Chapter 36: The Unlikely Poet
As much as Burns had always flaunted himself as the Don Juan of his day, he had to admit that the idea of a relationship with a man had been intimidating at first and never something he thought he'd ever need concern himself over.
His heart pounded in his chest as he watched Smithers pick up the things that had fallen from his desk moments ago. The danger, the forbidden love of a secret office romance once again igniting the same youthful flames of passion long since forgotten. Such risky, reckless behavior that Smithers had provoked of him; it was a rush of excitement not felt in many years. He'd always had a thing for romantic encounters in public places, even his only son Larry had been conceived in a museum of all places.
Smithers' face had gone as pink as could be as he clumsily placed a couple of notebooks and a glass paperweight back onto the desk, his attention so unusually focused on the placement of everything in an obvious ploy to avoid eye contact. So he was suddenly going shy now? Burns laughed quietly to himself before turning his back to his assistant, his hands clasped behind him as he gave Smithers a moment to compose himself, though he knew the moment couldn't last very long. Downstairs was a potential client waiting to have a meeting with him and he couldn't keep them waiting for too much longer.
"Smithers, could you... go fetch our visitor? Burns requested, his back still towards Smithers, "I'm ready to meet with him now."
"Ah, sure... I'll just g-go... do that." and with that unsteady response, Smithers sighed and made his way to the door, back-stepping through the exit and slowly shutting it behind him. Burns slowly walked around his desk, his mind distractedly lost in thought as he waited for his client to arrive, whomever it may be.
- o - o - o -
Smithers' heart sank when he discovered that the identity of the mysterious visitor was none other than Lindsey Naegle! He thought the whole fiasco with her was done and over with, but there she sat, he could see her through the door window in her neat little green green skirt and blazer, ready to wreak havoc into their lives all over again, he just knew it!
He was very much tempted to pull the fire alarm and just run off yelling fire like a maniac and be done with it, hoping that Lindsey would leave during all the chaos, but he knew that was simply wishful thinking. This Lindsey was a crafty one; however, after years of dealing with Burns' devious behavior, he should be able to handle any situation he convinced himself.
Smithers steeled his nerves before entering the room, burying his own extreme dislike of the woman and at least try being civil with her. He took a deep breath and entered the office upon which she instantly spotted him, a sudden, tangible chill could be felt within the distance between them, whether or not Lindsey felt the same was uncertain.
"Ms. Naegle, what the hell are you doing here?" Smithers exclaimed, unable to hide the mixture of anger and surprise he felt despite his best efforts to contain himself. He wasn't about to let anyone else toy around with Burns' emotions anymore, certainly not after their lives had finally fallen together in such a way that he'd always hoped for. He would let nothing jeopardize that. She looked up at him from her seat for a moment, apparently stunned by his sudden outburst. She was uncomfortably close as she stood up to her full height in front of him and finally spoke.
"Well, if it isn't Mr. Burns' loyal hound... Tell me, has he thrown you any bones lately?" Lindsey asked in a rather mocking tone. He remained calm, determined not to give her the satisfaction of getting to him. He wasn't sure what was more annoying, her voice or that she was taller than him by a couple of inches. Lindsey took a step back and crossed her arms smugly.
"Word has it that old Burnsie has found himself quite smitten with you lately. Tell me, is there any truth to such back-fence hearsay?" His eyes grew wide at the comment. Lindsey smirked.
"I...I... that's..." Smithers stuttered, his shock irrefutably written across his face. This time, she had really struck a chord with him, a fact that he was sure pleased her to no end. Here he was, going to be the assertive one, just moments ago ready to tackle any insult thrown his way and now he found himself rendered speechless by the likes of Lindsey Naegle; so manipulative she was.
"No matter, your sordid little fantasies are of little interest to me." She scoffed dismissively, "I'm here for Mr. Burns, we have... some unfinished business to discuss." Just hearing her say his name was enough to reignite the sparks of jealousy that had claimed him so often, prompting him to jump to Burns' defense.
"Ms. Naegle, you have no scheduled appointment with him today and I would kindly ask you to leave before you cause any more grief."
"Grief for him...or for you?" Lindsey sighed irritably, "I hate to point out the obvious Mr. Smithers, but the cold hard reality is that he's never going to want someone like you. Burns is such a skirt chaser it'll be a cold day in Tahiti before he'll ever switch teams. Now please, take me to Mr. Burns this instance, what I have to say will only take a moment."
He didn't know what to say. So she didn't really know anything about his relationship with Mr. Burns and however much he wished to rub it in her face, he knew he had to respect his boss and let Burns decide to whom their secret was revealed.
"I'm sorry, but as Burns' adviser, I must ask you to leave!" Smithers spoke, gritting his teeth, his fists clenched with irritation. Lindsey moved closer, grabbing a fist full of his shirt in a way not too different than Mr. Burns would when angered.
"Now look here you little blue-collared lackey, in this town, Lindsey gets what she wants. Always. No ifs, ands or buts about it and I'll be damned if I'll let a little pansy like you get in my way!" she snarled, gripping his collar even tighter as she continued. "Now we can do this the easy way... or the hard way. It's your choice."
