AN: Sorry this update took awhile, fall semester got a little…weird this year and time slipped away from me.
But never mind that, because I'm here to remind you this chapter of Hells Radiance is rated M for: political intrigue that might turn your stomach, a surprisingly small amount of violence, another reminder that Sakura is really not a good person, frank sexual talk, an insinuation of sex occurring, adultery of a sort (is is adultery if you're not actually married?), and a good dose of Sakura/Kyuubi interactions that in and of themselves could probably be seen as disturbing (though, mind you, the main pairing remains Naruto/Sakura), and some, no, a lot of swearing.
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto most problems with other ninja villages would be solved with a gratuitous use of violence like shinobi should, not trying to achieve some unattainable peace in a military world. Peace is overrated when you're ninja, because then you're out of a job. So I'd advise Kishimoto's Naruto to quit trying to put himself out of a job.
Konoha, Abandoned District
There were so many things they should have thought of then.
So many problems the Kyuubi should have foreseen.
So many mistakes she shouldn't have made.
The village was reaching a frenzied peak, and all they needed was one push to set them all down a slippery slope that no one would be able to climb back up. That night she put the Kyuubi's soul into the flesh should have been a crowning moment of their ambitions, just a few steps removed from the glorious fall he'd orchestrated.
But in their celebration, almost drunk on ecstasy and power, they'd pushed aside what they'd been striving for so viciously. For a few muddled hours there was only her and him and a long spiral down. Only the dawn itself the next day would force her to hide what had happened and bring her wretched mistake crawling back to sink its teeth into her.
But the dawn had not yet come. This night was yet their own to see what new lines they would carve straight into each other, and Sakura was spinning from somewhat distracted to devil-may-care about the consequences.
She remembered the first kiss clearly, the heat, the taste seared, the fiery scent of his hair, the rasp of his skin. She wondered why he was kissing her, dazedly, because she understood that from the beginning the Kyuubi had twisted her and broken her in ways that couldn't be fixed. He had been whatever she needed him so his whispers could reach and make her love him beyond any kind of reason.
Whether as a protector and confidant to a child emotionally stunted, a taskmaster to a student so hungry for power she'd boiled herself alive for it, or a master that tore away her delusions and showed her the flaws she tried to hide, he always knew the part to play to keep her pliant.
She knew it was wrong and knew that there was no love lost here between them, and in that lust filled haze she wondered what he was playing for now.
After the second kiss she seemed to lose her sight, during the third most of her rationality was gone, by the forth any sense of time had been disregarded, and before the fifth the Kyuubi gripped her feverish body and dragged her to the floor. That's when the haze left her smoldering and unable to tell if her eyes were opened or closed. Her upper extremities were heady like each kiss was champagne and her lower half throbbing as if her blood was boiling.
She couldn't breathe.
She didn't want to breathe.
The euphoria of their physical contact had her feeling intoxicated for the first time in her life. It drew her into a violent embrace that was so deeply primal that she didn't even care that every kiss was raw to the point they were nearly tearing each other apart.
She was reminded that on some level, yet again, that they truly hated each other.
When a particularly violent exchange left her mouth bloodied, the sticky and bitter aftertaste curled down her tongue like a burn. The scorch of it ran into her jaw like water and spiraled to the back of her neck to slip between her shoulder blades. Breathless as their mouths tangled again, she managed to gasp. "Have…have I changed? From that selfish—" The next kiss was bloody. "Hateful child I was—" The next was sharp as a blade. "Have I changed?"
He didn't pause in kissing her and for a minute she couldn't find any more breath to question him as he jammed her between his wide shoulders and the floor. Her right arm was numb and pinned to her side, her left splayed across his back with fingers snared up into his hair. His body seemed to engulf her and he wrapped his arms around her back and pulled them so tightly together she couldn't tell where he ended or she began.
She couldn't quite bring herself to care even knowing before now he'd hated her body as much as his own.
The pressure of his mouth on hers shifted sideways and he spoke guttural words into her cheek. "What the hell does it matter?"
Her chest was constricted against his bulk and she heaved for even a wisp of air. She wanted to know why now, why she worthy now. She'd been something wretched and ugly. She'd been so tangled up inside him. What had changed?
She fought to hiss as her neck arched in an excruciating arc. "I was an idiot." It felt like her neck would break. "I clung to your words as if nothing else mattered while you…you hated it so fucking much."
He growled. "What did your love mean to me? You were a child clinging to any scrap of affection. You were weak! I had to give every encouragement to keep that fragile mind together, play that childish game that I actually cared for your life." He breathed deeply and he was stealing all of her air. "I wanted to snap your neck during every second of it."
And they stared at each other and she thought that this was completely insane. She dug fingers into his scalp, reminding him where they were and what posistion they were in, and the grip of hr hands said what she coudln't: Then why now?
He her hiked her up, legs on his hips and pushing her head back into the floor. "I can't undo what got snarled up between us, there's no going back."
Soul and mind; memory. No longer in the same flesh but their was chakra still left snared between them. There was no getting away from each other and she let the thought form that this was somehow him settling. He'd always been settling for her, he'd told her as much. She was a poor substitute.
The stolen hospital sheets twisting between them were too thin to separate his searing skin from hers, too thin to protect her from the venom of his words slipping between each kiss.
This thing between them was madness, it was hate and agony and regrets she couldn't undo. It was the only thing that had kept her alive and had shaped her in every way she knew how. She could never go back and this ugly thing between them went on and on. He despised everything she was but he still wanted them tangled up together in the only way they could manage.
Her skin felt carved from ice and he was the raging flame waiting outside.
This was not intimacy of flesh, this was not love, this wasn't even about sex. This was the only way she knew how to goddamn express herself and he was still in the process of breaking her, and she had so long ago given everything to him that taking it back now seemed beyond pointless.
He wouldn't let her go and she wasn't sure she could get away. What would it matter?
Sakura couldn't help the sound that slipped between her teeth. Base and needy, weak. "And you decided that meant—" There was the sharp jab of his hip on her thigh. "Rutting down here in the mud and the blood?"
He snarled against her mouth and the sharp edge of his teeth grazed her like a blade. "We can't go back. Isn't this what you wanted?" He breathed, scraping with nails and teeth and sending a thrumming pulse deep inside her. "Don't think I couldn't see what went on in that head of yours. You never gave a fuck what it cost, enough pain and enough force and you'd get on your knees for it. Having it be me is just icing."
Anger and shame roared up in her warring with the damn need to finally figure out where they stood and what lines she could finally cross. What words she could finally say.
"It's your choice if this world becomes our kingdom." His fingers dug into her spine. "Or if it's just another gilded cage you'll trap yourself in pining after humans who can't even see you for what you are."
She bucked, nails in his neck and her knee practically driven through his thigh. "I won't regret them so fuck off." And suddenly she didn't want to break, she wanted to rend him to the bone and twist him up around her to have everything for herself. "I'll make your entire body ache for me, force your every waking thought to turn to me. I'll make you want so much your demon pride will weep for your fall."
He broke their embrace laughing in a way she had never heard. He twisted her head so they were eye to eye. "You can certainly try. But let me tell you, my darling—" The endearment was a mockery and a bitter blade right between her ribs. "We have all the time in the world to see who breaks first. And I'll drive you to madness a thousand times and you'll come back to me still begging for more."
