Shows They Can't Do Together!

Auditions!

Today I was thinking, why don't we do auditions for more characters to be on the show. American Idol has one; even so you think you can dance. We really need someone, other than me, to try and keep the peace!

Damon: Fuck that.

*Smirk* Bad Damon. You and Stefan's Dare already started!

Damon: *Growls*

That's better! So what you guys think? We need other then vampires here.

Zero: Who are you calling a vampire?

*Takes a few steps away from him* Only me, Sam *If he counts*, and Dean are the only humans here. Vampires popped up everywhere! Edward, Eric, Pam, Lestat, and Louis. We need more diversity! Who's with me!

Stefan: Fuck that.

Eric: Just more toys to play with.

Lestat: Well said.

Sam: I have a bad feeling about this.

Pam: I want chicks with big tits.

Louis:…

Dean: Let's rock and roll!

Damon: Pfft.

Zero: Why do we need more people?

Edward: She probably thinks it's fun.

*Chuckles* Yes! Yes I do. We might as well do questions along this ride. But let's bring in the first person.

*A girl walks in*

Hi! And your name is?

Girl: Bella.

Bella Swan?

Stefan: Next her ass!

Damon: Well said.

Pam: Take your shirt off.

…Pam this is for the show. It's not a porno.

Pam: Then change the rating to M.

Too much work. Okay if your going to be able to take some questions like , "When are you going to take you dull ass home?"

Bella: Kiss…my…butt?

Dean: The kid's not ready. Next her.

Exit to your left please.

Bella: *Frowny face and walks away*

*Next person walks in*

What's your name?

Guy: I'm Kaname.

Zero: *Loads gun* That bastard makes it through and I will kill you.

Sam: Why are you pointing the gun at me?

Zero: You're the closest.

Kaname: So Yuki's pet got out of his cage?

Zero: Burn in hell Kaname.

Kaname: Can we get on with the questions?

Yeah. Between you and Zero who would be top?

Kaname: Me.

*blushes* Anyone else got questions?

Dean: Are you a vampire?

Kaname: Yes. I'm a pureblood.

Sam: Pureblood?

We don't have time to go through that but we will call you back. *Smiles*

Zero: Fuck OFF!

Kaname: Don't walk alone at night Zero. *Walks away*

Zero: Keep walking you depression causing bastard.

Next!

Cartman: This is bullshit! You had me waiting for an hour you bitch.

*Twitch*

Stefan: When you are you going to die!

Cartman: Ha-ha! *Demonic voice* I'LL NEVER DIE!

Everyone: O.O.

Cartman: So are you going to call me later?

*nods*

Cartman: Okay. *Walks away*

Dean & Louis: The hell.

Next!

*next person walks in*

Barney: Hi everyone and I love you!

Where's Damon?

Damon: *Walks behind Barney and hits him with a bat* You bitch! You think I couldn't get you! With your pack of ninja monkey brats. Fuck You! *Beats Barney with a bat*

Stefan: *Laughs*

Damon: You see here! This is what happened to the purple bastard! *Growls* You want to be next?

…He's having a moment right now.

Damon: *Grabs Barney's Head and throws him*

O.O? The next question is from Heart-Broken-In-Love asked me, can I please come into the story so I can kill Stefan? If I can't kill can I just stake him a couple of times and yell and cuss at him? He really pissing me off. Please can I? Okay.

Crash. *Looks over*

Dean:…Who's the girl on Stefan.

Heart-Broken: *Stabs Stefan in the throat* DIE YOU FUCKING BASTARD! GO DIE IN A FUCKING CORNER!

Pam: Is it bad that I'm being turned on by this.

Sam: She just stabbed him in the eye.

*Slaps forehead* It's become crazy.

Heart-Broken: Woooh! I'm done.

*Looks over at Stefan* O.O.

Eric: Girl can do damage.

You didn't have to shove the stake down his throat. *Twitch* It looks so gross.

Heart-Broken: I didn't do much damage.

He doesn't have a face.

Stefan: *Leg twitches*

Heart-Broken: Peace. *Walks away*

Damon: I'm done.

Please give us a few seconds to clean up Barney's and Stefan's blood.

Can you guys take it seriously?

Stefan: Hey I didn't invite a crazed fan girl to shove a stake down my throat. *Spits out a piece of wood*

I didn't know she would do all that! Can let's conutie with a…what's this? *Holds up a paper full of claw marks*

*Guy walks in*

*Blush* H-hi.

Damon: But put a got damn shirt on!

Jacob: Don't have one on me.

Please don't put on a shirt. Why don't we go into a back room and finish this…

Damon: Try it and die. *twitch*

Jacob: Ha-ha. *whispers* Sure.

*Faints*

Pam: A sucker for a hot body.

Damon: I will kill you.

