Chapter 34: Decision

Aoshi wandered into the yard of the Kamiya dojo to see Battousai close the front doors.

"Ah, Aoshi-san," he said genially. "Good afternoon."

Aoshi nodded in return. "Was someone there?"

"Kikome. She just wanted to drop by to check up on us since she heard that we were finished fighting Enishi."

"I see…"

"It's not like she was avoiding you. I told her you were meditating, and she didn't want to bother you. Besides, it seemed like she had somewhere to go."

"Go?" Aoshi looked up at the gathering clouds in the sky. "She'll get caught in the weather…"

Kenshin followed his gaze to the sky.

"Well, she'll be fine. But really, it's a pity, since Tanabata's tomorrow."

"Oh, right."

Aoshi felt slightly disappointed that he had missed Kikome. But what could he expect? They had parted ways. She had no obligation to see him.

If he kept staying in Tokyo, he'd keep seeking after her. It'd be best to depart as soon as he could.

"Kenshin, we'll be leaving today."

"Hm." Kenshin didn't seem surprised. "Well then, you should probably tell Misao-dono…and Kikome as well."

Aoshi scoffed. "I have no right to go see her."

Kenshin shook his head. "It'd be best to tell her what you really want, or you'll never be released from her shadow."

She'd kill him if Aoshi told her what he really wanted. Besides, she had Saitou now.

"Go, Aoshi."

His legs carried him through the doors before Aoshi had time to register what he was doing. The rain came pouring down in dollops, soaking him to the skin. Where to go? What to say?

Where was she? At Saitou's?

It was his best guess, and he ran in the direction, thinking of what he wanted. What had Kenshin sensed? What did Aoshi really long for?

He wanted to bring her back to Kyoto with him.

He loved her to death.

*************

Kikome opened her umbrella over her head as it began to rain. Her heart was calm, her expression serene. She had gone to see Kenshin, to check up on him.

To say goodbye and good luck.

Kenshin wasn't surprised. Was he ever? He could anticipate her thoughts so well. Kikome could help but be jealous of the life he had settled down into. Living with the woman he loved, to finally finish the business behind Battousai and Yukishiro Tomoe.

How Kikome wished to be free as well. But unlike her, Kenshin cared nothing for his title or for his fighting ability.

Kikome gave a bitter smile. She was really too prideful.

The rain pattered against her umbrella. Such morose weather. Well, it was appropriate for what she was about to do.

She had purposely stayed away from Saitou for the last few days, gathering her thoughts and resolution.

With her gained courage, she had regained her physical strength. Her legs no longer ached, and she was able to use Shinsoku as well as she could before. Shukuchi seemed out of bounds. The one day she had tried, her legs had screamed in agony all night. Perhaps she really was only suited for Hiten Mitsurugi.

Kikome gradually approached the police headquarters. Her heart skipped a beat when she noticed a familiar figure staring at the doors.

"Aoshi?"

He whirled around, splattering water everywhere.

"Sokusai?"

She laughed. "You're soaked to the bone. Why didn't you bring an umbrella?"

"…I was in a hurry."

"Well, I can't share one with you. Then there would be romantic implications." Kikome shut her umbrella, enjoying the feel of the cool rain soaking her skin.

"You—"

"It's all right. I like the rain."

Kikome glanced up at the window where Saitou's office was.

"Did you come to see him?"

Aoshi smirked. "Why would I want to see him? No, I came to see you."

"Even after we agreed that we had nothing to do with each other?"

"Yes. I know I have no right to, but…" he let out a breath. "I'm leaving for Kyoto today."

"Why now?"

"The sooner, the better. I…wanted to tell you."

She gave him a perplexed expression but said nothing.

"Sokusai, no, Kikome," Aoshi continued. "I have no right to see you, to call your name, but I can't leave it like this. I…Kikome, I love you."

Why did he have to say that? Especially now, when she had finally prepared herself to face Saitou…the mere three words rustled her resolution.

"I've loved you since we first met, even when I betrayed you, I love you now. And I am foolish for thinking that perhaps I still have a chance. But…I want you to come back to Kyoto with me."