There was something here in the sting of the words and the rage. Something he wanted, some kind of challenge. It wasn't control and it wasn't sex and it most definitely wasn't love. He wanted something else of her and she didn't know what it could possibly be.
She honestly didn't know if she was supposed to back down or break his neck. He saw the indecision and with a snarl drove them both into the floor so hard she thought their rib cages might have shattered. They were kissing again, sweat and exhilaration singeing the air, and he was forcing his anger into her with every breath. But something heavier laid between them and it was waiting for her to find it.
There was no outside world for them at that moment, no war to start, no wounds to cut, no screams of the dying to hear. Blood rushed in her ears drowning out the rain thundering against the roof above their heads.
There was nothing inside her and she couldn't think and didn't want to. All they had was their game, this thing that was supposed to let her face eternity without going mad. This thing he would use to drive her mad anyways just because he could.
Because she had never been enough for him, nothing but a poor substitute.
She didn't have enough oxygen to think, not enough to breathe, and she let their game unravel her.
Apartment Complex, 2:02 AM
The persistent tapping of the rain almost masked the sound of someone banging on the apartment door. Someone who, if Sasuke had anything to do with it after being woken, would be gutted like a fish and left to bleed in the hallway. However any act of violence would involve him leaving his warm bed and the girl curled around him, and that was too high a price for this hour of the night. And really, the dilemma seemed far out of his judgment skills with only two hours of sleep.
Prepared to roll over and bury his head under his pillow, Sasuke's plan was interrupted when the banging on the door was joined by a shout. "Come on Sasuke, I know you're in there!"
A flare of chakra rippled through the room and a warm sigh slipped across his shoulder. Hanabi had woken. "It's Naruto…get him to leave. Or something."
He gave an irritated groan but nevertheless shunted her to the side and swung his legs to the floor. He jerked his head, cartilage shifting back into place with a satisfying crack.
Another loud bang came from the front door and he vowed that someday Naruto would pay dearly for this. It took exactly a fifteen steps to reach the entryway from the bedroom, and with a half-formed snarl and cursing every step he threw the door open. "What!"
To Sasuke's delight he heard Naruto reel back half a step, but the blond jonin quickly recovered to blurt: "Sakura's gone."
Sasuke marveled at how much grief one person could cause him when she wasn't even within a mile of him. He rubbed at his forehead. "What do you mean gone?"
His teammate sounded close to having a nervous breakdown or killing someone. Maybe both. "Just what I said! We just finished the counter seal and I came back to show her and the apartment was empty. I've started contacting everyone we know and no one has seen her for days except me. If there was another assassination—"
He snapped derisively. "Sakura's a shinobi Naruto, and she can take care of herself. Honestly I have no idea where she is or what she's doing, for all we know it could be one of those times she's having a sleepover with no warning. If you can't find her by morning then I might actually do something about it. Until then: I. Don't. Care."
It would have been easier for them both then if Sasuke had shut the door, or if Naruto had let him. But Sasuke could feel the anger of his teammate and it tangled with his own frustration of what Sakura had done to the Uchiha that he couldn't avenge.
Lashing out at Naruto, her lover and blind follower, was fast becoming a temptation to great to ignore.
And Naruto, after spending weeks barely sleeping and consumed with creating a counter seal, was run ragged physically and mentally beyond his rigid self-discipline. Emotionally he was no better; despite the newly regained intimacy he and Sakura had found after the period of turmoil following Anko's death and Orochimaru's slaying, they hadn't resolved their problems but merely shoved them aside as if they hadn't stopped talking and nearly become strangers. She would sometimes glance at him with dark irises and in that moment be so far away it would leave him lost. And it ate at him because somewhere, somehow, there was something wrong between them that he couldn't see.
Both jonin were under tremendous, mind splintering stress at the same time, and it brought out the worst in them.
A festering resentment rolled in his chest and down into his guts as Naruto took a menacing step forward. "You don't care? You should be grateful to her that you're even alive Uchiha. She stopped you from your little jaunt to Orochimaru, she kept you safe when you were a crippled and blind traitor! Right now you should be terrified at the thought of Sakura dying because without her there's nothing and no one to protect you from what you've done!"
His rage went up a dangerous notch. "What I've done?" He hissed. "Maybe you should take a closer look at your girlfriend Naruto; compared to the blood on her hands I'm perfectly clean. Have you ever wondered about that promise we made to help each other achieve our dreams? I destroy Itachi, you become Hokage, and she twists and bleeds people along the way so we can do it not thinking of the price. But what are her dreams, huh? Neither of us really knows just what she wants but a lot of people are going to die before she's satisfied." He snorted bitterly "And you and I will be the ones up to our elbows in blood."
"Don't give me that shit!" Naruto shouted and that's when the argument started spiraling out of control. The blonds' elbow slammed against Sasuke's chest as he hauled him up by his throat. Before either knew what was happening Sasuke had his teammate's wrists and was crushing the joints to the point of shattering.
Naruto didn't seem to notice the pain or had passed the point of caring. "Remember that little town on the border of Grass country? I do. We went in half blind because there wasn't moonlight and you still couldn't find a chakra signature that wasn't already down your throat. All we had to go on was the rot in those gutters." And his teammte chuckeled harshly. "Third time we were allowed outside the village after you were rehabilitated."
And Sasuke remembered. God did he remember it.
Naruto's voice almost became a sing-song, an ugly little melody written out of murder. "We were just supposed to assassinate the mayor of that town but then you got carried away on the euphoria of getting your hands dirty and you decided to go to kill his wife. Then came their kid and what was she, four?"
She'd actually been three, so tiny in one of her father's old shirts. She'd looked like a fucking doll after Sasuke had left her shattered across the floor.
"And she screamed because you were already elbow deep gutting the mother. So we had to kill her, then the servants who heard the screams, then the bodyguards who came to help, and after that the three other children who came along out of sheer fucking curiosity. And it when on and on until a little assassination to depose one ruler became the slaughter of an entire household. How many was it Sasuke?"
Forty-nine people. He'd kill twenty-seven of them.
"By the time we got back here the situation was ruined beyond being salvagable." And Naruto's chakra blazed with the last words. "And do you remember what Sakura did?"
The blond shook his teammate hard enough that his teeth rattled and with a furious shout Sasuke surged forward and slammed them into the opposite wall.
Something shattered and Naruto just laughed. "She lied for you Uchiha, said the kid was already there and took the blame for your fuck-up. She's been taking the blame from everyone because my father died to stop the Kyuubi but didn't quite kill it." His voice then dropped so coldly Sasuke wondered if it could give him frostbite. "I don't know who she killed to piss you off so badly, but it must really irk you, to hate her and yet be so in her debt that you'll never repay it."
A loathing for each other, a hot, burning, twisting loathing that gnawed at their sanity and sang through their blood flared in them. They had been friends at one point when all things were said and done. After the Valley of the End they'd made a vow on their dreams and found…neither really knew…kindred spirits, comrades?
And Naruto discovered he didn't resent Sasuke as much as he expected, and Sasuke didn't find himself all that superior anymore. So while Sakura had been swept into politics and the mess at the Hokage's office they had trained together and bonded in the pain, blood, and sweat to earn their reputations as two of the best fighters the village had ever produced.
Naruto had become greater than his father in ninjutsu and the sealing arts, more powerful than his mentor Jiraiya and twice as cruel.
