Thirty-six

Having lost a little over seven pounds by the time she reaches Atlantic City she knows it is noticeable as the media is suggesting she had miscarried. She knew she didn't need to lose any weight yet really could she complain? She was apart of Hollywood now and being compared to those stick-thin girls was hard.

Shane is surprisingly already at the hotel when she arrives and instantly she jumps into his arms and kisses him hard, hopes he doesn't notice that her voice is slightly raspy when she says hello and that she missed him.

"You're lighter," He chuckles, setting her down, "I have missed you so god damn much."

Instantly she feels relief, happy that he can hold her tightly and just love her. Here she was being stupid when this boy in front of her loved her with everything he had. Yet she just feels so ashamed, so embarrassed that she cannot dare tell him why she feels lighter to him.

"Brown said the label wants us to return to Europe to tour and that this promo trip will be good for me. Apparently it's a good idea to include you guys too so they can experience your latest album as well."

"Yeah, we had a phone meeting the other night. Seems like they want us to sign on soon. I can't see any excuse as to why not."

"Neither." She says softly, pulls him in closer to kiss him again, "I cannot wait to have you all to myself tonight."

"Your tone is a rather suggestive one Miss Torres." He smirks, hands trail under her shirt.

"Well maybe I am suggesting that you have your way with me tonight."

"Why tonight? You don't have soundcheck for another two hours."

Just like that, every lonely feeling she has had over the last couple of weeks disappears under his touch.

…

She is running on pure adrenaline by the time her last show for the American leg of the tour is over, tells the crowd she loves them so much before heading off the stage and being whisked off to the airport with Shane and Caitlyn.

Arriving in San Francisco, Mitchie is surprised that paparazzi is there like they know they were coming. She feels full from the food on the flight and she is doing her best not to think about it and to concentrate on Shane and not the photographers' flashes.

Whether she likes it or not, the photos will be all over the internet in a matter of an hour or so.

Shane squeezes her hand tightly and as soon as they are in the privacy of a hotel room, she wants more than to break down and tell him everything. But she doesn't want to let him down, doesn't want to disappoint him. She loves him and just wants him to love her.

The moment they are in their hotel room, Mitchie heads for the bathroom and has to splash some water on her face. She could not purge her meal with Shane on the other side of the door in a hotel room of all places. He just couldn't know and in all honesty she didn't know how he would react, if he would be so understanding this time.

Staring at herself in the mirror for just a little too long, Mitchie comes out the bathroom and wipes a small smile on her face. Shane is on the couch with the television on already and she joins him, snuggles into his side and truly smiles as he wipes an arm around her.

"You honestly have no idea as to how much i've missed you." She murmurs into his chest and just waits for a response, almost like if she lets go of him he'll disappear, "How much I needed you."

"I know," He responds softly, pulls her across into his lap, "At least when we next tour it'll be together. We sign on when we're home next week."

"I know. When are the dates?" She knows they will miss Camp Rock this year sadly as a result, but she has kind of made peace with it. There wasn't really anything she could do but not sign on for the tour.

"We leave at the end of July and it will last six weeks."

"At least that's six weeks of us together. More shows, more cities right?"

"Right. And that means more you for me."

She kisses him lightly, hands at his chest and his scent smelling like strawberries, "You've been using my body-wash." She notes with a small laugh, notes the crease when he gives her a lopsided smile.

He takes her out to Alcatraz the next day, just the two of them. Emerged into a crowd of tourists with their sunglasses on they barely stand out, and Mitchie has never been more relieved in her life. The days where she just strived to fit in before Camp Rock were long gone now, even if she wanted to now it really wasn't going to be an option most days.

The moment they're wearing the dodgy little headsets for the tour, Mitchie is unable to focus completely. Her hand is interlaced with Shane's and she cannot pinpoint why she feels the way she does, why she cannot just feel happy. Of course she was happy to be alone with him and doing something normal, happy to be with him in general really. It just seemed so complicated.

Somewhere between looking through cells and at the dining area, Shane pulls her aside slightly to a little crook where they can go by slightly unnoticed. He holds his face in his hands, strokes her cheeks gently with his thumbs, "Thank you for coming out here for me, I know how exhausted you must be from touring."

"You came out for the beginning of mine, plus I wouldn't want to be home right now without you."

He kisses her softly and she savours his taste before pulling away to stare into his eyes and just take him in. She runs her fingers through his hair, glad it had grown out a bit so there was something to hold onto, whispers she loves him.

If they could have moments like this, uninterrupted in public like a semi-normal couple every now and then everything would be okay.

