Hey people, here's chapter thirty-six; I've actually got a plan for my next three or so chapters and it seems that I'm sticking to it (if this chapter is anything to go by :P)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and I might be updating this either tomorrow or the day after; it depends on how much I can manage to change from notes into full-blown paragraphs that make some semblance of sense.

Enjoy, KaseyKC

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

A man's errors are his portals of discovery" - James Joyce quotes(Irishnovelist,1882-1941)

The fact that sometimes chances are completely missed it a problematic thing; meaning that you can be given the chance to change something, to fix it only to miss the chance and have everything turn out like your worst nightmare. It's ironic and sadistic and typical of the life of Derek Morgan.

He slowly edged his way into the quiet room not long after JJ had come rushing out, sobbing in guilt, and he had to swallow at the sudden lump in his throat as he took in the image of Reid attached to a ventilator and various other machines that were either monitoring his condition or keeping him alive, 'Oh my God...'

"Hey kid, looks like you're finally catching up on your beauty sleep huh?" he joked lamely as he closed the door and cautiously moved over to sit in the chair next to the bed with the prone figure of one Spencer Reid, Doctor.

He shook his head as he looked into the slack face of the kid he'd taken to and thought of as a younger brother, 'I'm sorry man... I'm so sorry...' why didn't he stop any of this? He couldn't protect one younger brother when he was younger and now he couldn't even protect another one even with his FBI credentials and his weapon, 'I should've stopped the bastard sooner... maybe none of this wouldn't have happened then...'

"I'm sorry Reid, I've failed you just like I failed Matt," Morgan whispered as he cradled his head in his shaking hands, "I wasn't there for him when he needed me either."

Inside his mind Reid was listening to what Morgan was saying and trying to shout out, to scream at him, to reassure him that it wasn't his fault but he couldn't. All he could do was listen; and he hated it. He hated the fact that he was trapped in his head whilst his friends, his team, tore themselves apart with guilt over what had happened to him during this case, 'It's not your fault Morgan... it was never your fault... and who's Matt?'

"You know I'm proud of you kid? I've always been proud of you... you're a brilliant agent," Morgan suddenly said as he looked up into Reid's still slack face, "I haven't told you that enough times have I?" 'No I haven't... I didn't want him to see me too clearly... I'm such a coward! He's got more guts than I have!' he thought bitterly as he shook his head and continued to speak, "Well, I'm telling you now and you'd best wake up soon so I can tell you again and again kid. I always heard how good I was, how proud of me people were and I should tell you the same, because I am proud of you; you've dealt with some major crap in your life kid and I should have given you more support when you needed it."

'No Morgan... you gave me more than enough support!' Reid argued back but he knew he couldn't tell Morgan anything in his current state; he just hoped that when he came out of the coma that he'd still remember all of this so he could correct a few misconceptions of people's, 'I never realised just how important to them I was...'

"I guess I should tell you who Matt is right?" Morgan said as he leaned back in the chair and rubbed his forehead with his hand, "I think you have a right to know of the only other person who I choose to have as a brother..."

Morgan closed his eyes as he tried to order this thoughts and try to make them as cohesive as he possibly could; though he didn't have an eidetic memory like Reid he still considered his memory to be pretty good, if someone gave him a few minutes to recall an obscure memory and stuff. 'Okay... Matt, time for the world to know about you kid...'

"You know my life hasn't exactly been rosy right? Well neither had Matt's. I was in university, second year; before my knee got blown out in that god-damn game... anyway, I was this hot-shot show-off who was the biggest womaniser on campus," Morgan grinned as he imagined Reid's response to that; it would probably consist of some remark about how he couldn't remember all their names or something like that, "I was heading back to my dorm after staying late after training, I'd wanted to get in a few more hours to improve my tackle-technique, when I saw these guys wailing on this kid. I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved, especially since I was on the football team, didn't have back-up and had a game the day after, but I couldn't just walk away from this!"

Morgan's hands shook as he ran a hand over his bald head and took a long deep breath, "I knocked crap out of the guys and helped this puny little wimp who looked like he'd spent his entire life getting shoved into lockers and having swirly's; he looked a bit like you actually," Morgan looked at Reid's face and smirked humorously, "I helped him to his dorm and told him my name, he told me his and that was the start of a beautiful brotherhood. At least, it was until he started to get beaten whenever I wasn't at the university by the same guys I'd knocked crap out of the first time."

