Believe Again

Dave knew something was different the moment he started down the stairs and the scent of bacon wafted up to tickle his nose.

"What in the world…?" he muttered and hurried to the kitchen. To say that he was surprised to see JJ standing at the stove making breakfast would have been an understatement, but he kept his expression neutral.

JJ felt Dave's presence before he spoke. "Morning," she greeted. "I hope you don't mind, but I woke up early and I wanted to do something…" Her voice trailed off as self doubt crept in. She gave herself a mental shake and squared her shoulders. "Henry wanted pancakes."

"Pancakes are good. I like them."

"You didn't have syrup, so I am going to have to improvise." She gave him what she hoped was a charming smile.

"I'm sure that whatever you do will be great." Dave looked at the coffee pot. "Did you make coffee?"

"I did," she replied while taking the bacon out of the pan and laying it on the paper towels to drain off the grease. "I'll get you a cup…"

Dave waved her off. "I have it. You finish that." Pulling down a mug, Dave filled it with the hot brew and took a sip. "This is good." He looked around the room. "Where's Henry?"

"He took Mudgie outside." JJ kept busy at the stove. "You're quiet," she observed.

"Just thinking." He sat down at the table. "I wasn't expecting this."

"What? Me cooking? I know how," her tone was defensive.

"I never said you didn't. I…" How could he tell her that as much as he was surprised by the sudden change, he was still disappointed that she didn't come to him last night? "So, today is your appointment?"

JJ took the plates down from the cupboard. "It is. Emily is supposed to come and pick me up around ten."

"I'll take care of Henry."

"I wish you were taking me," she pointed out wistfully. But underneath, resentment slowly built. She tried to concentrate on Dave's plate.

"I have to go in and finish up some paperwork," he reminded and flexed his fingers that were now free of the cast.

"I know." Serving up the food, JJ placed the plate down in front of Dave. "I hope you like it."

He raised an eyebrow. "Strawberry jam?"

"Pancakes are bread, and strawberry jam is good on bread. It's something I got from my grandmother when I stayed on her farm." JJ met Dave's eyes, then quickly looked away.

The red rimmed remnants of crying didn't sneak past him. "Are you alright?" he asked with concern.

"I'm okay. Just one of those nights," she shrugged and sipped her coffee.

"JJ…I…" Dave laid his fork down on the plate. "You know that I have to go back to work, right?"

"I wish you didn't."

"It's been ten weeks, and my convalescence leave is over. Even if I wanted to extend my time, the team is short handed. As soon as I can make arrangements, I'm taking more of my leave to stay with you and Henry," he said.

"What if you have to go out of town on a case?" she asked.

"That won't happen for a while," he assured her gently. "I have it on strict confidence that Swann's team is taking over the out of town cases and Teams Alpha and Charlie will stay in the area until the fall."

"Okay." But she knew better.

"That means I'll be home every night…at least for a while," he added to soften the blow.

"That's good." But the smile didn't reach her eyes.

Dave studied her and waited for a moment to make his request. "Jennifer…you know that you can come to me at any time - for anything - and I won't mind."

JJ kept her eyes lowered toward the floor, but she nodded. "Okay."

"That extends to my room. The door is open any time you need me."

"To talk?" she asked with a sigh.

"If that is what you want to do. You can come to me for anything." He picked up his fork and cut the pancakes. Chewing thoughtfully, he looked at JJ and winked. "You're right, this is good."

A smile tugged at JJ's lips. "I…I'm going to get Henry. Then I have to get ready."

"I'll watch him," Dave offered. "You do what you have to."

The smile on JJ's face lasted until she got to the sliding glass door. He made a pass at me! Oh my gosh! And then he said I could go to his room for anything… JJ's hand flew up to her throat as the fear she thought she had left in the bedroom threatened to overwhelm her.

Calm down, Jen, she ordered herself sharply. Take a deep breath. Remember, he is David Rossi. You are going to a therapist who is going to help you. You don't need him or his offers. Now get Henry and get ready to go with Emily.

JJ breathed deeply, then squared her shoulders, and called for her son.
*******

"Hello, Jennifer. I'm Doctor Martika Russert," the dark haired, older woman greeted as JJ walked thru the door. "Have a seat," she gestured to the overstuffed chairs opposite the long couch.

JJ looked around the nicely decorated room. Simply but tastefully furnished, it had the look and feel of home - save for the framed certificates on the wall and the large mahogany desk backed by bookshelves.

"So, how are you?"

JJ sat down and looked at the older woman. "I'm fine."

"I want you to know that I've looked over your file and the questionnaire you were required to fill out. so I could get a feel for how to approach you. I hope you don't mind."

"No."

Doctor Russert closed the manila folder on her desk and walked over to sit in the chair opposite JJ. "I hope you don't mind my intrusiveness, but I'm sensing that you don't want to be here today."

JJ gave a short laugh full of irony. "It's not exactly what I had planned. But…" she looked around and tried to calm herself, "…none of what happened was what I had planned."

"I see. Where would you be right now, if you had the choice?"

"At home…actually, I don't have a home…not anymore," she corrected wistfully.

"Where are you living? Because I thought I had an address for you." Doctor Russert looked flummoxed.

"I'm not homeless," she corrected quickly, "I'm living with a friend - or rather, a co-worker who took me and my son in."

"I see. What is your friend's name?"

"David." JJ nervously fiddled with her collar.

Doctor Russert noticed the change. "Jennifer, are you alright?"

"Just…just a little…um, nervous."

"There is nothing to be nervous about; can I get you something to drink? Water? A Coke?" Doctor Russert stood up and walked to the mini fridge in the corner of the office.

"A Coke would be nice," JJ replied.

A couple of minutes later, JJ was sipping on the cold beverage.

"Back to your friend, David. How do you know him?"

JJ set the bottle down. "We're co-workers."

A scan of the information. "I see you're not married."

JJ's hands unconsciously balled into fists. "No. I'm a single parent."

"Is your co-worker your son's father?"

"No."

"Where is your son's father?"

"Gone." JJ made it sound final.

"Where did he…?"

"I don't want to talk about it," JJ snapped. Will no longer existed in her life and she wasn't going to go down that road.

"Okay. We won't talk about that." Doctor Russert watched her patient's body language. "So, why do you think you're here?" She changed the subject to gage her patient's reaction time.

"I was attacked in my home," JJ admitted, "and they think that if I talk to someone, then I can go back to work."

"Do you want to go back to work?"

"Yes. I loved my job."

Past tense. That was mentally noted for her eval after the consult. "What did you do?"

"I was a Liaison for the FBI's BAU division."

Another past tense. "BAU?"

"Behaviour Analysis Unit," JJ supplied. "Profilers."

"So, you've seen the worst of the worst crime and society has to offer."

JJ nodded. "I have."

"And you want to go back to it?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I want to make a difference. I want to help."

Doctor Russert nodded. "Jennifer…"

"You can call me JJ."

She crossed her legs and leaned forward a bit. "So, JJ, tell me about growing up and how you joined the FBI."