I won't keep you waiting. There's a chapter reference here, I just checked. Quartus, from Part One, the one with the tickets. Anyway-
Part Two, Chapter 9: Choice
choice ch ois noun
an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities
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Something's in the air tonight
The sky's alive with a burning light
You can mark my words something's about to break
-"Nothing Left To Lose" by Mat Kearney
I count six. Six people, six pairs of eyes all staring at me. A warm bubble fills my chest and it keeps spreading from my heart, down to my stomach until it lingers in my toes. Selena is smiling widely and Elle sits beside her, but her expression is exactly the opposite. Today her eyes are blue. Blaine's mouth is hanging open. And Conner, my old friend and lover… what of him? For once he doesn't look like he's amused the way he always was. For once he doesn't avoid Sebastian. Their eyes meet and they communicate something. Sebastian sips his wine. He loosens his tie. He looks at me.
"Look at her, she's shocked." Elle comments, peering at me with a smile that tells me she knows what I am thinking and feeling at the moment. "Are you going to make us wait before you reply? You know, heighten to tension and all that?"
Bitch. My eyes narrow and she bites her lower lip teasingly, whispering something in Selena's ear. Perfect Selena only chuckles and kisses Sebastian, nuzzling against him.
If this were a movie the camera would pan to them. He would place his hand on top of hers as she touched his cheek. He'd return the affection, maybe even smile at her. Then it would be on Derrick's face, his handsome, happy face. He'd kiss my hand. Make me feel pure and perfect, too.
Lights. Camera. Action. Where are the extras, where is the song?
"Kathryn? Derrick prods.
"Huh… what?"
The camera would return its focus on my face. If they don't cut this scene from the movie, then they'd see the twinge. The smile, or at least the attempt of a smile. It's the kind of smile a person has when they're not quite sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing.
Cut back to Sebastian. He's staring at me again. He wets his lips and I feel mine dry up, like he's taken the moisture from me. He doesn't say anything. He just waits, they all do. They're all waiting for me. What a turnaround. I had waited for all of them at some point.
---
This is where the audience becomes confused. The song, preferably something instrumental, fades out. It opens with an entirely different scene from an earlier time to let the poor, them know what the hell was going on.
So here it is:
"Ms. Merteuil, Mr. Valmont is here to see you."
I look up from the marketing brief I was studying to stare at the phone as my secretary's voice interrupts me. Automatically, I press the button and reply. "Which Valmont?"
Conner, M'am.
"Sebastian, M'am."
Well, that's certainly something new. I press the button again, leaning closer. Cautiously, as though a hand would come out and strangle me. "I'm sorry, which Valmont was that again?"
"Sebastian Valmont, Ms. Merteuil."
Probably to apologize for feeling me up the other night. I rub my eyes, deciding whether I should let him. I've been avoiding his calls for the past few days until he apparently decided he'd had enough and decided to ambush me in my office.
"Fine." I finally answer, closing the folder. "Let him in, please."
The double doors immediately open and he comes in. To avoid the awkward attempt of a conversation, I stand up.
"Can I get you a drink?" I offer, heading to the minibar.
"No, thank you." Sebastian replies. I can feel him looking at me.
I get myself a glass of water anyway. "So, what brings you here"
"Kathryn, I'm really sorry for what happened the other night." Sebastian approaches me, looking remorseful. "It was out of line."
"I'd say placing your hand a few inches from my cunt is the understatement of 'out of line'." I gulp the water greedily. I hadn't even known I was that thirsty.
"I know." He exhales heavily. "Look, it was wrong. I'm sorry, I know I said I was going to try and stay away from that. You're happy with Derrick or Conner or whoever, I get that."
"You couldn't have called to say that? I was busy."
"You were avoiding me." Sebastian tells me bluntly.
"That's because you were being a needy moron."
"Said the pathetic obsessed bitch. 'Oh, Sebastian I can't lose Derrick'!"
