Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It requires knowledge of the 'X' manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other stuffs I might have forgot... Deal with this fic with caution...
Notes: This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad is Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled and how stubborn can be Subaru no matter what happened to him.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks:
To Ruth for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
To Moko, Tanuki-dono, Meffie, Sakanagi, Yupita and Jennifer for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!
Summary: After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes...
'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney
"And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world."
(Gary Jules - "Mad World")
Subaru hated dreaming. He always had and he feared he always would. His dreams were unpleasant and confusing at best, when they weren't downright horrible or terrifying. He couldn't remember ever having nice dreams.
At all.
The dreams he hated the most were the one with the White Lady in the crystal ball in. He had started having them when he was very small, maybe about the time he began living with Seishiro. He would wake up in tears, unable to stop crying. Back then he would inevitably wake up Seishiro as well which made him feel even worse. To be honest, Seishiro had never complained, he had always picked him up in his arms, made chocolate or tea for him and cuddled him until he had fallen asleep again. The day after Seishiro would let Subaru sleep in late and have breakfast in bed with lot of sweets and Seishiro wouldn't say a word about having been woken up and, if Subaru were to mention it and try to apologize, he would just wave it off, saying it was normal for people to have nightmares sometimes. So, with time, although Subaru kept having horrible dreams, at least he learned he could turn to Seishiro for reassurance, which made it easier to deal with regularly suffereing one of those horrible nightmares with the White Lady.
Of course it was possible he'd been having them prior to living with Seishiro, and had merely forgotten. He'd been rather young when he started living with Seishiro and, even if he asked Seishiro to lift the memory spell, there would probably still be things he would never remember, simply because he wasn't meant to remember them. And anyway, he doubted he could have forgotten something as scary as those dreams.
The dreams with the White Lady.
In his dreams the White Lady had always acted kindly, very politely and almost motherly towards him, but... when she was in his dreams all he could see were death and destruction so in his mind he had come to associate her with the horrors that those dreams brought.
It was odd how things in his dream were slightly blurry and confusing, as if he were watching an old movie and not a dream, or maybe he simply couldn't see quote clearly in his dreams. However, since it was disturbed and unclear, he couldn't really recognize where he was or whose corpses were lying on the ground or who the people were whose death he would be forced to witness. In his dreams the Lady's voice too usually sounded distorted and muffled as well but... but after the spell had been broken, this had changed.
His dreams had started to become clearer. Corpses, faces, places were starting to take a definite shape, the shape of Tokyo by night, and the point where he would always end up, no matter which direction he would take in his dream, was always a bridge, a bridge that, finally, he could recognize as Rainbow Bridge. A battle was being fought over it, a battle between an Onmyouji (a professional one considering how he was good with Onmyoudo spells) and... someone else, someone so very, very powerful... a battle that, he knew, would end with that mysterious person's victory, with the Onmyouji's death.
He could see the mysterious person's face that night.
He could recognize his taunting features, features that often blurred to show the person the viewer wanted to see.
He could recognize his power, devastating and amazing, a power that was touching the whole area, threatening to destroy it all.
He could recognize him and he didn't need to look at the Onmyouji to know who longed for a fight with that particular young man, who had a matter to settle with him. He shuddered.
He tried to get close, tried to call the man, the man who had his back turned to him, who always had his back turned to him, but there was a barrier of some sort between him and the two fighters and he was too far away to be heard, too far away to be seen and he couldn't... he couldn't...
The Onmyouji was fighting well but the teenager was powerful. He knew that the man had no hope against him and yet... and yet...
He screamed in desperation as the man fell, punching against the barrier uselessly. He knew it wouldn't budge just as he knew the man wouldn't get up again, and so he ended up on the ground as well, his knees giving away under him, as he sobbed desperately.
The White Lady in her crystal ball was next to him, he realized slowly, murmuring comforting words without moving her lips, murmuring comforting words directly in his head, murmuring comforting words that sounded so empty now that... now that...
