"He's an idiot."

Seth walked all four corners of the living room, hands shifting from his hips to rubbing through his hair. Roman was on the couch, following Seth in sight.

"You'd think I'd be used to it by now," Seth said, partly to Roman, partly to himself. "Especially those first few months we were living together? He seemed to spend an equal amount of time on the streets, out and about with his guitar, than he did with me at home."

"Back then you didn't worry so much," Roman said. He was dumbfounded at his own stillness. Somehow watching Seth tiptoe on the line between composure and mania helped him keep a bit calmer. "You didn't know him as well. You didn't know his story. You didn't…" Roman rubbed his lips together, already feeling contrite about things he'd yet to say. "You didn't love him back then."

Seth slowed his pace to a stand in the middle of the room. "Sometimes loving him is a pain in the ass."

"I know." Didn't he ever.

"I just thought that, once he met you, once you—another normal, rational human being—played such a major role in his life, he'd settle down. His mind would take it easy. He wouldn't be so stupid as to willingly spend the night in the cold to prove a point that nobody's even arguing with him about."

"You were arguing with him."

"Just because I have a different opinion than he does, doesn't mean I think he's wrong. I think it's wrong of him to risk his own safety and health like this, not because he feels sorry for the homeless." Seth drew his phone from his pocket and frowned at the glow of the screen. "No calls or texts," he said with a sigh. One thing that had won a compromise on with Dean: he'd been against bringing anything with him except Caroline. They'd convinced him to bring his phone. He didn't have to use it; they just wanted it on his person in case something happened. "Weather says it's eighteen degrees outside. It's not gonna get any warmer. He's an idiot."

"But he's our idiot."

"He's your idiot."

"In a way, he's yours, too. He's your best friend."

"Pain in the ass," Seth said again.

"I know. We deal."

Seth had tired himself out from all the pacing. He lowered himself to the couch. One cushion separated him from Roman. "Just thought that you'd help him be a little more…"

"Normal?"

"I was gonna say careful, but yeah, normal works too. You're a pretty normal guy, Roman, and I hope you don't take that the wrong way, because I mean no offense."

"None taken. Jerk."

Seth smiled. "How the hell are you such a good guy?"

"I'm not good. I just…do my own thing. Live my life, let others live theirs, judge only if you're an asshole."

It made Seth chuckle.

"I've got plans. I've always been a planner. I'm not spontaneous like Dean. I picked my college major before I took my ACTs. Got a job at Java Central three weeks after I turned eighteen. Made arrangements to move in with my old friend Phil. He slept with my ex, so I kicked him out, and Randy moved in." He was surprised at how much it didn't hurt to talk about it now. "In May I'll be seventy-five percent done with college. Hopefully land an internship at a hospital somewhere. Graduate. Get some connections with that hospital to work at a different hospital, or that one, if they like me."

"Wow. You really do have it all figured out."

"I have trouble adapting to change. That's the flaw in my organized personality."

"So Dean coming into the picture really threw you off."

"Eh. Wasn't too bad. I was surprisingly adaptable to that. Plus, with Dean came you, and you kinda help balance out that instability he carries into the room with him."

"I try to be as normal as possible. Don't have a plan like you, but I'm better than sleeping out in the streets in the middle of winter."

"Come on. You can't say you've never done something crazy, just for the hell of it."

Seth rubbed his chin. "One semester in college—the first one—I tried going out for the college's basketball team. It was miserable. That's as crazy as I like to go."

Roman laughed. "That doesn't count."

"I got drunk at a high school homecoming game and tried to pick up this girl."

"That's a little warmer."

"Her boyfriend beat the shit out of me."

"Oh, damn."

Seth mirrored Roman's single shoulder shrug. "It happens. But I don't know…being around you, your personality, your attitude on life…knowing that things do happen for a reason—don't care what Dean says—and trying to embrace life every single day instead of once in a while, like on a holiday when we're supposed to be thankful and giving and blessed and all that…makes me excited to be living my life for once. Helps me realize maybe I don't have it all figured out, but I will someday, and it's gonna be fun to explore."