I make a face, glaring at him. He smiles. We both know it's all forgiven.
"What made you barge into my office? Couldn't bear not being friends with me, huh?" I tease, grinning mischievously. "Were you going to commit hara-kiri using one of Elle's katanas if I didn't forgive you?"
"Not at all. I just couldn't deprive you of the privilege of my company." He reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out two tickets. "You see, I came prepared had you needed more cajoling."
I squint at the tickets he held. "Tickets to a Celine Dion concert? Are you really that gay and stupid?"
He looks annoyed. Hah. "It's for that play you like. Remember? I also got you tickets years ago but we never got to…" he doesn't finish his sentence but I already know what he's talking about
"Hmm… interesting." I take the tickets from him but he holds on to the other one. I cock an eyebrow.
"This one's mine." He grins. "They're for tonight, just so you won't get tempted to screw me over."
My eyes widen innocently. "Me? Screw you over? I've always thought it was you who did the screwing around, Valmont."
"Don't be cruel, Kathryn."
"I would never dream of it, darling brother."
"So I can't call you sister and you can refer to me as your brother? That's not fair."
"Mhmm. Tell it to someone who gives a shit."
"You fucking bitch." Sebastian says affectionately, slipping his arm around my waist.
My body tenses but he doesn't seem to notice.
"I checked with your secretary. You're free until ten, so let me buy you breakfast."
"Well, my secretary should keep her mouth shut. Did you fuck her just so she'd tell you my schedule?"
He looks hurt, his fingers press against my side. He rests his cheek against my temple and brings his mouth nearer. "You think so little of me, princess."
"Oh, believe me. At this point my view of you has even improved so be thankful."
"Really?"
"Yes, now will you let go of me? Stop trying to cop a feel already, Valmont. How pathetic are you?"
"I just missed holding you. You were always so warm." He answers easily as though he has just told me the weather was nice. "Let's go out. Just you and me, so whatever awkwardness between is will be gone by tonight and we can just enjoy the play."
"I don't know why I keep saying yes to you." I sigh, turning around to grab my purse. His eyes seem bluer, like Elle's. Or Annette's. I don't know.
"Because I'm handsome, charming, and very few people have managed to resist me."
"Up yours." I follow him out the office. When we step into the busy street, I almost lose my balance from the onslaught of people who were almost bumping into me.
"Fucking hell!" I curse, having been caught off guard.
Sebastian places his arm on my shoulders. "Careful there, Kathryn. I wouldn't want to lose you again." He teases, laughing with crinkled blue eyes.
---
Scene switch. Back to the initial setting. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't tell you where and when, did I? I'm not very good with telling it like this.
The setting: An Italian restaurant, the name of which has escaped me after having realized why I was here. The time: Afternoon. Late afternoon that it could almost be considered an almost-evening. Is there such a term? Almost-evening. I may have coined that. The characters: Me, Derrick, Conner, Elle, Sebastian, Blaine and Selena. My caring boyfriend decided that my recent outbursts/episodes wherein I had snapped at him and everybody else were due to work related stress. I say it's due to the persistence of one white faced bastard. I say it's due to his inappropriate behavior, his hand up my thigh, his mouth murmuring invitations to relive the past. To fuck me again. And yes, it might also be due to work. It might be due to my friend, the malevolent beautiful creature named Elle, whom I earlier witnessed growing closer with Conner. It might be because of Conner, because like he said, there will always be something and the sight of him with her turns my stomach. Or it might be because of Selena and Elle, two women who hold my fascination in different ways. It might even be due upon hearing the news of my mother getting engaged to some Arab with a large bank account and a small dick (or so I've heard).
Anyway, so to alleviate this work related stress he'd sensed I was having, he surprised me by having a few of my 'friends' gather for lunch. Derrick means well, of course. I can't blame him for anything.
