Chapter 36
Manipulative Manipulating
. . .
"Love is such a fragile thing~," Dustin said with a soft and disappointed voice while he shook his head a little. "It appears to be limited too, not to mention not spreading equally across the universe population," he said with a little more contempt in his voice, as he looked off into the raging cloud of smoke and dust that surrounded Jim and himself. "One group inhabits all the love in the world and the rest of us… Is doomed to rot on the bottom of everything like unwanted parasites," he practically spat out with a contemptuous frown at the mist, as if he saw something else in there than Jim did.
Jim, however, was too upset to pay attention to anything else than Dustin's words. "You're a manipulative asshole," he muttered with clenched fists, somehow not able to make himself transfer his aggressiveness into actual action.
"Everybody is manipulative, James~," Dustin scuffed with a sly grin and turned himself around to look back at the boy. "Heck, you should know with yourself that, that is the bare truth," he hissed, his tone continuously changing between the soft and harsh. What was most disturbing, was hard to decide. "Just realize already! – You little red-haired angel is a devious demon!" Dustin continued to hiss, each sentence followed by another step closer to Jim. "She used you! Took advantage of your naïve person just to benefit herself!"
"N-no. You're lying," Jim insisted and shook his head, but the more he denied it, the more piercing Dustin's voice became.
"No… She is…" Dustin directed, his glowing eyes locked intensely at Jim's teary ones without fleeing a second. "She don't think of you as anything but a shortcut. A tool and nothing else!"
"N-no!" Jim cried and shook his head in disbelief.
"She's the manipulative one Jim," Dustin said almost compassionated, as if he really felt bad for the boy. "She never wanted anything but help herself,"
"No, no you're lying!"
"She never cared for you – she never considered you anything at all! And she never loved you the slightest!" Dustin almost shouted, before he leaned in all close and whispered with a sly voice "She has cheated you all along~ For guess what? She loving me~," he said smirking making Jim flinch and grab his head while shaking it as if Dustin implanted memories in him that wasn't his.
"No, no, no – you're lying, you're lying, it's not true – YOU'RE LYING!," Jim shouted between his sobs, Dustin's voice to sharp and insisting as if it existed inside his very own head.
Ignoring the boy's cries, Dustin now stood just before him, almost looking at him in pity as he grabbed his jaw – gentle, yet firm – and forced him to look back up into his own green eyes. "No. I am not," he said, sounding more sincere and gloomy than good was, making Jim stare back at him in realization and grief. "Angie. Is lying," Dustin said slow and clear, making sure nothing would be misunderstood.
With teary eyes, Jim just stared back a Dustin, unable to say anything. His thoughts were racing, but no words were coming out over his trembling lips. He just stood there – broken and vulnerable, not knowing what to believe.
Dustin's gaze moved for a short bit, but then he smirked back at the shaking boy, letting his ice-cold and dirty hands fall heavily on Jim's shoulders. "Still doubting? Then go ahead and see for yourself~," he said and nodded across Jim's shoulder, making the boy glance back.
And there he saw her, suddenly finding both her and himself near the old, abandoned warehouse, the cloud of memories vanished into thin air with a snap of a finger. With his breath hitching, Jim stared at the distant silhouette of the woman, he didn't know what to think of. His mind was fuzzy and his vision sometimes unable to focus, and when Dustin leaned in from behind to speak up once again, he didn't even fight against him anymore.
"So. James~ Who's the liar here?~," Dustin questioned with a wide smirk and a voice that made chills of anger course through Jim's spine. And all of a sudden, the young man believed in Dustin's earlier statements without a doubt.
With clenched fists and gritted teeth, Jim felt an overwhelming rush of anger, hurt and frustration flush in over him like a furious wave. "Angie," he spat out in contempt.
. . .
Angie's steps echoed through the warehouse when she ran down the metallic stairs and further across the cement floor. With the old, fragile papers clutched in her fist, she rushed through the darkness, grabbed the heavy door and torn it open, only to stiffen when a dark silhouette revealed before her, the lightning striking in the exact same moment, throwing a long shadow into the room.