Sasuke turned into everything the old Uchiha refused be: pride tempered and brought to heel, devoted and loyal to a dying breath, and malicious on such a base level he would have probably been thrown from his own clan out of shame if they were still alive. With a drive for strength that outstripped obsession, he'd turned blindness from a curse into a gift that left his enemies dead before they even realized he was a threat.
Their pride was well earned and until now they had never really been forced to pit their new egos or beliefs against the other. But that day had finally come and it made their childish bickering and scraps as genin look like a joke.
Naruto couldn't stop the words spilling out of his mouth and didn't seem to want to. "You never cared about all the blood on your hands before Sasuke. What changed? None of us are innocent, both our dreams are drenched ocean deep in filth. I know the price of my soul, what was yours Uchiha Sasuke?"
Neither really understood what happened next, there was no thought to it, no reasoning. There was a shout, a heated snarl, pooling chakra, the odor of blood, a flash of light blotted black, and then pain knife edged into the chaos.
They both went for the jugular at the same moment. They hit the door with a crash, then the wall buckled, then something made of glass splintered as everything they'd once been to each other ignited into rage.
What stood out the most though, in the chaos that followed, was the terrifying and eerie wail from the hallway as Hanabi began to scream.
Abandoned District, Dawn
Sakura could not pinpoint what woke her, if it had been anything at all, but one moment she had been sprawled on the floor and the next she had spasemed into a sitting position and was blinking at the wall. It was then she noticed one of her clones haloed in the light spilling from the open doors and making panicky hand motions at her. Sakura tried to stand only to be halted by the arm flung across her hips.
Sakura winced as the movement managed to rouse the man sleeping next to her. Being nocturnal and all, the Kyuubi was entirely not a morning person.
She was not disappointed by his reaction. "What the hell are you—lay back down or I'll break your legs."
Sakura ignored him and rubbed at her eyes, trying to recall exactly how she had gotten to this moment in time. This was quite possibly the most awkward morning-after she'd ever had the misfortune of having.
She looked at him. He was naked.
She looked down at herself. Definitely naked.
Self-despairingly, she asked no one in particular: "Do I smell like sex?"
The Kyuubi buried his head against her side, and after a few moments of deliberation announced: "You smell like sex."
"Fuck you." She answered.
"Already did that." He replied smugly.
This time she wanted to punch him. "Fuck you twice."
His grin was practically feral. "Which is what we—"
She had a feeling, somehow, that this would be blackmail for a good long while. She swiftly hit him in the side, stopping his retort with a low grunt and well applied medical chakra. While he tried to get his lungs restarted she looked to the clone. "What is it?"
It frowned and jerked its head twoards the door. "Three things. First: loyalist ANBU squads started sweeping the village late last night searching for you discreetly to see if you died in a ditch somewhere."
"A ditch." She answered flatly.
The clone looked tremendously uneasy. "Second: there's some kind of disturbance at the hospital. I don't know exactly what it is since I couldn't show our face and let people start asking for an alibi I haven't come up with yet, but Tsunade-hime has been there for hours."
Sakura nodded. "It's either a medical emergency or she's waiting to see if I turn up from that ditch."
The Kyuubi chuckled against her side, lungs apparently revived, and the hot rasp of his breath sent last night racing back thorough her and it almost felt like dying. He pillowed himself into her abdomen out of pure spite, knowing that she loathed being constrained during anything other than outright screwing.
The clone coughed. "The third thing: peace talks have been scheduled to take place in the next three days between the rebels and the Hokage's office."
Sakura felt her heart rate pick up, almost smelled adrenaline as the Kyuubi's eyes shot open. They were both standing, stark naked and furious, before either of them had thought it all through.
Their game was deferred; play set aside for revenge still undone. Their entanglement had an endless amount of time to play out in, but the bubbling civil-war in the village had a window of opportunity that would last for probably less than a week. Any interference from reaching the conclusion of what they planned would not be looked upon kindly.
Sakura could feel her every muscle twisting, curling so tightly that she wasn't sure if she'd explode or shatter.
The Kyuubi's jaw seemed to be set in granite as he locked a snarl behind his teeth. "If they think we'll let them just turn right back to that rotting peace—"
"They won't." Sakura hissed vehemently. "Those peace talks are going to fail horrifically. This war won't be stopped by them playing for a treaty." Her muscles began to burn from the tension they were under and reluctantly Sakura let her body unwind. Not yet, not now, losing it could come much later.
The man across from her seemed to recognize this was one of the moments where rage would be of no help, and with a reluctance equal or even greater than her own he choked out a few breaths and relaxed.
Sakura dismissed the clone and let its memories pour into her skull. She ran a hand through her hair only to find it tangled. "First things first, I need to put together an alibi for last night with as much truth and not-quite-lies as possible."
The Kyuubi raised an eyebrow and she wondered when he'd figured out that human gesture. "Does our time need to be wasted on placating humans?"
Sakura felt her lips curl. "If I don't have a good lie do you think it will go over well if I say: hey, I just freed the Kyuubi and for the hell of it we decided to celebrate by having sex and that's why I'm late."
Even as she said it though, she felt the wrongness of reducing their very long, complicated, and emotionally arduous relationship into something so…tawdry. It wasn't about sex and it wasn't about love. It was about something far uglier than that.
However, vicious sarcasm and flippancy had also been a long standing trademark of their relationship, and the Kyuubi took it without batting an eye. "Do what you will, but our main objective is the peace negotiations which means…"
He left it trailing but she already knew what he had in mind. "I'll have to squeeze an invitation to go. This could be difficult." She began pacing not heeding her own nakedness. Neither of them hardly cared for it. "I'm the root of this all and the other side won't exactly be pleased to see me there and Tsunade iwll absolutely hate the idea...which is really all the more reason to do it."
She caught sight of a very familiar glint in the Kyuubi's eyes. A cruel smile spread across his face and she mirrored it knowing he was about to tell her something she'd love far too much to be considered healthy.
"I think…" He declared venomously. "It's time there's another attempted assassination on your life."
Sakura drifted closer, wanting under his skin and to be draped all over him. "What kind?"
"What do you think—" And his glee couldn't be mistaken. "About poison?"
And there was that delicious heat back inside her. She breathed. "That…that would be lovely. Audacious even, two assassination attempts within days? The first by the blade failed so logically they'd try something more subtle. A poison surely, but not something common, god no." He voice rose in her excitement. "They'd pick one so deadly even my legendary healing factor would be pushed to the limit. An attack like that would incite the Hokage's faction to hysteria. The rebels would deny any involvement of course, and that'd just dig their graves deeper in those compounds."
The Kyuubi nearly purred, predator's hunger wanting in her. "But we don't want them just holing up in their fortresses, that's not nearly enough."
"Most of the rebels took their families with them to the compounds." She looked up at him in realiztion and thrummed with it. "We attack their loved ones."
Something sweet filled her voice, the venom of a beautiful and poisonous thing. "While I'm dying there should be an…explosion in the Hyuga compound. Enough fire and shrapnel to be seen for miles. Lovers who will no longer have their faces, children without their limbs, comrades screaming as what's on the inside goes out—oh god—they'll flush themselves out for a slaughter once we do that."
His eyes shined with a strange fervor as she spoke and she thought of kissing him but bit down on it. Last night had belonged to him but in the daylight she stood alone.