*Subaru-san... I'm so sorry... but this is the future that will come to be...*
"I don't care! I don't want him to die! I don't want him to die! I'll do anything to prevent it!" he screamed between sobs, shaking his head in denial and hugging himself. There was a moment of silence from her side, as she seemed to ponder what to say next, or maybe she had finally decided to leave him in peace with his own pain then...
*Subaru-san... do you really want to save that man? Would you do everything in your power to save that man?* she asked him and... and he froze for a moment, his sobs remaining trapped in his throat before he raised his head and nodding anxiously, looking at her hopefully in the same manner a lost child would look at the kind stranger who had just promised to bring him back home. She smiled softly at him, encouragingly.
*Then... Maybe there's a way to save that person... the person that you care for the most...* she told him, gently stretching her hand toward him. He... he hesitated for a moment, unsure if to trust her but... *Don't worry Subaru-san, I'll help you... I'll tell you what to do to save that person... You won't have to see him die... ever again...* she told him and that was enough to convince him. He took her hand and then brushed away his tears, preparing himself to listen attentively, and missing completely the devilish smile that, for a moment, graced her ruby red lips.
It wasn't much later when Kakyou joined Hinoto in her water world. The woman, that almost looked like a child had just finished talking with the Ten no Ryu's Kamui and some of his companions and now was smiling that dark smile of hers, looking rather pleased with herself.
"You told them a false dream," he stated tonelessly. He knew what she did and would do didn't matter, that it would change nothing, that there was always only one future, and yet... a stupid, tiny corner of him kept on hoping, a stupid, tiny corner of him that dreamed of a gentle smile and warm green eyes and a life together he knew was merely a fantasy, end of the world or not. Still he couldn't silence that tiny corner of his mind and maybe was that why he kept on spying on the Ten no Ryu's movements, as if wanting to see if they could somehow, make the difference. So far they hadn't, destiny was still right on its track but... but as he couldn't stop himself from hoping, he also couldn't stop himself from observing and so... so he had witnessed the dialogue between the YumeMi-hime and the Ten no Ryu.
He had noticed how the Inugami had reacted to her and how Kamui had looked at her suspiciously but, as the fatalistic side of him expected, they just ended up believing her blindly and doing what she prompted them to do. He didn't mind it much, he couldn't say he cared for them or, at least, felt a bit of sympathy for them but... but Hinoto could try to involve Hokuto too in her plans and he didn't want that. Hokuto... Hokuto was the only one he wanted to protect, was the only one that made him regret the future couldn't be changed, that the world was coming to an end.
After all he and his Kamui were the only ones who knew that Hinoto had succumbed to her darker self. She had taken care to keep Kanoe out of her dreams so that she wouldn't find out the truth and, when she was facing everyone else, she behaved as if she still was the old Hinoto they knew. Kakyou knew he couldn't blame her; she was merely acting that way because she too, like him, had a Wish which she wanted to fulfil at any cost and yet...
*For a Chi no Ryu, isn't this much more convenient?* she asked without bothering to turn toward him, though he knew she was still smiling a malicious smile. He lowered his gaze at the truth in her words and saw, appearing on the water floor they were standing on, an image of the Ten no Ryu's Kamui murdering Hinoto. *This dream will not come true. All the Ten no Ryu will die!* she stated and, although she probably wanted to sound certain, there was still a twinge of nervousness in her voice. He stared at the vision of a murdered Hinoto, the vision she was trying to prevent from turning into reality and felt a twinge of jealousy for her, for the fact despite her condition she still Wished to live more than anything while he... The memory of a smile so gentle it made his heart ache distracted him for a moment. He closed his eyes and shook his head, chasing it away. Such a silly hope wouldn't be fulfilled and he knew it. The future couldn't be changed, not by him, not by Hinoto and... he frowned.