Sam: Pam would you do Sookie?

Pam: The things I would do to her.

Sam: Damon, how do you stand your annoying brother?

Damon: I block out his voice and imagine that a cool person was standing there. It's really hard to do but I had years of practice.

Sam: Edward, Guess what? You're a little more important. You and Stefan still suck but now your better then him. How does it feel? Oh and you still suck and I hate you, didn't you know that?

Edward: I liked you better when you were messing with Stefan. You angry little midget.

Jacob: So what I got to do to answer a few questions?

Lestat: Come into the back room with me and…

Louis: Don't listen to him. I was lured the same way.

Dean: *Raises eyebrows* Really?

Louis: Yes.

Eric: Well call you back soon. If she ever gets up?

*Still out*

Stefan: Let's move on.

Everyone: Yes.

Jacob: I'm still here.

Lestat: Get out of here before I rape you.

Jacob: O.O *runs out*

*Gets up* Where is Jacob?

Eric: He left after Lestat said that he was going to rape him.

… Why?

Lestat: I don't believe in lying.

Louis: Pfft. Liar.

Well who's next?

Gir: Beep beep I like waffles!

Huh?

Gir: Want me to sing the doom song?

Damon : What?

Stefan: NO DON'T!

Gir: Doom doom doom dooo doom de doom…

Eric: I'm going to kill it. *Twitch*

He twitched! The world as we know it is going to end!

Sam: Let's go back to questions.

Gir: Doy doy doooy!

Dbz rox asked Damon, Why are you so gay? Are you sure you don't do incest with Stefan?

Damon: Go burn in hell with all the bunnies Stefan ate.

Ouch. That's really mean.

Damon: Don't care.

Stefan, you're nothing but a bunny killer! How do you live with that shame?

Stefan: I picture your face as I eat them. *Smirk*

Edward, I'm on team Edward! I think I'm the only person who thinks you are hot. Anyways, kill Damon. He's really annoying. Or get Jacob to do it.

Edward: Finally I have a fan on this damnable show. I will kill…

Damon: Try it and your head's going in the toilet.

Edward: I watch you while your sleeping.

Damon: What?

Edward: Nothing.

Let's bring in the next person.

Gir: I'm not done with my song.

Please leave. Please.

Gir: Okay!

Starfire: Hello I am Starfire! I wanted to see the people who suck the blood out of other people.

You mean vampires?

Starfire: Yes the beings called vampires!

Pam: Please leave. Now.

Starfire: Okay. *Leaves*

Pam: I turn straight for three seconds. She would be hot if you put duck tape over her mouth.

*Laughs*

Kiwi-luv said to Damon, your on my good side again don't try to screw it up. *Hands you a pint of human blood* Stefan *Hands you a bunny*, Zero *Blows you a kiss. Hands you blood and gives you some suggestive pictures cause you're my favorite*, Chi, stay away from Zero he's mine. If you don't I'll make a fanfic of you marring Bella.

Damon: Bella?

Haha! Go ahead and try!

Dean: She said Bella.

Huh? I thought she said Alice. *Frowny face* Lol.

Breakfastclub85 asked Damon, who's you favorite Spice Girl?

Damon: Baby spice.

Sam & Dean, N Sync or Backstreet Boys?

Sam: Backstreet Boys

Dean: N Sync all the way baby.

Everyone, Best concert you have ever been to? Paramore!

Dean: AC/DC!

Sam: Bon Jovi.

Damon: Snoop Dog.

Really?

Damon: I was high half of the time and I don't even smoke.

Stefan: none.

Lestat: Same.

Louis: Elton John.

Pam & Eric: We never went to one.

Pam, what is the craziest thing you have done to Damon?

Pam: Placed a clamp on Damon's nipples and pulled them off.

Damon: *Smirk*

Damon, I dare you to have a threesome with Barney & Elmo in big birds nest.

Damon: I want to push you off the cliff and watch you fall to your death.

Bubbles: Can I do my thing now?

Oh! Sorry.

Bubbles: My name is Bubbles and I'm from the Power puff girls.

Sam: She's cute. But I don't think it's a good idea to bring on a little girl.

Bubbles: I'm not little.

Sam: Your six years old. Maybe a little older.

Bubbles: What are you talking about? I had sex with twenty guys before getting here.

O.O!

Bubbles: *Smiles*

Well call you later.

Bubbles: Okay. *Floats away*

Dean: Let's go to some more questions.

Yeah. Cherise Brooklyn asked Everyone, why do you guys hate the people who play you on the shows/movies? And Damon, you're hot. Can you fuck me to Kentucky?

Eric: I don't care about the guy. He can do whatever he wants.

Damon: Give me my face back Ian!

*Rolls eyes*

Damon: And I fuck you to father places.

