Chapter 35: What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted

"So he's a dog," Lauren declared.

Rina shrugged. "Man. Dog. Same difference."

"True," Leah agreed. Too true. When she winked at me I couldn't stop giggling.

"He was such a cute dog though…"

All spotted and sleek, with fur you just wanted to sink your hands into…

"Think of the drool," Leah reminded me.

"And the leaving you for another woman," Jessica said.

"Dog," I agreed. "Bad dog."

"Why can't they help it?" Lauren demanded from the world at large. She was over the breakup, except when lots of alcohol was involved. "How hard is it to keep it in your pants? I mean, sometimes I want something a little different, but I then I just pull out a vibrator and problem solved. Why can't guys do that?"

"They're made for betrayal," Rina said. At first, she had been uncomfortable (I should have remembered she and Leah hadn't met under the best circumstances). Then, as the night wore on, she had turned bitter. She and Lauren were having a contest over who could hate men more.

"Why do other women sleep with guys with girlfriends?" Katie said. "Because they can."

"He's downgraded," Jessica assured me. "Stupid whore."

"If he even told her," Lauren said.

I bet he did; he could be honest with her.

"It only took her four hours not to care you existed," Leah said. "Bitch."

"What does she care about someone she's never met when she can have him?"

The five of them groaned. Lauren even tossed a napkin at me. I think I was missing the point of the exercise. I just...she hadn't asked for him. She was just a lot luckier than I was.

"At least Emily made him wait a while before she jumped his bones," Leah said. Out-drinking the rest of us put together she was still probably the most sober.

"Embry told me the story, once. After our first night together." I had to have another sip of whatever it was Jessica kept giving me. It had stopped burning long ago and now just made the world spin pleasantly. "Said you were like sisters, once. Before she took you boyfriend."

"Still are," Leah said. "I was even her Maid of Honor."

"Boo," Lauren said.

"Hiss," agreed Jessica.

"Did she make you wear an ugly dress?" Katie asked.

"Nope. Well, yes, but I still looked damn good."

"Angela," Jessica said. Trying to focus on me, she repeated the word a couple times. Then: "If you ever decide to stand up at Embry's wedding I will beat you with a frying pan."

"And then we'll tie you up in your trunk and drive away," Katie said.

"And then beat you with a frying pan some more," Lauren said. "Until we fix your brain damage."

"Hey," Leah snapped. "I had good reasons."

"No, honey," Jessica said. "You didn't."

"You don't even know the story."

"It's a sad story," I murmured. I didn't want to hear it. But Leah seemed to need to tell it so I let her talk. She was like her brother; her voice drew me in. I could only hope that this time I wouldn't get my heart broken into a million tiny pieces.

The story started with two girls, close for cousins, proud of the blood they shared. When the boy entered the story it wasn't a problem, just a part of growing up. The future Leah described then was beautiful, the kind of future I had wanted with Embry. And then one day, a not very special day, Leah had gone to school and Sam wasn't there.

Sam was always there.

They couldn't find him for weeks. It was Emily who sat with her cousin, until Leah couldn't cry anymore, worried about the boy she loved. It was Emily who told her not to give up hope and promised that whatever happened, everything would be okay. When Sam came back I rejoiced with her, though I knew how the story ended. At least he was safe.

"We had one night together," she told us, her mind very far away, back in his arms, "And then Emily came over the next day. I suppose the one good thing was that I didn't know it was the beginning of the end at the time."

Emily made him stay away, at first, you see (Leah said) because she had seen how much her cousin loved the handsome boy from La Push and Emily was always a loyal friend. But Sam needed someone to talk to and it couldn't be Leah, it had to be Emily, so—

"Why couldn't he tell you?" Katie demanded. "You were his girlfriend."

Leah looked to me, looking for an answer. I had none to give.

"Antiquated traditions?" Rina offered.

It was just a Quileute thing. How I hated those words!

Leah nodded and continued.

Still, Emily refused him. Even after Leah realized Sam didn't want to be with her anymore and promptly dumped him, Emily refused him. She stood by her own, Emily, no matter what, because she loved them so much. So when Sam wanted her she refused him. She was cruel in her speech, cruel the way she had learned to be from her cousin, and maybe that's why Sam...