"Dustin," Angie whispered in shock and immediately took a step backwards to allow him inside.
He looked nothing less but terrible. Even in the gloomy darkness it was obvious that his appearance had changed merchant to the worse since last time she saw him. And that was only a couple of hours ago. Now his clothing were ripped, his skin dirty and his face swollen and blue, not to mention the rain that mercilessly had soaked him to the bone and made him shake.
And his eyes. Never in her life had Angie looked upon him with such concern and fright as she did when she noticed the scar-like formations that branched out from his eye sockets, as if he had been struck by a lightning from his way home from who-knows-where. Yet, despite all the horrific thoughts that coursed through her mind, the only thing she could cope to say was:
"Y-you're back," Angie found herself quickly hiding the fragile papers in the inner pocket of her jacket, knowing this was not the time to tell her boss she had searched through his most private belongings without his permission.
However, her thoughts were hurriedly brought to action when Dustin let an exhausted smirk spread across his bruised face and exclaimed: "Surprise~," before his eyes turned absent and his knees gave away beneath him, coursing him to stumble forward.
"Dustin?!" Angie called out in shock as she caught him before he would collapse on the stone floor. Granted he wasn't unconscious for long, it was as if his limps wouldn't respond, making it hard for him to hold himself upright.
Despite Angie's strength, she had trouble holding him steady in her arms, since his every muscle were either shaking or hurting badly, making him flinch in her hold. "Gods, Dustin, what the hell have you been up to?!" She hissed as she got him settled on the floor against the sofa, her concern showing as frustration while she tried to keep him sitting upright.
"Business," Dustin simply answered while clutching his shoulder, gritting his teeth as he let his head fall back against the sofa in a try to withstand the pain that pulsated through his body.
"Business my ass," Angie huffed and grabbed his jaw to turn his head against her, as she could examine his beaten up face. He had definitely been up to some shit. What it was and why was yet still a mystery to her, but business was definitely not among her guesses.
Although she wanted to stay mad at him, she couldn't help but let her concern take over as she let herself take in the sight of his condition. First now she realized that what she thought was dirt in his face, was in reality solidified or even still running blood. The thing was just that, dry or not, it was dark. Very dark.
Dustin's blood was black as ink.
With nothing but worry expressed in her face, Angie caught herself reaching beneath her jacket to grab the old papers she had hidden, as if she needed to physically feel them to believe what she saw. "You need help Dustin. Actual help from someone who knows what to do," she said with a slight shaking voice and laid a hand on his shoulder, suppressing her own need to express her fear.
However, Dustin just shook his head at her statement although his eyes were shut and his jaw tense. "Nonsense – I-I'm perfectly fine~," he said with an assuring smirk, but hunched over when a rough coughing fit hit him, making him grab his chest. In fact it sounded as if he had a hard time breathing within it.
"Quit it! – You're not at all fine Dustin," Angie said strictly, feeling herself dug her fingers into his shoulder in concern for him.
"I've handled it this far – I can handle it beyond," Dustin assured when his coughing allowed him to breathe more freely again only to be replaced by violent shaking.
"That's not the point! – You know this is serious!" Angie exclaimed frustrated, fighting the urge to announce how much she knew about his illness.
However, when Dustin once again leaned his head back and shut his eyes without even throwing a backfire comment at her, her unease once again made her stomach sink heavily. As he sat there, beaten up and shaking and with his face twitched in a painful expression, he had never looked more fragile and vulnerable. In fact, it was close to disturbing.
"I can handle it, I-I can, I can handle it," he whispered iterated while he dogged his nails into the floor, as if he tried to convince himself his own statement.
Seeing him in so much distress, Angie could do nothing but gently take his hand in both of hers, not minding how hard he ended up squeezing them. "I don't doubt that a second," she lied with a soft voice, only wanting to encourage him through his struggling. "But in order to get better, you must let me find some help for you,"
Dustin couldn't help but scuff as he smirked. "Who the hell will help people like us? Huh?~," he questioned and opened his tired eyes to look directly at her.