"There you go."

"So thanks for that."

"Hey, that credit goes to you. I'm just sorta here."

Seth's voice abated. "I'm glad you're here."

As did Roman's. "I'm glad you're here. Still technically my place, after all."

Seth smiled.

It was getting warm in the apartment. Too warm. "Uh," Roman said, pushing off the couch to turn off the fireplace for a few minutes. "Did you want to play Metal Wars II or something?"

"Nah. I played it all day yesterday and all night. Don't wanna burn out on it so soon."

"Okay. Wanna watch a movie?"

Seth noticed the shift in Roman's mood. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just feeling a little anxious. Trying to get my mind off…Dean." Or get my mind on him. Remember that he still exists, we're still together, and there's no way I can be feeling this warm and happy with Seth to thank.

"Oh. Okay. Uh, sure, a movie sounds good."

"You pick. I'll make popcorn. Want a beer?" Roman asked on his way to the kitchen. Realizing what a dumb idea that was, he blurted, "Or a soda. We have soda."

"I'll take Coke. Do we have Coke?"

"We should. Have to look for it."

Seth didn't browse the movie options. He followed Roman into the kitchen. "Roman, what's going on? And don't you dare say nothing, because I've learned how to see past Dean's lies over the years, and he's a pro. You're a shitty liar."

Roman had the fridge pulled open. Seth stood before him, awaiting the explanation. He felt cornered. His neck shivered with a cold sweat. His hands felt heavy. No. Not an anxiety attack. Not here.

He scrambled for something, anything to fill the room with something other than the truth. "Yeah. I'm a bad liar, I know."

"We were having a great conversation not a minute ago, and suddenly you're acting all…flustered."

"I can't tell you," Roman tried.

But Seth wouldn't give up that easily. "What can't you tell me? Something I said? Did I upset you?"

"No, Seth, you didn't." Roman couldn't—and wouldn't—lie. But how to be honest about something like this? He'd endured these developing feelings for a long time now. They weren't anything he could deny, at least not to himself. But how could he be the guy to declare, "I know you're my boyfriend's best friend and everything, but you're irresistible and wonderful. Kiss me"?

Perhaps if Seth figured it out on his own, Roman would feel less guilty.

"How the hell are you such a good guy?" Roman asked. He took a breath, summoning strength from an unknown source to power his words. "How do you spend every day with a guy you care so much about and not just leave? How are you such a faithful, devoted, loving, caring friend, even in your anger? Why are you so amazing?"

Seth chewed the inside of his cheek. Not quite there yet. "I'm not amazing, Roman."

"Yes, you are. I don't think Dean fully appreciates it at all times. I think he thinks he does—and maybe sometimes he really does—but you're someone who is taken for granted way too often, and your resilience against that kind of thoughtlessness just…impresses me. I know Dean isn't a thoughtless person. I know he loves you. And I can see why. I can see how. You're a damn good person, Seth Rollins. You're willing to overlook the broken gate that is Dean Ambrose and admire the garden of flowers that is his spirit."

"I've never heard that before. I like it."

Roman closed his eyes. Did he really have to divulge this? Maybe not. Maybe there was time to get over it, move on before it got out. Or maybe he could get it out in the open so his feelings could be resolved. Seth would reject him, and Roman could appreciate his relationship with Dean all the more. Happily ever after.

Quick decisions were never Roman's strong point.

"Never mind, Seth. This is stupid." Roman walked out of the kitchen. Seth was behind him, relentless.

"Roman, you're going on and on, all to say what, exactly? What's your point? You were doing well, I just…I don't understand."

"I don't either. I don't understand how I'm someone who's never been in love before—true, real, genuine, agonizing, terrifying, wonderful love—and now that I've got it, now that I'm the happiest guy in the freaking world, I don't understand how it's logically and psychologically possible for me to experience those sort of feelings—muted, but living—for anyone else. For a damn good person. Like you."

Even from the space between them, Roman could sense Seth's heartbeat picking up. His beautiful brown eyes surging. The slight tingling inside at this newfound information, for Roman could feel that as well.