Dirtdevil76 asked Damon, can you kill Justin Bieber for me? Please?

Damon: Yes. I'll bring his head as proof.

LeLelurvsGlee dares Damon, I dare Damon to spend 10 minutes alone with Eric in a locked room. And Damon since you never turn down a dare GOOD LUCK!

Damon: Fuck that add that shit to my record thingy. I will not be locked in a room with Satan!

Eric: *Chuckles* Damon's a Pussy!

Damon: I do today.

You suck.

Damon: I'll choke you.

Just do it.

Damon: Fine, but tomorrow. Let me get ready.

No weapons.

Damon: Fuck.

SouthernHemmy asked Pam, how good is Eric in bed? Who begs for more, you or him?

Pam: He's really good and he's the only man to make me beg for anything.

Sam and Dean: Who would you invite to a hot tub? And Charity is already in the hot tub waiting for you… Huh? *Looks down* How did I get in here?

Sam: Castile.

Dean & Me: Really?

Sam: I want to shove his head in the water.

Dean: Scary. Well I'll invite Paris Hilton. Nuff said.

*Shakes head* Lestat, could you make Damon you bitch? And how long do you think it would take?

Lestat: *Looks at Damon* One week…make it two days.

Damon: You and Eric can burn.

Louis, If you could kill Damon or Stefan who would you choose and why?

Louis: Damon because he is loud and annoying.

Damon: Like I get a damn what you think.

Stefan, why won't you admit you want Lestat to have you?

Stefan: I don't want him! Or him wanting me!

Lestat: Whips and chains. Don't that sound like fun Stefan?

Stefan: *Twitch*

Zim: Gir! Where are you!

Are you here for the show?

Zim: I'm not here for your stupid human show! Where's Gir!

Gir: I like you! *Clings on to Eric*

Eric: *Lets out a breath*

Gir: Want me to sign to you?

Eric: Do you want you tongue in you mouth.

Gir: I have a metal tongue.

Zim: GIR! GIR GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!

Gir: Bye!

Eric: I want to kill him.

*nervous laugh* future mrs. wayland asked Edward, how do the sparkles show up through all the make-up they have to use to draw on your fake abs?

Edward: Die.

Everyone, if you could dress up as anything for Halloween what would it be? C.C. from code geass!

Dean: A ghost/

Pam: A witch.

Eric: Nothing. If you say something I will bite you and you will not like it.

*Gulp*

Sam: A demon.

Stefan: A rock star.

Lestat & Louis: nothing.

Damon: Stefan so I could scare the kids and bird away.

Stefan: *Growls*

Edward: Batman.

Zero: nothing.

Your still here?

Zero: Got a problem with it?

Nope. You're so hot!

Damon: I'm watching you, writer!

He's like a creepy dad. *shivers*

BereniceAndrea asked Stefan *acting like Damon*

Stefan: *sighs*

Why are you so evil all the time? what is the master plan behind those evil eyes?

Stefan: I'm going to wipe everyone off the show. These bastards made it so crowded in here. Like fucking cock roach!

Damon *Acting like Stefan* Do you brood so much because of your brother? Do you have a favorite animal blood type?

Damon: Sorry I'm emoing over here while I'm eating a bunny. Emo angst emo.

Stefan: I fucking hate you.

Damon: Got him to a T.

Sam, Do you consider Dean your bff?

Sam: Yeah.

Dean, do you like being on this show?

Dean: Not really.

Eric: Omg you're old, what's your secret?

Eric: Drinking a lot of blood from young women.

*Steps away from Eric*

Edward, I hope you burn in hell soon.

Edward: right after you.

Is this the end of the auditions?

Dean: I guess so.

Good because I want to be lazy. Anneryn7 said to Damon, *Whispers my address Damon's ear *I change my mind…you don't have to wear clothes*

Damon: Nice.

Damon, is someone made Stefan their bitch (Which I'm not saying I want to happen because I love Stefan) would you do anything to stop it?

Damon: Ha. No. That's what that bastard deservers!

Eric, would you hook up with Buffy Summers (The vampire slayer)?

Eric: Yeah,

Would you let me watch?

Eric: Go ahead.

If you wouldn't hook up with her…or if you did, would you…hook up with me?

Eric: Yeah.

Okay! The story is over! I want to thank Heart-Broken-In-Love, dbz rox, kiwi-luv, Breakfastclub85, Cherise Brooklyn, dirtdevil76, LeLelurvsGlee, SouthernHemmy, future mrs. wayland, BereniceAndrea, and anneryn7 for reviews and questions. Choose the next person for the show. There will be more soon. Peace!

Sam: Love!

Dean: And Chocolate!

Bye guys!

Naruto: What about me!

Damon: Go away you orange demon!

Naruto: I will be back, BELIEVE IT!