A/N: I think this may be my favorite update I have written for this story. I was trying to capture a few different characters and their emotions in one update and I hope I was able to keep them in character while still making them vulnerable. That was the goal.
As I mentioned on Twitter (TVDVampireKat), I kind of surprised myself with this update. I had no intention of writing the story this way until I just started writing it and thought it worked. So, I would appreciate your thoughts and views on it : ) Thank you to all of those who leave me reviews here and comments on Twitter. It really helps to hear what you think!
Also, 99 followers on Twitter? Do all 99 of you really read my story? Wow. That's pretty amazing. Your comments always bring a smile to my face. I also love how into my stories you get, especially those of you who stay up way too late or read while you should be focusing on homework or class haha!
Thanks again you all. As I mentioned, I will be working on a one-shot as well. It will involve a power outage, Stefan, and Elena. That's all I will say on that ;) I might give more hints on Twitter. I like to do that!
Stefan had fallen asleep about an hour ago. Or rather, the doctors had put him to sleep so he could rest peacefully. But as Elena watched him, she thought his rest was anything but peaceful. Elena could tell by watching his face and his irregular breathing.
Elena would smooth out his messy hair from time to time and fix his blanket repeatedly. Because she didn't know what else to do. It was early Sunday morning and she knew she was going to miss her flight back to California. She also knew that she didn't care because she needed to be here right now. She left a message on her supervisor's phone explaining the situation and asking him to call her back as soon as he could.
So Elena continued to sit and watch Stefan for a few more hours until the nurse came and asked her to leave for a little bit so she could do what she needed to do. Elena waited outside by the window and looked in, watching the nurse check monitors and vitals and whatever else she needed to do.
A hand on her shoulder caused her to jump. She hadn't even heard Damon approach. "You should go and get some rest" he told her. The time change from LA to Mystic Falls couldn't have been helping matters.
But Elena just shook her head. "I'm fine" she insisted. "Where's Lily?" she asked, wondering how much the little girl knew.
"With the babysitter" Damon answered. Elena was surprised. Lily had never had a babysitter before. Damon picked up on her surprise. "I guess we never realized how much we depended on you to watch her" he smiled lightly. The babysitter was just occasional. Also, a disaster because Lily hated her. "Katherine ran home to check on her." Elena nodded. "You need to eat Elena" he told her. When Elena began to shake her head to refuse, he stopped her. "Stefan has enough to worry about right now. He doesn't need to worry about you not eating" he told her gently.
Elena held his tired eyes for a moment before giving up and walking away. Maybe she could find something edible in the cafeteria.
She ended up with a blueberry muffin and a bottle of water, even though food was the last thing on her mind. Elena found a small table in the corner of the cafeteria with a window view. It was still dark out, but she could see the sunrise beginning. "It's supposed to be a nice day today" Zach mentioned as he approached her table with a blueberry muffin of his own. "Weather wise, I mean" he clarified.
Elena nodded as she picked at her muffin. There had been something eating away at her for a long time. She looked up at Zach who watched her carefully. "It was all a lie" Elena said. He set his muffin down and listened. "We weren't in love when we got married. I didn't even know him. But he promised me one million dollars if I stayed married to him for six months" she explained, feeling tears prick at the back of her eyes. She felt like a terrible person. She couldn't even begin to imagine what he thought of her.
Zach sighed, clearly not too affected by the news. "I know" he said quietly. "I know why Stefan married you" he clarified.
Elena sniffled slightly as she wiped away a tear. "Then why did you let the marriage happen?" she asked, almost accusing him in a way. He should have confronted them and then Stefan would have had to call the whole thing off.