"I'm going to give you this world on a platter someday." His gaze pinned her. "You will be a Goddess of cruelty over it."
"A Goddess of war…a Goddess of agony." She breathed in the promise and held it for one long moment. There was a throne waiting for her if she wanted it, but there was so much left to do and being offered that crown so easily felt like another cage.
Here was a silvery web of dreams he would weave before her eyes, tantalizing and vivid but far out of her desperate reach. He would twist and break her until everything she was became nothing at all. It was another form of his control, another binding cord of his arrogance, and the fact that she suddenly realized it in blinding clarity nearly had her stepping back.
For the first time she had the right words. "My throne will be my own. Some day you may find yourself bowing to it my dear God-King."
"You dearly wish." His grin was amused and delighted and near enough to pride that she couldn't stand it. He never actually gave praise and if he did it was all blatant, vicious lies and anyone who said differently was a damned liar.
Every word she spoke next cleared the temptation away. "We're getting ahead of ourselves." Demands would get her nowhere and begging even less so, and frankly insults were as good a place to start as any. "Are we done here or do you need to cuddle?"
He moved closer and crowded her space, reminding her of the night before in one visceral moment. "Run along brat."
"Your perogative."It was time for a temporary retreat. "Do try and behave yourself while I'm gone."
He hummed a wordless acknowledgment but his gaze blazed hotter than a furnace. They stared at each other one long moment and then she turned on her heel, picked up her clothes, and walked into the rain without a backwards glance.
Sarutobi Compound, 7:45 AM
At the first gentle tap on his bedroom window that wasn't rain, Konohamaru shot out of bed as if under attack and rolled to face the window. With a kunai in his hand and his hair sticking out at every conceivable angle, it was almost ridiculous.
When Sakura waved at him from an odd angle under the roof, he dropped the kunai and shoved the window open. "Sis?"
She dropped to the sill and gave him one fond look. Once inside the dark room (conveniently on the opposite side of the compound from the Sandaime's quarters and the ANBU guard therein) she ruffled his hair. "I need a favor."
He nodded promptly. "Anything."
She gave him a small grin, glad again that one person was so fanatically loyal that her showing up at dawn with no preamble didn't even make him bat an eye.
"I need an alibi for last night and to borrow your shower." She answered plainly. He did not need window dressings or even explanations, just orders. He nodded and she offered nothing and he didn't ask. Instead he reached for her and she embraced him back, glad to shower him with affection as long as she was here.
"You smell different." He commented.
It wasn't an accusation but she cursed the Kyuubi's existence anyways. "It's nothing." There was a reason she'd come here before trying anywhere else, considering he had no idea what sex smelled like.
"Okay." He was so easily appeased it was downright impressive.
"So, the shower?" She asked.
He responded ."Down the hall and second door on the left."
And that was one nuisance checked off the list. "Get ready to head to the hospital, when I'm done cleaning up we'll need to speak with Tsunade."
She was almost out of the room when she heard his voice again. "I'm sorry."
There was anxiety there and she immediately turned back. "For what?"
His eyes flamed awith anger and shame. "My uncle Asuma, I should have been able to get more information from him. I should have gotten a better warning that could have stopped those bastards from trying to kill you."
She had honestly forgotten. Asuma was just one name on a very long list, but Konohamaru needed this assurance.
She kissed his cheek. "You've given me enough, I'm still here and we'll get through this. His sins aren't your own." It didn't look like he was convinced and hse tried a new tack. "Remember when you were a child? I asked you for a promise; that there would come a day where I would need your help and you would give it."
He nodded reverently; remembering that promise like it was a covenant between them. Her voice slid one octave lower to something hypnotizing. "That day is almost here, are you ready?"
He was a boy who needed action and purpose to feel whole and she would give it to him."Of course. I'll do anything for you."
And she wondered, inexplicably, if he just might do anything she asked even if she told him of demons and monsters and betrayals neck deep. But she couldn't take an unnecessary risk so close to the end; there was still too much room for things to be averted, still too much uncertainty and human kindness to heal the wounds she had reopened in the village.
And Sakura wasn't about to let her plans go to waste just to test a curiosity.
ANBU Post Central Konoha, Transcripts of ANBU Radio from 0900 to 1200 hours
"Command? Do you read me? She's back, she's safe. I've just spotted her heading in towards the hospital—"
"This is Command. Demoness has re-appeared in sector five, all patrols disengage search patterns."
"Did you hear? She's alright—"
"All units, requests for further Intel is unavailable at this time. Where Demoness was these past nine hours remains undetermined."
"Where is she now? My unit worked with her in the past and wants confirmations of safety with their own eyes."
"All squads, remain at your posts, the Hokage has denied all requests for anyone to see Demoness at this time. I repeat, remain at your posts until further notice."
"My squad is about to go off surveillance at the Nara Compound, we're going to try and swing by the hospital to see her."
"Traffic is increasing in all areas in sector five; Squads eleven through sixteen will need relocation at this time. Squad 11 you'll be placed—"
"This is Squad six, news of Demoness' reemergence is causing disturbance in civilian crowds by the Hyuga compound. A riot may be brewing, stand by. Stand by."
"This is Command, keep a tight net on civilian crowds, any unruliness should be put down immediately. But remember tha permission for physical force hasn't been granted by the Hokage's office at this time."
"This is coming through private channel Bravo: we have a request from Aburame Shino to confirm Demoness has returned. Can we release information at this time?"
"This is Command: information may be released, but all other requests must be cleared beforehand."
"All squads the threat elevation has been raised—"
Konoha Hospital, 9:07 AM
Unaware of the storm of chatter occurring in the ANBU channels due to her reappearance, Sakura remained in her chair as if one wrong move could end her life. Under the stony glares of two Sanin she tried her best not to look like a small child with a hand caught in the cookie jar.
At least she did try, until she realized that the embarrassed and petulant child look was much better to divert their attention than the: woman-who-had-freed-a-demon-and-was-about-to-be-found-out, look.
So after that realization she fidgeted, pouted, and blushed under their scrutiny while wondering whether or not her lies were holding water.
It was doubtful, but one could hope.
Tsunade's sarcasm quickly sunk that wish to a shallow and unmarked grave. "So let me get this straight. Yesterday afternoon when you were moving through the village you picked up a tail of an unknown identity, so for the rest of the day and into the night you ran around trying to draw them out without contacting anyone for backup. And then just for the hell of it, you slipped through the ANBU guard for the Sarutobi compound to see what your tail would do only to fall asleep on Konohamaru's bedroom floor while you were waiting?"
Tsunade's incredulity wasn't a surprise; it was rather irresponsible of her. This story was beyond even her daily and well known recklessness, and while known to take laws and orders as suggestions, making a rookie mistake like falling asleep on watch was unheard of for her. In fact it was suspicious as hell and Sakura knew her story was sinking down fast.
She fidgeted again and picked at a stray thread from her jacket. "Well…yeah."
Tsunade's skeptical gaze doubled in intensity and was about to border into anger. Jiraiya gave a small, derisive cough into his fist, and with a labored sigh she shed the first layer of lies as if they were dirty clothing no longer fit in their unsightliness.
Her eyes hardened and the fidgeting slipped from her body for the illusion it was. It was a jonin and cold blooded monster now before them and her shoulders were set in haughty disdain and her head was thrown back in pride.