Morgan tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair and said, almost to himself, "It was my fault... I didn't see the signs..." 'God I was such an idiot... I promised myself I'd never let that happen again but it nearly did with you Reid... after Hankel... I didn't see the signs then either...'

Taking a deep breath Morgan continued with his story, ignoring the lump in his throat that had formed because he was talking about something deeply painful to him, "It happened when I was playing out of state against another university; they thrashed us but we left our mark on a couple of their players," he smiled at that, he remembered how Colden had literally left a mark on the opposing team's captain's arm with his teeth, "I got back to the university at around ten since I'd decided to go and say hi to my mom and my sisters before heading back. If I'd gone straight back to the university with the team then I might have been able to save him..." Morgan wiped away a single tear that had fallen free of its place in his eye lash and cleared his throat noisily, "When I got to the university I skipped my regular check-in with Matt; I always checked on him to make sure he was still in one piece, and hit the sack, not waking up until near midday. I went to check on him and that was when I saw the police cars and the ambulance."

'Oh no...' Reid had a funny idea as to where this story was leading and he desperately wanted to tell Morgan to stop, that he didn't need to hear the rest, that he never blamed him for anything; but he couldn't do any of that now. All he could do was lie there and listen to his best friend's heart-breaking confession.

Morgan looked down at his clenched hands as he spoke, "Matt OD'd on Meth sometime around midnight; right around the time I got back to the university. If I'd gone and checked on him then I might have been able to save him... I mean, I didn't even know he was on drugs; where did he get them? Why was he using them?" 'Why didn't I see the signs?' "I promised myself on the day of his funeral that I would never allow myself to have another younger brother, that I'd never have someone rely on me in that way because I was terrified that I'd fail them in some way... but then you joined the team and suddenly my promise was broken!"

'Damn right it was broken!' Reid shouted in his mind as he thought back to all the times he'd needed a friend, a brother, to help him through things and Morgan had instantly stepped up; he could never repay him for everything that he'd done but apparently just saying that to him wouldn't dispel these guilty feelings his friend harboured deep down, 'but I'll fix that when I'm awake and on the mend, I can promise you that!'

Morgan was quiet for a long moment as he tried to control his emotions that were now running rampant before he spoke again. This time though, his voice was less tormented, less raw with emotion, "We're like a family aren't we? The team I mean. We had Gideon in the father-like role, Hotch in the uncle and Rossi too. JJ, Prentiss as sisters Elle was the distant cousin, and Garcia is the eccentric one! It's funny really because I don't think my own flesh and blood has meant as much to me as the team does.

"We've dealt with so many different things over the years; Elle getting shot, me getting arrested, Hankel, Frank, Gideon leaving, Rossi joining and plenty of other things that have tested us and wore us down but haven't destroyed us. We're stronger now that we were before because we know we can rely on each other for everything, and that's what makes us one of the best teams; trust."

Morgan smiled slightly and was about to start to speak again when Rossi poked his head into the room and said softly, "Morgan?"

"Yeah Rossi," Morgan replied as he slowly stood up and turned to look at Rossi as he stepped into the room, closing the door after him.

"When did you last sleep?" Rossi asked bluntly as Morgan glanced away; he'd been caught-out and know he was being called on his skipping of sleep, "Go get some sleep, you can finish your shift tomorrow after you've had some rest."

"Rossi-" Morgan started to protest but Rossi cut off before he could even properly form an argument.

"Do I have to tell Hotch and Gideon because I will if I have to?" Rossi looked pointedly at Morgan who sighed in defeat and moved towards the door as Rossi stepped aside for him to leave the room.

"I'll be back by twelve tomorrow, no arguments," Morgan said firmly and Rossi nodded in acknowledgement; six hours of sleep for Morgan was better than a brief nap in a hospital chair.

Unnoticed by the pair of them, Reid had been listening to the conversation and trying desperately to tell them to both get some sleep; he was trying so hard to tell them that his right hand twitched minutely for a second before it became still again as Rossi moved over to the bed and sat down in the recently vacated seat, just as Morgan closed the door behind him leaving Rossi and Reid alone.