Why Lily Evans is a Completely and Utter Bitch for Giving Me Detention on my Birthday Weekend:

By Sirius Black

1. It's my birthday weekend.

2. My friends already forgot my birthday.

3. Now I won't even be able to spend the weekend with my mates.

4. They've all probably got fantastic plans and I'm going to have to spend the day doing lines and re-organizing the third-year permission slips and whatever Evans has lined up for me.

5. I can't even spend the day snoggging Marly. Not like she seems to be open to it at the moment, but I'm sure I could give it a go.

6. Evans most likely will have gotten Marly to stay away from me just to make my life completely and utter hell.

7. When McGonagall finds out she's going to kill me.

8. This year my lovely mum will actually be right when she wrote me that no decent wizard will want anything to do with a filthy Mudblood-loving blood traitor and that I'd best get accustomed to spending my birthday alone.

9. Her birthday letter is likely to be the only acknowledgement of my birthday I get this year. At least she bloody remembered. Never thought I'd live to see the day when my dear old mum would rank higher than my mates.

10. Regulus at least had the decency to catch me in the corridor before Potions and wish me a happy birthday. Of course he jinxed me as soon as his little mates rounded the corner but he did manage to slip me some fizzing whizbees. They weren't half bad, even if they were more than a little stale. He's probably only got a year or so left before he's completely taken in by all those damn snakes.

11. I have a load of homework that I probably should start.

12. Now I'm going to fail all of my classes and my N.E.W.T.s because of Evans.

13. Evans is probably only doing this so that I won't beat her in Defense Against the Dark Arts….again. About time someone proved that just because she's the best at wordless magic doesn't excuse the fact that she still gets squeamish casting offensive hexes and curses. You can't win ever duel with clever little charms, although Evans seems determined to try.

14. She only hates me because I'm Prongs' mate. Personally, I think that's a reason to love me, we're both rather dashing.