Her posture spoke of her true nature, but the words that slipped past her lips were just another layer of her lies. "Last night I was followed by at least three ninja of above average skill, the delicate problem is that I picked them up while surveying the Hyuga compound for any weaknesses in their defense. I raided that place before to save Hinata and Hanabi, and I thought with my experience I could find us an opening previously unseen. That's when those spies noticed me. I didn't know which side they were from so I decided to thresh them through the ANBU bodyguards around the Sarutobi for confirmation." She sighed unhappily, lies coming so easily. "But my pursuers didn't take the bait."
Sakura saw the slap coming, registered it blandly, and accepted it without complaint and turned her head to lessen the impact. Tsunade's hand cracked her across the face and despite her preparation her head turned to the point of almost snapping her neck if she'd been a lesser being. The sting was duly noted, and red chakra curled to the surface of her skin to soothe inflamed skin and mend her broken cheekbone.
The pain was well worth it when it was joined by a sense of smugness that her lie had worked. Nothing was more useful than the anger that her story had finally generated. Anger made people careless, made them forget logic and details at the worst possible times. Admitting something so detrimental to herself (even though it was a lie) made it seem like truth and they accepted it readily.
So with her self-satisfaction carefully masked she looked back to Tsunade wordlessly, and the Hokage was either homicidally furious or about to break out into sobs.
It was always hard to tell with Tsunade.
The rage and-or impending tears made the Hokage's words a rasp. "How could you be so reckless? It's been less than a week since they nearly killed you and you just traipsed right back to their doorstep. If you had died or been captured—we're on the edge of civil war! You should know better than anyone that one more incident could set this off."
That—Sakura thought bitterly—is exactly what I'm counting on.
She paused to wait for the sarcastic comment the Kyuubi would chime in just to make her feel worse . A few seconds later she realized it wasn't going to come. Either they were too far away from each other for communication or the mental link actually snapped.
For a second her façade nearly crumbled under a wave of pure dissapointment. The fact that she would no longer have that unhelpful and vicious second voice in the back of her head upset her more than anything had that day.
Instead of voicing any of her distress she swallowed it down. She had learned from her childhood to never show pain in any facet and wouldn't start now. Sakura looked away from both Sanin and felt another lie weave its way off her tongue. "I'm sorry Hime, this…this has been difficult for me. Since we came back from Akatsuki I've been sidelined waiting on the replacement seal, and now when you need my strength the most I'm a liability."
Tsunade's visage softened from that indecipherable mask of pain-or-rage to something near mothering. She reached a hand to Sakura's once damaged face. "I'm sorry Sakura, it's just…"
Their eyes locked amber to jade and Sakura thought she felt a fracture running through them. Tsunade breathed deeply. "Are you angry with me because I'm letting them get away with it?" Get away with nearly killing her. Peace for her blood; that price had been traded by more than one Hokage.
Sarutobi had always been a devastatingly practical man when it all boiled down.
And honestly yes, just a little. But it was politics and Sakura understood, it'd be strange for Tsunade to try and string those rebels up just for her when it could start civil war and then lead into international struggle.
"I don't blame you, I just want to help." It was the worst lie yet and she gently guided Tsunade's hand away from her cheek. "I know the politics of this situation perfectly."
Tsunade let out a tired sigh and Jiraiya stepped towards her with tattooing ink in hand. "The replacement seal is done."
She'd beaten them by less than half a day. It made her nearly light headed how close she'd come to it all falling apart.
He kept talking. "If we're done with the guilt-fest I'm going to get the matrix on her. Unless this degenerates into a clothes ripping brawl, in which case I'll be happy to wait for you two to sort this out."
Both women scowled at him but Sakura immediately started mouthing absolutely filthy things to him the moment Tsunade's back was turned. The man grinned at her and winked and she knew he'd already forgiven her for dropping out of sight or had likely not even been angry in the first place. He'd long ago accepted that leaving her to her own devices the first thirteen years of her life wouldn't lend itself to her suddenly obeying protocol down to the letter now.
"Shouldn't Naruto be helping?" She asked coyly. "Hell, shouldn't he be the one putting this on his likely soon-to-be-naked-for-sealing-procedure girlfriend?" But the way she made eyes at Jiraiya and splayed one of her legs told him she hardly minded the switch.
Her relationship with Jiraiya had always been an odd one, but it was good.
Something wary crossed his face and suddenly the warmth of spending time with an old teacher died. She felt the frost creeping in. "Where is Naruto?"
Jiraiya motioned for her to undress. "Seal now, Naruto later, don't think I don't know howdistracted he got when I sent him to check up on the state of your seal last week." He grinned but there was something brittle under it. "I don't need a horny boy wanting to do his girlfriend during something this delicate."
And he was telling the truth, but it was a truth Sakura was all too familiar with: something that while correct was not the real answer to the question.
Despite how off-track she and Naruto got when clothing started coming off, she knew he was one of the most professional shinobi in the village. She had trained him to be that way and Jiraiya's excuses were simply not enough to justify the man who'd over half made the seal not being here.
She felt a curl of fear in her heart. "What is it? Why isn't he—"
"He's fine." He responded vehemently. "Now do I have to undress you myself or can we get this started?"
Sakura tried in vain to think of a way to summon a clone without the Sanin noticing, but hiding the chakra signature of it forming took the hand-seals, and a sealless clone's chakra would be so obvious the clone wouldn't get a step before it would be dispelled. Seeing no immediate exit without raising more suspicion, Sakura huffed and began stripping. Nerves nearly had her fumbling but a life of callous reserve gave her a steadiness that didn't betray her doubts.
Jiraiya was a master of the perverted, Tsunade the queen of Medical ninja. Irrationally she feared they'd be able to tell from her body that a soul had been dragged out of her just before she and the Kyuubi had torn into each other.
She fretted they'd somehow know just by the guarded shame in her eyes and then everything would fall apart. The truth of all her atrocities would be known and her friends would see the depths of her depravity. Exposed for all the village to see the Kyuubi would scrap their elaborate plan and it would likely devolve into a bloodbath.
And who would be lost in that she wouldm't have any control over.
When Tsunade left a moment later for hospital rounds, Sakura nearly wept in relief.
Once her shirt was off, her bra cast away, and her pants folded below her hips she caught Jiraiya's eye and to cover her nerves struck a pose. The self-proclaimed pervert had seen it all but that didn't stop Sakura from her lifelong goal of getting him to double-take.
She tried to pretend like this was something fun to feel good about and hoped faking it long enough would make it true.
Jiraiya chuckled. "Still got it I see. The hips, that flawless skin those gorgeous eyes…I want you to know I always liked you better than Naruto."
She snorted and the tension slipped out and made her feel like she was soaring. Her duplicity would remain hidden and Jiraiya still loved her best. It was more than enough. With delighted laughter bubbling up she struck a few more poses for good measure and her elated prancing about the room had them both smiling.
Unfortunately, their smiles were for far different reasons.
In the end he never did double take and she gave it up as a bad job and took her place inside the pre-made array laid out on the floor.
She remarked casually. "I would hope you liked me best, if you liked an annoying hormonal boy going through puberty better than the girl who ran around you half-naked during her teenage years I'd be shocked, shocked and appalled."
"If I had to keep coming back to the village because Naruto refused to abandon his poor girlfriend—" Jiraiya was still sore on that point "I'd better have been compensated by an adorable chunin girl who liked nothing better than to strip before sparring."
