Chapter 36

"Are our turtledoves still sleeping?" Sam asked that morning as he walked into the kitchen.

Emma stood at the stove, an apron wrapped around her curvy figure, as she skillfully turned over the pancake she was cooking. As soon as she heard her husband, she grabbed a mug and poured him hot black coffee, sugarless, just like he liked it. "I don't know if they're sleeping, but yes, they're still in bed."

A lopsided, naughty grin crept into his lips. "Young and in love. We have a pretty good idea what that feels like, don't we?"

Emma sat at the table across from her husband, placed a platter of pancakes in the middle, and transferred a couple into her plate. Sam noticed her serious, detached expression, and asked, "Emma, what's wrong? I thought you and Kid had smoothed things already."

"We have… more or less," Emma admitted. "I was now thinking about you."

"Me?"

Emma nodded as she lowly munched a bit of pancake. "You never said a word about what happened on Thanksgiving… about what I did years ago."

"What was I supposed to say? That was something between you and Kid."

"I just want to know how you feel about it. You're my husband."

Sam remained quiet for a while, lost in his own thoughts, as he savored the coffee in his mouth. "If you want my honest opinion, I was really shocked. That didn't sound like something my wife would do, but all in all, I can understand why you were pushed to take those drastic measures. We were so worried about Kid back then, and wrong or not, we blamed Louise for the changes he went through in those days."

"We were wrong, Sam. Louise was just a naïve girl who loved our son so dearly that she sacrificed her feelings for him. Bad luck or simply strange circumstances left her in a very vulnerable position… the butt of rumors and malicious comments. And I gave the coup de grace by taking advantage of her naiveté and poor self-esteem."

"I'm surprised that she agreed to come here at all," Sam remarked sincerely.

Emma nodded, accepting his veiled criticism. "She's a much bigger person than I ever thought, and I'm pretty sure Kid's talking to me now thanks to her."

"Emma, you…you should've told me back then. I don't know what I'd have done, but I feel nobody should meddle in anybody's private matters, even if that somebody is your child." Emma nodded grimly, and noticing her bleak countenance, he added, "Honey, in any case, that's in the past, and it should stay there. I'm just glad you and Kid have patched up things. Otherwise, I'd be in a very uncomfortable position, in the middle of my two loves."

Emma dared to smile, and reached out across the table to hold his hand. "I'm so lucky to have you… my two handsome men," she exclaimed joyfully, but her face darkened when she asked, "Sam, do you regret not having more children? I do sometimes."

"Another child or even two more would have been nice, but we never seemed to find the time or the chance. Maybe it wasn't meant to be."

"I guess."

"In any case," Sam continued, "I have the hunch Louise is here to stay in your son's life. What's the saying? You don't lose a son, you gain a daughter."

"That's when your children get married, what parents tell themselves as a consolation."

"I bet we'll be saying that to ourselves sooner than later," Sam said with a grin.

Emma frowned in disbelief. "Has Kid told you he's planning to propose?"

"No, but I do know my son, and I'm sure he's already thinking about it. He's head over heels in love with her, and they're living together. Marriage is just the logical next step." Sam paused, and noticing his wife's strange expression, he asked, "Wouldn't you like that, Emma?"

"Oh, of course! That would be wonderful, but I was thinking…"

Emma had to shush as she heard the sounds of steps outside the kitchen. As if on cue, Kid and Lou, holding hands, breezed in. "Good morning," the young couple said in turns as they sat at the table.

Emma instantly served them coffee. "Please help yourselves to pancakes. They're my special treat today. Uh… I know Kid loves them, but if you'd like something else, Louise, just say it… maybe toast, or bacon and eggs?"

"Pancakes is fine, Mrs. Cain," Lou replied with a shy smile, and true to her words, she served herself one in her plate she started to wolf down straightaway.

The two couples enjoyed a peaceful breakfast. The morning sunrays slid though the wide windows, filling the kitchen with light. It was a lovely day, and as Kid casually commented on it, Sam asked, "Do you guys have plans for today?"

Kid and Lou shared a look, and in the few seconds that she hesitated, Kid said, "Not particularly. Why do you ask?"

"I thought we four could spend the day out, go for a walk, and have a nice lunch in a new restaurant they have recommended me. My treat, of course."

"That sounds like a good plan, doesn't it, Lou?" Kid asked, turning his eyes to his girlfriend. He noticed the awkward expression of her face, but before he could say anything, Emma beat him to it.

"I think Louise had something else in mind. Sam, you can't really think these two, so young and full-of-energy, would like to hang out with a couple of oldies like us."

Louise blushed, embarrassed by the thought that her hesitation and awkwardness had been misinterpreted. The last thing she wanted was more trouble with Kid's mother that might lead to further strained relations. It was true that it didn't particularly excite her to think of spending another day in the company of Kid's parents. Yet, she knew the weekend was almost over, and after what she had gone through in the last couple of days, being around them a bit more was a petty thing in comparison. "Oh no, I didn't mean that. I just… I'd just like to… to visit the… the cemetery."

"Oh…"

At Kid's soft exclamation and his parents' thick silence, Lou realized that her words had made them ill at ease, and that was not what she intended. "I feel a very strong need to go and visit my Mom now that I'm here."

"Of course, that's understandable," Emma agreed with a sad smile. "Has it been long since you last visited… uh… her?"