"You, uh…" Seth's tongue ran over his lips. "You're…in—"

"No, not in." Roman wanted to make that perfectly clear. He hadn't fallen for Seth. He was just packing a lunch for the road trip there. "Just…I like you. I'm attracted to you. I have a—" Roman interrupted himself to swallow against the great lump swelling in his throat. "Crush on you."

Seth's mouth hung slightly ajar. He took each shaky breath through his parted teeth. "Roman, I—"

"You don't need to do it, Seth. I get it. I guess I'm not as good of a person as you said I was. I feel so fucking rotten for feeling this way. And I didn't want it to get complicated, I didn't want to lose my friendship with you or my relationship with Dean…I really shouldn't have said anything. A shitty lie is better than this miserable truth."

"Roman."

Roman sighed to end his vent.

"You're not a rotten person."

"Yeah?" Roman challenged. "Tell that to my brain. My heart. I feel sick." He truly did. His belly whisked with acid. Why the hell did I have to say anything?

"Look. If there's anything I do know in life, it's feelings are a bitch. Everyone has them. You have certain ones for certain people, but that's all they are. Feelings. They pass. They go away, and you can move on with your life. You haven't tried anything with me. We haven't kissed, we haven't fucked…just because you're telling me this doesn't mean you haven't screwed up in your relationship with Dean. It's acting on it that's the sin." Seth closed his eyes and chuckled softly. "Sounded like my father there for a second."

"So…there's really nothing to worry about?" Saying it didn't help Roman believe it.

"Of course not. Roman, you're awesome, and I'm really flattered that someone like you would actually feel something for someone like me." Seth lifted his hand, as though to touch Roman's arm, but he decided against it, lowering it back to his side. "And to tell you the truth…sometimes it's not easy for me to see the two of you together."

Roman's heart plopped into the whisking acid. "You're…jealous?"

"Of course." He said it like Roman shouldn't have believed otherwise. "I see how happy the two of you are together. Makes me crave that kind of happiness, too."

"Oh. So you're just jealous of the concept of a relationship and our happiness. Not because you like me."

Guilt washed over Seth's face, staining him red.

Roman was incredulous. "You like me."

"I like both of you," Seth confessed, voice raised. "You were brave and honest with me, so let me return the favor, even though it makes me feel about as great as you feel right now. Dean's like my soulmate. He's my better half. Not better in that I think he's a better person than me, but a different side of me. All the things I'm afraid to do, he goes for. All the things I hate, he gives it a try, for the hell of it. He might be an idiot, he might be reckless and he might be a liability with legs, but he's the most sincere person I've ever met. Sounds weird, coming from someone who was given a completely different name when we first met. But that wasn't because he wanted to lie. He did it to protect me, to protect himself. Look at how far he went to save us from the Wyatts. He didn't give a damn about his own personal safety as long as it meant we were okay."

Roman was surprised and amazed with himself for not feeling jealous once through Seth's entire admission.

Seth paused to take some merited breaths. He looked ready to pass out. "Then, there's you. I mean, you've gotta be…the epitome of a partner. Loyal. Caring. Strong. Smart. Sensible. Laid-back. Funny. Cute? Can I admit that? Oh, fuck it all, you're goddamn gorgeous, Roman." Seth ran his hands over his face. "In a way, you're also my better half. Another side of me. Someone with goals, a sense of purpose in life, leadership skills, unafraid. You're everything I wish I was, for all the right reasons. And Dean is someone I wish I was, for all the wrong reasons." Seth held his hands apart. "You're polar opposites. Yet together…" He moved his hands together, clasping his fingers. "You're this…embodiment of love. Sounds really fucking cheesy, but it's what it is."

Roman blinked back tears. This was real. Seth at his rawest. Everything he was saying took courage, took heart. And there was a plethora of heart here.

"I love you both so much," Seth said, voice drained, mind defeated. "And it just sucks that I get to have both of you…yet not have either of you."