"Your plan won't work. The Sakurazukamori will not go to Rainbow Bridge. He has promised Subaru-san he won't leave the place and I think this time he'll keep his word..." he stated. He didn't like the Sakurazukamori and he wouldn't mind if the man were to die but there was a thing he was sure about that guy. He wouldn't break the promise he had made to Subaru-san. Not after all that had happened. Hinoto turned toward him, her smile even more malicious.
*Who said the Sakurazukamoriwill be the Onmyouji who will fight at Rainbow Bridge?* she asked innocently, though her expression was all but innocent. Kakyou's eyes widened as he realized what she meant, then he shook his head in denial. No, she couldn't mean, she couldn't... She laughed, her laugh echoing all around them. *Kakyou-dono, you know, there's no need for the Sakurazukamori to fight. There are _two_ Onmyouji involved in the battle for the end of the world, you know... A Chi no Ryu and a _Ten no Ryu_...* she continued *And our vision never showed the face of the one who would die there... So what difference will make if it's one or the other the one that'll die?* she asked and he knew she was right, he knew but...
"Subaru-san has no reason to fight Kamui! He might be a Ten no Ryu but..." he tried to protest. No, Subaru-san wouldn't, couldn't die. He was a good person, he had gone through enough already, he was Hokuto's beloved brother, he couldn't die, he didn't deserve it, he...
*Oh, but what better reason to fight than to protect the man he loves? Than to ensure his most precious person won't die on that bridge?* Hinoto asked him sweetly and Kakyou found he had no answer to give. Subaru-san... Subaru-san would... without any hesitation... for the Sakurazukamori... for that man's safety he would... without even stopping to think he... *An Onmyouji must fight the Chi no Ryu's Kamui on the bridge,* Hinoto continued coldly. *We saw this so it'll have to happen. He or the Sakurazukamori, I don't care. None of the two will survive the death of the other as there can't be a coin with a single face. One after the other... I'll destroy them all!* she stated smiling cruelly while under her the reflection of her other self stared at her helplessly.
Kakyou didn't bother, didn't want to reply to her as he left her dream hurriedly... as he escaped from it and... and found himself face to face with Kamui.
"Even if we just leave them alone, the YumeMi of the Ten no Ryu will kill the Nanatsu no Fuuin anyway," the teenager stated. He didn't seem to care particularly about Hinoto having turned into an ally of sorts.
"What are you going to do?" Kakyou asked anxiously. He knew on which side he was, he knew what his future, his destiny, was. It didn't mean he had to like all it entailed, or that he couldn't wish for some things not to become true.
"You know it better than me. The future can't be changed," Kamui said firmly, although his smile was gentle, so very gentle it reminded him of... Kakyou turned his gaze away. There was not even a remote physical resemblance between Kakyou and Hokuto so why was he... he swallowed.
"But Subaru-san..." he began. "Subaru-san..." He couldn't let Subaru-san die. He liked Subaru-san but what was even more important was that Hokuto... Hokuto would never forgive him if he were to let her brother die. She would... she would never smile at him again. She would never smile again at anyone, he knew. Subaru-san... he didn't deserve to die. And Hokuto... she didn't deserve to lose the brother she loved so much and that she had just found.
"You'd like to save him sacrificing the Sakurazukamori," Kamui stated, as if reading his thoughts. "This would be stupid, Kakyou. Weren't you paying attention? The Sakurazukamori and that Ten no Ryu... they're too tightly bonded by now. Maybe they always were. Killing one means also killing the other. It doesn't matter which one will come to face me... but it's foreordained one of the two will show up at Rainbow Bridge... And that one, that one will be the one I'll kill," he said nonchalantly. "It's decided, it can't be changed."
"But Subaru-san..." he continued to protest although he knew Kamui was right. If Kakyou could find a way to send the Sakurazukamori there in place of Subaru-san... Subaru-san wouldn't survive his death anyway. But if Subaru-san were to go on that bridge to face Kamui... he wouldn't survive either. But he... he...