"Because" Zach answered. "I had hoped that within six months' time, Stefan would have fallen in love with you for real" he explained. Elena stared at him blankly. "All I have ever wanted was for Stefan and Damon to be happy. To meet someone who completed them and to fall in love and start a family. I know that Stefan is still young, but I also know that him going from girl to girl and partying the way he was doing was not good for him. He wasn't happy. He was most happy when he was in love, and although Katherine was a disaster, I knew that if he could fall in love again with a girl who loved him as much as he loved her, then he would have everything he needed" he continued. "When I met you that night, although I knew why you were agreeing to marry him, I also knew that you were a good person and quite possibly, someone who was going to make Stefan happy." Zach smiled. "And you do make him happy. Happier than I have seen him in a long time."
Elena wiped at another tear. "And just like Katherine, I broke his heart" she reminded. "Clearly I am not the person you believed me to be." She looked back down at her muffin.
"I never said you were perfect, Elena" Zach said. "But Stefan doesn't need perfect. He doesn't want it either." He sighed before continuing. "We all make mistakes. Some make bigger mistakes than others. But you're here now" he reminded her. "I know what Stefan is leaving you in his will. If you weren't the girl I thought you were, you wouldn't be here with Stefan right now. You'd be back in LA, waiting for him to die so you could collect."
At the mention of Stefan's will and him possibly dying, Elena couldn't help the tears that were flowing freely now. It just all hurt too much. "I don't want any of that. His money, the properties. None of it is worth losing him" she said, her hands shielding her face. "I don't want to sign those papers. I don't even want to think about any of it."
Zach sat quietly and nodded for a moment. "He's protecting you, you know" Zach mentioned quietly. "He needs to know you're going to be okay if he can't be here to make sure of it himself" he added. "It's okay for you to hate the idea of signing them, but you need to do it for Stefan. He needs this." Seeing that Elena was not going to respond to that, Zach got up with his partially eaten muffin. "I'll be upstairs if you need anything" he said and walked away.
Elena was left to sit there by herself with her thoughts. She had picked the muffin apart until it was nothing but a pile of crumbs.
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Stefan woke up to a beautiful face staring at him. He didn't feel well-rested at all. "Finally, I've been waiting" she said, putting her nail file away.
"Hello to you too Katherine" he said, groaning slightly as he tried to reposition himself on the bed.
"So when are you going to stop this whole charade and move on?" she asked. "This whole worrying about you thing is getting a bit taxing." To anyone else, her comment might have been taken as rude and selfish. But to Stefan, who had known her for so long now, it put a smile on his face. Because even under that rough exterior, he could see in her eyes that she was scared and worried.
Stefan reached his hand over slowly and grabbed her hand. "Thank you for not treating me like I'm dying" he said, a tired smile tugging at his lips. He loved her for it, too.
"You know how much I like to be the center of attention" she reminded him. "Now with all the attention on you, I'm getting a little bored."
Stefan smiled again. "Can you do me a favor?" he asked, closing his eyes briefly. "If I don't make it …" he began, opening his eyes to see her eyes wide and bright staring right back at him.
"You're not dying anytime soon Stefan" she said, cutting him off. It just wasn't an option.
"Katherine" he warned, telling her that he needed to finish what he was going to say.
"I mean it Stefan. You know how you walk out of here alive?" she asked him, her voice raised some. "You believe that you will walk out of here alive. You kick your liver in the ass and make it start cooperating. That's what you do" she explained to him.
But as she did, he saw her eyes glisten with tears. Even she couldn't be completely strong at a time like this. "Katherine" he said, squeezing her hand.
"No" she said, shaking her head and finally breaking down. Crying was not something she liked to do in front of others. It made her look weak. But the one thing she had learned a little too late was that it was okay to be weak in front of Stefan. It was okay to ask him for help or admit to him that you made a mistake. "That little girl needs you. I need you" she said, lowering her head onto his bed and burying her tear-stained face in the blanket.
