A/N: Hi everyone! I'm terribly sorry that I haven't written my story in a while. A lot of things have happened to me that made me feel broken it was hard to pull it together sometimes. I mean people can say hurtful words and I believed them, a friend of mine died, along with problems at work and in my personal life. I couldn't seem to catch a break. I went to DallasCon, and all those fun memories to go back to when things were tough were blocked by all the negative words given to me.

I want to thank you all for your patience and all of those who still believe in me and my work. I love you all for that.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything or characters from Supernatural; it all belongs to Kripke. I only own Caitlyn Winchester among other OCs. I was inspired by Rene Russo's character from the movie, Ransom for Caitlyn behavior in the beginning of the flashback.

WARNING: Launguage, some violence, and trigger warning with medication.

Flashback: This takes place shortly after Season 2 episode 4, Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things.

Please I beg you to read and review my story. The reviews I get is like breathing in clean air because I made you all happy. Please keep it up.

Dean's POV

She's gone, I thought, my sweet girl is gone. Caitlyn laying in front of me with chest not moving, tube still in her mouth, and cold to the touch is my worst nightmare coming to life. The doctors gave up, and hoping I'd be the hero and bring her back was my intention, but the outcome I didn't see coming. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her still cold body on this bed. My hand was numb holding hers; her lifeless hands are just...nothing.

I noticed the IV still stuck to her hand, and I just couldn't help it but rip them off of her. What good will it do for her now? Her skin was cold, and I couldn't bring my head up to look at her. I've spent thirty minutes looking at her lifeless body for God's sake; like He was gonna show up and give a miracle to us. All He ever does is hide when everyone needs Him...I needed Him.

"I don't understand." Sam softly said. I looked up and found him stand over us. Bobby was at the foot of the bed just staring at her. They were a mess, even Sam's damn hair was a mess. His eyes were red and puffy, I mean the man just lost his twin sister, his other half. Those two were inseparable. "Why wouldn't the crossroads demon take me?"

"Yeah, like destroying Lucifer's true vessel was gonna do anything." Just by saying that hurt my voice. It was like I haven't talked in the longest time. "I think I know how she felt."

"What do you mean?" Sam struggled voice asked.

"Since the accident with dad, I was in her place and she's in mine." I kept remembering. "I can't imagine the pain she felt then until now. I mean was she this broken up like we are now?"

"Dude," Sam said, wiping his eyes and the tip of his nose where the snot was flowing. "she was petrified. She felt useless that she couldn't do anything for you."

"Yeah, well I tried to bring her back. I didn't feel useless until you stopped me. I could've gotten her back, she would be awake."

"If you say that it should've been you instead of her, I will kick your ass as bad as she did."

"What?"

"Don't you remember a few years back when you said 'what's dead should stay dead'?" Sam asked, "Man, she really kicked your ass then."

2005

Bobby's House

Sam's POV

Caitlyn hasn't said a word since we put Angela back in her coffin, which was a few days ago. And as a result, I got my hand in a stupid cast. She's barely spoken since Dean said his suspicions about dad. She's been holding it in as bad as he was. The one person I looked up since I was a kid just crumbled in front of us. I'd just hate to see how she would come to grips with dad's death.

Bobby and I were in the library reading and finding cases when I heard footsteps storming through to the kitchen and the next thing we heard was a slap.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Caitlyn screamed, angrily slapping Dean over and over again. And I heard the sound of glass shattering and cabinets being knocked into, "YOUR HEART STOPPED, YOU STUPID JACKASS!"

I ran to Caitlyn's side to pull her off of Dean, but she was wouldn't let go of him. Bobby came around to Dean's side to hold him still. She wouldn't budge; it only took thirty seconds to completely rip her away from him. Her screams were something else though.

Bobby shouted still holding Dean, "Caitlyn, that's enough!"

"YOU DIED IN FRONT OF ME, DEAN WINCHESTER!" She shouted, charging at him again.

"No, Caitlyn!" I shouted, holding her around her waist. I heard Bobby shouting instructions to take her upstairs. I picked her up and hung her over my shoulders and I hurried as fast as I could. She would be kicking me in the stomach and pounding my back as hard as she could.