Her eyes widened at his request. "What?"

"I want you to come back to Kyoto. It's your home, isn't it? Your birthplace. Kikome…I want to spend the rest of my life with you. The same peaceful life we had in the mountains…"

A part of her will tugged at her to accept. To go. To love the man she had loved back in the mountains.

He was the man who had trapped her back in the web of familiar faces. The web of fate. He was the trigger. And she was glad he had brought her back into the cycle. But was that it? Gratitude?

"I…can't."

Aoshi's beautiful green eyes shimmered.

"I can't go back into the past. I'm…sorry."

"Is it because of Saitou?"

Kikome hesitated. He was right. More than anything else, it was Saitou's being that held her back from accepting. Saitou's golden eyes, his ever-present smirk. The protection he connoted, the love he had always held.

"Yes."

"Do…you love him?"

She closed her eyes as the rain clung to her face, dampened her hair. Her heart knew the answer long before her mind was able to register it.

"Yes."

Aoshi sighed. "I thought as much."

"Aoshi…"

"It's all right. I expected it. You…will stay with him then?"

"…No."

"What?"

"I'm…not worthy of someone like Saitou. Someone who has always cared for me, loved me blindly. I've pushed him away so many times on the pretext that I needed to settle my business with you, when all I really felt was a constant unworthiness that clamored inside me."

She opened her eyes, and her vision was blurry. It was the rain.

"I am…really, a disgusting person. I place my pride in front of everything else. Today, I came because I wanted to tell Saitou goodbye, thinking that the reason was that he would never encourage my identity as Sokusai. I…can't stay with him."

"Are you an idiot?"

"Eh?"

"That man…loves you for everything you are. There's no way that he resents Sokusai inside of you. To him, you are Sokusai. He refused to let you fight, to come with us to Enishi's base, because if you got injured, your pathway to healing would be even slower. He's resisted taking full advantage of you because your current weakness isn't you. Kikome…he adores you."

"Aoshi—"

"You told me before. You don't know where you stand in this world. Your place is beside him. I know, now having been rejected, that you two are bound by fate. Cast aside your pride. Embrace your humility. Go to him, and give him the love he has always longed."

"I—"

He placed his lips briefly on hers, his smooth marble lips trailing to her ear as he whispered.

"This is my farewell. I will close up your chapter of the past. That man behind you is your future."

Kikome swiveled around and stared disbelievingly.

Saitou was leaning against a wall, drenched in rain, looking incredibly handsome. Her heart lurched. She hadn't sensed him at all. Had he heard?

He wasn't smiling, but his golden eyes gleamed in an unnatural way that Kikome interpreted as not anger.

There was an untouchable moment as the two of them stared at each other.

"Kikome," Saitou's silky voice said. "Come."

Her body obeyed, her mind temporarily shut down, as she gave into all the desires she had concealed for so long. Kikome leapt into Saitou's open arms and embraced him, linking her arms over his neck and hugging him tightly. Mixed with the cold rain were warm tears; her soul soared as she no longer hid her emotions.

His arms curled around her waist as he supported her weight, refusing to let her feet touch the ground. She touched his cheek, fingers trailing over his skin.

"Take the initiative this time," Saitou smirked.

She kissed him ardently, lovingly, the blood rushing through her veins as her heartbeat accelerated. She could feel his arms tighten, reciprocating her desire.

He broke off the kiss and nuzzled her neck, whispering incoherent words in her ear. Kikome spotted Aoshi walking past them, his eyes closed.

"Aoshi!"

He stopped and turned around. His green eyes revealed his sincerity in bringing the two of them together.

"Thank you."

Aoshi smiled and waved his hand, disappearing into the distance.

Kikome buried her face in Saitou's shoulder, inhaling his smoky scent and letting her tears fall freely. With every spherical droplet, she let out the trouble of her past and her useless resolution to leave Saitou.

She was with him now. This was where she was supposed to be.