"She got hurt," Leah said. "Really badly. She could have died and I thought she deserved it because I'm such a—Sam was the one who was devastated. More than devastated. Suicidal, terrified out of his mind that he would lose her. She had to go to him, to save him. Neither of us could live without him, you see. So they lived happily ever after. The end."

"But maid of honor?" Jessica repeated.

"I lost him. I wasn't about to lose her, too."

I stood up; well, maybe crawled was the better word. But somehow I got across the carpet and to Leah's side to hug her. It wasn't much, but it was something.

"Stupid story if you ask me," Lauren said. "You should have never spoken to either of them again."

"Not speaking doesn't really work for me," Leah admitted.

"And it wasn't their fault," I said. Again there was a volley of napkins, but this time I didn't care. It wasn't their fault—it was a Quileute thing, or maybe a witch thing, but it was not Emily's fault and it wasn't Sam's fault and it wasn't Leah's fault. It wasn't Seth's fault. It wasn't Embry's fault.

It wasn't even Marian's fault.

"You fail at hating him," Jessica said sadly.

"It's the world's fault," I declared. "For being the way it is."

"You can't change the world," Rina said.

The drink she gave me certainly helped change my perspective.

Ouch.

"But as pathetic as that was—" Rina hadn't forgotten their first meeting yet "—let me tell you the story of how I was dumped the day before my wedding. The bastard lit my dress on fire, too, and I'd still—they make us absolutely pathetic."

"So true," Lauren agreed. "There is a very sad, sad tale of how I took him back even though he cheated on me—three freaking times."

It was a tough competition, but Rina had secrets she couldn't tell, so Lauren ended up winning. I think. I don't quite remember.

"Tell me about Jacob."

The others were asleep. I don't know how I was still awake at that point; I know I was only still upright because Leah had a very pointy shoulder.

"What about Jacob?" she asked as she took another swing of something.

"What about Jacob?"

She snorted, but told me. Maybe I really was that pathetic. Maybe she just wanted someone to tell.

"Well, after Seth went to Seattle and my mother started doing unspeakable things with Bella's dad I told Jake I was going to move in with him. It made sense," she said defensively. "We worked together, we organized patrols together, we got along...if he needed to spend the day with Nessie I could watch Billy. It made sense."

"Complete sense."

"It was good. Really good. Great. I just…I spent so much time with him that I didn't really have time to find a guy. I don't like being alone—I blame my mother. We ran together, we fought together, we cooked together...we did everything together. So one day, I said it would make sense if we started sleeping together. It made sense."

"Complete sense."

But I only said that because I was drunk.

Leah knew; she wouldn't look at me anymore.

"He was a guy. Of course he said yes. Only…" Leah rested her head on top of my head. "Even then we both knew it wasn't just about the sex. He was the Alpha—you don't even know what that means to us. And he was like boss and my best friend and gorgeous...but we told ourselves that it didn't really matter."

"I'm sure that's what he told himself."

Just thinking about him made her laugh. "Yeah. He wanted...from the beginning he wanted it to mean more than it ever could. She just kept growing and he kept saying it didn't matter and I told him of course it didn't matter. We weren't together. He wasn't anything to me. I had to move to Seattle to make him believe me for half a second, but even then…he should have listened to me when we had the chance."

"You're sorry?"

"No. That's saddest thing of all. If I could do it again I'd…the only thing I'd do differently is…" her voice cracked a little as she fought down tears, "I'd stay in La Push and we'd have more time together. How sad is that?"

"It's not, Leah," I promised as she cried. "It's not. It's just love and it hurts sometimes."

"That's stupid."

And since Embry was with her and not with me, I had to agree.

I woke up the next morning with a terrible headache made all the worse by the arrival of people on my doorstep. Taking down the wards took more effort than usual, but I didn't want to borrow any power from my guests, so I woke Rina enough so she could take them down before she fell back asleep. Then I went to get a glass of water because I needed something.

Jacob and Quil could wait.

They didn't even knock; thankfully, they knew that I knew they were there. I was coming. After the water, I went to open the door. Slowly, because if I went quickly I might trip and I didn't want to wake my sleeping guests.

The morning light was not my friend.

"Sorry," Jacob said. He even kept his voice down. I didn't ask him what the apology was for. "Leah here?"

"She's still sleeping."

"Can we grab her and go? Sue wants to see her."