Stefan let go of her hand and rested it on top of her head, rubbing slow circles to try and sooth her. They stayed like that for a short while until he spoke again. "Katherine" he said. This time she slowly lifted her head and he could see where her mascara had run down her cheeks. She would have freaked out had she known she looked like that, but he thought she still looked beautiful. "I need you to put Lily first. All the time. Every time" he told her. "You and Damon can be happy if you try. So I'm asking you. Try. For Lily. She deserves two parents who are happy and who love her."
Katherine listened to every word he said. She always did, even when he thought she wasn't listening. "I'm a terrible mother" she admitted.
"Then be a better one" Stefan told her. "You still have time. She's such a beautiful, forgiving little girl. Make sure she stays that way" Stefan smiled weakly as a tear fell down his own cheek.
"She wants to see you, you know" Katherine told him.
Right then was when she started to see Stefan stumble. "No. I can't let her see me like this" he told her. He had refused to let Damon bring Lily in the first place.
"She knows something is wrong" Katherine replied. "She's a smart kid. And she's worried about you" she told him. "She's strong. She can handle seeing you right now."
"She gets that from me" Stefan said, smiling at his attempt to change the subject.
"You wish" Katherine said, laughing slightly. Then she became serious again. "I'm going to bring her by this afternoon. I'll even put some foundation on your face so you don't look so pale" she said, only half joking.
Stefan sighed. There was only one way, and that was Katherine's way. "Okay. Bring her by" he told her. She stood and took a deep breath, trying to compose herself because there was no way in hell she was going to walk out there and let everyone see her such a mess. "You might want to use my bathroom to check your makeup" he mentioned.
"Oh God, did something run or smudge?" she asked.
Stefan smiled. He was kind of glad that her makeup was her biggest worry at the moment. "Just a little" he said as she went into his bathroom.
"Holy shit. I look like a cheap hooker" she said, dabbing at her face with a cloth and water. She then moved on to her hair.
"You always were a bit too expensive for me" he called out. A toothbrush came flying at him, hitting him in the arm. He heard her curse in French and it made him laugh. Just like old times.
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Alaric had beat Elena to Stefan next and let himself into Stefan's room. Stefan raised his hand and did his best to wave to his friend who came in and sat down by him. "Hey man" Stefan said.
"You look like shit" Alaric said, laughing at his friend. Stefan laughed lightly too. He knew he did.
"Where's Elena?" Stefan asked. He wouldn't lie that he was a little scared to not have her in sight for fear that she had left again.
"Your brother guilt-tripped her in to going and getting something to eat" Alaric said.
Stefan nodded. "Good" he said. He had been worrying about her. She needed sleep too. "They started me on this new drug" he said, making small talk. "The doctor didn't seem too confident about it."
"Screw these doctors" Alaric said. "First thing I'm going to do when we leave here is by you a beer."
Stefan smiled, appreciating his friend even more. But Stefan didn't say anything more and neither did Alaric for a bit. After about ten minutes, Stefan broke the silence. "Can I ask you a favor?" he asked.
Alaric sat up some. "Of course" he told Stefan.
"Just make sure she doesn't end up with another jackass" Stefan said, staring at the wall in front of him with a photo of a tree on it. He couldn't handle the thought of it.
"That's your job, not mine" Alaric told him, giving Stefan no room to start talking as if he was dying.
"I'm just saying …" Stefan began, only to be cut off by his friend.
"I'm just saying, it's not my job" Alaric said sternly. "You're going to stop talking like you're giving up and put all your energy towards getting better" he stated, standing up. "I'm going to go and check on Caroline."
Stefan smiled. "Caroline, huh?" he asked. Caroline had been in a few times to see him, each time telling him about the latest news reports or showing him pictures of his horses since she had been caring for them since he went into the hospital. She always avoided any talk about his current situation and he kind of loved her for it.
"Shut up" Alaric said, a grin of his own forming. "I'll come back later" he added before leaving.
Stefan stared at the TV and debated on whether or not to watch something. He was saved from his internal debate when Elena entered his room a few minutes later, looking even more exhausted than when she left. She smiled softly, doing her best to be strong for him. "Hey" she said quietly, reaching down and kissing his forehead.