*************

The soft patter of the rain beat rhythmically on the roof of the hotel. Kikome laid in her futon, having already taken a shower. Tanabata was tomorrow. Perhaps she'd go with Saitou? If the rain let up…

Saitou emerged from the bath, clad in black robes.

"You seriously live in the richest hotel in Tokyo," he commented, slipping under the covers.

"It is nice," she admitted. "Though I can't say the atmosphere has been entirely welcoming as of late."

Saitou nodded. "You mean after that arresting incident."

"Yeah," Kikome sighed. "Miyuki has been avoiding me."

"Well, after being exposed to your ki like that, it's not surprising."

"You're not helpful in cheering me up."

Saitou nestled his face at her neck, his hand slipping down her robes. "Maybe this will?"

She pushed him away. "No."

"Kikome…"

"I'm not sleeping with you unless we're married."

Saitou's liquid yellow eyes gleamed. "Married?"

"I told you I'm not that loose of a woman."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I figured. What the hell was Shinomori thinking? Someone like you alone with him for half a year…it's enough to drive anyone crazy."

Saitou pushed her on her back. "I'm not as patient as he was."

He leaned in and began to unfasten the belt around her waist.

"Saitou, I'm not going to—"

He cut her off with a fierce kiss, hands sliding under her robes. Her body reacted fitfully to his touch.

"You're so sensitive," he breathed. "Really, I thought you would've had more practice with Shinomori."

"Shut up," she gasped. "Stop—"

"You can't expect me to sit here and do nothing. I've slept with you without touching you for too long. And now that I know your regards towards me, it's all the more beckoning."

He caressed her cheek lightly. "You're food in front of a starving wolf."

Kikome pushed him aside and slipped her robes over her shoulders.

"Don't be stupid," she said haughtily. "I already gave you my conditions."

Saitou cocked his head to one side. "Marriage? Why are you so adamant about it?"

"Because it's a way of binding you to me," she answered. "You're probably more frivolous than you let on. Who knows, even after meeting me again, you've most likely had one or two affairs already."

Kikome saw him wince.

"You have?!"

"Eh…"

She slammed a pillow in his face. "You bastard!"

"Hey, it was when we were both angry with each other, all right? It wasn't anything big—"

Kikome pushed him down and hit him with the pillow again.

"Which is precisely why you have to marry me if we're going to stay together," she said, laying on top of him.

He sighed. "It's just…marriage is so…contract-like."

"What, you're going to run off with some other woman after you're tired of me? Give me a break. It's now or never, Saitou."

He patted her head. "I doubt I'd get tired of you, honestly."

"Are you taking the deal or not?"

"Fine." Saitou brought her closer to him. "Now can I do it?"

"We're. Not. Married. Yet."

Kikome sat up and pushed the pillow at his face. "So get the documents and then I'll consider it."

"Consider it? You're supposed to just—"

There was a knock on the door.

"Hm?" Kikome glanced at the clock, knowing it was quite late. Perhaps it was a neighbor, telling them to shut up.

"Come in," she said.

Miyuki entered the room nervously.

"Miyuki-chan," Kikome said in surprise.

"H-hi," she said. "I…came to apologize."

She looked at Saitou. "But…er…if you're busy, I'll just come by later…you just haven't been in very often, so I never knew when to find you."

"I'm not," Kikome said before Saitou opened his mouth. "Do you need something?"

She didn't mean to be brusque. Seeing Miyuki again reminded Kikome of an incident that she'd rather not remember, and it annoyed her to remember the weakness she felt when she didn't have the strength to push one man off of her.

"I…just wanted to say sorry. About running away after you protected me."

Kikome scoffed. "I didn't do anything."

"But…it was also rude of me to take that man's words to heart. Just because you were Sokusai or some scary assassin doesn't mean you're like that now. So…I should have trusted you instead."

Kikome laughed lightly. "Well, it was also my bad to scare you that much. And I can understand why you avoided me. My past isn't so pure as most other's."

"I don't care! Or at least, I shouldn't have." Miyuki gave her a bow.

"Please accept my apologies, Kikome-san."

