33. Gordon

It hadn't been the first night I had stayed awake all night, nor the last. It also was not the first time I had stayed up all night with Angela curled up against me. But, it was the first time for both under such circumstances.

I had never been able to just watch her sleep and be perfectly safe. We had always either been safe, or not safe.

It was a gift.

She was so peaceful when she slept. Curled up on her side and pressed up as close as physically possible to me as she could get. Before it had been close, it had been great. Suddenly it wasn't close enough anymore.

I watched her sleep so peacefully and knew that Hoot was right. Sex changed everything. She wasn't just my friend, dependant, companion, confidant, wife and girlfriend; now she was more. He had told me everything would change. In his own little twisted way he had warned me about jumping too quick, by the grace of God alone I had listened. The man knew more about relationships then he chose to let on.

"A'ight G, I don't know why you ain't you know, romantically involved with the Mrs.'s. But if you ain't there don't push it. You got good what you got man. She's your friend. She's your chef. She does the laundry and cleanin and don't ask no questions when you come home late all muddy. So you got to be patient man, trust me, if you push an she ain't ready, it'll be all weird. Believe me on that G. You see G, we men, we don't need no emotional attachment to have sex. That's the blessin of a one-night stand. However, once you got a gem then it's ok to wait. Sex can complicate the hell outta stuff."

From a man who ate fried chicken gizzards, he was good. Better then any Army Shrink I had to speak with.

She moved in her sleep. Turning so she was somewhere between on her stomach and side, curled up in a ball so her face lay between the mattress and my arm. She never woke up when I touched her. I pushed her loose hair away from her face. I traced the visible scars on her arms and collarbone with my fingertips. Sometimes I wondered what she was dreaming about. Did she dream about me? Did she dream about having children? Did she dream about traveling or a normal childhood?

My eyes looked up at the clock on the floor.

It glowed at me, 4:17.

At 4:30 I had to go out for PT. I had two Rangers who would expect me to be there for a nice five mile run. Every last bit of my soul told me not to go. My body agreed whole-heartedly.

I wanted nothing more then to just lay in bed with her all curled up, comfortable and warm. Well, that wasn't true. I would have also wanted to wake her up and maybe have some quality time. But there wasn't enough time. I didn't want a quickie. She deserved more then a hasty ten minutes and I wanted more then a lousy ten minutes.

My fingertips traced upwards to her lips. Over the curve of her bottom lip. She had such smooth skin. It was softer then mine. It usually smelled flowery too. I inched down and smelled her hair. It smelled like her, it smelled like flowers from whatever shampoo she used.

It had been decided and was only further confirmed, we were getting remarried. It was set in my mind. I'd have to pick a time, preferably sooner. Maybe before we testified. I would settle for after. She wouldn't care when. It probably wasn't a big deal to her. She would do it to make me happy and that should have made me feel guilty, I should have felt like shit. Asking for a re-wedding to make me feel at peace when the wife didn't care one way or another.

It brought such words as selfish and childish to mind.

Yet I didn't care.

I stared at her and didn't feel married. I didn't feel like a husband. I wanted that feeling. I felt like a boyfriend. The ring on my finger was little more then decorative. I wanted a new ceremony where the vows I took meant something entirely different. I had taken them to heart before, but I was a different person then.

I looked back at the red numbers, 4:26.

As carefully as I could I reached over and popped the alarm clock. It didn't need to go off and possible wake her up.

When I finally got out of bed I tried very hard to do so without waking her up. She looked so content sound asleep.

I got to my feet and to the duffel bag that held my clothes. Once I unpacked we'd be moving into a house, so I didn't bother. I grabbed a pair of shorts and briefs then pulled them on, didn't need to be flashing the base.

Next came a shirt and socks followed by my sneakers.

With one last look at her I headed out.

10:32

I was irritated.

I wasn't mad, but just annoyed. Of all the nights for a wargame. Of all the nights in the past years of my being a Ranger. We have a war game the one night I start having sex. I swore the Lt. Colonel had it out for me.