"It seems you too have a new Wish, Kakyou," the teenager observed calmly, as if this too didn't change anything. "Do you know that to fulfil it you'll have to leave this place?" he reminded him and Kakyou shuddered.
To leave that place.
To go into the real world.
A world he wasn't familiar with, a world in which he was hunted by his previous owners, a world in which he didn't knew how to move. And yet... in order to protect Hokuto's smile he...
"I'll let you free to do as you wish, Kakyou, of course," Kamui assured him. "But remember... there's just one future... nothing you'll do will change that," he told him before leaving. Kakyou stood there, looking helplessly at his retreating figure. He couldn't leave that place, he couldn't! Not then, not alone, not ever. But... but if he he didn't do something fast Subaru-san would... and then Hokuto... He raised his head firmly and collected all his courage. Subaru-san had offered him kindness and friendship. Hokuto... Hokuto had offered him something close to a reason to live. He wouldn't let them down. He would try to help. Even if what he had seen couldn't be changed. There had to be a way to overcome this. There had to be a way to...
An idea came to his mind.
Maybe, even if he couldn't change the future he could save Subaru-san. Determined, he left the room.
Okay, his had been a stupid idea, he thought. A _very_ stupid idea, he should have known better. Well, actually Kakyou had known that leaving the safe shelter that was the Chi no Ryu's Headquarter was the most idiotic and suicidal thing he could do, but he had hoped for once destiny would take pity of him. He was, after all, trying to save a person, didn't he deserve a bit of indulgence for once in his whole life?
Instead not only had he not managed to get far from the Metropolitan Government Building as he had no idea how to orientate himself, but he had immediately found himself surrounded by the Yakuza who worked for the politician who had kept him trapped for almost his whole life.
He froze as he saw them then, tried looking for a way to escape and, when he saw none he walked backwards and ended up against a wall. As the Yakuza moved closer to him he looked around helplessly. The people around them were pretending to ignore the situation he was in. He felt lost. He knew caring people like Subaru-san or his sister were rare but he had hoped... He couldn't blame those people though, who would stand up for a complete stranger and dare to face some Yakuza? But he had to find Hokuto and warn her... he had to.
"I... I don't want to come with you," he tried to say firmly, though his voice wavered a bit. His words only managed to make the men smile, then one of them moved to grab him. He tried to squirm away but he was already against the wall and he was no match for them in the real world and... and...
"I don't think he wants to come with you," a familiar voice stated from behind the men in a friendly tone. As the Yakuza turned slowly toward the one that had dared to interrupt them Kakyou's eyes widened in surprise.
"Kigai-san?" he whispered. He'd wanted so much to be helped but, now that someone was trying to get him out of that mess, he felt afraid all of sudden. He didn't want something bad to happen to Kigai-san because of him. The man wasn't as kind as Subaru-san but... he'd been friendly with him.
"Good evening, Kuzuki-san!" Kigai-san replied cheerfully, as if unaware of what he had interrupted. "It's a lovely night for a walk, isn't it?"
"Get lost!" one of the Yakuza ordered to Yuto showing him his gun. Yuto raised his hands innocently.
"Calm down, please. I'm sure we can solve this in a civilized way..." he offered, still smiling cheerfully. Really, he didn't see why certain people had to be so nervous. Everything would go the way it should in the end so why...
"Kigai-san, leave immediately! Those men are dangerous and..." Kuzuki-san screamed to him, looking totally scared but was interrupted when the man closest to him gripped his arm painfully and forced him down on his knees, ordering him to shut up. Yuto's eyes narrowed. That wasn't the way to handle one of his companions. Besides Kuzuki-san had done nothing to deserve it.
"I'd let him go if I were you," he said and, although he was still smiling, his tone wasn't friendly anymore.
