I'm baaaaa-aaaack!

A lot has happened since my last upload of Tears & Cookies. I've finished my AS levels, turned 17 and have planned a writing project for the summer. A lot more is happening this week. I'm having my final exam (LAMDA) and SEEING CHRIS COLFER ON SUNDAY! Yeah, that's happening. (If any of you are planning on going, please leave me a review or PM me. I'd love to meet you there. Plus, I'm going alone, so it'd be nice to know somebody who is going)

My thank yous need to go to anyone who has ever read any of my work, and also to the authors of any of the work I've read. During my time away from uploading have found many marvellous stories, and they have helped me to smile even when exam stresses peaked. Special thanks go to IThinkILeftMyCoatOutside for the hugs when I need someone to tell me I'm not worthless, to paddyofurniture who is someone I never thought I'd be able to meet, to DemigodGleek who makes me think that maybe I can make it in this field, and to borogroves whose 100 Days has been making my Wednesday evenings so enjoyable and who always replies to my (lengthy) reviews. I love you all.

This chapter is reflective and acts as almost a summary of what has happened in the most recent chapters, but just to remind you...

Story so far...

Kurt's 23rd was celebrated with a concert from Blaine's Warblers. They spent a weekend in Lima, a weekend at Dalton, then took the boys up to New York for Nationals. Returning home with second place, Blaine hoped to pop the question to Kurt. When he received an unfavourable answer, he disappeared, leaving Kurt in a panic as to where his boyfriend had gone; was he even his boyfriend any more? Blaine returns and they speak and sort everything out, Kurt promising that, when they are both ready, he will marry Blaine.

-*T&C*-

Blaine sat on the edge of his desk and waited for his students to settle, each grabbing their own chair. Well, most of them. When Daniel sat down, Henry simply sat on his lap. Peter sat rather close too Robert, looking at him anxiously, but Blaine decided not to notice that. They seemed so attentive and, mostly, quiet, after the raucous which had emerged from his trip into the Aviary that morning.

"Firstly," Blaine started, looking around at the room of children he loved so dearly, "I want to apologise for yesterday. I know I let you down, and-"

"Why are you sorry, sir?" Chris asked, his grey eyes bright.

"How did you let us down?" Jack's brow was furrowed in confusion. He couldn't understand.

Blaine swallowed. These were his kids. He could tell them. He could tell them anything. "I got my priorities wrong," he admitted. "I have been thinking about this... thing for a while. I thought about it and thought that it was what I wanted. And then I got home on Sunday, after Nationals, and had that thing denied from me. I... When I was younger, I didn't have loving parents. My parents threw me out when an old acquaintance of mine revealed the extent of my relationship with Kurt to them. I lived on the street for a few days before my glee club teacher and his wife took me in. And in these last few days, since Sunday until last night, I did the same thing. I ran off, scared to face up to losing what I had dreamt of, and slept on the streets." Blaine dared to lift his gaze to look each one of his students in the eye. None of these kids had rosy lives, and they all knew of suffering. But this was different; somehow, hearing that their teacher, their admired mentor, had had problems, they looked like the end of the world had neared, with tears shining freshly in their eyes. "Last night, I came back to face what I'd lost and pack everything in. It came to me packing a bag of my stuff to take away and leave with, not knowing where I'd be sleeping, for me to calm and listen. And that's when I realised."

The boys were captivated, and Blaine had never heard them so quiet. He'd have to try this in the future, maybe, if he covered a lesson. In the Aviary, it was so alien. He didn't like the silence. The boys were better at noise, at music which swept around the room, stirring every speck of dust.

"I realised that dreams change. Dreams adapt and what seems like the obvious choice sometimes isn't. You won't always get your way. Every dream will have some aspects which make it not quite right; nearly perfect. You have to prioritise. You have to realise what you really want. You have to realise that you don't have to give something up completely in order to hold on to other dreams with both hands, and turn them into gold. You are my gold. You are what I'm never leaving. You're my first choice; that cuts above every other dream. You are young and you are growing up: I want to give you the best start that I can. You have deadlines. I can wait forever to achieve my ultimate dream, because in the end, it's always going to be there waiting for me."

The silence was deafening. They were captivated by Blaine's words. None of them were curious as to what he was talking about, wanting some gossip to share around. Those who wondered may have had a hunch, but they weren't worried about that. They were letting their teacher's words sink in.

This was a new Mr Anderson. Or, rather, Blaine. This wasn't a jumping on tables, clapping, dancing, singing, silly Blaine. This was a serious Blaine. They had seen him dapper. They'd seen him composed. They'd seen him concentrating and stressed. But they had never seen him like this. He was serious, with no trace of a jokiness about him. His sole desire was to tell his students his message, for it to sink in and for them to take his most important lesson away with them.

Anthony was the first one to break to silence. The group joker didn't have enough in him to crack someone into a smile, instead shifting in his chair and coughing once, awkwardly. It was enough to break the initial tension, but still the room sat in silence for a few more second, Blaine's eyes passing slowly over each boy in turn.

He loved these boys. When he had accepted the job years ago, he thought it'd be a great stepping stone. He thought he'd enjoy it and he would feel ready to move on and face the big wide world, standing proudly and saying "come at me, do what you will, I am having fun and I'm in love and whatever you do you can't stop me." But then he fell in love with something other than Kurt. The corridors that he'd lived in as a younger boy became a second home, the limestone bricks of the Aviary a place where he felt safe and where he knew he'd always be welcome. It felt like someone was offering him a second hand of cards; this one full of hearts and picture cards, when the ace of spades in his previous set had left him sad and homeless.

Before he could get too metaphorical, Blaine cast his mind back over the last few years; over getting to know the boys, over becoming their mentor, over helping them through their worst and celebrating with them their best. He remembered the friendships, the fallings out, the families, the getting togethers. He'd helped Wayne with his baby, Anthony when he was Depressed and thought he'd never find anyone. He'd helped Daniel and Henry realise that, if they were strong, they could make it together. He'd helped Amos with his confidence, Jesse with his sister. He had helped Peter with his temper, the twins with... well, they always needed calming down. It seemed like Blaine was the only one who could ever do that. He had tried to help with the conflict between Mark and Simon, not always successfully, but now they could sit in the same room without one screaming at the other, fists waving in the air. He helped Chris to feel settled, Tyler to fit in, Luke to mix with others and Paul and Jack to achieve his dreams. And then there was Robert. He'd helped Robert to realise that he'll be missed, but his legacy on the group will be tremendous. And Robert has taught him things too. Robert has taught him that even when everything turns against you, there is always something there which you can look for as sunshine to eradicate the dark. He's taught him that all is never lost and that positivity can count for a lot more than anything. Robert has taught everyone that the most important thing about life is just so: life. Life is for living, as the popular Coldplay song goes, and even if it is going to be short you can still make a jolly good impression.

The clock ticked around unobtrusively, and everyone saw that it was time to leave. Chairs were nudged respectfully, leaving silence for those who still wanted to reflect. Blaine left them with one last thing to think about before they all went home and he locked up to go back home to Kurt.

"The problem with dreams is that you always wake up. And when you do, reality is there waiting to bring you back down to earth."

Thank you for reading this. I'll let my words sink in.

-* Don't forget to check out luspeak. wordpress. com for updates, deleted chapters and spin-offs! *-

What's the most inspirational thing you've ever heard or been told?