Hi Everyone!

I hope you missed the girls because they are finally back! Enjoy!

There were good days and bad days. Although Kurt tried to focus on the easy moments, he still had days when he struggled with the easiest things. He wanted to leave his problems behind so badly but it wasn't that easy. Sometimes it was so hard to get up from bed and spend time with his daughter. Sometimes he hesitated for so long before he was able to leave the apartment. But things became definitely easier for him and he knew that he was on the right path.

Reading about women with the same problems was what helped him the most. Although his sessions made him feel happier, he gathered strength from those women who had successfully left their fears behind. There were a lot of them. Kurt loved those who wrote about their feelings honestly. There was everything written in front of him, every hard moment, every fearful thought, and it made him stronger. Because he realized that he wasn't alone, that he wasn't a bad person and that there was a way to a happy and fearless life. The one he wanted, too.

When he was upset, he read. He gave himself time to calm down a bit and focused on the future. He could do this, too. He was strong. And he was a good father. He only had to find the right activity to get over his problems.

That wasn't that easy, though. He had talked about his plans with Melinda and she thought that it would be wonderful to find and activity that made him happy and helped him on his bad days. She thought that Kurt's creativity was the solution. Only Kurt didn't know what he should do with that. Okay, he had had great ideas before but it was so hard to think about clothes right now. He barely knew what to do with his own clothes, how could he come up with something new?

"Maybe you shouldn't try so hard" Blaine told him. "Give yourself time. There's no pressure."

Not from Blaine. But Kurt needed something to do to keep himself busy, so he had to come up with something as fast as possible.

One day he had a sudden idea. It seemed crazy at first but the more he thought about it, the more sense it made. He had been scared of talking to his friends, not counting Sebastian who was a doctor and that made him different. Kurt knew somewhere deep that his friends weren't that stupid and they knew exactly that he had problems. Rachel and Finn spent a lot of time with Emily when Kurt visited Melinda. Kurt had never told them where he went, but they surely figured it out. And they never said anything bad… That had to be a good sign.

Kurt was still afraid of talking to his friends. They were always nice to him, but who knew what they would think about him if they had known about his problems? Would they judge him?

He kept his phone in his shaking hands, trying to gather courage. He had nothing to be afraid of. His friends loved him. They wouldn't say anything bad. Of course not, they would help him for sure if he asked them. He only had to ask for help. They would be here in no time and together they would figure out what to do next.

"Are you alright?"

Kurt almost dropped his phone at the sudden voice. He blinked in surprise, not knowing what Blaine was doing right beside him. He should have been at work… right?

"You came home earlier" Kurt muttered.

"No, I didn't" Blaine smiled.

Kurt checked the time on his phone and gasped. He had spent the whole afternoon staring at his phone and he hadn't even realized how fast time had passed. Blaine was right, of course, even if it seemed unbelievable.

"Emily…"

"She's still asleep" Blaine told him.

Kurt sighed in relief. At least he hadn't let his daughter cry while being lost in his thoughts. Or so he hoped. It was unbelievable that he was able to zoom out in a second and didn't even notice it. Scary, if he was completely honest with himself. Did he do it often? That would be horrible...

"So what are you thinking about?" Blaine asked conversationally. He didn't seem angry at all. Why wasn't he angry?

"I think I should meet my friends" Kurt said carefully. He still waited for Blaine to show the signs of anger. But he was always so nice, it didn't matter what Kurt said or did. Whatever he came up with, Blaine supported him.

"That's a wonderful idea" Blaine smiled.

"Isn't it too early?" Kurt asked.

"Why would it be? You know that they miss you" Blaine replied.

"I… I think I should tell them about… you know" Kurt said hesitantly.

"I think it's about time" Blaine nodded. He had talked to Rachel and Finn, of course, he had to explain why they spent so much time away from home and their baby, but he had also asked them to keep the information to themselves. From what Blaine gathered from Kurt's other friends who didn't seem to understand why Kurt never called them back, it worked.

Kurt had a lot to explain, but Blaine knew that he would get over it. It was about time to meet his friends again. It meant that Kurt was feeling better. Of course Blaine knew that he was slowly coming out of depression, he saw the signs, even if the progress was so slow. Kurt talked a lot more than before and he spent more time away from their apartment. If he met his friends, it would definitely help him.

"What will they say?" Kurt asked in concern.

"Kurt, they are your friends" Blaine said. He remembered how vehemently they had defended Kurt when it had been necessary. Blaine wasn't worried about how they would react. They loved Kurt. "Come on, just call them. They'll be happy to see you."

Kurt looked down at his phone again. He knew that Blaine was right. His friends would surely be happy to meet him. Only he wasn't sure if he wanted to talk to them now. Knowing Mercedes and Santana, those phone calls would be… Well...

"I think I'll send them a text message" Kurt said in the end.

