Disclaimer: All familiar SVU characters belong to Dick Wolf. I'm just having a little fun with them.
This chapter is presented with special thanks to Saavik55 for being a sounding board. I have had the worst case of writer's block, but I think my muse is back again. Enjoy!
Chapter 36
Alex was sprawled on her back and snoring slightly when Olivia woke the next morning. As Olivia gazed at the blonde woman sleeping peacefully next to her, she suddenly decided she wanted to do something special for Alex. If there was one thing they both loved about being up at the Cape, it was the easy access to the freshest seafood available. Olivia decided she was going to prepare some sort of seafood dinner for Alex, but in order to do that, she would need to head into town to get the best catch of the day. She kissed her lover gently on the forehead, quietly showered and dressed, and headed into town.
She took her time walking down the streets, savoring the smell of the salty sea air. Alex was right; Olivia always felt more relaxed up here than she did in New York. Alex was going to be her wife. Her wife. She had no idea what she had done to deserve this woman's hand, but she was thankful for the blessing all the same. She pulled open the door to Murphy's Fishmarket, and was greeted by a friendly young man who couldn't have been any older than eighteen.
"Good morning!" he called pleasantly. "What can I get for you today, ma'am?"
"That depends. What did you bring in the morning?" Olivia asked.
"We pulled in some halibut this morning, and we had a pretty good lobster catch, too," he replied. Lobster. That was Alex's absolute favorite food.
"I think I'll take your two best lobsters," Olivia told him. She waited while the young man plucked the swimming creatures from the tank, packaged them, and rang in her order.
"Special occasion?" he asked.
"Yes, actually. I'm celebrating an engagement," she answered.
"Congratulations!" he said.
"Thank you," she replied, taking the bag and leaving the store. She paused to drop the bag in the car, and on an impulse, headed over to Crossroads to visit Angela.
"Olivia! What brings you by here today?" Angela asked, looking up from the counter.
"I have news," Olivia said, grinning.
"Oh? What's that?" Angela asked.
"Alex and I are getting married," Olivia said. Angela stepped out from behind the counter to embrace the brunette.
"Congratulations. I was wondering when the two of you were going to make it official," Angela answered. "I suppose you'll be heading back to New York soon," Angela added, turning towards a display and rearranging a few figurines.
"We haven't discussed when we're heading back, but yes, I suppose so. With Luke dead, there's really no reason for us to keep hiding here," Olivia answered.
"Don't be so sure. There are still threats to both of you out there," Angela said. Olivia's eyes went wide. Angela turned back to her and smiled. "Don't read too much into that statement, Olivia. If you are ready to head back, then go back, but whatever you do, take care of yourself."
"What do you mean?" Olivia asked, furrowing her brow.
"You're going to need help, Olivia. Real help. You're running away from all of your demons, hoping that they'll just drown in the ocean. It doesn't work that way, though. Eventually, they catch up to you," Angela replied.
"You mean the rape," Olivia said.
"If that's how you interpret it, then yes, that's what I'm referring to," Angela answered.
"I can't," Olivia said quietly.
"You aren't ready yet. You will be, though. For the time being, you need to find a way to channel your emotions. Otherwise, they will overpower you to the point where you feel like you're drowning," Angela said.
"How do I do that?" Olivia asked.
"You're not going to like the answer," Angela said with a small chuckle.
"Try me," Olivia challenged.
"Pray," Angela said, matter-of-factly. Olivia recoiled. "You don't have to get on your knees and whisper to some deity you may or may not believe in. Come with me." Olivia followed Angela into the small apartment in the back of the store. Angel pulled out a couple of canvasses, paints, brushes, and a palette from a large closet.
"You strike me as a painter. Here, take these, and make…whatever feels right to you. The point is, though, get involved in the piece emotionally. Don't try to duplicate something realistic, unless that's what you feel. It's not meant to be frustrating, but soothing," Angela instructed her. "I promise you, God understands emotions, and creative expressions are the clearest way to communicate with Him, or Her, if you prefer. Use the canvas to communicate your anger, fear, resentment, whatever you need to get out, but Olivia, get it out."