"Caitlyn, stop it." I begged her to stop carrying on as she did. Her growls and anguish was heartbreaking to hear, and as her twin, I feel everything she's feeling. And sometimes, it gets pretty exhausting.

As soon as I reached the top of the stairs, I saw the bathroom. I threw her down on the floor, and for her safety, I slapped her with my casted arm, knocking her on her ass. This gives me more time to lock her in. Thank God that there were no windows in there, otherwise she would have climbed out.

I sat outside leaning on the door as I heard pounding and screaming from the other side. "SAMMY, LET ME OUT!"

"No Caitlyn!"

"YOU CAN"T DO THIS!" She screamed, "YOU CAN"T TREAT ME LIKE THE THINGS WE HUNT!" The more energy she uses, the more worn down she would be.

"Oh please!" She begged as I reached for my cell phone to make a call. Maybe they can help. "Sammy, please!" She whimpered.

30 minutes later

A bruised Dean walked in with Bobby and Ellen right behind him.

Ellen shoved them aside, "Sam."

"I'm glad I reached out to you, Ellen. She's finally accepting dad's death. She stopped a while ago."

"Where is she?"

"In here." I answered. I unlocked the door, and she was laying on the cold tile, asleep.

"I was given these when my Bill died to calm me down. I was asleep for two days. When I first met her, I knew that she was beyond okay. Sam, I need you to come with me."

"Wait a minute," Dean buts in, "I'm her older brother, and if anyone is giving her anything to take, it might as well be me to do it."

"Dean, be serious."'

"Of course, I'm serious." He said, "I'm supposed to take care of her, and she's my responsibility."

Bobby put a hand on his shoulder, "Boy, she acted like a wild animal around you. I hate to say this, but you going in there may be the worst thing for her right now."

Those words hit Dean like a ton of bricks. To Dean, Caitlyn meant everything to him. He was shocked that Bobby would say something like that.

"Dean," I said to him, "he just means right now. The pain in her screaming was just her way of letting us know she cares about you. She loves you so much, Dean. She was scared that day; we both were. Your pulse was gone, and they were trying to get it back. I could feel Caitlyn becoming weaker and weaker every second. And the moment your pulse came back, she went to the bathroom and threw up as she cried out her heartache. Let me and Ellen take care of her. For once, let me be the brother who takes care of her since you did all that time when I left."

As much as Dean hated to admit it, he modestly nodded his head, and let us pass.

I picked up her limp body and Ellen kneeled in front of her.

She pulled strands of Caitlyn's hair behind her ear, and whispered, "Caitlyn honey, it's Ellen."

Caitlyn weakly opened her puffy eyes and groaned. "No" she mumbled, trembling in my grasp.

"I want you to take this sleeping pill for me. It helped when my husband died, and I think it will help you too."

"No it won't." she said sadly, "nothing can help me now. Dean's right, it's my fault dad died. I should've stayed with him."

I held her tighter, and shushed her. "It's okay, this will help you sleep."

She took the pill from Ellen and swallowed it and then I looked up at Dean with the hurt in his eyes. Man, he must've been kicking himself for saying that to her. a couple of minutes later, she stopped trembling and calmed down.

I picked her up, and put her to bed.

I'm never leaving my sister ever again.

Now

Sam's POV

I felt like my crying stopped, but when I looked at her laying there, I couldn't help myself but wanting to cry all over again.

"She's my best friend, Dean." I said with a shaky voice. "She left us alone."

Dean just sat there, "Twins do think alike; hell, you left for Stanford and this one...well this one left us permanently."

"What are you saying, Dean?" I questioned him.

"Nothing." he replied.

"It doesn't sound like nothing to me."

"Our sister is dead, Sam?" he said bluntly, "What else is there to say?"

"She was your best friend too. She loved you so much, yeah she was a pain in the ass at times, but she helped us out in a lot of ways. She loved us, Dean. And I'm..gonna..miss her." I said accidentally looking at her body, and I started to cry again. This time, Dean's arms wrapped around me.