She half-smiled in nostalgia, reminded of the pleasant years when Jiraiya had trained Naruto while she was under Tsunade's tutelage. Things had been simpler, the lies less numerous, loyalties less tested, lines uncrossed. The summers were hot and whenever Jiraiya came back into town he would heap attention on her like a dotting uncle. So every so often she would forget her shirt when visiting Naruto for a between training make-out session, and the old pervert would let them go as long as she gave a good show before dragging her boyfriend off.
She missed it and with a sort of melancholy she fell silent and left Jiraiya to his work.
It was a pity that if he realized the Kyuubi's soul was no longer in her flesh she'd have to kill him.
Hyuga Compound, 1:48 PM
The air hummed with rumors, the whispers of ninja down not-so empty corridors and supposedly peaceful gardens. Kakashi sat on the railing in the largest house in the compound. He turned a page in his book idly as the wind carried another whispered piece of gossip to his ears.
He made note of the new rumor, filed it back into some deep part of his brain, and without missing a beat flipped to the next page. But his sanctuary of reading smut and gathering information, unfortunately, was disturbed as he once again felt his senses ripple with another person entering.
His gaze flickered to the silent Hyuga carrying a tea set arrayed in front of her. She was preparing for the master of the house to arrive and a green seal showed brilliantly from her forehead, the brutal marking that caged her body in service to the Main Family. It was uncovered so all would know her shame. Her robes were impeccably clean and her was hair swept back into a long braid. She worked mechanically, eyes wide but registering nothing.
She looked like a well trained dog and Kakashi was once again reminded that if not for their mutual hatred of that demon and the change she represented, he would loathe the Main house Hyuga with every fiber of his being.
He snapped his left hand to the side to grab the servant's attention. The almost glassy-eyed attentiveness she gave him made him feel ill. "I want you to tell me something."
She bowed so low her branded forehead brushed the ground. "What information do you require? Hiashi-sama will be with you in moments, and I'm sure he could answer any of your questions far more adequately than I."
The impassive response made him wince and he waved off her suggestion. "I have found over the years of being a shinobi the servants know more about a situation than the people involved. I'm not asking for your master's secrets, just a little gossip about the last day in the village."
Her head came up a fraction and he was pleased to see a tiny flicker of something in those blank eyes. "You mean of the events that caused such a commotion in the ANBU last night?"
"The one and the same." Kakashi agreed, happy she caught on so quickly.
She spoke gradually with a melodic cadence in her voice that was absent moments before. "I've heard the ANBU went searching for Sakura. No one knows why and if she was actually missing at all, or if this was some kind of ploy."
The way she said Sakura's name with a hint of awe forced an awareness that after the Hyuga still couldn't recover Neji things had changed in the Branch House. Rumors ran wild that Uzumaki Naruto and Sakura had devised a way to neutralize the caged bird seal, and the small hope that triggered had been guarded zealously by the branded Hyuga. And if Sakura could give them that freedom she would have a few hundred Hyuga at her beck and call for the rest of her life.
The possibility of that woman leading an army of Hyuga fanatically loyal only to her made him shiver in dread.
The Hyuga didn't notice his trepidation. "There also appeared to be some kind of attack on Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke. It's said dozens of ANBU were on the scene because there was an assassination to try and take down the rest of the Death Squad; others say the two were fighting each other." She looked practically disdainful of that last theory. "No one knows but they've been at the hospital since early this morning. From someone's sources there Sakura showed up a few hours later with no word of where she was. Once there she met with both Lady Tsunade and Jiraiya of the Sanin, but what they spoke about is unknown. Anything else is just further hearsay."
Kakashi gave a misleadingly disinterested nod. "Some were hoping a fracture was forming on the loyalist side. What do you think really happened last night?"
She glanced at him from the corners of her eyes, expression calculating. "I wouldn't know of such things enough to form any kind of opinion, Hatake-san."
Of course she wouldn't. The Hyuga were a cautious lot and this woman would never speak her real opinions on what happened. Where her loyalty laid was questionable but as Sakura couldn't walk in and neutralize their seals without anyone noticing, the Branch House would remain firmly in the palm of the Main family.
Abruptly her head dropped, all emotion gone as those disturbingly glassy eyes returned. A second later Hiashi strode out on the veranda and the woman was already moving to set up tea for them.
Kakashi didn't mention anything about the servant to Hiashi. If the Branch House ever mutinied at a later date he wouldn't be getting in their way.
"We've begun setup for the peace talks. As a high-placed jonin your spot in at the negotiation table will be—" Hiashi spoke but Kakashi gave less than half his attention as the haughty man prattled on about politics and things the jonin had little interest in. His mind was still elsewhere pondering what had really occurred with his old squad last night. Maybe, just maybe, the truth would finally be the foothold they needed against the unstoppable enemy they faced.
Of course gathering more information and plotting action would require more people than himself, and for that he would need Hiashi's help. If he could make it seem like the Hyuga's idea in the first place things would no doubt get done quickly.
With that in mind Kakashi waited patiently for the opportune moment to worm his idea into the conversation and let it germinate in Hiashi's mind so he himself would suggest it. For a shinobi of his caliber it would be no trouble; Hiashi was a fighter and fully ranked jonin, but his life leading a noble clan and having all bow and scrape to his every need left him blind to the manipulations of those he considered beneath him.
So Kakashi plotted waiting for his time to come. Maybe learning of the real events of last night would finally give them the edge he could use shatter Sakura of the Kyuubi no Kitsune for good, and Sharingan Kakashi would find that edge it if it was there, no matter what the cost.
Konoha Hospital, Top Floor, Room 513
"You're just jealous."
A flicker of anger singed the air and a plastic, supposedly unbreakable vase was hurled to shatter on the wall. A sizable dent was left behind and the one who it'd been thrown at only rolled his eyes. Konohamaru cackled. "Your aim sucks Naruto! People told me Sakura trained you personally." He grinned slyly. "At least I can hit a moving human target from five feet away, and I have only half of the training it took you to get to joni—"
A drawer from the nightstand followed at what could be calculated as terminal velocity, and th genin laughed hysterically as he dodged again. "Sakura must just prefer me; she stopped training you a long time ago. And she came to see me when you were off fuckin' around with that new seal. That must mean something, right?"
A heart monitor was about to suffer the same fate of the vase and drawer before it when the third occupant of the room snarled. Tsunade's killing intent rolled out like fog and it nearly choked them both. If a voice could be quantified in temperature, the Kage would have reached sub-zero. "The next person to move or even speak will be dismembered of both their legs and arms, in that order, and thrown in a shallow grave still breathing."
Both boys froze. The heart monitor was carefully placed back on its stand and Konohamaru gingerly retreated to the far side of the room.
"Now that you children are done." She snapped archly. "I'm going to make sure Naruto didn't re-rupture his liver before I unwire his jaw, and while I'm doing that the genin in the room will go fetch Sakura from downstairs. Understand?"
Both boys nodded and winced, and Konohamaru beat a hasty retreat. An awkward silence lasted the next ten minutes as Tsunade probed Naruto's abdomen with chakra and a few harsh jabs that were probably unnecessary. With his jaw wired shut making it impossible to really speak, Naruto could only squirm hoping his irate Kage wouldn't murder him while he couldn't scream for help.
