Chapter 36

What happens now?

A/N: This is gonna be a shorter one but the waiting will finally be over~ Heads up, steamy!

Waiting was a trait any dalish must endure, be they hunters for prey or apprentices for their masters to begun the mentoring, for Merrill right now waiting was buying time for her as she listened in the conversation between Hawke and Fenris in the foyer.

The day still shook her though, the mad mage had unfortunately evaded Isabela and the others and was now once more stalking in Lowtown, possibly plotting to recapture Leandra again or maybe even find someone else similar looking to her. Either way the people would still be in danger, so Aveline took down every detail of his face from both Merrill and Fenris while her men had searched for anything they could use to find him or anyone connecting to him.

Yet now though it seemed like a faraway problem for her the more she listened in to her friend's conversation, hearing the end of their talk drawing closer and closer. She took a deep breath when she had their talk end and the gentle footsteps of the white wolf became clearer. Fenris exited the foyer and with a curt nod to Merrill he left the estate, looking much better then he had the last time she saw him. Perhaps the talk with Hawke lightened up his spirits, or maybe having a friend to finally share his past with did wonders for him…

Either way tonight her chat with Hawke will determine their relationship…

With a deep breath through her nose, she stood up from her seat and entered the foyer to see Hawke give his mother one last hug. 'Darling are you sure you want this?', she asked worriedly. With his hands still placed on her shoulders, the mage gave her look of assurance and care, 'Its either send you somewhere safer from this place or risk that mage coming back to finish the job'. Leandra gave him one kiss on the forehead as she reluctantly released him and with Gamlen carrying their bags, both left the estate.

Bidding them a safe journey before they left, Merrill turned to Hawke who gave her his full attention. Silence fell between the two like being in the chantry, the only sound was the cackling of burning wood in the hearth. With her resolve steeled and her heart beat calmed to "beating like crazy", the elf spoke first. 'I…I'm sorry, for what I said to you…and for hitting you', she said lamely, hands clasped around her stomach as she lowered her head. Part of her felt stupid for such lame apology though but it was a start.

Then, she felt his hand on her shoulder, making her look up at him. She could see the tiredness in his strong beautiful blue eyes that made her feel so small whenever she was the focus of them yet at the same feel like she was the only thing in his world. 'Its alright…I should've been more…well', he started but she could see him conflicting with both his morals and his love for his friends. Before she would've been happy with an apology and move on, yet now after her talks with Shalla, her personal journey and learnings, now she could see the care he displayed for her.

Sure he hated blood magic, no sane man would like it by this point but he stayed with her, supported her and kept her safe from the worst of it all. Gently she placed her own hand on his own, gripping it gently. Earning herself a glance from him, she smiled softly. 'Its alright…I've been thinking about what happened and…I think I see what you were trying to tell me'. She sees the curious look in his eyes as she unconsciously got closer to him, and yet she felt him pull her closer to him as well. 'What you said…about the clan and myself, I think you're right'. 'I've done so much, and despite showing how little corrupted I've become nor showing any ill intentions, they wanted to hurt me. So maybe…I should just, live for…me'.

She could hear her heart beat in her ears, the warmth from Hawke felt so safe and welcoming for her. Hawke gently brushed a thumb across her cheeks, a gentle hue of red spread across her cheeks yet she refused to look away not giving in to her shyness this time. 'A-And, maybe, I could…', she tried but then the fear slowly clashed with her heart. Could she do it? Risk this priceless friendship to become something more with Hawke? Or would this create a barrier for them for the rest of their life?

'I-I, I don't want to hold back…and I know that…if I don't do this I might lose this chance', she tried. 'What? Hold back what?', Hawke asked, but his own heart beat was starting to go wild with anticipation. 'My feelings for you…I used to be so scared of what the clan would think of me', she muttered. 'And now?', he asked as his hand ran through her hair, gently brushing his hand against her elegant ear, earning a ticklish giggle from the girl. 'To the void with them…', she said with a cheeky grin.

She was rewarded with a raised brow from the human along with a chuckle. 'Alright, who are you and what have done with Merrill?', he teased. 'Merrill who?', the elf asked. Gently she ran her own hand down his slowly growing beard, running her soft hand against the roughness yet warming patch. Gently their foreheads touched each other as the hue of red grew darker on her cheeks. This feeling of closeness she knew from before, was nothing compared to being this close to him with his eyes open and fixed on her.

Slowly, as their eyes closed she stood on her toes and finally brought her own lips to his, feeling his powerful arm pull her closer to him until their bodies touched. Mythal above Merrill swore she died and went to heaven, those soft lips that she dreamed of kissing, the same lips that brought smiles to her and lifted her spirits, to feel them mesh against her own in a passionate kiss sent pleasure through her body.

Then she felt that strong hand run through her black hair as she felt a surge of bravery and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling them closer as she felt his soft wet tongue prod her lips, demanding entrance. Control seemed to have grown weaker for her as her mouth opened up to grant the delicious pink muscle entrance and her own danced with his. A soft moan escaped her as she felt her heart racing like a horse running, she could even feel the beat of Hawke's heart thump against her chest.

