

The sleeping boy was easy to find.

He wondered what dreams kept Bali company in his slumber.

It would be nothing to draw away and block the burgeoning bond. Still, Obi-Wan knew if that had been his intention he would have severed it and shielded himself completely against it long before now.

_____________________

The Book of Euphemisms

"Where's Anakin?"

"Studying," Qui-Gon said as he sat down on a long bench in the empty lounge. He absently stared past his friend at the large, gently curving windows into the dark blue Coruscant sky. An amber glow from the city below cast an eerie glow in the cloudless night.

Mace set the reader he was studying to the side and stared at his friend silently for a long time. "How is he?"

"Healing." The graying master smiled. "He's happy to be back in his own bed. As am I."

"I'll bet." The senior Council member leaned forward in his seat. His dark eyes focused sharply on his friend. "And how are you doing?"

Silence lingered.

"I'm fine," was the short reply.

Mace eyed the other man. "And?"

"What?"

"When was the last time someone said you were stubborn?"

"Just this afternoon," Qui-Gon replied dully.

Mace glared at the venerable master.

"You thought sending Knight Kenobi after Anakin and I was going to heal all wounds and we'd come back friends?" Qui-Gon chuckled to himself as he folded his arms tight across his chest. "I didn't know you were still so naïve, old friend."

The other man easily saw through the façade, he sensed the older Jedi's uncertainty and attempts to bury the feeling. He chose to play along.

"The Council sent Knight Kenobi because he is very good at what he does." Mace studied Qui-Gon's dour expression before continuing. "Would you have rather us send someone not quite as tested to pull you and your apprentice from Tarsis?"

Qui-Gon allowed a low growl to show his displeasure in the turn in the conversation.

"Not so smug are you now?" Mace taunted.

Instantly the graying Jedi Master was on his feet. He spun around and shot Mace a harsh look. "Between you and Yoda, my head has not stopped aching in over two weeks. What part of not wanting to discuss him don't you understand?" Qui-Gon suddenly stopped. His temper had flared at the slightest provocation. His strength left him and he sank back to the chair.

"This is so unlike you, Qui," Mace said flatly, merely observing the shocked look on the other man's face.

"I did what I felt was right," was the soft excuse.

Mace spoke as if reading his thoughts, "Don't lie to me, old friend. We both know you made mistakes." He did not like the euphemism but he didn't want Qui-Gon to feel under attack. That is not what the meeting was about.

"I did my part," Qui-Gon returned stiffly. "I trained him, passed on my knowledge. It is his decision to do with it as he pleases as you well know he already does. I made a knight out of a padawan. I fulfilled my oath."

"You dismissed him, twice before the Council. Or did you forget that?"

"I did not," Qui-Gon said.

"Not formally no, but the connotation was there. It was more than enough for the Council to take action."

Qui-Gon just stared. After a moment he slowly spoke, "The empty apartment." His shoulders slumped slightly. "I thought he was angry with me."

"He probably was," Mace said absently, "but that was not why he left. Two dismissals prompted us to step in."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Regardless, we did what we felt was right. In many cases that is cause enough to be dismissed from the Order unless the Council chooses to intervene. Under the auspices of our protection he completed his trials. Did that never occur to you?" Mace couldn't believe the confused look on Qui-Gon's face.

"I think," there was a long silence as Qui-Gon contemplated Mace's words, "that I knew that. I just never–"

Mace picked up his data pad then slowly stood. "If I were him, I would not forgive you either." Then he started to walk away.

Qui-Gon twisted in his seat. "Protection?" He asked angrily. Standing, the venerable master met the Senior Council member in a steady gaze. "Protection? Is that what the Council offered? You sent him–repeatedly–on some of the most dangerous missions you could find."

"He asked for them," Mace said as he stopped.

"You should have had the wisdom not to allow it to continue. I begged you not too send him on anymore missions, not after the first three."

"If I remember correctly," Mace said evenly, "you had a young apprentice at the time. Obi-Wan was no longer your concern. Did you not make that clear enough? He could make his own decisions. He is an excellent knight. He is well trained. Good at what he does–"

"If he's so useful why did the Council ground him?"

"If we had our way we would have sent him out immediately upon his return to the Temple. If for no other reason than to keep you two from disrupting the place."

Qui-Gon just stared at him. "So why didn't you?"

"Yoda had different plans."

"Naturally," Qui-Gon growled. "You need to find him a hobby."

"He has one, several in fact. But you know him."

"All to well, unfortunately."

Mace stood there silently for a moment. His gaze swept the lounge but did not return to the seated Jedi. "I do not pretend to know or understand what happened. I had always imagined long after Knight Kenobi's apprenticeship ended you two would remain friends. We were looking forward to using your combined skills as an excellent working team."

A soft chuckle escaped Qui-Gon.

"As it is, Knight Kenobi's alienation from everyone and everything, as well as his skill makes him an excellent operative."

Qui-Gon stiffened at the euphemism. "In other words, he's expendable."

The revelation would neither be confirmed nor denied by the senior Council member.

The Jedi master's broad shoulders slumped a little more. "And the Council wants to return him to the field?"

"I can think of half a dozen special situations right now that are going critical. We have more experienced negotiators that we don't want to lose."

"But you ordered him to remain at the temple–"

"Like I said, Yoda has other plans."

Bounding to his feet Qui-Gon stormed out of the lounge.

Mace stood there silently for a moment. Casting out, for a moment he could feel the inward anger that Qui-Gon was struggling with. Quickly the master had regained control of his composure and the emotion dissipated. Slowly Mace turned his gaze to the amber glow of the Coruscant skyline. He spoke evenly, "Is that what you wanted him to hear?"

"Necessary, it was." After a moment of silence, "Another hobby need, I do not."