But then this happens, and it's too late. I wish I could be the viewer, to have this movie on DVD and hold the remote. Have the power to turn back time. Hit pause and rewind.
---
Back to the other part, the scene wherein I am with Sebastian and we are having breakfast. By now, we're finishing up. He's telling me about how business is doing well, although he stays away from the topic of his 'mental breakdown', when he totaled his car. We share anecdotes about office politics, chuckling at the right moments, hitting the proper punch lines.
Then he mentions Selena and Elle, about how his girlfriend admires Elle. There's something about Elle that immediately draws people in, although I'm sure that she's as best suited to be a role model as I am best suited at being a nun. I remember that night. The coldness in Elle's gray eyes. That pops the bubble, cracks this area of easy laughter. Elle is up to something, I know it. Sebastian's hesitant to say this, but he does anyway. He doesn't understand that maybe I am not the one he needs to protect Selena from.
"I have to go." I suddenly say. "I have to go over to Elle's house to talk to her."
"Why?" He looks confused but I smile and give nothing away. "Let me take you there."
"No, no, please." I stand up as he does. We both do something. Some sort of movement. He leans forward, and I step back. Then it's the other way. He signs the credit card receipt.
"I um… I'll see you tonight." His suit feels slightly cold as I touch his arm. Then I kiss his cheek. It feels natural now.
"I wouldn't miss it for anything." He promises.
---
Switch back.
"I have to go." Conner says, clearing his throat. He glances at his watch too quickly to actually see the time. I feel the same way and he knows it. He sees me looking at him, but he only shrugs. He can't help me anymore. He can't stay for this. He doesn't want to. There will always be something.
I wonder if Sebastian will leave, too.
He doesn't. He's watching me closely.
---
The scene opens at Elle's house. I enter, immediately swallowed by the black and white motif. There is someone yelling. Wood against wood. It was obvious. She was in her practice room. Ever since she met Selena, she spent most of her time venting out her aggression.
I was prepared to see her instructor with her so you can imagine my surprise when I see a familiar tattooed back, muscular and slick with sweat. They face each other, both so concentrated they never saw me. Elle's eyes are gray, grayer than I'd ever noticed.
"Sick of losing?" She taunts sweetly while he scowls.
"I may have only started Kenjutsu, but you do know that I have a background in swordplay, right?" Conner retorts, his feet nimble as he attacks her. She deflects his strike easily, sweeping him off his feet with a kick. He lands on his back, groaning.
"Lord Conner, I can't say I have a lot of faith in your training."
He gets up and brushes himself off. I remember having my tongue in that mouth, my hands all over that torso. This time, Elle goes first, and their swords clash before he manages to disarm her. Undeterred, she launches into a kick. Conner grabs her ankle and does some sort of spin. She falls with an annoyed cry.
"Give up?" He smirks, and she uses her legs to cause him to fall on top of her. Their faces are now close, both perspiring.
"Never." Elle responds, barely blinking. Conner's smile fades. He stares at her like this is the first time he's ever seen her.
"Elle, can we talk?" I interrupt before something happens and immediately he gets off her. Instead of looking pissed off at being interrupted, Elle smiles like she'd been expecting me.
Scene change to pass the time. Now Conner has left and we are outside, this magnificent garden with some sort of Zen theme.
"Sebastian told me you've been befriending Selena." I cut straight to the point, anxious to get back to the office (Elle had called in sick). "Why?"
She toys with her drink. "Why not?"
"Save me the bullshit, Elle. You have that look."
"What look? Do you know me enough to know the various expressions of my face?"
"What the hell are you planning to do to her?"
"Please, like you even like her? You've been busy making googoo eyes at Sebastian, don't tell me this won't be convenient for you as well."
"Don't be a bitch. Tell me what she's done to you." I answer.
"You should know that she's not as perfect as she looks. There's a side of her you might even relate to."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"All in due time, darling Kathryn."
---
This is where the recollection catches up to connect with the scene you have seen in the beginning.