He was enjoying it as much as she was…

They broke their kiss as oxygen was demanded by their lungs. Breaking apart, both panted heavily as their foreheads rested upon each other. 'Maker's…breath', panted the human as he refused to look away from her. This kiss shook the elf, her legs felt like jelly yet she felt incredible like she could conquer the world just by his touch.

Then, she gently placed her fingers on her lips, this feeling again of familiarity. Like she did this but not just that one time he slept… 'Why does that feel so familiar?', she asked herself albeit a little loud enough for Hawke to hear. She felt him tense and then saw to her surprise(and secret delight) she could see a tiny hue of red paint itself across his cheeks. 'I…may have an answer for that', he said, his tone was filled with guilt but the elf was just smiling like a child.

'Do you remember…when you got drunk years ago?', he asked. Oh she'd never forget that mistake, it was a lesson she learned the hard way that alcohol consumption unsupervised is not a good idea. The aftermath also didn't help either and Isabela NEVER let her forget her throwing up on her favourite tunic…despite it looking the same as all the other tunics she wears whenever she sees her or when Hawke brings her on for trouble. 'Yes?', she said. 'Right…then you probably were a bit drunk to recall the…rest of the night', he started.

'Isabela said you brought me home but that was all she told me', she said curiously. '…', Hawke hummed as he suddenly looked uncomfortable and shifted awkwardly in the spot, he probably would've escaped from this chat too if they weren't holding each other. Not that should would've let him too, she liked his hugs and would do everything in in her power to extend hug time. 'What? What's wrong?', she asked.

'…IMAYHAVETOUCHEDYOUANDKISSEDANDMAYBEPROBALYSOMEHOWTOUCHED YOURBUTT'.

She blinked in confusion at this slur o

f words that were so mumbled and incoherent that she swore he spoked another language, but after replaying his confession in her head more clearly, she blushed profusely at this. '…So that's why it felt so familiar', she mused. 'W-W-What felt familiar?', he asked. 'When I kissed you when you were out cold during the qunari poison thing', she confessed absentmindedly. She squeaked and quickly clasped her mouth shut. Now it was Hawke's turn to smirk. 'Wait a second, you kissed me when I was unconscious?', he asked.

'…Maybe', she said. 'Oh ho, not so innocent after are you dear?', he said. 'W-W-Well I didn't touch your butt!', she retorted. 'Still you were at least conscious when we kissed', he argued back. 'I was drunk! That's taking advantage of me!', she said. 'Oh my dear I was half drunk and YOU were the instigator of the whole thing, you even teased me and seduced me!'. 'W-well, you, I…I have nothing', she submitted. Chuckling at her, the human pecked her forehead and received a giggle from her. 'So in the end we both kissed each other without the other knowing…', he said.

'Yup', she agreed shyly. Cupping her chin, Hawke lifted her to face his own. 'Does that mean, you feel the same way?', he asked. Merrill bit her inner cheek at this as she placed her own hand on the hand of his gently placed on her cheek, the very same hand that protected her and others, the warmth from it alone made her feel closer to him and cared. 'I don't know…my feelings for you might be different from yours', she said nervously.

'I love you'.

There it was, the confession. The feeling she had concealed for years and from crush to genuine love for the man who had done so much for her, finally out. She looked at him with absolute love in her eyes, never wavering.

For two minutes anyways before she broke down into a fit of rambles and mumbles.

'I probably shouldn't have said that shouldn't I? I always say the stupidest things', she rambled. Before more rambles could be formed or flow forth from her mouth, suddenly those words were halted as Hawke captured her lips in another passionate kiss. Merrill let out a squeak before allowing herself to submit to his taste and kissed him. This kiss though was far more passionate then earlier, he pulled her closer to him, tongue lashing and swirling around her mouth tasting every bit of her.

Letting her fears go for now Merrill kissed him back just as passionately, gripping his hair and tasting his own mouth with her tongue, exploring the inside and memorizing every taste. The heat of the kiss washed over them as Merrill suddenly leapt up and threw her legs around his waist as Hawke held her by her thighs, never breaking the kiss between the two as suddenly he turned and pinned her to the wall. Feeling the impact of the wall spooked the small elf slightly but strangely she liked it.

It was like both of their desires for each other had finally been let loose, that pent of lust and love for each other no longer chained down by fear and apprehension. The kissing grew deeper and wilder, as Hawke broke the kiss and started to suck her pulse on her neck, earning a moan of pleasure from the elf, her head thrown back in ecstasy as the human licked and sucked her pulse. Mewls escaped her lips as she gripped his hair. Then, she managed capture his lips despite enjoying the suckling.

It was a blur for her since suddenly she and Hawke were in the bedroom, their hands still roaming through each other's hair and the human making sure he didn't drop her. Merrill managed to push the human on the bed and with him beneath her the elf could only feel her confidence boost as she stared down at the panting human. Every fibre of her being screamed at her to tear that horrible robe asunder to see the bounty hidden within the red, yet she restrained herself. She was too enthralled by his touches alone to even get to the "dirty" bits.