I gestured to the couch and moved aside so Jacob could slip past me into the room. For such a large man, he made no noise at all as he headed towards Leah. It was disconcerting.

"How's Embry?" I asked Quil.

"Okay. Claire misses you. We all miss you."

It was the best he could do.

"Thank you."

"Yeah." He scratched the back of his head. "Hey, Ang? I know you don't really want to be doing us favors, but if you could just talk to the kid…he feels really shitty about what happened."

"I'll talk to him," I agreed. I wouldn't have been able to the other day, but despite the way my stomach was clenching, I felt better today. The poison had been sucked out. I couldn't hate life, but I wasn't going to hate anyone, either. It was no one's fault.

"Thanks."

"She's going to talk to Seth?" Jacob asked as he came back, Leah cradled in his arms. For such a big woman, she looked awfully delicate resting there. "Thank you."

"He's been a little bitch since the love of his life up and left him," Leah muttered, burying her head further into Jacob's chest, trying to block out the light.

"He hasn't been that bad," Jacob said, egging her on.

"Please. He almost started crying when their stupid song came on the radio."

"He did," Quil said. "It was embarrassing."

"He and Edward had a song?" Jacob sighed.

"They had three," Quil said.

"Watch her legs when you go through the door," I warned Jacob as they moved to head out.

"I've got her."

Leah groaned. "I hate you."

"I know," he said tenderly. "I can't wait to spend the day with you, now that you haven't gotten your beauty rest."

She said some things that I couldn't repeat and then the three of them left. I hurried to put on some tea. Something had to be done about my head.

Word must have spread around the reservation that I was now up to seeing visitors. As I was working at my table during the afternoon (or, more accurately, waiting for my headache to subside), there was a knock on the door, one far more timid than the one this morning. And then there was another knock, this one sure and demanding. The door was going to be opened, one way or another.

It made me smile, a little, the way the werewolves were predictable.

Kim and Rachel stood at my door.

A little behind them Paul hovered awkwardly. I knew it was Paul (they didn't look much alike, really) but still my heart leapt. The pain that followed, as I stuffed the foolish hope away, at least made my hangover a little more bearable.

"Hi," Kim said. "We were hoping…"

Her brown eyes gazed at me beseechingly. I think she was looking for forgiveness. Since there was nothing to forgive, I just hugged her hello.

"We're going for coffee," Rachel said. "You should come."

"Please," Kim said.

"You'll never be able to work after what Leah gave you to drink if you don't have caffeine," Rachel explained.

So I agreed.

Paul and Rachel kept up most of the conversation. I had noticed Rachel was getting better, but that day was the first time I think I really got to meet Rachel Lahote. There was still the sharpness I had seen at the cliff and the gentleness I had seen when she played with her son, but now there wasn't the drift between the two. There was a woman who argued with her husband in public more than I think I had ever disagreed with anyone in my entire lifetime, but they both seemed to enjoy the banter and whenever I ventured to take sides, the other immediately pointed out how utterly wrong I was.

It was because I had dared tease Paul that she told me that no man was worth wearing sneakers for. I hadn't thought they'd dare talk about Embry and I was glad to be proven wrong.

"I like them," Kim said loyally. "And I'm wearing sneakers too."

"Angela can get out of a chair without help." And Rachel smiled at the obviously pregnant Kim and while her aura hummed with pain, it didn't overwhelm her. "So while you could get away with wearing slippers in public, Angela needs to get cuter shoes."

"Barefoot is where it's at," Paul said.

"That's why I can't take you anywhere."

"Aw, babe, you're glad for the excuse to leave me behind."

"True."

And while I think they were joking, I couldn't help asking, "Why did you come? Not that...I'm glad you came." I was, too. It was nice to have a werewolf around, even if he wasn't mine. "It's just...you're not the first I would have expected."

"I'm the only one who's too scared of his wife to not come."

"I'm a biter," Rachel told me. "And Paul's a wimp."

"We didn't want to overwhelm you," Kim said. "And Paul was pretty insistent that it be him."

I think the werewolf blushed. Rachel just said plainly, "We owe you. We like you. Now that they're decently sure you're not going to rain fire and brimstone on us, we're going to stay you're friends. If you don't mind."

But I didn't really get the impression it was up to me; it made me laugh.