Angie thought his question over for a bit before smiling slightly as she remembered her original solution. "Jim,"
"That kid? Why the hell should he care?" Dustin huffed.
"Just trust me – I know what I'm doing," Angie assured, but when she was about to stand, Dustin grabbed her sleeve to keep her down on her knees.
"Angie, wait. Think about it. You've done nothing but lie to that lad. What makes you think he won't turn against you?" he asked seriously, making Angie frown a little while she thought. "He's a guy born on the right side of the line, Angie… He's just like everyone else," Dustin stated gloomily, the dark discoloring in his eye sockets only making everything about his expression more tense.
Angie, however, refused to give up the only hope she had. "This time is different. I can feel it. He is not like the others," she assured sincerely, speaking soft but seriously. "And if there is any chance he can help you, I'll take it," she said certainly before rushing towards the door, her intention only to leave Dustin alone for a short period of time.
When Angie stood up to get help, Dustin stayed back by the sofa, only following her with his tired eyes. However, as soon as she turned her back to him, a sly grin spread across his bruised face before he again closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the sofa.
. . .
Angie was surprised to find what she was looking for almost the same instant she stepped across the doorstep and out in the cold air. It was almost as if it had been planned all along. Nevertheless, she didn't complain – rather the opposite. There was no one in the world she would rather talk to in the moment than him.
"Jim!" She called out in relief and surprise when she saw him tramping by her, and she immediately rushed towards him. "Gods! How am I relieved to find you here! You don't know how much I need you right now," she said when she reached him, smiling thankfully back at him.
Jim however, didn't find the need to return her joy. "Oh. Like you needed me to do all the dirty work for you with that stupid task of yours? Or is this an actual call for help?" he said harshly and shook her hand off his shoulder almost the second she laid it there.
Not expecting that sort of reply, Angie blinked a few times and stared at him in disbelief. "What do you mean? Of cause it's an actual call for help – It-… It has always been," she said a little confused, trying not to let Jim's behavior affect her. "Well I guess it's settled then," Jim huffed and directed on his jacket with an upset motion before he turned to walk away.
But Angie wasn't gonna let him go that easily. "Wha-?! Jim! Wait a second!" She said a little more strict, surprisingly making him stop. "What do you mean 'settled' what is settled?" Releasing a heavy breath, Jim once again turned to face her, the frown on his face clearly revealing his irritation. "Well since you obviously have no intention in telling me the truth, I suppose when you 'sincerely ask for help' I can actually sincerely believe that isn't true,"
"Wait. You're calling me a liar?" Angie then asked with an offended frown, beginning to find Jim's attitude provocations.
"Why, since you bring it up yourself~ Yes. I do," Jim said flippantly, making Angie grit her teeth in annoyance.
"How dare you?! After everything we have been through you still chose to treat me-!"
"Like you mean nothing at all?!" Jim interrupted her, his statement straight forward and snapping as ever. And it hit right as it was intended.
Suddenly Angie realized where Jim was going. How could she be so stupid? – Of cause he felt just as terrible by being used the way she had, as she felt about what she had done. It made her feel even more horrible knowing she was the course of his misery. She never meant to hurt him that way. She never meant to hurt him at all.
"It's not a nice feeling is it?" Angie's thoughts were interrupted when Jim spoke up again, making her stomach sink when their eyes met. Never had she thought the same boy following her through the rain that night, could look so furious. She wanted it to stop straightaway!
"Jim I'm so sor-," She began, but Jim cut her off.
"You know what? - Just forget it," He said and rubbed the bridge of his nose as if he had a headache. "I've been let down to much and fooled by people who didn't even care, to put up with this," he said as he looked back up at Angie, meeting her depressed and regretful expression with poor hurt and anger.
Angie wanted to say something. More than anything, she wanted to find those words – those magic words that would fix everything she had done. But there was nothing to say.
However, when Jim once again began to walk off, she forced herself to act. "B-but Jim! Wait! I care! I really do!"
"Do you?!" Jim snapped at her as he quickly turned around. "Or is it just your conscience speaking?!" he questioned aggressively, the look in his eyes almost remind of Dustin when he got mad.