"This really works?" Olivia asked skeptically. The truth of the matter was that Olivia did need to express herself in some way; she just wasn't sure how to do it. She never considered herself much of an artist, but Angela had been right about everything so far.
"Sometimes it takes a few tries to get the perfect medium, but yes, it does work, and the proof is in the gallery behind you. Just try it. What do you have to lose?" Angela said, still smiling. Olivia stared at the objects in her hands.
"I don't know what to say," she said softly.
"Then say nothing. But try it," Angela replied. Olivia turned and made her way to the front of the store. She put her hand on the door, then turned to ask Angela one more question.
"Angela," Olivia began. "What happened between you and Alex?" The smile disappeared from Angela's face.
"That's her story to tell," Angela replied.
"All she said was that you were responsible for ripping her family apart. What did she mean by that?" Olivia pressed.
"I'm sorry, Olivia. I know you want answers. But for that question, you will have to let Alex tell you in her own time," Angela replied. Olivia knew by this point that it was useless to get anything out of her, so she shook her head and drove back home. By the time she got there, Alex was awake and puttering around the kitchen.
"Hey, you're up early," Alex said before kissing Olivia lightly.
"Yeah, I picked up something special for dinner tonight," Olivia said, holding up the plain brown paper bag. Alex studied it intently and noticed the slight movement inside.
"Are those…lobsters?" she asked, practically giddy. Olivia nodded. "Oh, honey, thank you!" Alex exclaimed, throwing her good arm around Olivia to hug her.
"I told you I imagined a nice dinner and a bottle of wine with that proposal, and I'm going to make good on that promise. As for the ring…" Olivia said.
"I told you I didn't care about the ring," Alex said, cutting her off.
"I know, but I'm still going to get you one anyway," Olivia answered.
"You are so stubborn," Alex said, kissing Olivia again.
"Yeah, but you love that about me," Olivia answered back.
"Sometimes," Alex kidded back.
"Sometimes?" Olivia asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I love you, Olivia Benson," Alex answered.
"Good answer," Olivia replied, chuckling. "I love you too, Alex." Olivia stored the lobsters for later on and retreated onto the screened in porch overlooking the ocean. She brought a canvas with her, along with the paints and brushes. She set the canvas on the floor and spread her legs around it, much like a child coloring in a coloring book. She squeezed a couple of the blues and greens onto the palette and dipped her brush into the darkest blue.
Get involved in the piece emotionally, she heard Angela's voice echo in her head. She started with broad strokes, not really sure what she was going for. Dark colors began to fill the canvas. She changed to some of the more medium tones and shortened her strokes. She thought of Luke and Isaiah and all of what she had endured at their hands. Her hand started to shake, but she kept going. She tried to take all of that pain and hatred and send it through the brush onto the canvas in front of her. Her eyes started to well with tears, and one of them fell, splashing at the paint. Tear after tear, rolled down her cheeks and onto the canvas, leaving very prominent marks on her creation. Still, she kept going. She covered the canvas in paint, and still, she couldn't stop. She applied layer after layer of color as wave after wave of sadness rolled over her. Finally, she dropped her tools, buried her head in her hands and cried.
"God, I don't know if you can hear me, of if you're even there, but I need help," she began, softly. "I need to feel whole and complete again. I want to be a wife to Alex, and I want to be everything she deserves, but I can't do this alone. Help me, please," she whispered, hoping that someone, anyone would hear her. What she didn't realize was that standing in the doorway behind her was her future wife, and she had overheard every single word.
So, what do you think? Remember to leave a review, either here or on Twitter (BensonFan711)
Coming up next…well, now, what would be the fun in that? We still have the secret between Alex and Angela to explore, Isaiah's identity, and a few other twists and turns in store. More soon, I promise!