"You need to get some sleep" Stefan told her, holding her hand and rubbing it gently.
"I'm fine. How are you feeling?" she asked.
"I'm better" he lied. He figured he had just developed a higher threshold for pain by this point. "What did you eat downstairs?" he asked.
"A muffin" she said, taking a seat. He didn't need to know that she really hadn't eaten any of it. "What did they feed you this morning?" she asked, figuring she had missed his breakfast while she was downstairs.
"I don't know, but it was disgusting" he told her. "I could really go for a pizza right now" he said, letting a small smile play on his lips.
"Maybe tomorrow" she said hopeful, checking his IV bag. "The doctor told me he started you on something new" she mentioned.
Stefan sighed. "I feel like a lab rat with all this crap they're pumping into me" he told her.
Elena frowned. "They are trying to make you better, Stefan" she said, a little disheartened that he seemed so critical with the medications they were trying.
He picked up on her reaction and quickly backed off. He didn't want to upset her. "I know. I just can't help but think about what else I could be doing right now" he told her. Things he could be doing with her, to her, for her.
"I know" she said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "But when you get out of here, you can make up for all this time you've spent in the hospital" she added. Stefan grinned. If only she knew. "What?" she asked.
"Nothing. I'm just picturing all the catching up I'm going to do with you naked" he said, shrugging lightly. He slowly and painfully let go of her hand and reached for her shirt, fingering one of the buttons.
"Stefan!" she gasped, smacking his hand away. "You can't say things like that here" she warned, looking around.
"Why not?" he protested. "Thoughts of you naked are keeping my hope alive" he told her, forgetting for a minute that he was extremely sick and in a lot of pain.
Elena began to blush from embarrassment. She hadn't been with Stefan in over a month. And quite frankly, she missed him. "When you come home, everything you're thinking about doing with me right now, we can do" she promised him, trying to keep the excitement alive while being as innocent as she figured she was expected to be in a hospital.
"Say more things like that" he said, closing his eyes to try and shut out an intense amount of pain that had suddenly appeared. And then the urge to puke overcame him. "On second thought, grab that garbage can" he said, sitting up and waving for it. Elena grabbed the small basket and put it in front of him and watched as he threw up everything he had eaten that morning. It wasn't just his breakfast though. He was throwing up blood now too. But she didn't want to panic in front of him.
Elena waited until he had finished before grabbing a wet cloth and wiping his mouth and offering him water. As she wiped him down, she noticed that he felt warmer than before. "I'm going to get the nurse" she said, leaving him momentarily. She ran faster than she thought she could to that nurse's station.
The nurse and doctor came back with a very worried Elena. Stefan wondered what they had told her. "I'd like to get you upstairs and run some more tests" he said, less hopeful than Elena and Stefan would have liked him to have sounded.
Stefan simply nodded, keeping his eyes on Elena. She walked over to him and grabbed his hand. "I'll be here when you get back" she promised.
"I love you" he told her, like it was the last time he was going to be able to tell her that. Because now he was really scared. His insides felt like they were on fire. He had just thrown up blood. He didn't need a medical degree to know that was not good.
"I love you too" she told him, moving aside as they began to wheel his bed out of the room. Elena stood back, running a shaky hand through her messy hair.
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They brought Stefan back to his room five hours later. Everything the doctor had told Stefan was worse than he had hoped for. He was getting worse.
Elena was waiting in his room when he returned. The doctor pulled her out to discuss things with her. When she returned, she looked even paler than before. "You doing okay?" she asked, taking her seat next to him.
"I could have used better news" he told her, sighing.
Elena shook her head. "I don't care what they say" she told him, grabbing his hand and holding it tightly. "Everything is going to be fine" she said. Stefan wondered who she was trying to convince more.