She took both his hands and guided them, while blushing, to her breasts. Once the large hands were placed on her, Hawke gently cupped them and at the sheer touch, Merrill let out a moan as she threw her head back in pleasure, moaning continually as Hawke was spurred on by her moans, caressing and fondling them. Gently his right hand descended to her hip, firmly squeezing her as she gave him a coy look, clearly pleased by his handy work. She fell forward to capture his lips again, tasting the heat as the human's hands slid down to her rear.

Gently he cupped her bottom, making the elf moan and blush at this. She braved her hand through his robe, feeling that toned warm chest along with the thump of his heart. The soft warm flesh against her calloused yet gentle hand made him groan with desire; his own groping grew much harder. Slowly she untied his robe and threw it aside to some corner; her eyes showed a mischievous glint within them as her face split into a grin at the bounty. She knew for a mage he was much more muscular then others, while not as overly bulky like a soldier he was lankier then them, with four pack muscles and a toned chest.

Silvery lines of scars from battles only added to her excitement. The mage pushed himself up to hold her as they resumed the heated kissing but she stopped him. He heard the buckles and straps of her armour being unstrapped and soon after a few unbuckling, her armour and cloth came undone and fell off, discarded quickly by the elf as she revealed herself to the human. Hawke marvelled at the beauty of the elf that was so close to him, her creamy white skin with its own blemish of scars, he spotted an elven tattoo upon her stomach, the symbol of the sun he guessed. Her breasts hidden behind the green cloth but strangely he ignored them as her was so fixated on her.

Wanting to feel that sense of safety and love, Merrill swapped their positions and allowed him to tower over her, faces inches from each other as he sees her undid the braids in her hair, placing the braids aside as her black locks fell gracefully down to her shoulders, her ears poking out of them but it just proved to the human she could become even more beautiful. She looked so much wilder looking yet serene as a spirit, just touching her soft skin against his bare chest just made his heart race at an even quicker pace.

Now though as they stared at each other, Hawke could see the hesitance in her eyes. Hiding her nerves through a closed mouth he knew she was afraid to take the next step. Yet despite his hormones screaming at the top of their lungs for him to take this goddess of an elf, he didn't want to. What he wanted with her, this unknown yet beautiful feeling within him, was more then just physical desires. A desire to be hers, as more then friends, comrades of arms and companions.

Gently to assure her, he pecked her forehead and rested his own against hers. She gave him a smile, a loving smile unlike any other, his message clear and received by her eyes. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer to her, kissing him as he begun to rub her sides, soothing her and extending the pleasure for her.

For nearly two hours they couldn't keep their hands from each other, trying all sorts of positions, tasting each other's flesh, experimenting with what could make their partner mewl, scream their name or giggle(he discovered she was ticklish) until the sexual drives slowed from groping to just rubbing arms and cheeks, to finally the elf and human laying together in bed, her head resting on his chest with her right arm stretched across his torso, the human gently gripping her hand across him as he rubbed her arm lovingly.

Both laid there in silence as they stared up at the ceiling in deep thought, breathes slow and at peace as the gentle warmth of his hearth mixed with the cool breeze from the window created the perfect balance between warmth and cool. 'What happens now? Are we…what does this mean?', she asked. Hawke chuckled. 'Well now, a bit late to ask that one now', he said. Merrill giggled at this true fact as she turned her head to peek at him, smiling at him. 'I…if you hadn't come to Sundermount…I don't know, where I'd be', she mused.

'I'm sure you'd figure it out', he assured as he rested his head against her. '…I love you', he said. Merrill smiled at him, gently nuzzling her head between his head and shoulders, finding her comfy spot. 'I've been waiting for four years to hear you say that', she whispered, tears prickling in her eyes.

'Merrill, I want you to move in with me', he said. At this, the elf sat up on her elbow to look at him as he pushed himself up with his own elbows. 'W-What?', she asked. 'Move in with me, as in live here, with me', he said. Merrill blinked but giggled. 'Here in Hightown? And you with an elf?', she asked. 'Why not?', he asked. 'But, the nobles would', she started but he cupped her chin. 'Merrill, I'm probably hated by every noble in this city just by allowing Fenris come and go, and not to mention all the shenanigans I get up to. Fairly certain I've established I don't care what they think of me'.

Merrill smiled at him as Hawke pecked her cheek. 'And I'd feel better if I could, ya know, have someone around here since its just me and the others'. Merrill kissed his cheek. 'Then if you're not afraid…then I won't be', she said. Grinning, Hawke and her both laid down on the bed as he threw the blanket over them, allowing her to cuddle into him. 'But shouldn't we…', she started but Hawke placed a single finger on her lip.

'Merrill don't you know the golden rule of sexual activities?', he asked. She shook her head innocently at this. 'After we make love, we sleep', he said with a tired yawn. 'But we just touched and groped, does that count are sex?', she asked. 'Consider it, teasing for later', he instructed as he laid his head down on the pillow. Shrugging and not going to risk her chances of not sleeping with a half-naked Hawke, Merrill laid her head down upon the pillow and closed her eyes.

They were finally together…

A/N: The long awaited moment you've been waiting for!

No lemon as I said but I hope you all enjoyed this section! Have a great day, stay safe and awesome!