Clenching her fists when her hands began to smoke, Angie tried hard not to let her own anger get to her. "I do care! And if you would actually listen, you would know how horrible I feel of what I have done!"
"If you felt so bad, why didn't you stop?!"
"I had no choice!"
"Oh you had plenty of choices! You just weren't strong enough to make them,"
"Oh so I was the weak one in this?!"
"No – I was!"
Jim's unexpected statement made Angie stop her bickering and blink a few times. Had she heard right? Did he just call himself the weak one?
Angie could do nothing but stare back at the young man in disbelief when he let out a frustrated and shaky sigh, revealing the tears that scratched in his throat.
"I was the weak one…" Jim then said after taking in a deep breath, his eyes first focused on the ground, but then he raised his head to look Angie in the eye ones again. And now, they both returned each other's hurtful expressions.
"I was weak enough to believe everything you told me…" Jim continued with a slight shaking voice. "I was weak enough to follow you wherever you wanted… Weak enough to give you a chance…" Taking another deep breath, Jim collected himself and stood up straight. "Weak enough to fall in love with you," he then said ever so sincerely and heartbroken.
And it made Angie feel like she was about to scatter into a million pieces. It was the most painful and wonderful feeling at the same time, knowing this guy – this although fantastic human being – actually cared enough to fall in love with her. Love! Actual love!
For a moment, Angie nearly caught herself wanting to smile and jump into his arms in poor joy and relief that he felt the exact same way as she did.
But then, her stomach sunk deeply once again.
What had she done? She had acted terribly towards this guy - misused him an his trust like he was another tool! How the hell could she possibly ever make that up to him?!
She wanted to say something. Wanted to find those magic words that would fix everything instantly! But there was nothing she could say.
"You… You really loved me?" Was the only thing she could get through, unable to keep a smile of disbelief from pulling in the corners of her mouth.
Jim, however, didn't return her smile. "Yes…" He just said gloomily. "I did…"
"But why didn't you tell me?!" Angie exclaimed without thinking when he was about to turn away.
"What the heck was I supposed to say?!" Jim snapped back at her and threw his arms out. "You were barely telling me anything – I didn't know what to believe!" he yelled in frustration, but then his expression darkened as he stared sharply back at her. "Besides… You already have Dustin,"
Angie's eyes immediately widened at the sound of that name. "Dustin?!-"
"Yeah Dustin!" Jim yelled before she could finish her sentence. "And don't you even think about coming with some other stupid lie! – I know exactly what the two of you have been up to!" he snapped furiously.
Knowing what he was talking about, Angie stared back at him in shock for a moment, letting everything he had said sink in. "How do you-.. How could you-.. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW?!" She then shouted just as violent, the smoke rising in cascades from her hands by now.
"That's irrelevant! The point is that you've been a fucking liar the whole time! You've NEVER cared the slightest about me! Hell you can't even tell the truth right here where you stand!"
"It's not like that Jim! Not anymore! I- Things have changed! I do care for you! More than anything else!" Angie shouted furiously although the tears in her eyes gave away how horrible and distressed she felt through all of it.
"If you care so much then speak sincerely!" Jim demanded harshly through his teeth. "Tell me Dustin doesn't matter anymore! Tell me you don't care for him!" he claimed, making Angie's breath hitch while she shook her head.
Standing up straight, Jim kept his harsh eyes locked on Angie's teary ones, his attitude showing nothing but hurt and fury as he spoke sharply. "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't care for him… Tell me and I'll believe you," he said strictly, his fists clenched so hard that his knuckles turned blue. "And don't you dare speaking unless you sincerely mean it…" he added, his voice shaking by now as he tried to fight the tears that longed to crawl down his cheeks.
Overall, it was a simple task. Just say the words and everything would be alright. Heck, she didn't even have to be sincere! She had proved long ago that she could easily lie as if everything she said was the poor truth. All she had to do was speak up the way she had been used to throughout this whole event and all of this would vanish from her shoulders.
But she couldn't.