"Elena, I'd like to be alone for a little while" he said. It had surprised her to hear him say that. "I just … I want to rest" he said, trying to reword what he meant. He just needed peace and quiet.
Slowly, Elena nodded as she stood. "Okay" she said, forcing a small smile. He let go of her hand and watched her go, instantly regretting it. But she was already gone.
Stefan slept for about an hour before the pain he was in woke him up. When he did wake up, a pair of brown eyes were sitting eye level with him. She was just staring at him, watching him. "Uncle Stefan" she whispered.
He smiled. "Hi baby girl" he said, still a little drowsy, still in pain. He didn't think she had been crying and he wanted to keep it that way. "How are you doing?" he asked.
She remained quiet for a moment as if thinking about what she wanted to say. "I miss you" she said so quietly, he really had to listen to hear her.
"I miss you too" he said, holding his hand out towards her. "Get up here" he smiled, letting her use his hand to balance herself on the chair so she could crawl up onto the bed. There really wasn't enough room for the both of them and moving to make room had hurt like hell, but he swore having her there, curled up with him, made him get that much better. "Much better" he said, resting his head against hers.
"Mommy said you was sick" she said quietly. "But you're not coughing or sneezing" she pointed out.
Stefan sighed. "I'm a different kind of sick. Like I have a really bad tummy ache" he said, trying to explain it to her.
Her big brown eyes watched his green ones for a moment, processing what he had just said. "Then why can't you come home and lay in bed?" she asked. "Like when I have a tummy ache and you let me watch TV and eat a popsicle" she mentioned.
"I wish I could go home and eat a popsicle" he said, smiling at her. "But this is a pretty bad tummy ache, so the doctors say I have to stay here" he explained.
"I could ask them if you can come home" she said, her little eyes filling with determination. "Maybe if I tell them I'll take real good care of you, they'll let you leave" she said hopeful.
But Stefan shook his head sadly. "Not this time, Lil" he said.
They remained quiet for a little while, though they continued to stare at each other. Then she spoke. "Tell me the truth, Uncle Stefan. Are you gonna be okay?" she asked, her eyes filled with worry, yet enough strength to prove that she could handle whatever he was going to tell her.
At that moment, all of the painful emotions he could feel washed over him. For so long, Lily had been the only person he spent so much time and energy on, trying to protect her as much as possible. And now, he had to be honest with her, which meant that he was going to shatter any sense of security she had.
With any other child, he probably would have lied and said he would be just fine. But with Lily, he knew that if he did end up dying, she would have lost any trust in the world that she still had left. And she would have hated him. And the thought of her hating him would probably kill him faster than his stupid liver.
So he smiled sadly at her, kissed her forehead, and braced himself. "The doctors don't think I'm going to be okay" he said, tears pricking at the backs of his eyes. He waited for her to begin crying, like he wanted to do.
But she didn't. She stared at him, not from shock, but because she was thinking. "What does Elena think?" she asked quietly.
That had shocked him. Lily hadn't talked about Elena in a long while. He wondered if she had seen her yet. "Elena thinks I'm going to be okay" he answered.
Lily wrapped her small arms around his neck and rested her chin on his shoulder. "Then you're going to be okay" she whispered.
Stefan kept his choking sobs in, not wanting to scare her, but he did let his tears go as he held on to her. Elena was right about a lot of things, but he wasn't willing to money on it this time. Stefan pulled away after a few moments and brushed her messy hair out of her eyes. "Let's go over the plan, okay?" he asked. She nodded. "What school are you going to get in to?" he asked.
"Harvard" she smiled.
Stefan smiled weakly. "That's right" he told her. "And what about boys when you get older?" he asked.
Lily scrunched up her face in disgust. "No boys 'cause boys are yucky" she answered. God he was so proud of her.
"Very good" he said, failing at holding back his laugh from her expression. "And who are you always going to listen to?" he asked.
"Daddy because he loves me and wants what's best for me" she answered proudly.