"Years, I'm afraid. After the funeral, I went just once more," Lou replied, looking at Kid pointedly, and it dawned on him that she meant the time when she had caught him making out with a girl at the party Jimmy had thrown back then. That was another regret Kid could not shush, and in those brief seconds he reflected that his mother was not the only to blame if he had lost Lou for years. It was his fault, and also they had just been unlucky. They had been so close, but circumstances had pulled them apart. "Somehow," Lou carried on, snapping Kid out of his thoughtfulness, "I've been unable to stand before her grave for years."

"Losing somebody as important as a parent is surely heart-wrenching, especially when you were so young."

"Yes, it is, but that's not the real reason I didn't have the guts to go to the cemetery," Lou admitted. "For years I… I kind of felt ashamed of myself."

"Ashamed, Louise? Why?" Emma asked in evident surprise.

"Mom was always a dreamer, and she used to have all these fantasies about me and my siblings. I've never done anything to live up to her expectations, and somehow that's burdened my conscience too much. That was what has kept me away from visiting her grave… I wasn't brave enough to stand there and show my face." Lou sighed and added, "I know it's silly because it's only her body that's there. I do believe my mother's spirit is free from those chains she had to suffer in life. That's what she deserved, and I can't conceive the idea that after all she just ended up in a pine box for all eternity."

"Louise, wherever she is, I'm 100 percent sure that your mother is proud of you," Emma said.

"Lou, there's nothing you should be ashamed of, but quite the opposite. You were just a teenager, and you raised your siblings, gave them a home, an education, a family! And you didn't stop there, but you even helped your brother's wife and son! You sacrificed your own dreams for them, and maybe your mother's fantasies, but that's not your fault! If nobody can see what you did and missed for your family's sake, then it's their problem. Your mom would feel beyond proud, and she'd surely copy my words if she were here with us."

"Kid's right," Sam agreed.

Lou smiled sadly. "Thanks."

"Louise," Emma stepped in, "I hope we aren't intruding, but if you allow us, we could go to the cemetery with you. I'd also like to pay my respects. Later if you feel like it, we can do something else."

Louise shifted her eyes to Emma and simply nodded in agreement.

Very slowly Louise approached the site where her mother rested, and with each step she took she felt her legs weaken and her whole body tremble. Her hands squeezed a bunch of flowers tightly as she stopped and her eyes ran through her mother's carved name on the gravestone. Emma came to stand by her side, and Lou could sense the men's presence behind her.

Nobody spoke, and Emma bent over to place her flowers at the grave. Louise followed her movements with her gaze, and just as Emma left her posy of daisies, she noticed there was another bunch of flowers. "We're not the only ones who've been here recently," Emma remarked, realizing that even though the purple blooms had decaying petals, they couldn't have been there longer than a week.

"It must have been your sister or your friend Charlotte, don't you think, honey?"

Lou did not say anything. Violets. That was enough for her to know who they came from. As long as she could remember, during their marriage her father used to give her mother a bouquet of violets on special occasions, particularly on her birthday or their wedding anniversary. It was a special thing for them, and now Lou had no doubts that the flowers were her fathers. Louise grew irritated, wondering why on earth her father would bother bringing flowers to her grave when he had not cared about her in life. It had been indifferent to him whether his ex-wife was sick, had no money to bring up their children, or had to struggle hard every day. And now he brought her darn flowers? What on earth for?

Bitter tears of frustration and intense pain welled up in Lou's eyes. Emma rapidly noticed the young woman's sadness, and turning to the men, she said, "Guys, let's give Louise some privacy for a bit, shall we? I'm sure she'd like some minutes on her own."

Sam nodded, and Kid added, "Honey, we'll just be a few yards behind you if you need us."

Louise did not move a muscle or try to say a word. Kid and his parents slowly walked away while she remained in the same position for a couple of minutes. Suddenly, she dropped to her knees and swept her hand over the lush layer of turf before the gravestone. "Hello, Mom," she whispered as she left her own flowers next to Emma's, and felt the strong temptation to grab the violets and throw them away. Yet, in her mind a very distinctive voice started to sound, and she could even sense her mother's presence as if she actually were there with her. "Don't even think about it."

"He has no right… he has no right," she whispered. "He never cared… never."

"You know in your heart that's not true. Why does it bother you so much that he tries to do something nice? Does it betray your set of beliefs that there's nothing good in him because you still need reasons to hate him?"

"I don't hate him. I just don't want to talk about him. I don't want to think about him, but he's everywhere, in my thoughts, in my dreams, in my nightmares, in my memories, in my school… even here."

"Then focus on that good man you have by your side who's becoming more and more handsome as he grows older." Louise smiled as tears rolled down her face as she could actually hear her mother's voice and words in her head.

"And I do, Mom, I do," she choked.

"And stop questioning your worth and stand by your partner high and proud… but not your kind of stubborn pride, but the kind that arises from truth and love. Enjoy what you have, my child… your beautiful man and your new family. Forget about everything and everybody else that can mar your landscape. Let yourself be happy for once and embrace everything positive that comes your way."

"I will, Mom, I will. And I need and miss you so, so much," Louise cried in a hiccupping tone, and the voice in her head finally died down. Her tears got thicker and her sobs shook her body as she remained on her knees before the grave, feeling totally miserable. A couple of arms wrapped around her trembling frame and she leaned against the familiar touch of his body. Burying her head in his chest, she circled her arms around him almost desperately. The words that she had heard so clearly kept repeating in her mind as she squeezed Kid against her, trying to feel him as close as possible. He did not say a word, and simply let her know with his silence that he was there and she could count on him in all times, in laughter and tears. His warm embrace told her she was not alone, and even though she felt broken, she also knew her cracks were not so wide as they used to be, because as her mom had told her, she was not alone.