She simply couldn't make herself say it. She was tired. Tired of pretending. Tired of lying. Tired of not knowing what she felt. Yes she loved him too! But she couldn't just stop caring about Dustin. The two of them had been through way too much for her to just throw it all away.
So even though all she wanted in this world was standing right before her, she was as frozen in place, unable to make anything roll over her tongue. Instead she just turned her gaze down, unable to make herself look Jim in the eye anymore.
Shaking his head a little, Jim's jaw tensed up in realization. "I knew it," he muttered through his teeth and turned his head away, not wanting to look at that terrible mistake he had been stupid enough to made.
However, as he began to walk off, Angie raised her head, feeling the panic and regret flush in over her like a violent wave. "J-Jim! N-no. S-stop! You can't- You can't just leave me!" She called out with tears in her eyes, her voice unwillingly cracking as she practically begged. "I-… I love you!" she then exclaimed, and first after the words had left her throat, she realized, that that was the most sincere sentence she had ever spoken to him. Never had she meant anything so deeply.
And so, it made Jim pause his walking.
For a brief second, a tiny spark of hope send a shockwave of energy through Angie's body, and she found herself pathetically begging and praying to the God of love, that he would make Jim forgive her thoroughly. But when Jim glanced back at her, his eyes red and tired of watching everything slip away like sand in his hands, she realized that her prayers hadn't been hurt.
"But that isn't enough… Is it?" Jim questioned her with a fragile and broken voice, not even caring to be mad any longer.
And for once, Angie was speechless. Heck, what could she say?! She had screwed up big time. The thing she had begun to fear the most – the thing she had feared to happen ever since she figured she actually cared for Jim, had happened. She had lost him. Overthrown his trust and respect most likely for eternity. And she was speechless. Completely out of words, out of solutions and out herself, just watching the only boy who had ever truly shown he cared, walk straight out of her life to never return.
With tears scratching in her throat, Angie felt herself clutch her chest, as if she feared her heart would shatter into a million pieces if she let go.
For a long time she just stood there, until Jim had disappeared in the mist and even after that, she didn't dare to move.
Not until she sensed somebody's presence behind her, she slowly turned herself around, only to have her teary eyes meet with the – for once - compassionated ones of Dustin, the look on his face showing nothing but pity for her, as he supported himself to the doorframe to stay up standing. They stared at each other for a bit, not needing any words to explain what was happening, before Dustin reached his arms out for her with a soft smile, welcoming her to come to him for comfort. And there was nothing in the world Angie wanted more.
Scrunching up her face when she felt the tears trail over her cheeks, the redhead sat off and ran into Dustin's arms, embracing his torso so tightly, that her cries would turn muffled through his sweater. She hated breaking down in front of him like this, but what could she do? She was devastated – heartbroken. Defenseless. And as she stood there in Dustin's arms, sobbing and fighting her own urge to scream, she had never felt so nice and so miserable at the same time.
"You were right Dustin. *sob* You were right all along – He's just like everybody else. *sob* I should've l-listened when you said to work alone. I should've listened," She whined while clutching his sweater, completely forgetting everything about his condition, where he'd been and why. She just longed for the comfort and protection – reassurance that she was not alone in this, and that was regardless of how terrified and concerned Dustin had made her feel recently. But now – probably for the first time in the three years they had known each other – he was there when she needed him.
"Yeah you should have listened," Dustin spoke oddly soft and let his cold and bruised hand stroke Angie's red hair. "Perhaps if you had, things would have been different now," he said kind of thoughtful and absent, as if his mind flickered beyond what was happening right then and there.
Although the stroke of his hand on her head was for the sake of comforting, it made Angie shutter a little, but force herself to stay still in his hold. The strokes had an odd feeling to them – cold, shaky and heavy, as if Dustin planned to press her face so far into his torso, that it would block her ability to breathe.
Yet Angie pushed the feeling aside, just squeezing her eyes shut as more tears would trail down her cheeks. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you Dustin. I really am," she sobbed "I should've known he would leave. I should've known he would figure out everything," she whispered and dogged her nails into the thick fabric of Dustin's shirt, as if that was the only thing keeping her from falling to her knees.