As they make their way outside and get a good look at the bay, Mitchie takes it all in. The fresh air, the freedom of it all.

"Get a load of this, 'Warning: Persons procuring or concealing escape of prisoners are subject to prosecution and imprisonment.'" Shane reads off a sign, "Imagine being so crazy to try and escape and swim across the water."

"I'd make it maybe half a mile." Mitchie chuckles, rests her head on his shoulder.

He wraps an arm around her, kisses her forehead and decide to just sit there and admire the view for a little while longer.

After a huge dinner at The Cheescake Factory that night, Mitchie is more than full. She feels ill. They were leaving early the next morning and Shane was in one of his bandmate's room which is how Mitchie finds herself hovering over the toilet bowl. Contemplating what to do.

A whole flock of reporters had found them after dinner and were wanting to know how the loss of their baby was affecting them. The pure idea that anyone would believe she was pregnant was ridiculous, yet they wouldn't stop hounding her about that among other things. Her music, her family, her tour. Shane.

With everything in her life, the fame and the media...she just needs to be in control of something. She honestly just had to maintain this image of looking perfect. Of being this role model to all her fans.

The worst part is that she doesn't even feel guilty when Shane returns to the room half an hour later. She's just wearing one of his shirts, her hair tied up in a messy bun and on her phone tweeting fans.

"You look beautiful." Shane says matter-of-factly, like it's just a casual thing, like she really is beautiful.

Her legs are looking longer because they're definitely skinnier and Mitchie in a bad way feels good about the weight-loss.

"And you're too sweet, come to bed. Snuggle with me." It's a request basically, one he is glad to follow through with though.

By the time she's ready to sleep, she's just staring at the hotel alarm clock next to the bed and watching it slowly change. She's due up in a little over five hours and to put it bluntly, she's freaking exhausted. Yet for some reason she is over-analysing everything in her mind, it just won't shut off.

They're off to Portland, Oregon on the earliest flight and really she could easily be flying home, but she doesn't want to.

It's when they arrive the next morning that the executives from Hot Tunes are waiting for them at the venue. Mitchie wants to venture to where the tour buses were meeting them but she can't, it's all business. Signing contracts to confirm the European tour with the boys, Mitchie is more than relieved to be able to go lay down in the boy's dressing room (much closer than the buses).

The couch is surprisingly comfortable, Caitlyn had flown home to see her parents that morning and Hayley had gone home also just for a few days to see family. It's not for long that she's able to relax as the president of Hot Tunes himself soon knocks on the door and enters.

"Hi Danny." She greets him as she sits up to be polite.

"How are things?"

"Good, exhausting, but good."

"Just thought i'd see how you were going after your first headlining tour."

"It's just indescribable, it all feels like a dream still. In a couple weeks or so i'm doing promo tour in London then have a few weeks off before touring in South America."

"You have big things ahead of you, i'm impressed how you're handling it all. It must be overwhelming."

"It honestly is."

"How are you and Shane going?"

"Good." She answers before really thinking, "We're making things work."

"Fans love the two of you together, Shane is the front man of the band after all and you are a star in your own right these days. This may seem awkward coming from me...just please don't do anything to jeopardise your careers, please don't make any rash decisions. I'm always a phone call away if you need to discuss things."

"I'm not planning on having his baby or getting married to him anywhere in the near future if that's what you are getting at. I love him more than anything but i'm not even nineteen yet. I'm still a teenager technically."

"I'm alerted to what the media say about the both of you everyday and i've been in the business long enough to know when the stories are false. You have some past demons don't you?" He questions her gently, indicates to her wrist.

Reluctantly she nods and Danny just gets it and doesn't push her any further, she couldn't be more thankful.

"I see even more amazing things in your future, Mitchie. I personally will help you anyway I can along the way." He just gets it, and Mitchie couldn't be more grateful.

…

The last night of Connect 3's tour brings this overwhelming sense of sadness over Mitchie, she can't quite place it yet she definitely is sort of relieved at the same time that they can go home again for a while.

They're on the first flight back to LA and the moment they're at LAX, it's chaos. She can see Hayley in front of her with Jason, the flashes going off as they dodge questions. Shane is besides her and for once it feels like the attention isn't on them, the newest rumour was that Hayley was pregnant.

By the time the awaiting car has dropped she and Shane off at his apartment, she is more than ready to sleep. She collapses on his bed without a second thought, kicks her shoes off before burying her head into the pillow.

"You going to get changed?" Shane asks, clearly amused. She shakes her head.

Pulling the quilt out from under her, he sits on the edge of the bed and unbuttons her jeans, pulls them off.

