PRM ch36

A/n: So, FINALLY I'm back with another chapter. I am so, so sorry for the lengthy delay and I could give you all excuse after excuse. But, I won't. Just know that I am diligently back into writing this fic...like I have it all mapped out and I've got partial chapters written for the next 4 chapters.

The next chapter should be up this weekend... I am anticipating that this fic will be completed within the next two weeks. JSYK.

I have to give MAJOR, MAJOR props and my eternal gratitude to lvtwilight09 and my beloved beta, Bnjwl. They really, really held my neurotic hand, pushed me and calmed me to make this and the next few chapters all that are. Without them I would truly be lost on this fic. And, that would suck because it's my most favorite fic I've written to date.

Now, enough my of blabber...

EPOV

Later that night as I lay in bed I couldn't help but recall Bella's story about her mother. After hearing it, I was even more grateful to her for all the help she'd given me. I could only imagine the hurt it would have caused my parents if I had lost my life in all of this.

I suddenly realized that this was the longest I had gone without speaking to Tanya in almost five long years and it felt like a huge boulder lay right across my chest. The panic and fear felt like it was stuck in my throat.

What if she had sold the videotapes to the tabloids? What if she had taken her evidence to the police?

She had DNA evidence, and a rape kit with my semen. When you combine that with the pictures and video to back up her claims, it was more than I could explain or make anyone else understand what really happened.

I had been sick for days after she'd shown it all to me. She had me by the balls and she knew it.

Then, to top it all off, she'd showed me the pictures as someone watched my parents. You could see the rifle aimed right at them. It was easy to understand that she planned to have my parents killed if I didn't follow her rules. I now knew that was her ace in the hole.

I never had the option to simply walk away. She took all of that away when she brought my family into this. She knew that would hold me to her longer than anything else she could ever have on me. I hated her with every fiber of my being for bringing them into this. More than I hated her for all she did to me. Much more.

I couldn't stop the tears that built up and fell freely down my cheeks. I turned onto my side and my blurry eyes fell upon the last family portrait we'd had taken.

It was taken at Catalina Island on the last summer vacation that we'd taken before I met Tanya. We all laughed at something someone had said. Our faces smiled larger than I had ever seen. The sun was high, we were on the beach and we were obviously happy.

I miss that family. I miss that feeling. I miss myself and who I was with them...before Tanya.

I vowed that never again would I allow anyone in my life to take those things from me. I also knew that I had to figure out a way to get back into the loving family that I once had, again. They loved me and wanted me in their lives; I was the one that had removed myself from the equation, because of that bitch.

Now, I had to set all my energy to repair what I'd allowed to be broken. I owed my parents and sister that much.

I let my mind wander to Bella. She was so kind and cared so much; it was easy to see why she was so good at her job. I could but only hope that she was safe tonight. It made my heart hurt for the pain she went through with the death of her mother. I felt terrible that I had caused her to relive that pain all over again, I hoped that she could forgive me and that she was still willing to be friends with me once all this was over.

I heard a soft knock on the door and it startled me awake, "Who is it?" I managed to say though the sleep was still evident in my voice.

"It's mom, time to get up, Edward." She said before she opened the door slightly to peek in on me.

"Oh, what time is it?" I asked as I ran a hand through my hair before my hand hit my stitches and I winced.

"Are you in pain, son?" Esme said as she came to sit on the side of my bed. Her soft, caring hands cradled my cheek.

"Not really, just painful to think about the events that put it there." I said as I closed my eyes.

Her eyes filled with tears, "I'm so happy you're home, my baby boy." Her soft voice washed over me and I remembered my vow to myself last night so I leaned into her touch.

"I've missed you, mom." I whispered as my own tears flooded my eyes.

She leaned down and hugged me. I don't think I remember ever being held so tightly as we shared that tender moment.

When she straightened back up, she smiled and said, "Better get ready quickly, Bella will be here in less than an hour." She patted my cheek one more time and then got up to leave the room.

"Breakfast is almost ready." Esme said then closed the door behind her.

Thirty minutes later I had showered and dressed. Dread filled my body as I thought of what I had ahead of me today. More physical therapy, some more head therapy and to make it all the more embarrassing, I had to be escorted around by Bella to all of it.