Roman opened up his arms. Seth fell limply into his hold, which strengthened to bear his weakness. He held him for a long time. No other actions. No movements that could be read as instigation.

"He loves you," Roman said.

"What?"

Roman didn't let up on his hold. "Dean admires you so much, Seth. He called you a great listener, a hard worker, selfless. Caring, kind, strong in spirit."

Seth sniffed. Was he crying? "He said all that?"

"Yeah. And it's true. He said he never tried to get with you because he thinks you can do better than someone like him."

"Someone like him? Does he not get that there's gotta be meaning behind me putting up with all his shit this past year?"

"Remember, he's loony. He also thinks I deserve better than him."

"Now that's loony. Like I said. You guys together…it just makes sense."

Roman released Seth. Seth dabbed at his eyes. That answered Roman's question. Now he had another.

"What are we gonna do?"

It took a little while for Seth to answer. "Nothing. There's nothing we can do. I'm not getting in the way of this."

"He deserves to know how you feel. Just because he wasn't here for Honesty Hour doesn't mean we should leave him out of it. Keeping something like this from him would feel really seditious."

Seth cocked an eyebrow.

"Treacherous," Roman defined.

"Ah. Yeah. I guess so. But everyone's entitled to a little privacy. Even from the people you love. That's why I never opened my mouth until tonight. You didn't even have to get a beer in me." Seth chuckled humorlessly.

"I know everyone's got secrets. Rightfully so. We're humans with rights to ourselves, after all. But Seth. I can't keep this from him."

"You know the second you bring this up, he might suggest the three of us all being together. Simple as that."

Roman's head tilted. "Would he?"

"I don't know. He's irrational. I don't know what he'll do. Assuming he doesn't freeze to death out there tonight."

"He shouldn't. He can't."

"He could, but he won't. I trust him."

"I have faith in him."

"And he has faith in you. And in me." Seth reached out and took Roman's hand in a hold. It wasn't like when Dean held his hand, when he felt giggly and buzzing and warm inside. This was more like the protective hold of a close friend, backed up by assurance.

"So here's what we're going to do, if you really need closure. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed. You're going to get some sleep and hold your pillow to make up for the missing Ambrose in your bed tonight. We'll wake up in the morning and do what we always do. Live day by day and get ready for whatever comes next." Seth's thumb stroked over Roman's. His chocolate eyes melted into Roman's. Now the familiar buzzing and warmth was coming out to play. "I'm leaving it up to you what to tell Dean. You can tell him anything you're comfortable with, including all the things I said. He may be an idiot, but there's no way he can't have some idea about it."

"Maybe."

"And I want you to promise me you won't feel anxious and stressed out all night. Nothing's going to happen to us. We're not gonna get all awkward and weird, and I'm not moving out. You won't lose me no matter what. And you're damn sure not gonna lose Dean. I've never seen him look at anyone else the way he looks at you. Trust me, if I wasn't the best thing to ever happen to him, meeting you was."

Roman felt like collapsing on the floor and sobbing. Out of joy, out of misery, out of anger, out of everything he was feeling all at once. Like oil and water, they just weren't mixing; just taking up room in his heart and existing in unison.

Seth squeezed Roman's hand. "Promise?"

"Promise."

"Good." Seth exhaled sharply. "Wish you weren't so handsome, though. Seriously." He let go of Roman's hand. "Good night, Roman."

"Good night, Seth."

Roman waited until Seth was in the bathroom, door closed, before retiring to his own bedroom.

He tried to sleep. Tried to keep his word to Seth. Couldn't. He rolled over and held his pillow tight to his body. The material was cold and scratchy. He couldn't pretend it was Dean. It was just a pillow.

How did I ever get a restful night's sleep before that lunatic came into my life?

At some point sleep found him, but it wasn't peaceful nor revitalizing. For the first time in his life, he wasn't excited about the things to come. This hadn't been part of the plan, and it scared him more than anything. Even the Wyatts. Even Abigail, still out there in the world, most likely planning revenge against the people who took everything away from her.

No, not even Abigail.