All around me my guys, Hoot's guys, Sanderson's guys, and Steele's guys were changing, calling there significant others, and bitching in the locker room.

I'd call Angela later.

I was too annoyed to talk to anyone and I didn't want to talk to her like that. I'd call her once I calmed down.

I threw my dirty shirt into the locker without folding it. It might be an hour or so before I called her. After that assessment I looked at the inside of my locker door. It only assured me that I needed to wait. The pictures were of us, of her, and she was always smiling.

There was one of us at Myrtle Beach, the first beach she had ever seen.

There was one of us at my graduation from boot camp and Ranger training.

One of us at Disney World with guys from boot camp, which had been a trip to remember.

Then my personal favorite, a picture I had gotten of her with her camera waking up. In nothing more then one of my green camo t-shirts. Her then brown hair all tousled and a annoyed grin on her face from when she realized I had the camera.

It was my favorite.

Somehow it always put me in a good mood.

Which was what I needed.

Beside me someone hit the locker pretty hard and then someone landed on him. The someone was Hoot and the him Sanderson.

I gazed at the both of them in various states of undress from the drills we had just been part of. Sanderson had pants on and a shirt in hand. Hoot had a towel around his waist.

"We was thinkin," he told me.

I rolled my eyes and turned back to my locker to continue my search for a shirt, "All dirty thoughts I assume?"

There were no sex jokes.

No penis jokes.

No questions about my love life.

No bragging about the Groupies from the party.

This got my attention.

Sanderson spoke up, "Look, something has just been on my mind about that defense attorney for scumbag. How did he find your apartment to leave his card?"

I found a shirt. It was black, no good.

"We're on the prosecutions witness list."

Hoot shoved Sanderson off him and opened his locker, two down from mine. Someone grabbed his towel and he began to swear at them.

Sanderson leant closer and whispered, "No. This was before…remember?"

I tried, couldn't, so I just agreed, "Ok."

"How did they find your exact apartment number?"

Ok, I could see where he was going with this. I looked at him. Trying very hard to ignore Hoot's screaming. Sanderson could see my expression, so he told me, "I looked into it and found out that the lawyer was on base here talking with our Captain and Rangers, most of which have told him to piss off. All except one Ranger."

He had my complete attention, "Are you saying a Ranger on base gave me up?"

He nodded.

I was pissed off now, there would be no calling Angela till later. I had to know who the hell the Ranger was and then call him on his mistake.

"Who the hell is it?"

Sanderson was silent for a moment.

Not because Hoot just happened to run by, after whoever had stolen his beloved towel.

Steele just happened to walk by and Sanderson grabbed my arm, "Look. Before you attack anyone, lets just remember that prior to you getting accepted into selection you and Steele were both up for consideration for Captain later this year. It's politics and nothing else, he was just exploiting your weakness."

I was well aware that Angela was my weakness.

"He sold me out in order to make Captain? A position I don't even want?"

Sanderson wasn't happy about it.

He added, "He's a politician G. He wants to advance and he didn't hurt you. He just told the lawyer where you could be found, remember that."

I would remember that.

I was so pissed and Sanderson was still holding my arm. I looked at my arm and then him. Sanderson told me, "You're emotional and lack finesse. I'm not letting go till I'm positive you won't destroy your career."

Fine.

I'd play his eloquent game.

"Steele!" I shouted above the noisy locker room, while I grabbed Sanderson's clean shirt. We were the same size and Sanderson always had a surplus in his locker.

The man turned at his locker a mere fifteen feet away, "Yes?"

"Have you heard if you'll make Captain? If you want to be sure I am not in the running I'll let you borrow my fake birth certificate. Or better yet, come on up north with me and record my testimony, that'll guarantee you'll not have me to worry about later this year."

Beside me Sanderson groaned and sagged against the locker.

Steele's eyes were round as pool balls. The man was at a loss for words, along with half the locker-room. I definitely lacked finesse…or whatever Sanderson had said I lacked.