"Maybe that's not a bad idea" Blaine smiled.

~ o ~

"Where the hell have you been?"

Kurt tried not to laugh when Santana came straight to the point without greeting him. She didn't disappoint him at all.

"I'm happy to see you too, Santana" Kurt said.

"Do you know how many times I tried to contact you? I even called Blaine to ask him if you're still alive" Santana said.

"I know and I'm sorry" Kurt said.

"We were worried about you" Mercedes added.

Kurt smiled sadly. He knew that he shouldn't have ignored his friends, but the past few weeks had been hard. Very-very hard. It was a miracle that he was finally able to leave the apartment on his own without fearing that he would have a panic attack in the middle of the street.

"Are you alright?" Mercedes asked in concern.

Kurt took a deep breath but he couldn't say anything. He wanted to share his feelings with his friends, that was why he had asked them to meet him after all. But now that they were all together, he wasn't sure if he was ready to talk.

"Why don't we find a place where we can talk?" Rachel offered.

Kurt was glad for her help. Although he had made himself believe that they had kept his secret well hidden from everyone, one look at Rachel was enough to know that she understood the situation a lot better than he expected. No wonder, Blaine must have told her the details. Of course he had. Rachel and Finn had helped them a lot, they had surely had questions and Blaine had answered them.

"That's a great idea" Kurt nodded.

"It's such a shame you didn't call us earlier" Santana said after a while as they walked down a familiar path in the park. "Brittany wanted to see you, too."

"I miss her, too" Kurt said. "I'll call you sooner the next time, I swear."

"How is Emily doing?" Rachel asked quickly. She knew Kurt well enough to know why they were here and she was also aware of Kurt's fears. She wanted to give him time to get ready.

"She's wonderful" Kurt told her.

"Of course she is" Santana snorted. "Babies are always cute."

"I thought you hated kids" Mercedes frowned.

"I said babies. Not whiny spoiled 4-year-olds" Santana replied.

"I love older kids" Mercedes said. "It's a lot easier with them. They can talk and walk on their own, you can play with them a lot more…"

"I hate their tantrums" Santana cut in.

"Your kid will throw tantrums, too" Mercedes pointed out.

"My kid won't be like that" Santana said confidently.

"We'll see" Mercedes snorted.

Kurt tried to imagine Santana's child. A little girl like her with so much passion. He smiled. Santana was wrong if she thought it would be easy, especially if her child would be like her.

"So why did you ignore us so long?" Santana asked him once they sat down.

Kurt took a deep breath. He thought that he would have some more time to get ready. Unfortunately, Santana didn't seem to see that not everything was alright with him.

"I've been… busy" Kurt said hesitantly.

"We already told you that we would gladly babysit Emily if you needed some time on your own" Santana said.

"I needed help. I called Finn and Rachel when it was necessary" Kurt said.

"Why didn't you call us?" Mercedes asked. She didn't seem as hurt as Santana. Maybe she knew his secret, too?

"I…" Kurt looked down and took a few more deep breaths. It was so hard to talk. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to come here after all. "Look, there's something I want to talk about with you. And I hope you'll understand how serious it is."

He was silent for a while, just like his friends. They kept watching him while they waited for him to continue.

"I… I didn't call you or anyone else because… Well, I've had problems."

"What kind of problems?" Santana asked carefully.

"I didn't think it was serious at first. I was so exhausted after Emily's birth. I thought it was natural" Kurt said quietly. He tried to make himself believe that he had nothing to be ashamed of, but it wasn't that easy. "But then things became worse. I didn't leave the apartment anymore. I barely talked to Blaine and I was always so frustrated. And unhappy. God, it's so hard to talk about this…"

"Hey, it's okay" Mercedes said gently and grabbed Kurt's hand. Kurt smiled at him sadly. It wasn't okay at all. But he was determined to change and talking freely about his fears was one of those important things he had to do.

"No, it's not. To be honest, I'm disappointed. I imagined this time of my life and I always thought that it would be wonderful. That I would love my child and I would love parenthood. But I hated everything at one point and I lost precious time I should have spent with my daughter. I don't want to but sometimes I still feel ashamed. I feel like it's my fault that we couldn't enjoy these important weeks together the way we were supposed to. That I ruined everything."

He had thought that it would be hard to talk, he hadn't been sure if he would be able to share his feelings honestly with his friends. But once he started to talk, it was hard to stop. He finally remembered that they had always been there for him and he knew that they wouldn't judge him. He had been so stupid to think that ignoring his friends was the best he could do. Now he knew that he shouldn't have pushed them away in the hardest moments.

"You should have told us" Santana said.

"I know" Kurt muttered, looking away. "I just wasn't ready. I wasn't even ready to talk to anyone for a long while. I thought that I would get better, so I waited. I waited for too long."

"Don't say that" Rachel said. "You asked for help. You were brave enough to talk to a stranger. That's a huge thing."