As I made my way slowly down the stairs I reminded myself that she was a friend who went of her way to help me, it sucked to have to rely on someone, but I ws glad it was her today.

I walked into the kitchen to find my whole family huddled together in a louder than I'm sure they meant to whisper conversation.

"Good Morning everyone." I said with as much cheer as I could muster.

They all stood up straight and attempted to smile like they hadn't just been in a heated discussion, albeit a quiet one.

"Everything okay?" I asked, suddenly fearful that something had happened while I slept through the night.

"No, son. Your mom is just worried about how things will go down tonight." My dad's eyes met mine. He held strong and looked at me as if he expected me to do the same.

I had to, for my mom's peace of mind so I gave my dad a small head nod of consent.

"Mom, I trust Jake. He won't put dad in harms way." I said and sat down at the bar next to Alice. My attempt at nonchalance must have been successful as I grabbed a piece of toast because mom relaxed a little, at least according to her slightly softened stance.

Esme wiped her eyes and nodded before she let go of dad's arm to pour me a cup of coffee.

The doorbell rang and Alice squealed that she'd get it while the other three of us laughed at her sudden enthusiasm. I actually smiled at the small piece of familiarity with my family.

Alice skipped back into the room, her arm draped through Bella's as Alice drug her along.

"Look who I found on our doorstep." My little sister announced with a smile.

"Good Morning." Bella said as a faint blush crept up her cheeks. I had never noticed her do that before.

It helped me come to the conclusion that she was actually rather beautiful and natural. I felt my own blush heat up my cheeks at that realization.

It had been a long time since I had felt that emotion, desire.

I smiled at her as she greeted my family with a round of hugs before she sat down next to me. . Her butt hit the stool beside me and I felt my body sway from the impact her shoulder made with mine. When I looked up at her, she smiled and blushed a little deeper shade of red. I was struck, again, by all the things that life had to offer but I had missed by being with Tanya. My existence was so stark and plain with Tanya. I missed all of the big and small ways that life touched you and you touched other's lives around you.

"Good Morning, Edward." Her voice was as soft and gentle as her eyes were when they met mine.

"Good Morning to you, too, Bella." My shaky voice responded.

I picked up my piece of toast and went about preparing to eat it as Bella sat on one side of me and my sister on the other. It kind of felt surreal and I had to fight to keep my breathing under control.

"You better get a move on if we're going to make it to your appointment in time." Bella said quietly as she lifted her coffee cup for a drink.

"Almost done." I replied before I finished off my toast.

Thirty minutes later we were in Bella's car on our way to my first appointment of the day.

I sat there in the silence and struggled for something to talk to Bella about, this was an unusual circumstance for me. I hadn't had free time or thoughts for years, much less someone to talk freely too. I felt like a child because of my limited experience and knowledge for the past few years. I felt out of touch.

"Thank you for taking care of me today, Bella." I finally said and let out a deep breath. I know this theme seemed to make several appearances lately, but it felt so nice to be able to speak freely about whatever came to my mind.

"Edward, you don't have to thank me, it was really my pleasure. I enjoy spending time with you." She said as she gave me a quick glance and a smile.

I know that I blushed at her comment.

"Really?" The word slipped out of my mouth before I realized it.

She gave a little laugh, "Yes, really. You are an amazing man." She said softer than she laughed.

I didn't know how to respond to that and thankfully we had just pulled up to the Psychiatrist office so I did'n't have too.

I took a deep breath and grasped the door handle. I felt her small hand on my forearm as a form of encouragement while my left hand gripped tightly to my jeans. The panic and fear were evident on every single part of my body.

"Relax, Edward. No one here will hurt you. I'll be right outside in the waiting room." I turned to see her soft eyes shine with nothing but honesty and care.

"Thank you." I whispered and took a few breaths before I felt strong enough to open the door.

My brain sent constant reminders that I needed to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, and even sometimes one minute at a time. But at times that wasn't enough.

A/n: He's trying...but he still has a long way to go...hang on my lovelies...it's about to really start in ch37...don't say I didn't warn ya;)

Tootles, Kyla