Chapter 36

"Oh my God!" Carol burst suddenly. The two of us were sitting in the backroom, watching the guys kill each other in some fighting video game. For the rest of dinner I was ignored. The boys probably thought I was on my period or something and didn't want to risk pissing me off. Not that I already wasn't…

I looked away from the screen to Carol. "What?"

She scooted really close, until she was practically on top of me and asked, "Have you taken Plan B?"

"Huh?"

"The morning after pill!" She whispered harshly.

"Oh…" Then realization settled in. "What, no!"

She suddenly stood up from the couch and pulled me up. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" I asked as she dragged me to the door.

"We'll be right back." Carol said to the boys, who were too engrossed in their video game to notice us.

"Carol." I said impatiently.

As soon as we were out the door, Carol looked around and then said in a low voice, "To go get a pregnancy test."

"Oh my God…" I couldn't believe that I had never thought about it before. I was too into the whole rape that I never stopped to think what rape could bring.

Carol rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you never thought about this!"

"Well sorry! I've had a few other things on my mind!" I said, but Carol rolled her eyes again.

"Whatever. Come on." She led me out into the back of the studio where our Tour Bus, and other important cars were parked. "Hold on a sec. I'll get Alvin to drive us."

"Drive us to the store? I can't be seen in public buying a pregnancy test." She ignored me and went back into the building.

Alvin was a new bodyguard in training. He was a young French boy, about twenty-three, bulky and had a shaved head. Cute, but not my type.

A few seconds later Carol and Alvin were exiting the building and getting into a car that was near the entrance.

Just as I was about to repeat my self, Carol spoke. "No way are we going to a store." She put on her seat belt. "I have like a ton back at the hotel."

"Why so many?" I asked stupidly, but then I suddenly understood. "Oh…"

"Yea. You can never be too careful. I'd rather know right away when I want to know, rather then having to wait for someone to get some for me." Carol sighed. "I love dating Bill and all, but seriously, I'm loosing my independence."

"Now you know how we all feel every single day." I smiled.

Alvin escorted us to Carol's room as soon as we arrived at the hotel, and waited out in the hallway.

Carol went to her suitcase and rummaged around in it for a moment until it produced a pregnancy test.

"Here." She handed me, what looked like a white stick, and I looked at her skeptically.

"Aren't these things supposed to work like two weeks after sex? It's only been like a week." I placed the test back in her hand.

"Just use it."

"But it's just going to say negative."

"Maybe a miracle will happen and it will tell you a week early." Carol gave it back.

"Carol-"

"Go pee on the stick!" She urged and pushed me into the bathroom. "I'm not walking away from this door until I hear you pee."

"You're gross." I laughed.

"Yup. Now hurry up."

I stared at the white stick in my hand and-

"You pee on the foam part."

"Thanks!" I called, and then mumbled, "Like I didn't know that." I knew there was really no point that I should take the test. It's not like it was going to give correct results, but I did it for Carol anyway.

I finished up and set the stick on the counter, washing my hands as I waited for the results. As much as I wanted the negative to be true, I still wouldn't know for another week. Maybe when the negative sign comes up, it will relieve me for about a week, and then I'll do it again. But wait. For the whole next week, I'll be super anxious to know what the real result was. I don't know how I am going to be able to sleep. Watch, I'll probably be up all night, every night, until I know the correct answer. At least it will keep me from my nightmares of Sean.

The results soon shown on the test, and I wasn't surprised. I opened the door to the bathroom and showed Carol the test. "Negative. Just like I said."

"Well…"

"What, did you want it to say positive that way we would know if by some miracle I found out early?" I walked to a trashcan and threw it out.

"No. Of course not! That would suck if you were pregnant."

"I know." Carol's bed looked comfortable, so I decided to lie down on it. "Do… do you ever wonder what would happen if you were pregnant with Bills kid?" I watched as Carols expression changed.

"I have thought about it." Carol lay down next to me. "Like, how would I even support the baby? I barely made enough for myself when I was working at Petsmart."

"What about Bill?"

"Bill buys me stuff and takes care of me but, would he still be like that if there was a kid in our lives?" She turned her side, her elbow supporting her head. "I've read interviews where he says he doesn't want any kids. At least not right now. I mean… seriously. How would he even be a good dad? He's always on the road touring, or in the studio recording, or talking in a million interviews. Sure, maybe if he wasn't busy and didn't have a rock star life, he would be a great dad, but for now… eh… I don't know. What about you and Tom?"

I was a little surprised at her question. "What about me and Tom?"

"Aren't you and Tom a couple?"

"Well… not officially. Basically we're um… friends with benefits. He did tell me he wanted to be with me though…" I smiled at the memory of Tom telling me he was happy he had a chance at being with me.

"Maybe he's taking things slow? Because of the rape and stuff. Maybe he thinks you're just not ready or maybe he just doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. This is Tom we're talking about." Carol laughed.

"Yea… but I think he's changing. Like, growing up I guess. I really haven't heard talk about girls the way he use too. And was he even with any girls while I was gone?"