"You're looking for trouble, pretty boy," the one near him said, about to pull the trigger. He never managed to do it. As easily as he normally filled out the forms in his office, Yuto grabbed the man's arm and pulled hard, causing him to lose balance, then hit him hard enough to render him unconscious. The others stood still for a second, surprised by his reaction, then moved to attack him. Yuto sighed at their stupidity, before proceeding to send them all systematically to the ground. For people like those, he didn't even need to use his weapons or his talents as Mizutsukai... Once done, he walked toward the still kneeling Kuzuki-san, who was staring at him as if he was in shock, and offered him his hand.
"Is everything all right, Kuzuki-san?" he asked gently. Kigai-san blinked twice, then...
"Kigai-san!" the man exclaimed, gripping his hand. "Kigai-san, I beg you, help me!" Yuto blinked as well, surprised. Such a heated reaction was very unusual from Kuzuki-san who seemed to spend his whole life passively wishing for his own demise. Oh well, if it was important for the man, Yuto had no problems helping him.
"Kuzuki-san, if there's something I can do..." he began gently.
"Please, help me to reach the Ten no Ryu's Headquarter!" the man begged and Yuto thought that was the oddest and most surprising request Kigai-san could ever have asked him.
"The Ten no Ryu's Headquarter? Kuzuki-san, I don't think the Ten no Ryu would appreciate us visiting them..."
"But I have to warn Hokuto! Her brother is in danger! If we don't do something Subaru-san will be killed by Kamui! Subaru-san is a friend of yours too, Kigai-san! We can't let him die!" the man insisted.
"Kuzuki-san..." Yuto began, then trailed off. He liked Subaru-san. They might be on opposite sides now, but that didn't change the fact he liked him and, for a while, they'd been companions of sorts. He'd like to help him, but going against their Kamui...
"I know you don't wish to oppose destiny, Kigai-san," Kuzuki-san told him trying to speak more calmly. "But Subaru-san doesn't deserve to die and... and our actions might save him without changing destiny. Maybe there's a way to get him out of this battle alive, Kigai-san. Please, help me!" Kuzuki-san insisted pleadingly. Yuto stared at him for a second before taking a decision.
"What can I do, I've got a soft heart..." he replied smiling. "I'll help you, Kuzuki-san, but I can't promise you the Ten no Ryu will be willing to help us..."
"The Ten no Ryu won't be there. Their YumeMi has sent them to the Yasukuni temple. We shouldn't have any problem getting into CLAMP Gakuen..." the man explained. Yuto smiled at him gently.
"I guess you don't know CLAMP Gakuen security then... Oh well, I guess some exercise won't hurt my poor, old body!" Yuto exclaimed cheerfully. "Follow me, Kuzuki-san, from the look of it we'd better get there fast!"
To be continued...
JJ's Extra Notes:
Yes, I know it's cruel but Subaru had to be tricked by Hinoto again. What can I say, it's his fate. And yes, Hinoto had begun to manipulate him from when he was very young but, as the manga itself says, Hinoto's darker self had began working at her plan much earlier than in 1999.
I hope you hadn't forgotten Kakyou is rather fond of Subaru... and more importantly, he's VERY fond of his sister. If there's a person for which Kakyou would try to go and change the future that's Hokuto. Also, I know the fandom often portrays Yuto as a jerk but in the manga he's not portrayed as such and he's the one who goes and protect sNataku merely because he's his companion. Also, if you're wondering why he knows CLAMP Gakuen security go read CLAMP Gakuen Tantei Dan. If you're careful you might spot him at CLAMP Gakuen's cafeteria.
And now, come on, people... let's start singing 'Rainbow Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down'...
Dictionary:
-dono: used at the end of the name to show respect, somewhere between '-san' and '-sama'
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Chi no Ryu: Dragon of Earth
Gakuen: Campus
Hime: Princess
Inugami: "Dog God". A dog shaped spirit that someone control
Mizutsukai: Water Caster
Nanatsu no Fuuin: Seven Seals
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based on the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyouji: "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer
Sakurazukamori: "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill whomever threatens Japan
Ten no Ryu: Dragon of Heaven
YumeMi: "Dreamgazer". One that can see the future in dreams
Replies to reviews:
To Everyone who reviewed: Thank you! You're a great encouragement for me!