"I tried being civil Ms. Naegle, but I must warn you that I have no qualms when it comes to defending Mr. Burns." Smithers warned. He didn't want to cause a scene, but he had the feeling that he was going to have to call security and have her escorted out by big Tony if she didn't let up soon.
"Foolish little man. I have my ways of getting what I want. Now let me up to his office now or else you won't live long enough to regret it!" Lindsey growled.
"Lindsey!" came Burns' alarmed voice, all eyes suddenly focused on him standing there in the doorway. His face was one of shock and utter surprise at Lindsey's unexpected presence as well as the way she was clutching onto his assistant so threateningly. Burns had an almost possessive, defensive look for a moment like he'd had rarely ever seen before, at least not directed to himself. She promptly released him as quickly as a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
"M-Monty! What a surprise! I was just...I..." Lindsey muttered nervously. Burns' eyebrow raised with suspicion.
"It seems I've arrived just in time. Care to explain yourself Ms. Naegle?" Burns asked, his eyes flitting between the both of them curiously. Good, now he's going to defend me against this harpy, thought Smithers. Yet, in the back of his mind, he wondered just what it was that she had to discuss with Mr. Burns. What could possibly so urgent that she had to see him in person? He had this sinking feeling that she might possibly be there to win back Burns' affections and the worst part was wondering whether or not Burns would fall under her spell again, despite all the heartache she'd caused. Knowing Burns, if a pretty lady threw herself at him, it would most likely be hard for him to resist no matter how conniving and manipulative she was.
"Now Monty, before you say a word I just want to apologize for any inconvenience I might have caused or that you think I may have caused." Lindsey began, slowly approaching Burns. "I know things haven't quite worked out between us, but speaking strictly in the business sense, I have a proposition for you." Smithers groaned exasperatedly, interrupting her.
"Here it comes..." Smithers whined. "We've had enough of your grandiose business propositions."
"Mr. Smithers, do you mind? Now as I was saying-" Lindsey began only to be interrupted once again.
"Ms. Naegle, we don't want to here anymore of this!" Smithers yelled, jumping in between the two of them. "It's probably going to be something illegal, the likes of which Mr. Burns does not want to become involved in!" With those words, Burns eyes suddenly lit up with a mischievous gleam that Smithers had learned to dread. He should have known better that to mention any prospects of illegal schemes since now, it most likely sounded even more intriguing to Mr. Burns. "Oh... oh no. What have I done?" Smithers muttered under his breath. He then stood in front of Burns, grabbing both of his hands and looked pleadingly into his eyes. "Mr. Burns please. Please don't get involved with this!" Smithers implored. Burns quickly pulled away from Smithers' grasp.
"Now Smithers, though our short lived passion... er, by that I mean Lindsey and I, may have fizzled out, one would be a fool to not listen when opportunity knocks." Burns grinned, resting a reassuring hand on Smithers' arm briefly as if silently telling him not to feel threatened by Lindsey, yet all the while his eyes remained fixated on the woman, eager to hear more of her business proposition.
"Good! It's nice that we're seeing eye to eye again Monty." she stated firmly, her flirtatious tone now replaced by the stern business voice that he was more accustomed to hearing from one of Burns' colleagues. At least that much he was thankful for. Mr. Burns neared door to leave, holding it open for Ms. Naegle.
"To my office then shall we?" Burns offered. Ms. Naegle nodded curtly and exited the room. Smithers sighed, exasperatedly dropping his hands to his sides in defeat. Burns gave him an intense, serious look as if warning him not to interfere as he held the door, waiting for him to exit.
Once they arrived at his office, Mr. Burns crossed the room, sitting at his desk and gesturing for her to sit in the chair across from him to which Ms. Naegle obliged.
"Now what I have to say may seem like an insanely radical idea at first, but please don't dismiss it without giving it due consideration." said Lindsey as she settled into her seat.
"Go on." Burns urged.
"Now as you might have heard, going green is all the buzz these days, why everyone is doing it. It's like the new buzzword of the decade! Now, with all due respect Monty, you're not exactly popular with the hip crowd with you're barely skirting past the bi-annual NRC inspections as it is." Lindsey's eyes caught his for a moment, before continuing. "Our political party could use a real boost in poll numbers, especially with the undecided independents in our next upcoming election."
"Our next upcoming election?" Burns leaned closer, elbows resting on his desk and listening eagerly.
"I'm working for Quimby's campaign this year and the projections aren't looking so good. He just isn't hip with the certain factions of the voting population. The far right and evangelicals are a shoe in, but this election we want to shake things up a bit." Lindsey proclaimed fervently, slamming her fist onto the desk for emphasis. "We want all the votes, from the the feminists to the anarchists, the gun control fanatics, even the gay vote. And we think you could help with that."
"Me help? Just what are you insinuating?" Burns leaned back, his chair creaking loudly.
I wasn't insinuating anything! I just thought that if our candidate had the endorsement of a prominent business man who happened to be in a committed relationship with his male assistant, that it would make a good impression on all the social progressives! Whether you're really gay or not is irrelevant.