"What is she talking about?" Santana frowned, nodding towards Rachel.

"I'm seeing a therapist" Kurt admitted. "I talked to Sebastian when I realized that it's too much to handle on my own and he has a friend who helps people like me. Rachel knows about it because we asked her and Finn to babysit Emily when Blaine had to come with me. I couldn't leave the house alone at first, I needed Blaine to come with me."

"That's awful" Mercedes said before Santana had a chance to say anything. Sometimes she didn't help at all, even if she only wanted the best. Mercedes had a feeling that whatever she had to say, she would choose the wrong words and it would upset Kurt. That was the least he needed. "I can't imagine how hard it is. You're so brave, Kurt!"

"I'm not" Kurt said, looking away. He always told himself that it wasn't his fault but still felt guilty sometimes.

"Hey, stop it" Santana said seriously.

They all looked at her, the other women slightly worried. They knew Santana and that she couldn't always stop herself from hurting people. Kurt definitely didn't need her harsh words right now.

"You can't blame yourself anymore, okay?" Santana continued. "PPD is an awful thing. It makes you weak and sad all the time. Mercedes is right, you're brave, Kurt. Admitting that you have problems is so freaking hard."

"You have no idea" Kurt muttered.

"You can always talk to us if you want to" Rachel said.

"You can ask for anything" Mercedes continued.

"Absolutely anything" Santana nodded in agreement.

Kurt looked at her thoughtfully. Santana was acting so weirdly. He had a feeling that she knew more about his situation than the others, he only didn't know how. He decided to ask her about it but not now. It was something they had to discuss privately.

"Well, that's why I asked you to meet me today" Kurt said. "I noticed that reading about women in my situation helped me a lot. So I read tones of their blogs, practically everything I found on Internet. There are a lot of happy endings. I also noticed that they found an activity that made them feel useful and was also manageable with a baby. So I started to think about things I could do to make myself busy."

"That's a good idea" Rachel smiled. "Do you want to sing again?"

"No" Kurt shook his head. "Although I love performing, I know that's not my thing. Not anymore. I'll save my voice for my daughter, I want to do something different."

"And what is it?" Mercedes asked curiously.

"I know someone from close who struggled like me after the birth of her child" Kurt started hesitantly. He decided that he wouldn't tell his friends that he was talking about his therapist. Melinda had trusted him to keep her secret or so Kurt believed, so he thought that he should skip a few details. "She's a lot like me, I think. She's also creative and had a similar job. But then she decided to change her life and also help people like us. Now she lives for new parents and helps them through this hard period."

He smiled at the thought. It was a wonderful thing to do. Knowing that Melinda had gotten through the same fears and now she was so happy made Kurt a lot more confident, too. He wanted to be like her.

"I want to do something like that" he continued. "And that's why I'm asking for your help."

"We'll do anything you want" Rachel said confidently.

"That's good" Kurt smiled. "Because you have to keep a few moody babies company while I create wonderful things with their moms."

"What?" Santana frowned.

"I decided to do something for depressed parents, too" Kurt explained. He reached for his phone and showed the women a few photos. "I started a blog, too. I update my newest creations and also give women tips how to dress themselves and their babies fashionably without spending too much money. See? People love it! And thanks to my blog, I found others like me. That's only the three of us now but I guess there will be others. I think we should come together sometimes and create something together. What do you think?"

"Well…" Santana started but Mercedes quickly silenced her with one stern look.

"I think it's a wonderful idea" Mercedes smiled.

"So you'll help me?" Kurt asked. "I know you're busy…"

"Of course we'll help you" Rachel said. "Besides, we have to practice if we want to be ready."

"For having a baby?" Santana asked with a raised eyebrow.

"For playing more serious roles" Rachel rolled her eyes. "As a famous actress, I have to think about my future. I always need to educate myself, I have to be ready for every situation. I would be the perfect choice for the role of a caring mother but I still need to practice a little to do everything right."

"Always so selfless" Mercedes snorted.

"And I also want to help Kurt" Rachel added quickly.

"I really appreciate it" Kurt said gladly. "What do you think, guys?"

"I'm in" Mercedes said without hesitation.

"Me too" Santana said. "Kids love me."

"I thought you hated babies" Mercedes frowned.

"But they do love me" Santana said. "Don't worry, Kurt. Have fun with the mums. I'll take care of the kids."

"You mean we will take care of them" Rachel corrected her.

"Almost the same" Santana shrugged.

"If you mean that I'm not capable of keeping a few babies company…"

Kurt threw back his head and laughed. He had missed the girls so much. They always knew how to make him smile. And now that he knew that he could count on them, he could finally start to think about the details. There were a lot of things to do but it was good. It would make him busy for a while and he had a good feeling about his plans. He believed that they would help him through this period and he would be able to live happily again. That was all he wanted. For himself and his family, too.