Derrick surprises me, chiseled, dependable Derrick who is as great in bed as he is in the business. Derrick equals a reprieve from my previous commitments. He picks me up from my office, making me once again the envy of everybody there. I kiss him for a long time. It's always nice being kissed.
He tells me that he knows I've had a lot going on lately, and that he loves me. He just wants me to relax a little; I've been working too hard.
So he surprises me by gathering everybody into one place. My friends. I only needed Elle, Conner, and Blaine to be honest. But Sebastian was there, and he grins furtively at me when he sees me again. I can feel his cheek against my lips even though I was a few feet away.
Everybody is getting along, and I feel myself relax. Just as the late lunch was winding down, Derrick calls for everyone's attention.
"I've been thinking," he clears his throat. His blue eyes probe mine and I smile encouragingly. "There are a lot of ways to say this, but I think I'll skip the speech. I love you, Kathryn. It's been a year and no one's ever made me as happy as you have."
"Hey!" Elle calls out, smirking. "We went out, you prick."
"You know what I mean." Derrick laughs and I feel a sense of panic as to where this was leading. From the strained smiles on Sebastian and Conner's faces, it was clear they knew as well.
"Kathryn, will you marry me?"
This is the moment wherein everything makes sense to the viewer.
I can't find the words to answer. They all wait for me to speak. Conner leaves. Sebastian stays. Hah, the irony. Hadn't it been the other way around?
"Kathryn?" Derrick rubs my back worriedly. "Are you okay?"
The camera returns to Sebastian. His mouth opens. His placid expression cracks for the merest of seconds. He may have mouthed. 'Don't.' but I can never be sure because I could have imagined it. It was too fleeting to tell.
"I uh…" I let the water slide down my throat as I drink, thankful for the borrowed time. "Wow." I make myself laugh. "You really know how to surprise someone."
"Well, you really know how to make a guy nervous." He cups my face, kissing my forehead. His gentleness surprises me everyday. It was something I never got used to but found that I liked it. "I know you're self sufficient and that this is a big step. Over the past year I've always seen you take care of things exceptionally well, but isn't it about time you let me take care of you? I'd really like to." He kisses me again and I hear Blaine let out a low whistle when I kiss him back.
Cue the music. Can you hear the audience go 'Aww'?
I pull away, still flushed from his touch. I've forgotten how he made me feel and I feel guilty for that. But then something else overrides the guilt. I look into his expectant blue eyes and I can't help it. He'll be good for me.
"Yes." My smile can almost reach my ears. "Yes, I'll marry you."
Fade out.
---
The last scene now.
I glance at my left hand, admiring the sparkling diamond ring. I adjust my earrings, glancing at the mirror. I check my makeup. Perfect. Dress? Perfect. I was excited to see the play, after all. I wanted to look my best.
My phone rings.
"Kathryn?"
"Hey, where are you? I don't want to be late."
Sebastian's quiet for a while. "I'm not going."
"What?"
"I said I'm not going."
"Why not?" I demand, glaring at the mirror and imagining I was glaring at him.
"Because I don't feel like it."
"I can't believe you're doing this to me."
"Doing what, Kathryn?"
"This! You know what I'm talking about. Don't pretend you're fucking ignorant, Sebastian." I reply, resentful. "Well, you know what? Thank you. Thank you for reminding me what a completely unreliable bastard you are."
"Kathryn, wait--"
"Wait? For you? What makes you think I'd be stupid enough to do something like that again?" I slam the phone, hoping it makes him partially deaf.
I receive a call from Derrick after that. Sebastian's given him his ticket.
A/N: After 35 chapters, I think by now you get the gist of it. Many, many thanks for keeping up with this even though there are days wherein you like this more than I do. And by now, you'll also know what I'm going to say. Review. Now. Inspire me to write the next one faster than I should because right now I can honestly tell you that I have no idea what the next chapter's going to be about.