Stefan smiled. His brother owed him for that. "And if you ever need help, who are you going to call?" he asked.
Lily seemed to hesitate for a moment. "Elena" she said, even though that was not the original answer that they had worked out. Stefan felt his heart melt at the sheer fact that Lily still wanted Elena in her life. "Is that okay, Uncle Stefan?" she asked. "Or do I have to call Alaric?" she asked, stating the original answer and again, scrunching up her face.
Stefan laughed as he kissed the top of her head. "You call Elena first, then Alaric" he told her. Alaric had been the original answer because Stefan knew Alaric would always be there for Lily, no questions asked.
"Okay" she sighed, this time, looking a little sadder. Since Lily could talk, Stefan had come up with a plan with her on what would happen if he wasn't around. He never specifically talked to her about death, though he knew that was the only thing that would keep him from her. He just wanted to make sure she was prepared just in case one day, he couldn't be there for her.
"No matter what happens, it will be okay" he told her, wiping away a tear that fell from her eye.
Lily shook her head no. "I don't want you to leave me" she said as more tears fell down her face.
He swore his heart broke apart right inside his chest. "Don't cry, Lil" he told her softly. Her crying was going to kill him faster.
"Then you can't cry either" she countered, wiping away at his own tears on his face. Stefan smiled. She had him there. "Are you scared?" she asked quietly.
Honesty. "Yes" he answered. "I'm scared to leave you and Elena" he told her. Lily nodded, moving closer to him. "But I need you to do me a big favor, okay?" he asked. She nodded again. "I need you to go and give Elena a big hug for me so she knows I love her."
Lily sniffled a few times before she sat up. "Okay" she said. "You need to take a nap" she told him. She stepped back on to the chair and pulled his blanket up to his chin. Then she kissed his forehead like he had done to her so many times. "I'll come back later" she promised.
"Okay" he smiled. She hopped down off of the chair and he watched her struggle with the door for a moment. She turned back to smile at him before disappearing outside. As soon as the door clicked shut, he let himself finish crying.
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Lily wandered back down to where her dad and mom were. They looked at her, trying to figure out what had happened in there with Stefan. But she wasn't giving anything away. She saw Elena standing by the large window, looking outside at the rainy, dark sky.
Elena hadn't even noticed her until Lily had attached herself to Elena in a tight hug. She looked down at her. "I'm still mad at you" Lily mumbled into Elena's leg. "But I still love you."
Elena pulled Lily's arms off of her and knelt down to her level, bringing her into a proper hug. "I'm still mad at myself, too" she whispered to the little girl. "I've missed you so much" she told her, Kissing her hair gently.
When they pulled apart, Lily lifted up Elena's shirt slightly, confusing her at first. Then Lily huffed, letting the shirt fall. "Still no baby in your tummy?" she asked, throwing her hands up in the air and walking off back towards her parents. Caroline had been sitting close enough to hear.
Elena's face went pale at the thought and this did not go unnoticed by Caroline. Elena decided to go for a walk to get away from everyone. Everything. Although Caroline hadn't really talked to her since she arrived yesterday, she got up and followed Elena. "Elena?" Caroline asked. Elena stopped abruptly and turned to face her, her face filled with tears once again. Elena ran a hand through her hair nervously. She had so many things on her mind, even before Stefan got sick, that she hadn't even thought about it. "Elena" Caroline said softly.
"I'm late" she said as a hint of realization began to hit her. "And I've been feeling queasy the past few weeks when I woke up" she said, a fresh batch of tears springing from her eyes. What if Lily was wrong? Elena covered her mouth as she put all the clues together.
"Elena" Caroline said, completely focused on the distraught young woman in front of her. "Do you think you're pregnant?" she asked, grabbing Elena's shoulders to steady her.
A/N: So? Tell me what you think and feel! Don't hold back! Was this the right move for me to make? Do you love the story still?