"A few." That made my heart sink. "You can't be mad at him though. You guys weren't official, and you still aren't. I have noticed that Tom's changed… for the better. I think he really does care about you and wants to be with you now that you're back. I mean, he's been spending almost all his time with you right?"

"Yea." I smiled. "Maybe someday we'll be official, just not right now. I need to get through those whole thing with Sean first."

***

Carol and I sat in the nosebleed section of the venue. It was way up there at the very top, but Carol and I didn't mind. We always got the front row, but this time we wanted to see what the very top was like. The boys we're late coming out… not like that's anything new, so Carol and I talked to some of the fans. We got lucky that they were really chill fans, especially since Bill and Carol were public now and the whole rape issue with me. I was still embarrassed by the situation, but I knew the sooner I started to go in public, the sooner I would get over it. Besides, the fans are cool.

"So do you watch their shows every night?" A fan with Dark blonde hair asked.

Carol and I nodded. "Practically, but this tour just started, so we haven't seen very many shows."

"When they were playing in America last, we had seen more." Carol said.

"You guys are so lucky!" The fan gushed. "I would love to see them live every night. And you Carol! You get to kiss the sex god, Bill Kaulitz."

Carol laughed. "I think Tom is the sex god."

"Still. Bill is the sex." The fan smirked. "And you Sadie. You get to spend time with Tom Kaulitz." She said his name dreamily.

"Yup. He's a funny dude. Like I say in all of my interviews, my best friend."

"That's it?" A new girl with red hair joined the conversation. "Come on, there is no way that you could have gone this long without kissing the man."

I glanced at Carol, who suddenly looked nervous. "Well, like I just said, Tom is my best friend, and I basically see him as a brother. Would you kiss your brother?"

"Haha no. But come on! Can't you tell us anything that goes on between you?" Red head begged.

"I can say that Tom has been there for me throughout this whole thing with Sean. Like he will stay by my side all night, making sure I feel safe and calm.

"Aww!" A bigger group of fans were listening to our conversation.

"Yea." I smiled.

"What the heck?" Blondie was looking at her cell phone strangely and then held it out to me. "Is this you?"

It was the picture that Sean said he was going to make public, and he did. People all over the world were sending the picture to everybody.

I stared at the phone wide eyed. "Uh…"

"It is Sadie!" The red head exclaimed after looking at Blondie's cell. "You smoke pot?"

Suddenly the fans phones were starting to ring. Almost everyone in the nosebleed section had received the picture of me. Wow… things travel fast now a days.

"I'm going to get to kill him." I muttered angrily, but then felt everybody's eyes on me.

"You can't deny this is you." Red head said. "It's so obvious. I've been a fan of yours since the beginning, but now…"

"You aren't seriously going to stop being a fan because of that picture are you?" Carol asked astonishedly.

The fans started to crowd me and take a ton of pictures of Carol and I. I felt somebody kick me in the leg. "I looked up to you!" A fan screamed. "Me too! And you call yourself a role model!"

"It's just weed guys…" I mumbled quietly. The fans surrounded Carol and I. There was no place for us to go. "I think we need to leave."

"Yea." Carol agreed and tried to stand up. "Can you guys move?"

"Yea, please? We're trying to get out of here." I successfully stood up and started shoving me way through the crowd, Carol close behind.

"No." Red head and Blondie stopped us from going any further. "Sadie's best friends with the boys remember? She's probably giving the boys drugs!" Blondie shouted. That just made the fans close in even more.

"Seriously, move!" I shouted, but it did no good.

"I can't believe Tom and the boys actually like you." Red head sneered.

"Would you guys quit over reacting?! It's just a little weed! I was 13 for goodness sakes!" I exclaimed. "I have enough common sense not to do that anymore!"

"Move, move! Back up! Get out of the way!" Alvin had shown up with a few other guards. The pushed through the fans and grabbed Carol and I.

***

I sat in the back room with Carol, watching the boys celebrate another awesome with wine and other drinks. Carol really didn't care that I had done that. She too had experimented with it when she was younger. I was glad that she wasn't making a big deal about it. People these days… they want every Disney star to be perfect, and when they do one un-perfect thing, they are suddenly horrible role models.

Tom was checking his phone for any texts messages or missed call, when he suddenly frowned at the phone.

"Is this you Sadie?"

I didn't need to look at the phone to know what he was talking about. "I was 13. Big deal. I don't do that anymore."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tom sipped his glass of wine.

"It's not a big deal! I just wanted to keep that part about me private. Guess it's not private anymore huh! Stupid Sean…"

"Hold on. You said earlier today that when you "saw" Sean, he was going to send out a picture of you when you we're younger…" Tom's brain was starting to connect the dots.

I nodded. "I told you I saw him Tom. I didn't make it up."

"The bastard was really here…. And he kissed you! The little fucker… ugh! I'm going to kill him!" Tom then suddenly squeezed his glass so hard it broke. Glass and spilled wine was all over the floor

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Sorry if it wasn't all that exciting guys. I'm tired. *Passes out on keyboard*