"I would never hurt you."

"We know," Kim assured me. Even Paul nodded. But it hadn't been their decision, I understood. Someone higher up (Jacob? Leah? Sam, most likely) had wanted to talk to the Coven before they resumed contact with me. "So, friends, still?"

"One condition," I heard myself say. "I want to know how he is."

The three of them stared at each other; even if they didn't have telepathy on their side, humans could pick up visual cues. Especially since Paul's shrug and Rachel's nod were pretty obvious clues.

"He misses you," Kim said. "But he's happy. Very happy."

"He's whining like a little bitch," Paul said.

"Babe."

"He's troubled by the thought that you're unhappy," Paul said. "That better?"

"He can be taught," Rachel said as she took his hand. He kissed the back of hers—I was thankful they didn't feel the need to hide their happiness from me. Just because I was unhappy didn't mean I couldn't stand to see happiness in others. On the contrary, I liked the reminder that there was still happiness somewhere. I would find it again.

"He doesn't have to worry," I said. But I couldn't help being glad—no. I couldn't get over him if I thought like that. How he felt about me couldn't matter to me. Not for a while yet. Embry had given up the right to be worried about me.

"Whining like a little bitch is what Embry does," Paul said cheerfully. "Don't take it personally."

Rachel sighed, loudly, so her husband called her melodramatic. I turned my attention to Kim, who reluctantly told me about Marian.

She was sweet and kind and soft-spoken, with dark hair and beautiful green eyes. She was still a little unsure of her place in La Push, but the pack was working on getting her to feel comfortable and Embry was confident that within the month she would be completely at ease with the idea.

So that was that.

The Coven came for me that night.

They would make up for hurting one of their own.

"It is time," Grandmother said as she greeted me. The other women said nothing, but I knew many of them, and even disoriented as I was at their sudden arrival, I could feel their power. These were the members of the highest orders, a dozen women who were the most powerful in the country, maybe in the world. All standing in my living room.

"Time for what?"

Grandmother kissed my cheek and left Hilda to explain. "You have been hurt, yet you have not demanded vengeance. It was always the final test. Power only to those who would not abuse it."

"I'm too young to be inducted."

So was Rina. There were exceptions made, for those from old families, those who could be more powerful than the others could dream (so they could learn to handle the power while they were still young and flexible enough to be moulded). But I had always thought, because of my mother, they would never accept me. Or at least not show me this kind of favoritism. It made me uncomfortable.

Perhaps they wouldn't have, if they hadn't felt so guilty.

"I can't accept the honour you are offering me."

"We would ask you to reconsider," Hilda said. Grandmother's grip on my arm tightened. They weren't women who liked to repeat themselves.

They had come too soon. I was still upset and hurt and slightly hung over. I couldn't make this kind of decision right now.

I thought of Embry, then. I couldn't not think of him, even now. He had been young (Seth had been younger, the other boys younger still) when he had been given more power and knowledge than he had ever wanted. They had accepted it and done the best they could with it.

Who was I to turn down new responsibilities?

"Then I accept," I murmured. "I will join you, if you want me."

The thirteen of us joined hands. They would take me somewhere, somewhere only they knew. I had no idea what would happen then, but I was not scared. They would not hurt me. I closed my eyes and teleported with them into the night.

They brought me back to my doorstep, my head pounding at the way I could feel everything, the energy of every blade of grass and every drop of water, the way no one should ever feel them. I could barely stand under the power of it all.

"I am so proud of you, Angela," Grandmother said to me.

Then she kissed my cheek and left me clinging to my door.

I was still in shock from the ceremony, but in the half-light Embry came to me. He was taller than ever, with dark hair and dark eyes that melted into the night, but he was still mine. I couldn't read his expression, but he caught me as I stumbled towards him, caught me in impossibly strong arms and held me like he wasn't ever going to let me go.

He had come back to me.

Before I knew it, I pressed my lips against his. Maybe, just maybe, we could go back. Maybe things could be good again.

"Angela..."

I closed my eyes, but I couldn't block his voice out.

"I'm sorry," I cried. "It's just...it's just…you look so much like him."

Seth brushed the hair from my face, holding my face up to his. With sad, dark eyes he gave me a small smile that told me we were still friends. Whatever happened, we were friends.

"Yeah," he said. "I get that a lot."