Then as if to mock him further, Sakura swirled into his hospital room like a storm with Konohamaru hanging off her side. That boy was getting far too old for such physical affection from a girl that was neither his real sister nor a girlfriend. Yet the annoying genin continued to have his arms wrapped around her, his face upturned to hers as the two shared mysterious smiles and soft spoken secrets.
Naruto hated it.
All of her other male friends had girlfriends (or wives) and as far as he could tell rarely touched one another except to brush shoulders. Sakura was only really affectionate physically with himself and the two Hyuga girls, crying on Hinata's shoulder on rare occasions that she thought he didn't know about or carrying around Hanabi around like a doll.
Ino was a recent addition to that list, but their relationship was so new Naruto wasn't sure what to make of it when he found them chatting about the difference between scalpels and straight razors while playing with each other's hair. Occasionally he saw her in strange positions with Sasuke, but the violence belying it made it more than clear he'd walked half-in on a spar that neither was willing to cop to.
But then there was Konohamaru and the annoying brat was male. Despite all Konohamaru's protests to the contrary, Sakura never was and would never be his sister, and their levels of affection after the kid got his headband and was declared an adult for all intents and purposes was getting far too high for his liking.
Konohamaru seemed to notice his jealousy and smirked at him from behind her back. The boy immediately turned to Sakura and whispered something only for her to hear, and Naruto felt his blood pressure spike as she bent down to kiss his forehead and whisper something back.
If his jaw hadn't been wired shut, or if Tsunade didn't have chakra enhanced hands uncomfortably close to his major organs, Naruto was certain he would have done something Sakura would have never forgiven him for.
Then her eyes caught his, jade to blue, and she left Konohamaru to come sit on the hospital bed and fuss over his wounds. It was Naruto's turn to smirk and Konohamaru gave an unintelligible hiss of anger.
Tsunade stepped away as Sakura took over his healing seamlessly, and after eyeing them she gathered a protesting genin and left the room, a glacial aftershock left in her wake. Naruto would not be given for this medical emergency, not for a decade at the least.
For a minute he just bathed in Sakura's presence, letting the cool touch of her chakra and the warmth of her fingers soothe away the worries of the past twelve hours.
She had been having a sleepover with no warning or reason, according to Konohamaru's cheerful account. Sasuke would never let him live it down, though he supposed her having a sleepover because of picking up unwanted watchers after being somewhere she shouldn't might be enough of a difference he could still accuse Sasuke of being in the wrong.
The sound of her voice shattered the peace . "So is anyone going to explain to me why you and Sasuke beat the shit out of each other last night? Because Jiraiya left me with the impression you were half dead in a gutter."
She touched his jaw and before he could quite register what was happening, her chakra curled between his bones and removed the wiring with an audible snap. He spat up the excess blood floating on his tongue and rubbed at his jaw. "Thanks. And I'd like to start off by saying that I regret none of it."
"Funny," She snorted. "Sasuke told me the same thing. Coincidentally you've been forbidden from his apartment for all time. It's probably more because you made Hanabi cry than nearly ripping out his kidneys."
"Hanabi only cried a bit when the ANBU scraped us off the floors. And you know…when they had to stop me from dislocating Sasuke's knee that second time." A shadow of realization crossed over his face and the humor went out of him. "Wait—Sasuke's speaking to you? The reason we fought was because…"
Sakura gave a sigh and shifted a broken rib firmly into place. Something colder suddenly slipped into him, winter sky and the ocean half frozen under it. "Sasuke talked to you."
She answered flatly. "We've already had this fight when we got back from Akatsuki. It didn't come to blows like you two but it was close enough." She didn't want to face this but knew she had to. "When we couldn't decide on weither to kill each other, I said he could leave the team and I'd let him go without a fight."
He asked her a raspy question. "What the hell happened?"
She didn't know what she was supposed to be feeling, what expression she was supposed to wear for him. "I thought you two could still be friends, I thought there was a chance Sasuke and I could fix this." She let out a bitter laugh. "It's clear now that was a stupid thing to hope for."
"Who was it?" And that he knew this so instinctually broke her heart. "Who did you kill that pissed him off?"
She hesitated less than a second but he saw right through her. This time there had to be some truth. "I was a fucked up kid. Someone I loved asked for me to make corpses and I said yes."
His gaze flickered in fury and comprehension. "You told me a really long time ago you loved an ANBU with an agenda."
It was like swallowing acid to say his name. "I did. I loved Uchiha Itachi."
He swore. Violently, brutally and straight at her. "How the fuck—"
"Itachi's greatest sin was my sin." She wanted to hide but it was too late. "The massacre of the Uchiha clan was ours."
He swallowed once and his face was set in stone. She withdrew her hands from him only for Naruto to grab her wrist. She wondered what this would be: rejection or acceptance?
He opened his mouth but couldn't find the right words. When he finally did speal she realized that this conversation had been brewing between them for too long. "After all these years I thought I knew everything about you. I thought that we could trust each other with anything." He then laughed so bitterly it scoured her. "Maybe we fell in love too young."
Her hand wrenched into a fist, knuckles white and already bloodless. She couldn't breathe and for the first time wanted to cry. "Don't say that."
"You never said anything, I never saw you Sakura because you wouldn't let me. I only realized the smallest fraction of your pain." He let out a ragged sound. "It's like the older we get the more we drift apart and the more secrets I realize you've kept from me. You were so fucked up after Orochimaru and you were losing it and I didn't say a damn thing. I can't keep pretending that I don't know that you're lying to me."
And she'd thought she'd hidden herself so well.
The stone of his visage cracked and she saw pain barbed sharply underneath. "I'm the person closest to you in the world, your teammate, your friend, your lover, why do you always keep me at an arms distance?"
Sakura knew he'd been thinking this for months without her understanding it, without her seeing what that compulsive need to keep secrets and speak lies caused. But it wasn't until their problems had piled up far too high to ignore that her conditioning for him to love and follow her without question broke.
And suddenly she was angry. Angry at him for being too smart, at the Kyuubi for ruining her, at the Uchiha for even existing, at Sasuke for not keeping his anger in check, and most of all at herself.
She spat at him. "What do you expect from me Naruto? I had nothing to call my own. I had no parents or friends to teach me how this worked and the Kyuubi was already weaving his hatred into my dreams!" That was something she'd never admitted to him before. How much was there unsaid?
Her voice kept rising. "Do you think I just came into the world with impeccable manners and a healthy range of emotions? I lied and faked my way for years to make friends and they were practically objects to me back then. It was all that pretending that let me learn how to be human in the first place! What good would it do telling you I was a murderer at seven? What good does it do telling anyone I loved Itachi because I was a fucked up little kid and him nearly gutting me was better than anything I'd ever had?"
And dear god this was just barely scratching the surface, but she knew he had already begun to see how deep her ugliness ran. He would hate her for it, and that would break her heart more than anything ever could.
He was building up, frost giving way to flame. "Because you should trust me! I don't care that you killed those Uchiha, I love you and I thought you loved me enough back to realize I don't care how terrible any of your secrets are!"