"Yes you should have known. They always leave," Dustin stated gloomily, his chin resting sharply on top of Angie's head. "All of them. Always,"
Angie sniffed and quickly wiped the newest falling tear away with the back of her hand, still clutching Dustin with the other. "But… You'll still be here… Right?" she said with a hopeful smile, the question more a self-encouraging announcement.
Dustin's chin dogged deeper into Angie's skull when a wide, sly smirk spread across his face. "Oh I'll be here, alright~" He agreed, making the redhead release a sigh of relief. But then, he pulled away to look directly at her in his now stretched arms. "I just won't be with you~," he said with an uncomfortable soft voice, before he let go of her upper arms and backed off a little.
Angie's expression immediately changed and she felt her stomach sink heavily. "What… What are you saying of cause you'll be with me," she tried with a nervous smile, her heart once again beating heavily in her chest. "I mean. You're here. A-and I'm here. Together. As… As it always have been," she said, trying hard not to let her own discourage get to her.
However, when Dustin began to chuckle scornfully, her doubt grew inside her. "Oh Angie~ Sweet, sweet naïve little Angie~," Dustin smirked back at her and shook his head as he stepped back up to her, forcing her to turn her head back to look him in the eye. "Despite everything you've been through, you dare to care for so many people and yet nobody cares the slightest about you~," he said almost pitiful and reached out to stroke a stray of hair behind her ear.
Angie, however, immediately moved away from his touch, frowning in disbelief back at him. "Why are you saying that? Of cause somebody cares-!"
"Who?" Dustin interrupted her sternly, his smirk now vanished completely and his eyes sharp and clear in the gloomy surroundings.
The question arrived so suddenly and so harsh that it made Angie shut and blink a few times. Who? Was he freaking serious asking her who cared about her?!
Even though she wanted to be mad, Angie felt her doubt and discouragement force the tears back into her eyes. "I-… I thought-… I thought you cared?" she then said, her voice suddenly small and fragile as she searched violently for something she could relate to in Dustin's eyes. But there was only cold emptiness looking at her in return.
Dustin let out a small huff at her statement, letting a scornful smirk pull in the corner of his mouth. "Do I?~" he asked her leading, yet Angie seemed to sense a slight bit of doubt in his voice, as if a little part of him wasn't quite sure.
"Yes!" Angie exclaimed in frustration, hoping she at least could yell some sense into him. "You do! You do care! You have to!"
"Have to?!" Dustin replied with a mocking grin. "Tsk! As a human, something you have to is to breathe… To eat… To sleep…" he directed with a gloomy voice, forcing Angie to back off a little when he stepped up closer. Staring back into her discouraged eyes, Dustin's face showed nothing but cold and harsh honesty, his eyes sharply piercing her with no mercy at all. "I don't have to 'care'," he hissed lowly, making Angie's breath start to hitch when he once again let the sly smile spread across his face. "…And I don't~," he then announced, coursing Angie's stomach to sink even deeper as she shook her head in disbelief. "And if I don't care for you, nobody does!" Dustin hissed bitterly making the black scars branch out a slight bit more in the corner of his eyes.
"No!" Angie screamed out and shook her head in panic, refusing to accept what he told her. "It's not true Dustin! I-it's just your condition speaking - You're not yourself! You don't know what you're saying!" she cried and grabbed his jacket in a vain try on making him stay with her.
However, Dustin immediately froze just by her words, jerking his head around to stare at her in somewhat shock. "My condition?" he replied in suspicion. "What the hell do you know about my condition?!" he then shouted, his eyes lightning of rage and his eye sockets turning darker as the scars extended over his cheekbones.
"I know it's eating you up inside and making you act differently than you really want to!" Angie cried with her nails dogged deeply into his jacket, rejecting to let go even though he tried to pull away. "I know you're balancing on the edge Dustin and I want to help you!"
"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!" Dustin shouted and finally pushed her hands away from him, the scars in his face growing darker the more he let his anger go through. "I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY, NOR YOUR PATHETIC COMPASSION!" He screamed at her with violent moves of his arms.