To laustic: Seishiro can be a real brat when he wants to! And I'm glad you think their conversation was well written. It was a real pain to manage to make it work...
To Lemonysh: Well, even Seishiro is slowly growing up. After all Subaru is his personal incentive in trying to become a mature person... sort of... Subaru and Seishiro have a long way to go but, through it, they'll manage to make some progresses... if they don't get themselves killed first! Those two can be quite troublesome... Yes, sadly RB is around the corner... or better in the next chapter with all the drama it has attached. And sorry for the long wait!
To Francesca Akira89: The boy is improving, isn't he? Thanks God, Subaru was in a rather delicate state and I was very afraid I couldn't portray him well. LOL, well, if you've already read this chapter you likely already have your answer... Hinoto has her own weapons to use against Subaru... She had planned things well!
To Vio: I'm realy happy to know my fic left in you such a huge impression! I hope you'll manage to re-read it and come back to tell me what you think of it!
To AnnoMizuki: I'm glad you love this!
To Behan: Subaru didn't really mean to ignore Seishiro... it's just his life has gotten so much more complicate. Seishiro's always the first thing on his mind but now he has to deal with much more things and also he's starting to think on his own, not just depending on Seishiro's thoughts and wishes so he's trying to think at what he can do for him that will be of long lasting use instead than just spoil him as a certain brat would like him to. In his own way Seishiro can be rather immature... though he's trying hard to do what's better for Subaru. I'm glad the love scene turned out well. I was very afraid I would mess it up. Subaru wanted Seishiro but, at the same time, was traumatized and really scared and he just couldn't let his fear go that easily. In a way Seishiro had it easy because he basically raised Subaru, so he knew very well what Subaru liked and what he didn't, what gave him a nice feeling and what he perceived as scary... on the other side being that careful was quite a test of willpower for Seishiro who was used in his past to have Subaru nearly always wiling and available and instead, from quite a while had to restrain himself because Subaru just wasn't ready for that. Subaru is, in his own way, very clingy and afraid to lose Seishiro. Seishiro might forget it but he always refers to Subaru as a possession, not as his loved one... and a person can discharge a possession. Subaru, who was already insecure and now is also traumatized, is even more afraid to lose him. Seishiro has a realistical view about himself. He's not the person someone would like to love, especially Subaru, considering he had kidnapped him and put him under a spell. In all the years they spent together he had been sure Subaru's 'love' was merely a result of the spell and Subaru's natural kindness, not the true thing. Subaru instead really loved him but had no idea how to have him understand that. If you've read this chapter you know already what has happened that caused one of them to leave... Subaru's wish is easy to figure out and, of course, related to Seishiro. LOL Seishiro won't like to wake up alone for sure! But it was time he had a taste of his own medicine... it'll help him to grow up, a thing he neglected to do for years... Sorry for the late update, I'll try to be faster next time!
To Fayah: Welcome into the X bandwagon! Sadly yes, there will be angst and quite a lot of drama in the following chapters. Subaru is really going to throw himself head down into a huge trouble... LOL, the kidnapping scene! Yes, it was based mostly on the last chap of TB. It's also why Seishiro is technically different in this fic. Subaru's presence soothed his loneliness and allowed him to form some sort of human bond with him that slowly changed him. At least in regards to Subaru. Though it took quite a while for him to realize he was tied to Subaru. Seishiro can be quite a brat, can't he? But if you read TB & X carefully you can notice he has some glimpses of childishness so I let him keep them.
To Black Velvet Nerd: Thank you a lot for your kind review! I'm happy you like this story! I've tried to keep them as close to the original story as possible, considering the setting is different, so I'm happy to know you think it turned out well!
To RoxasIsReal13: (blushes) Thank you!
To CheshireGrins: Thank you for the rose!
To Anime Writer R: (blushes) Thank you so much! I'm glad you love my work!
Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your comments!