"Trust? I trust no one!" Even her faith in the Kyuubi was worthless. Everyone saw the mask and loved that, her friends and Naruto and Jiraiya and Tsunade saw what they wanted and no further. And of three beings who'd seen her completely: Itachi, Sasuke, and the Kyuubi, all had come to loathe her. The man she'd adored as a child had ground her down for his own use, the demon she loved still wanted to ruin her for what she'd done in dragging him down, and the friend she'd bared the ugliest of secrets too hated her for the best reason because she was a monster.
Naruto stared at her in pain and the anger in her sputtered out and died. She tried to explain her flaws knowing it was too late. "I don't even trust myself. I've done things I can't undo, all these terrible awful things that I can't make myself feel regret for." Her throat felt thick. "I've been burned so many times I've lost count."
What else could she say?
"I love you." And that was the truth. "I love everyone and even depend on them but that only goes so far. My friends only saw some poor abused jinchuuriki, Konohamaru only sees a hero, Tsunade looks at me and sees some reflection of herself, Sasuke thought I was some kind of savant who knew the right path for all of us. And Jiraiya? He looked at me once and didn't come back for thirteen years." The poison poured out of her and she couldn't stop it. "I'm just a pretty body and a good weapon and supposedly this perfect fucking kunoichi who keeps it all wrapped up inside so no one has to see what I paid to keep this village peaceful." Her breath caught and the fury bled away. "I know if people really saw me…no one would stay. Not even you."
Naruto let her wrist go and her skin burned without him.
He asked her. "Did we ever know each other?"
"Enough to fall in love." She told him. "But not anything past that. If you did know you wouldn't keep saying you love me."
His voice turned soft. "Why can't you let me decide that for myself?"
Did she love him to the point she'd lie and carry the weight of her deceit until fears were soothed and they could be happy again? Or did she love him enough that she wouldn't lie to him even to give them false happiness? Sakura already knew that too much had been said to keep up the first, and she was far too cowardly to ever attempt the second.
"Because I know what you'd choose." She closed her eyes and the tears were coming. "And I'm too selfish to dare risk it."
"And leaving me shut out will keep me?" He demanded.
No, but losing him down the line would still be another few weeks or months of having him, telling him now would end it now. She couldn't bear that.
"For once," She declared bitterly."I don't have an answer. I can teach you to lie, to kill, how to hold a blade and how to use that to topple countries. But love, trust—I've never understood any of it."
"I'm sorry." He kissed her cheek, then her temple, and then rested his face in her hair. "I'm so sorry."
She didn't know what he was apologizing for: her misery, for him not seeing it, or for them both to finally know that love and blind acceptance wasn't enough. He held her tightly and she wanted to cry. This wouldn't last forever and she knew someday she'd lose it.
Neither of them had answers so they clung to each other trying to deflect the realization. It didn't lessen the pain any, but being held by him allowed her to pretend nothing had changed. She wanted him to love her just a bit longer, wanted him to look at her like she was perfect.
Soon he wouldn't.
His voice was wrecked. "Let me get a look at your seal, huh?"
They deflected it too easily and she knew somehow, right then, that turning a blind eye now would come back to bite her in the worst way.
She nodded stiffly, wiping at her eyes to make sure she hadn't cried before hiking up her shirt. A long, languid line circled her hips and stomach. The curving lines converged and separated on their path across her skin, connecting into hypnotizing rings around her hips. A few sharp hooks of seals shot up her stomach and dipped beneath the line of her pants, and all in all it was an intricate and gorgeous creation that had Naruto's style in every inch of it.
He brushed his thumb along one ring. "It's perfect. Chakra flow from the crimson source is completely unimpeded. But that soul can't reach past the bars any longer, not even the voice or sight. That demon will be in the dark for the rest of its miserable life."
She tried to laugh but it came out as more of a sob. If he knew—and there laid her demise.
She choked back any tremors. "Thank you, it's beautiful."
He lowered her shirt and smoothed it, and she tried to wish she hadn't succeeded in freeing the Kyuubi but couldn't manage it. The Kyuubi was free and she wouldn't take that back. The Kyuubi had made her feel many things, both terrible and beautiful, but in the end he'd made her strong and that strength was all she had to cling to.
"I'm going to kick Jiraiya's ass for putting it on without me. I didn't even get the pleasure of seeing you buck naked." Naruto tried to lighten the mood but when he looked at her the questions still hung in his eyes.
She looked away.
He kissed her then and it was familiar; comforting and protective, loving and accepting. But only for now, she knew how he would turn cold and hostile and rejecting once he knew. Here she stood stuck between the boy who loved her and the demon who ruled her and she was motionless. She had indulged herself in games of power and hate, using sex and violence and twisting words to validate herself in the eyes of a demon god who couldn't be swayed. The Kyuubi had been her crutch for far too long and it couldn't go on like this. But what else was there?
There was no answer and they stayed curled up together on the hospital bed. There were no words that could make this right, no placations or apologies for being conniving and traitorous. No words to explain that she had loved a demon her entire messed-up life and couldn't admit or regret it.
She had been so strong in facing the ugliness of life. Becoming the most gifted shinobi seen in an age had been easy, but the jaded perceptions that made her so powerful up until this moment finally made their flaws known.
Her strength had left her weak.
She had isolated herself so thoroughly that when those around her tried to get close, they realized there would be barriers she simply wouldn't allow them to cross. Eventually that would corrode them until there was nothing left.
Teamwork. She had advocated it as if she knew everything, declaring righteously that standing together was far stronger than being alone. Yet in the most basic sense of trust she had fallen short. She could work with anyone, fight with anyone, but she could never trust them and in the end stood alone.
The bonds she made had begun to fray into a thousand threads that she couldn't tie back together. She had run out of words and despite her resolve broke.
Sakura wept for what they had lost, because even if it hadn't happened yet the clock had started ticking. Things could never be the same for any of them and there was no one to blame but herself.
AN: And that's it for now. Sorry for those who wanted to see the actual fight between Naruto and Sasuke, but they were in a hallway with Sasuke's girlfriend ten feet away so all they could do without burning down the building was have a close quarter's brawl. That and the fight itself wouldn't added anything to the story, and this chapter was getting far too long and I really needed to get it posted before everyone thought I had died.
On a side note: yes the adultery. Way, way, way the fuck at the beginning I warned there would be some of this in the story along with all the other morally reprehensible and screwed up things we've covered thus far. I'll be honest, if Sakura sleeping with the Kyuubi is what finally offended you in this story, I am deeply worried for you and how you got through all the violence and betrayal and fratricide before this without batting an eye. I don't know why some people freak out about sex instead of innocents getting gutted or blatant emotional manipulation or people being set on fire, but there you go.
(Edit: Sakura and the Kyuubi's conversation at the very beginning was edited down severely and a the extraneous prose was disposed of. There was more emphasis by Sakura placed on 'why now?' in what was happening. Her character arc was also brought in line with what happens before and after this.
The second Kyuubi and Sakura scene was streamlined to hit the plot and characters points more clearly and quickly and then moved on.
Last, some scenes were shifted around bringing Kakashi's up a slot and sending Naruto and Sakura's conversation for last. That conversation was overhauled extensively, because it wasn't very clear the first time why Sakura kept all the lies bottled up and why she's still doing so even though Naruto's asked her to come clean point-blank. Hopefully the entire character logic of it is a lot smoother and everyone makes sense in their motives.
There was also a stronger theme of "what now" from Sakura now that the Kyuubi is free, and her wondering what it is their relationship is supposed to turn into. That's it for edits.)