Although Angie didn't want to, she flinched when he suddenly grabbed her face and held it between his hands, staring straight back into her eyes in icy rage. "Can't you just get it?! - I don't fucking care anymore!" he hissed harshly, holding her face so tight that she had to grab his wrists in order to be able to breathe still. "I don't fucking care about you, nor anything else!"
Felling the fury and frustration mix with her grief and anxiety, Angie clenched Dustin's wrists so hard that his hands turned blue. "You should care – you should fucking care Dustin!" She hissed back at him before shouting. "I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING I AM! – EVERY INCH OF MY BODY I GAVE TO YOU FOR YOUR OWN LITTERAL FUCKING USE AND YOU PAY ME BACK LIKE THIS?! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!" She shrieked with steam rising from her cheeks after the tears that floated like waterfalls down her face.
But Dustin just shook his head with a disdainful laughter, although his voice were shaking when he spoke. "So fucking what?" he whispered, his voice almost sounding fragile at a moment, as if multiple feelings were overlapping inside him.
Nevertheless, it was the carelessness that shined through the most. "Are you really this naïve and pitiable that you believe that fact will change anything the least?" he spoke harshly, making Angie grit her teeth and burrow her nails deeply into the skin of his arm.
She wanted to shove him away. Let him get lost in hell or wherever he wanted. Let him burn up in rage or let his own despair eat him out, till he was nothing but an empty shell of rot and decay. Let him remain a long forgotten nightmare – a shadow unworthy her care which she wouldn't ever have to confront again. She just wanted to let him disappear entirely – vanish out of her brain as if he never even existed.
But she couldn't. She couldn't let him go and she hated herself for it. Heck she couldn't even make herself stop clutching his wrists, frightened as ever that he would leave her in this state of deject and misery for all eternity.
Despite everything he said and everything he had done, she wanted him to stay, more than anything. Wanted him to smile at her the way he used to, tease her the way he used to, even yell at her the way he used to when she had done something wrong in their training lessons. Everything he used to be – the bad tempered, sarcastic and overall provocative Dustin she knew and had grown to love – that was the guy she held onto – that was the guy she wanted back so terribly.
But as she stood there, with tears of distress blurring her vision, she came to understand that the person she had been stupid enough to fall in love with, was long gone, and the boy that mounted in front of her was just an empty hull. The guy she had befriended all those years ago, was now replaced with a disturbing fraud wearing his skin as a coat to cover the horrifying and twisted darkness inside him. A monster.
The Dustin she knew was as good as dead. It was a thought that filled her entire body with terror.
Not able to control her sobbing and crying, Angie didn't dare to let her eyes escape from Dustin's pale face, although what she saw was unfamiliar to her. "What the heck have you done to the Dustin I used to love? He's still in there! – I know! - Tell me he's in there! I WANT HIM BACK!" she shouted in panic and grasped Dustin's collar to shake him in frustration, but all she got was a rough grip around her hands and a contemptuous laugher, that would haunt her in her sleep.
"And what if he is?~ He didn't love you either!" Dustin said scornfully and squeezed her fists harshly. Angie's whole body tensed up in discomfort when the dark-haired boy leaned in closer, whispering rasping into her ear as uncomfortable chills ran down her back. "And no one truly will~… Not when you're a monster like me~,"
With these words, Dustin let go of Angie's hands whom fell limply along her sides, her face frozen in shock and final realization. And so, after all her screaming, struggling and fighting, Angie once and for all gave up. Gave up on her relation to Jim. Gave up on Dustin. Gave up on herself. Allowing the tears to stream down her face, the redhead broke down entirely, feeing her legs give in as she fell to her knees, bending in over herself with her face hidden in her hands.
Much had she been through in her life, but never in her wildest fantasies, had she thought it would be possible to feel so low. So disgusted by herself. So hopelessly lots.
As Dustin walked away, she stayed curled up on the ground, not even caring about the rain that soaked her clothes and made her body shake even more than it already did in sorrow and fright. She felt no reason to stand. No reason to carry on. No reason in anything at all.
She just gave up.
. . .