"Thanks." She mumbles, turn on her side.

It's not long later that he joins her, snuggles into her and kisses her forehead lightly, "I love you. I'm so glad we got to spend as much time as we could together."

"Is that what every tour will be like that we're not on together?" Mitchie asks softly, lets out a sigh.

"I don't know if I could ever tour at the same time as you again, I think we tour at opposite times of the year."

"How will it work?"

"What do you mean?"

"So let's say five years from now we had a baby and we go on tour with them. We can't raise a baby on a tour bus, let alone be gone for a good six months or so of the year when we're both off touring."

"We wouldn't tour with a young baby, not at least until they're a little older at the very least."

It's this moment, talking about having a baby together. It's what reminds Mitchie that it's just so real, It's hard enough as it is with just the two of us let alone having to add another life to the mix. Mitchie could barely look after herself let alone another human being.

"We'll work it out. It's not like you're pregnant and we have to worry about this anytime soon."

And she just cannot seem to help herself, she cries, just really cries. Buries her head into his chest and just bawls her eyes out.

She just keeps saying she's sorry as he tries to console her, asks her what's wrong.

"It's just so much pressure sometimes."

"I know. Just remember why we do it, why we love sharing our music." She knows he understands completely.

"I do love it, I love it more than anything. It just doesn't seem fair to constantly have people hounding us all the time. For them to be making up stories and just to be waiting for us to stuff up."

He doesn't say anything, just holds her close, kisses her lips gently to try and console her. Mitchie doesn't understand why the small negatives always seem to stick out to her, why the many positives of this lifestyle don't seem to be outweighing the negatives.

…

On Malibu beach two nights later, Mitchie is flabbergasted at the huge stage that has been set up for the boys to perform on as a part of their new music video. The song was being released for their newest album in a few weeks as the first single.

Mitchie hadn't even heard it yet and she watches from afar at all the fans who had turned up for the event. Beach balls are being thrown around by them all in front of the stage and the boys and her are all on an area of the beach behind the stage that has been sectioned off from the public. Caitlyn was there too but was hiding with Nate in a little trailer that had been set up for the boys to change in.

Their band members are sprawled around with some of the big suits from the label, security and Mitchie is surprisingly quite excited, she's really happy for the boys. This is going to be huge for them, you could see why they had been the biggest band that had come out of America the past five years or so.

Shane is talking with Jason and Tommy down by the shore and Mitchie decides to get up and go over to them, Shane instantly wraps his arms around her from behind and she is so happy he doesn't react differently around his brothers and friends when she is with him.

"You guys excited?"

"Extremely." Jason replies.

"Another fifteen minutes until I get to play this new song over and over continuously." Tommy teases. Connect 3 music is playing over the speakers for the crowd

"I just cannot believe that it's chilly down here tonight. It's practically summer." Mitchie comments, glad Shane has his arms wrapped around her. At this, he lets go of her and takes his coat off, puts it on her. It's clearly too big but it does the job, she thanks him and wraps her arms around his side.

"I hope you like the song tonight. Nate and me wrote it about you and Cait. Obviously."

"Obviously." Mitchie giggles as he kisses her forehead, "Cannot wait to hear the song."

A crew member approaches them with Shane's suit jacket for the video and puts it on him, "God I look handsome." He jokes, reaches for her hand, "I guess you look alright in my coat." He teases, winking at her.

Mitchie bursts out laughing, swats his hand away playfully. She actually feels so much happier than she did two nights prior, like nothing matters at all except the two of them right there in that moment.

He pulls her towards him, wraps his arms around her tightly, rests his hands on her behind and gives her that cocky grin of his.

"Mr Grey, I don't think your hands are appropriately placed right now."

"Oh really?" He feigns shock, grabs her firmly.

Laughing she pushes him away again but reaches for his hands, "I love you, you better be singing for me tonight. Am I watching from side stage?"

"You can. Or you could watch from the front of the stage in front of the security barriers with Caitlyn if you don't mind audience shots of you two perhaps showing up in the music video?"

"Well perhaps we will. I better put my best fan-girl act on."

"You were always a fan-girl of mine."

"True. But i'm luckily your fan-girl." She reminds him, wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him deeply. His hands are back on her arse and after leaving him breathless, Mitchie pulls away as she puts her hands on his arse. "How'd you like that?" She teases.

"I like that a lot, i'd like a lot more but unfortunately we're on a beach and there's a couple hundred screaming fans right behind that stage."

"Too bad there's no private dressing room."

What do you think? We are getting closer to the end. But there will be a sequel. :)