"You don't need to apologize. I guess I should be saying thank you for helping me out in the mornings though."

"No, it's my pleasure! So I can come again in the morning from now on?"

"Which will probably only be tomorrow and the next," Saitou said, sitting up. "We're going to Hokkaido."

Kikome turned to him. "What?!" she and Miyuki exclaimed simultaneously.

"I haven't seen you lately, so I didn't get to tell you." Saitou took a pack of cigarettes from off the desk and lit it. "I'm being transferred to Hokkaido in two days. Technically, it was supposed to be tomorrow, but Tanabata's tomorrow so they decided on the day after."

"I'm supposed to go with you?" Kikome said hoarsely.

Saitou lifted an eyebrow. "Well, if you're going to stay with me, then yes."

"But…that's too soon!" Miyuki wailed. "Just when Kikome-san and I are reconciled…"

"If you want to continue helping her, then I'll hire you," Saitou said calmly.

"To do what?" Kikome said incredulously.

"To be your maid."

"That sounds so degrading! No, I don't need a maid! Miyuki doesn't need to be my servant." Kikome said the word with loathing.

"I'm not saying she has to, it's her decision—"

"No, I want to!" Miyuki said excitedly. "I'll just help around the house and help Kikome-san, right? That's pretty much the same thing as what I do here, so that's great!"

"See?" Saitou said lazily. "It'll work out."

"You'll really hire me, Saitou-san?"

"I guess so."

"Then I'll go tell my parents!"

"Hey, isn't this a little sudden—" Kikome stopped speaking as Miyuki disappeared from view.

She sighed. "You're going to pay her? Do you even have money?"

"How rude. I'm technically getting a 'promotion' by going to Hokkaido. Besides, you seem to have a limitless supply, so it'll be fine."

He stopped smoking and kissed her lightly on the cheek. She could smell the fresh scent of smoke.

"Want to try?" he said, offering her the cigarette.

"Hell, no."

Saitou chuckled. "Get used to the smell."

Kikome scooted closer to him and laid down on his lap. "I already am."

She brought the blankets over her shoulders. "No funny business."

"Sure, sure. I swear, I'm getting those documents tomorrow and ravaging you as soon as they're approved."

Kikome smirked. "So anxious."

He cradled her face in his hands. "You haven't been waiting for months."

"I suppose."

There was a silence as the two of them simply enjoyed each other's presence.

"Kikome."

"What is it?"

"I'm nine years older than you."

"So?"

"…That doesn't bother you?"

"…Should it?"

"Kikome…"

"Saitou, seriously. Why are you feeling insecure now? Besides, Kenshin's older than Kaoru-san by," Kikome counted silently, "eleven years. So we're better off then they are."

Saitou let out a breath of smoke. "I don't have the secret to eternal youth like you Hiten users do. In ten years, I won't exactly be what you call 'young.'"

"Do I care?"

Kikome touched his face gently. "Besides, if you're going to be my…husband," she winced slightly at the word, "you'll be handsome regardless."

"Hah."

"Saitou, I seriously don't care."

"I know."

"Do you?"

"I was more worried about you caring, so no, not really."

"Then everything's fine."

She nestled back onto his lap and buried her face in his chest.

"I'm going to sleep."

"If you fall asleep there, who knows what I'm going to do to you."

"I trust you."

Kikome heard him scoff weakly and felt him trailing his fingers through her hair. She smiled and closed her eyes, yielding to his touch.

So much had happened. Only the day before, she had felt so insecure, had decided to say goodbye to the man she finally admitted she loved. She had changed today, throwing away her pride for him.

And marriage! She didn't like the idea of it as much as Saitou did, but she wasn't going to risk having some other woman saunter up to him and take him away after Kikome went through so much to finally decide on him.

Master's adamancy to get her married came crawling to her mind. Kikome's smiled widened.

Well, he would be pleased.

Kikome fell asleep to Saitou's metrical stroking and his smoky fragrance. The moonlight crept through the cracks in the curtains, giving the room a pale glow. For the rest of the night, Sokusai slept under a white moon in the arms of the man she loved.