"Ms. Naegle... how could that possibly help Quimby's campaign? I'm not following you." Burns gave her a look of confusion.
"We just need a little endorsement from you is all... Oh and did I mention...we'll most likely have to do away with the nuclear plant. It'll make Quimby a hero in the environmentalists eyes that he convinced you to move on to another, more cleaner power source."
"What?' Burns exclaimed. His eyes wide with the shocking nature of her request. "You must be joking! My whole life has been dedicated to this plant! Why, when I was a young lad I had big dreams of owning my very own nuclear plant! I practically eat, drink and breath nuclear energy!" Burns yelled, slamming both fist on the desk before him.
"Mmm hmm. You see? Now that's the problem we're facing." said Lindsey. "The residents of Springfield have been practically eating, drinking and breathing your nuclear waste for decades and that's precisely what Quimby intends to put a stop to. Hopefully, with your cooperation of course."
"Ms. Naegle I assure you that Nuclear energy can be just as safe as any other source of power, especially with new modern advances in the field today!" Burns stated defensively, leaning more over his desk.
"Mmm, yes. But we aren't exactly dealing with a modern, advanced plant here now are we? We desperately need you on board with us Burns and we guarantee that you won't be sorry. We will even help with the initial finances. We have researched many alternatives from wind, solar, even geo-thermal." Lindsey responded. Burns couldn't believe what he was hearing! Never would he even consider such an outlandish idea; he could never simply turn his back on a lifetime of work so easily!
"I don't want to hear it Lindsey, I'm just not interested! Nuclear energy is my first love and I'll never betray her, especially not for some ridiculous scheme to help Quimby or anyone else garner more votes!" Burns asserted. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
"Fine. This isn't the last you've heard from me." Lindsey spoke sternly as she stood from her seat, looking away from him in a haughty, less than thrilled manner. With that, she turned huffily and made her exit. She stopped just shy of the door, leaving him with her last parting words.
"Keep in touch love." she spoke adroitly with not a drop of emotion as she shut the door behind her.
- o - o - o -
Smithers breathed a sigh of relief and rushed over to Mr. Burns the very moment the door closed, grabbing him by the shoulders and planting a quick kiss on his lips; however Burns still seemed a little too dumbfounded by Ms. Naegle's visit to pay him any mind.
"I'm proud of you! You really stood up to her! All hollow promises, preying on the hopes of the naive just to win. Oh... I love you sir!" Smithers beamed happily. Burns looked past him, a blank look in his eyes.
"Fine Smithers, I'm just fine. I think I'll go out on the balcony for some fresh air." said Burns distractedly as if he hadn't even listened to Smithers' consoling words. Burns turned away, visibly upset and disheartened by Lindsey's unexpected proposition. Smithers lovingly stroked a hand down Burns' arm as the man turned to leave, noticing the distant, worried look in his eyes as he left and stepped out onto the balcony. He would have followed, but he could tell that Burns needed some time alone for a while and the balcony was often his place of solace.
It was then that Smithers noticed something from his peripheral vision that seemed out of place. He looked over to the red couch on the far side of Burns' office and noticed a white piece of paper laying there. Smithers walked over to closer inspect the mysterious envelope, curiously picking it up. It had his name written on it in beautifully elegant, cursive writing that he didn't quite recognize with a purple heart shaped sticker sealing it. He carefully opened the envelope and took out the contents which appeared to be a letter on fancy stationary, it even appeared to have been scented with some exotic fragrance. He laughed quietly. Apparently he had received another proclamation of love and he was eager so see what his "secret admirer" had to say this time.
To my dearest Waylon, I send my love.
Passions simmering so deep,
stealing glances while you sleep.
Stolen moments, watching you from afar,
watching over you like a shining star.
Through your window,
yet never too far.
Never straying,
never betraying.
Chained are my passions,
that bind you to me.
Waiting to be unleashed,
mine eternally.
The flames of love forever burning, forever churning.
Igniting the darkness of my soul, never spurning.
So dark and delightfully sinful are my desires,
wanting you and you alone, my heart never tires.
All is fair in love and war.
For those that try to come between us,
I'll promise to even the score.
For those that even dare try,
they are the ones that are soon to die.
Forever yours, your secret love.
Smithers couldn't help but appreciate the morbid sense of humor Burns added and was greatly impressed that he could craft such eloquent poetry considering he was normally awful at writing love letters of any kind. Smithers chuckled lightly to himself, holding the letter to his chest lovingly before stuffing it into his coat pocket. Burns really did surprise him at times and he would have to show him just how much he appreciated the gesture later whenever they found time alone again.
A.N. - Thanks for waiting so long and sorry for the long hiatus... life and all you know. My creatively suddenly burned out for a while, but it has finally returned! :) I hope you've enjoyed this chapter.
Who'd have thought Burns could be such a poet? Especially since Smithers had to help him write a love poem once when his writing abilities seemed to have failed him. At least Burns turned Lindsey down, but by the looks of it, this likely isn't the last they will see of her!
Till next time. Best wishes to all!